Dark Moon
by Ren68
Summary: This is my second book in the series. It is my version of New Moon told from Edwards point of view. Here you will find out what was going on when he left. I also told some of the story from Jacob's point of view, how he felt when he changed into a wolf.
1. Chapter 1 Birthday

**As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers. **

**This is my version of EPOV of New Moon. I hope you enjoy.**

**Preface**

_**Bella told you the story of our life together, which according to her human memories was correct, she told the story, as she believed it to be. The problem with human memories is that they fade and become blurry over time. Vampire memories are stronger and more reliable. Not to say that Bella didn't tell the story as she remembered it, but I remember it a bit different than she did.**_

_**There was quite a bit she had no knowledge of. A lot of things that happened with my family that she couldn't know about and I never revealed to her. This is the story she wouldn't have known to tell. My hope is that it will clear up a few misconceptions…**_

_**Edward Cullen**_

1. BIRTHDAY

As I lay here watching my beautiful angel sleep, so many memories swirled around my head. Memories of all the danger I had put her in, thus far. It seemed as if all that was behind us now –but I knew better –it only appeared that way. There was definitely something brewing on the horizon and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It appeared to Bella that our life was peaceful and returning to normal. But, when your boyfriend and his family are vampires, there's no such thing as normal.

We did return to normal things, in the case of school, which Alice, Bella and I were attending together. My other siblings had graduated last year and were living the human façade of going off to college. None of this was true of; course, Rosalie and Emmett went off to Africa for a couple of months. Jasper was –were he always was –at home with Alice.

After spending an extraordinary summer together, it had to come to an end, as all things did, and it was time to head back to school. With the ending of summer came Bella's eighteenth birthday. Six months had passed since our first meeting. Six months since that first day she walked into Biology class and changed my world forever. Six months since my dark days began to brighten, all because of this beautiful, fragile, human girl. It had been six months since we began this wonderful relationship and she was still alive and well.

To my surprise I had fallen in love with this girl, furthering my surprise was the fact that the first day I had laid eyes on her, I wanted to kill her. Literally planning out strategies on ways to accomplish that. It would have included killing about twenty-one innocent bystanders, who only had the bad fortune of attending a class with Isabella Swan, the object of my massacre. Fighting that temptation –at that moment –was the hardest thing I had ever encountered in my ninety years of existence. From that moment until this day, there had been a few harder instances to endure, but I had made it through.

The monster within me was still fighting, tempting me to fulfill his deepest desires. Pushing him deep down became a daily ritual. Giving him credit, he certainly had a strong endurance, but resisting him became my way of life and he would never win. I would have never allowed him to have his way.

After a long, but not quite long enough, summer, it was back to reality, back to normal everyday existence. It was back to what I used to believe was purgatory, also known as High School. This year I wouldn't mind attending school, for I would attend with Bella, I would have attended anything to be closer to Bella. That was the power she possessed and I was entirely under her spell. I would have walked through fire… swim the ocean… I would have even fought a grizzly bear to be near her. Not that any of that would have been impossible for me, but it counted just the same.

Returning to reality also meant it was time to celebrate Bella's eighteenth birthday and I couldn't have been happier. Although, her birthday had come with a few restrictions she had imposed on me, I suppose if I had my restrictions, she could have hers. Her first restriction was that I could spend no money on a gift for. That seemed impossible since there was so much I wanted to give her; I knew she would not accept. The next restriction was that I would not make a fuss over her birthday, which was utterly ridiculous. I already had another plan for restriction number two. With my sister Alice's help I would keep my promise.

"Alice is everything ready for this evenings event?" I asked

"Of course, would I let you down?" Alice smiled.

"No you wouldn't, I'm just nervous, she can't find out it was my idea," I answered.

"Edward, will you quit worrying, she won't figure it out, this has me written all over it," she laughed.

"Thanks, Alice, I owe you," I returned.

"Your welcome, but you already owe me a lifetime of things. Are we ready to leave?" she asked.

"Yes, I'd like to arrive at school before she does," I answered.

With that we were out the door, in my car, and leaving our driveway. Excitement flowed threw me as I drove through the cloudy little town anticipating how Bella appeared at eighteen. A few times in the past six months I didn't believe she would make it to see that birthday. In the spring before summer had begun there was an incident, which left us running from a sadistic vampire hell bent on killing Bella. Fortunately, being a vampire too, I had the ability to stop him in time to save her, but it had been a very close call. Along with being vampires, my sister Alice and I had other special abilities, Alice had visions of the future and I could read minds. Sometimes these abilities could be useful, other times they could be a burden.

Though, today was all about Bella, celebrating the birth of my beautiful loving angel. An angel who I believed was sent to the wrong person, but I was unequivocally happy about the mistake. I would take whatever time I had with her, already aware that it couldn't last forever. Someday she would have to go and I would have to allow her to. For now, I would take what time I had and make it wonderful. Even if that meant doing things she won't approve of, although, I was certain she would enjoy them anyway.

Pulling into the school parking lot, I got out and leaned against the car door, waiting for Bella to arrive. Alice came to stand beside me with excitement bursting all around her. As I stood there waiting, a memory of last winter flashed before my eyes, recalling a van that almost crushed Bella in front of me, right here in this very parking lot. As I watched Alice's vision in horror, it only took me a split second to dash across the parking lot and stop the van that would have ended Bella's life. That was the very moment that everything had changed for me. Shaking my head of that memory it was not one I cared to remember.

Just then, I heard Bella's truck roar into the parking lot. She drove a '63 Chevy truck and it was louder than thunder, even without extra-hearing, I could hear her coming from a mile away. That was one thing I hoped she would allow me to do for her –buy her a more reasonable vehicle –but that was one of her restrictions and I would respect her wishes… for now.

Bella pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine. Opening the door, she slammed it shut, indicating she was angry. She saw the present in Alice's hand and she was not pleased. Alice bounced over to her when Bella began walking towards us.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!"

"Shh!" Bella hissed looking around to make sure no one noticed.

I smiled at her lack of confidence. She had no reason to be self-conscious.

Alice ignored Bella's reaction. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly, as they walked towards me.

"No presents," Bella mumbled.

"Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. "Yeah. They're great."

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have you been a senior?" Bella snapped.

"That's different."

As they approached me I held out my hand and took Bella's. She gazed into my eyes as her heart fluttered and a smile spread across my face. Her heart always reacted to my touch without fail. Her touch was something I never got used to her hand was always so soft and warm.

I lifted my free hand and traced around the outside of her lips as I spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct," she said mimicking me.

"Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed chiming in. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" she stated rhetorically.

"Getting older," Bella answered anyway.

I glanced at her, sadden by this statement… we had this discussion too many times. Not wanting to discuss this today of all days, it was senseless, and pointless, those were the facts and they would remain that way. There was nothing that could change that.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," she mumbled.

I sighed. That was the one thing that caused tension in our relationship, the fact that she was getting older and I wasn't. That made Bella unhappy, and even though she was unhappy there was nothing I would do to change that fact.

"Technically," Alice said lightly. "Just by one little year, though."

I knew what Bella wanted, what she dreamed of happening, but I just couldn't give her that. It was impossible to think about making Bella one of us. To damn her to a life of immortality and risk her very soul was unfathomable. I couldn't allow that and I wouldn't do it. She would not become the monster I was.

An impasse. That was the word I had used to finish this conversation many times. We had not agreed on what was right for Bella, but since I was the one who had to perform the transformation, I felt as if it were my decision. My decision was for her to live a long and happy human life. End of debate.

"What time will you be at the house?" Alice changed the subject.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all of our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what I want."

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I told Alice, ignoring Bella altogether.

"I have to work," she protested.

"You don't, actually," Alice said smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading you shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I –I still can't come over," she said searching for an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

She searched for any excuse, but I knew that would be her reaction. I also knew that my family would never allow her birthday to go by without some sort of acknowledgement. We hadn't celebrated a real birthday, a human birthday in decades. They were all very excited about it, as was I.

Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

"But Mr. Berry said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it –that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. As I had presumed, Bella would use any excuse to get out of celebrating. I realized the awkwardness she felt being the center of attention because she was shy. But honestly, I thought she would have been over that by now, especially when it came to my family.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berry said it was the best."

Alice finally lost her smug smile and glared at Bella.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other…"

I had to stop her… Alice meant what she said. One way or another Bella would be coming to my house to celebrate her birthday. I could persuade her much easier and I would convince her to attend.

I interrupted. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," Bella added.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued. "That will give you more time to set up."

Alice's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see," she grinned –her wide smile exposing all of her teeth. Pecking Bella on the cheek, she turned and danced off to class.

"Edward, please…" she started to beg, but I pressed one finger to her lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

It had been long past the time since we were the subject of gossip. The other students had gotten used to seeing Bella and I together. We took our usual seats at the back of the classroom my arrangements ensured I had every class with Bella this year. It had always been easy to convince the ladies in the office to give me what I wanted.

In an attempt to have no classes with Mike Newton, this class was the only exception… I couldn't get us out of this class. He was far more pleasant this year, attempting to smile at us, but he still had repulsive thoughts about Bella. Most of the time I could ignore him, there were only a few moments I wanted to backhand him for his thoughts.

I glanced at Bella who was still panicked over that evenings plan. She wouldn't want everyone making a fuss over her; she knew my family would go over board having a party and gifts for her. I was quite certain it was the gifts that were the real problem, although I couldn't understand why that was. I had always assumed people liked getting gifts at least, that was how it was in my family.

One of her restrictions was spending no money on her gift, which I didn't. Finding a way around spending money I was able to get her a gift. I was excited about her gift and knew she would like it. There were so many things I wanted to get her but I would have to settle for making presents, for now.

One thing I was working on was giving her tuition money for college, because she was going to college. It was going to take some persuading on my part, but I still had a year to convince her that college was the wisest decision. Knowing, that if I could convince her to go, we would really enjoy college life. Even though I had been too many times… experiencing it with her would be like my first. We would also have our pick of schools to attend, which I would let her choose, whatever Bella wanted, it would always be her choice.

We sat at our usual table for lunch. Bella, Alice and I sat at one end of the table, and at the other end sat Bella's other friends, who were strangely accommodating since Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper had graduated. They were still frightened of Alice and I, but not as intimated, but we still only talked to Bella. Bella should have followed her friends example and been a little more intimated, for I was hazardous to her health, although she would never agree with that.

There was still so much danger I brought to her. Being near her was tempting and resisting the urge was easier than it had been once, but it was still there. It could appear at any time and even though I fought it hard, the danger presented was always clear. Adding in the other dangers that came with being around me. Attracting others such as my kind was a distinct possibility, one that I couldn't deny. It had happened once… it could happen again.

The afternoon passed quickly. School ended and I walked Bella to her truck as was customary. This time I held the passenger door open for her. There was no way she was getting out of tonight's plan, I would make certain of that.

Bella folded her arms and made no move to get out of the rain.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"

"All right," I shut the passenger door and walked past her to open the driver's side. "Happy Birthday."

"Shh," she shushed me half-heartedly. She climbed in the opened door.

I played with the radio while she drove, shaking my head in disapproval.

"Your radio has horrible reception."

She frowned; she didn't like me picking on her truck.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car."

She was not usually ill tempered with me, but she was mad about tonight. I pressed my lips together to hide my smile.

She parked in front of the house. I reached over and took her face in my hands. Handling her very carefully, pressing ever so lightly, as if she were a piece of glass. To me she was a piece of breakable glass and I never wanted to make a mistake with her.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered.

As I looked into her eyes my breathing became uneven. Having this reaction to her eyes allowed me to know my feelings for her. She touched me deep inside as if she were looking straight into my soul… if I had a soul. In return I could see into her soul… and she had a soul, one that was pure and full of love.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she asked, her breathing becoming deeper.

Her reaction to my touch still surprised me filling me with such pleasure. I knew this was wrong, but it felt so right that I couldn't resist and attempting to leave now would be useless. I was in this for life… well, her life anyway.

I gazed at her deeper. "Too bad."

Leaning into her I touched my lips carefully against hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck and began kissing me vigorously. I smiled and broke our lip lock, then reached back and broke the strangle hold she had on my neck.

These were my restrictions for our physical relationship and that included keeping my razor sharp, venom coated teeth away from Bella's skin. There was no room for mistakes when it came to these uncontrollable urges. Remaining in control at all times was a requirement, but she could push the boundaries quite easily.

"Be good, please," I breathed harder against her cheek.

Pressing my lips gently to hers one more time I then pulled away, folding her arms across her stomach. Her pulse was racing as she put one hand over her heart, which was thudding like a drum.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she wondered. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I said.

I loved the fact that I could still make her heart skip a beat and her breathing uneven when I touched her. It made me feel like a normal man. If that disappeared, then so would I, because I would know she didn't want me anymore.

She rolled her eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulet and Montague's hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish is, my command."

I lied down on the couch while she put the movie on and fast-forward through the opening credits. She perched herself on the edge of the sofa in front of me. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her to my chest. I took the afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over her so she would not freeze being so close to me.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I commented as the movie started.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline –don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

I had never appreciated the classic stories much. I always assumed that humans tended to be a little on the dramatic side. It was ridiculous to read over and over how they always seem to ruined the lives of their loved ones. Then they would claim it was love that made them do it. The thought was absurd.

She sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway," I ran my fingers across her arm, raising goose bumps. "Will you cry?"

"Probably," she admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then."

When the movie began I couldn't resist whispering Romeo's lines in Bella's ear. She did cry, to my amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead. Crying was impossible for vampires… being in a frozen state… we lacked tears.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said, drying Bella's tears with a lock of her hair.

"She's very pretty."

She couldn't even come close to the beauty Bella had. She was the most beautiful thing ever to exist. Surely she had realized that was how I felt. I had only told her practically every day since we had been together.

"I don't envy him the girl –just the ease of the suicide," I clarified. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

"What?" she gasped.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" My voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."

She twisted so that she was staring at me. "What are you talking about?" she demanded. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were… nearly killed," I paused to take a breath and return to a teasing voice. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

Thinking back, on the moment, that I almost lost my Bella, it was not a fond memory and another one I wish I couldn't remember. But, if anything were to happen to her, I would exit this world right after her… that was a certainty. I had thoughts on how to achieve that because it was not that simple for my kind to kill themselves… probably impossible.

"Contingency plans?" she repeated.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I rolled my eyes as if she didn't know that. "But I wasn't sure how to do it –I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

There were many ways I could provoke the Volturi and some of those thoughts seeped back into my mind. I knew they would act quickly no matter the circumstances.

"What is a Volturi?" she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family," I explained. "A very old, powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America –do you remember the story?"

On her first visit to my home I revealed Carlisle's history, which, he has laid out in paintings on his office wall. There was a brief period in which he spent time with the Volturi, in Italy. He decided that they would not conform to his way of life and that he would never accept there's, he left them to go to America.

"Of course I remember."

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I went on. "Not unless you want to die –or whatever it is we do."

I still had no concrete evidence of what happens to us when we ceased to exist. I knew we were soulless and had always assumed we couldn't go to heaven, if in fact, there was a heaven. That was something I remained unconvinced of.

She took my face in her hands, angrily.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" she said. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" she was getting madder. "How dare you even think like that?"

That was easy for her to say, but I still couldn't exist, if she didn't. And yes, perhaps she did have bad luck and that maybe her fault, but the fact remains the same, there was no place for me here without her. When her time was up, then, so was mine.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" she asked.

"That's not the same thing?"

For her to value my life more than hers, was utterly ridiculous. She was my world, my very existence; she must have realized that by now. With all that we had been through, surely she knew that she held every once of life for me now. Remaining here –as long as she wanted me –once she ceased to exist, I would too.

"What if something did happen to you?" she announced. "Would you want me to go off myself?"

What was that? Pain and anguish coursed threw me at the thought of her dead. I had lived more than my share of life, but she was just beginning. I had done thousands of things and pretty much everything I wanted to, she hadn't had a chance to… yet. Our circumstances were completely different… there was no comparison.

"I guess I see your point… a little," I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed. "You make that sound so easy."

The fact was, before her arrival my existence had been endless, pretty much boring. After she showed up and brightened my world, my existence before that was meaningless. I couldn't remember how I filled my time, expect to say, it was not that exciting. Excitement was what I felt when I was near her.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

I was about to interject that last statement, but couldn't. "Moot point," I reminded her. Hearing the police cruiser coming down the street, I pulled myself up to sit on the couch so we were no longer touching.

"Charlie?" she guessed.

I smiled. After a few minutes Charlie pulled into the driveway. Bella took my hand and held it firmly in hers.

Charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey, kids," he grinned at Bella. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

Charlie never thought about or commented on my lack of appetite, anymore. He used to wonder about it, but he presumed that with Carlisle being a doctor, he feed us only the healthiest foods available.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked when they were done eating.

Bella abruptly glared at Charlie. I know she was hoping he would say that he wanted her home with him on her birthday. But he wouldn't.

"That's fine –the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie explained, crushing Bella's wish. "So I won't be any kind of company… Here?" He scooped up the camera he had gotten Bella on Renee's suggestion, and threw it to her.

Bella raised her hands to catch it, but it bounced off her fingers and I swiftly grabbed it before it could drop to the floor.

"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets –she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them?"

"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing her the camera.

Bella took it and turned it on me snapping a picture. "It's works."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie added.

"It's been three days, Dad," Bella reminded him. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." Permitting us to leave.

Smiling smugly I took Bella's hand and pulled her from the kitchen.

I led her to the truck and opened the passenger door for her, she said nothing and got in. Driving through Forks, offended at how slow her truck moved, I pushed the prehistoric Chevy over fifty. The engine groaned louder than usual.

"Take it easy," she warned me.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I said.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is?"

I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

Even though she would hate it, I knew she would behave appropriately. Bella could be counted on to act accordingly. I was hoping she might even enjoy herself once she was there.

"Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you…"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited… I do mean all of them."

"Everyone?" she chocked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But… Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

Rosalie –being the only one in my family that had a problem with Bella and I –left Bella feeling insecure about being around her. I knew Bella blamed herself for Rosalie and Emmett being absent from the house. The truth was that they would have to carry on as if they went off to college whether Bella was here or not.

Although, Rosalie didn't mind leaving this time, she wanted to get away from what she deemed as my selfishness. She believed that I was bringing unwanted trouble to our family.

I felt the need to end this subject before Bella got to hurt.

"So, if you wont let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want," she whispered.

I could feel my face frown at that statement. I had thought that issue was dead (no pun intended) really we had had that discussion too many times. I wished she would realize what she was asking of me, so many things I could give her and she asked for the one thing I couldn't… not wouldn't… but couldn't give.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please," I pleaded.

I was certain I couldn't resist her tonight, being that it was her birthday, if she pleaded with me too much, I might have surrendered. There was nothing more I wanted then to have Bella with me for the rest of eternity, but not that way. I couldn't be responsible for taking her life or her soul.

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I vowed, growling.

"That's not fair!"

Clenching my jaw together. How could she speak that way? After knowing everything she knew? After everything that had happened and she still wanted to be a monster. And there remained the number one problem with my Bella… her brain didn't work right.

We pulled up to my house where bright lights were shining from every window on the first two floors. Alice had really outdone herself. She was right; Bella would think it was all her doing. There was a long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves. Big bowls of flowers –pink roses –lined the wide stairs up to the front doors. Alice had done everything I had asked, I was going to owe her big time for this.

Bella moaned.

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself after our last conversation.

"This is a party," I reminded her. "Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," she muttered.

I got out of the car and went around to open her door and offer my hand.

"I have a question."

There was surprise… she always had questions. I waited warily.

"If I develop this film," she said, toying with the camera in her hands, "will you show up in the picture?"

I started laughing. I helped her out of the car, pulled her up the stairs, and was still laughing as I opened the front door for her.

My family was waited in the living room for our arrival. They greeted Bella with a loud chorus of "Happy Birthday, Bella!" while she blushed and looked down at the floor. Alice had gotten everything right inside too, everything looked just as I had asked. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.

It was a hundred times better than I had imagined, Alice had really surpassed my expectations. I would owe her much more than I had anticipated.

Sensing the stress Bella was feeling I wrapped my arm tightly around her waist, kissed the top of her head and attempted to comfort her.

Carlisle and Esme were closest to the door and first to greet us. Esme hugged Bella carefully and kissed her cheek. Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

To my relief my plan would work, Bella would never figure out it was me behind all of this. Rosalie and Emmett stood behind Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie wouldn't smile, but at least she wasn't glaring either. It had been months since Bella had seen them.

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," she said, blushing deeper.

He laughed, "I have to step out for a second" –he paused to wink at Alice- "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned against the post at the foot of the stairs. Although, he had spent a lot of time in close proximity to Bella, during our run from the sadistic vampire, he went straight back to keeping his distance from her. That suited me, for I knew how difficult it was for him to resist. He was our weakest link and with the temptation of human blood so close, it was challenge. I preferred him to be on guard, rather then take unnecessary risks with Bella's life.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She towed Bella to the table that held the cake and presents.

Bella put on a fake smile as she was being dragged.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything…"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug. "Open it."

Alice took the camera from Bella's hands and replaced it with a present. Bella took the box, read the tag that stated it was from Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper, and then ripped off the paper. Opening the box she looked up surprised.

"Um… thanks."

The box was empty.

Rosalie finally cracked a smile and Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she said, grinning. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called loudly.

He laughed loudly from the truck so that we all could hear.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said, excitedly, holding up a flat square box in her hand.

Bella turned and glared at me. "You promised."

Before I could say anything, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed in pushing behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.

"I didn't spend a dime," I assured her. I brushed a strand of hair from her face, leaving my hand tingling.

She inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," she sighed.

Emmett chuckled with delight.

She took the little package, rolling her eyes at me while sliding her finger under the edge of the paper and breaking the hold on the tape.

"Shoot," she muttered as the paper sliced her finger. She pulled her finger out, placing it closer to her face to look at the cut.

"No!" I roared.

The burning in my throat shoot into flames like never before. The uncontrollable urge over took me as I realized Jasper was ready to strike. Simultaneously, I threw myself in front of Bella, flinging her back across the table. It fell, as she did, scattering everything on it to the floor along with Bella.

I braced myself as Jasper slammed into me, snarling from his chest and snapping his teeth inches from my face. The instinct took completely over him and I could feel everything he was feeling. His throat burned, his stomach ached with hunger and his muscles were extremely tense. He was completely out of control as he attempted to push his way past me. Pain coursed threw me as I realized how much danger Bella was in at that moment.

Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his steel grip, but Jasper kept struggling, his wild empty eyes only on Bella. Holding my fighting stance I growled at Jasper. They needed to remove him quickly before it was too late. The need to protect her flowed threw me and I would do anything to keep her safe… anything. They needed to remove him from this room.

I had never had to fight my family and couldn't imagine having to do this now, but I would, if it had come to that. I would not allow anything to happen to Bella, and I meant anything. To ensure her safety, I would do whatever was required, that didn't matter what that was. From the thoughts that were running threw Jasper's mind at the moment it was about to turn into a fight. Why weren't they removing him from the room?

Feeling the urgency behind Jaspers attack and the other instincts that were taking control of him, I couldn't back down. The battle within him was powerful and strong, but it was also painful to him. His internal struggle was overpowering everything else and he was losing the battle. They needed to get him out of here.

As I stood ready to fight with anyone who attempted to get close, I glanced down at Bella, only now, noticing the blood pulsing out of her arm. I remained frozen in front of her in a protective crouch surrounding her. That was my worse nightmare coming true. That was the very reason our relationship would never work. At that moment everyone in that room was fighting with themselves, fighting their natural urges, urges that come with the scent of warm flowing blood in human veins. What had I done?


	2. Chapter 2Stiches

2. STITCHES

Carlisle remained calm; years of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Carlisle had no response, no burning in his throat, his stomach wasn't twitching with hunger and his muscles remained relaxed. He was the only one who had no reaction and I wished I'd learned more from him. I wished I had no reaction; unfortunately I had, alongside everyone else. Strength and control were abolished the moment I smelt her blood proving the delusion my family and I were under. My control wasn't as remarkable as once believed, reacting this way was agonizing.

Emmett nodded. "Come on, Jasper."

Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching for Bella with his teeth bared, his eyes still past reason.

Holding my crouch defensively over Bella, a growl slid from between my clenched teeth. My instincts took over protecting Bella, not allowing anyone near her, for if I had, a fight would certainly ensue. My mind and body screamed for me to protect her. Smelling the blood rushing out of her wound, I refused to breath, losing control was unbearable, allowing anyone else to… intolerable.

Rosalie stepped in front of Jasper –keeping a careful distance from his teeth –helping Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme cried ashamed, as she followed the others into the yard.

This was the worse possible scenario… standing here… ready to fight my family. Bella in pain… bleeding all over the place with so many vampires ready to attach. How could I allow this happen? What was I thinking?

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured.

Frozen in place I refused to move. How could I let him near her? Reasoning with myself, recognizing that Carlisle was no danger to her. Awareness spread threw me realizing I was more danger to her than he was. Slowly relaxing out of my stance I nodded to him.

Carlisle knelt down beside Bella, leaning close to examine her arm, exposing me to the damage I'd inflicted. With a wound that ran from her wrist all the way to her elbow, it was extremely deep leaving Bella shocked, frozen in place. My innocent shove attempting to put her out of harms way, had done more damage then necessary. Perceiving how my actions had hurt Bella broke my non-beating heart, leaving my chest hollow.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a towel.

He shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound."

Reaching over, he ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. Twisting it around her arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making Bella dizzy she appeared as if she might pass out.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please," she whispered.

Of course she would want to stay here, once again going against my wishes. I desired to have her somewhere safer, a hospital sounded reasonable to me. But, not to Bella who continued to lack the sense of self-preservation. When would she realize, that being around bloodthirsty vampires, was not the place for a person who had blood flowing threw their veins?

"I'll get your bag," Alice said.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to me.

I lifted her, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on her arm. If my heart were working it would've broke in two. Carrying her I began to reconcile my role in this incident, exposing her to this was my responsibility. Believing we could carry on as if we were a normal couple was ultimately my foolish mistake. Ignoring my instincts was ridiculous, and I should've comprehended, should've exercised better judgment.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine," she said with a steady voice.

Fine… she was far from fine. I felt the thirst from everyone, several times more intense then my own. I hadn't had to fight –the urge –this hard since the first moment I saw her in Biology class, fighting my own instincts along with everyone else's was excruciating. I was revolted with myself that this was an issue.

Alice was already at the table with Carlisle's black bag, and a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. I set Bella gently in a chair, Carlisle pulled up another, going to work at once.

I stood over Bella… still protective… I was still unable to breath.

"Just go, Edward," she sighed.

"I can handle it," I insisted.

Attempting to reassemble my face out of the stone features it held. My eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst I fought, burning fives times greater than usual. Feeling ashamed, embarrassed and utterly angry with myself, but worse than all of that was her attempt to make me feel better. With no possibility of feeling better, I refused to leave.

"You don't need to be a hero," Bella said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

_Edward, it's not that bad. Go and get some air. _Carlisle thought.

He was attempting to calm me through his thoughts, assuring me that it wasn't that bad. But it was bad… bad not being a strong enough word… this was a catastrophe.

Bella winced as Carlisle pulled slivers of glass out of her arm.

"I'll stay," I said.

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella mumbled.

Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes," she eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.

They were ganging up on me… but how could I leave… it felt wrong. Wanting to be here, wishing I could fix her arm –it should've been me –after all, I'd caused the damage. How could I help Jasper when I was extremely angry with him? How could he react this way? Nodding once, I took off out the back door.

Once outside I was able to breath again. Esme and Rosalie met me as I walked out. With a thousand thoughts running threw my mind, it was hard to concentrate. Esme's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"How is Bella doing?" Esme asked concerned.

"Not good, I really hurt her," I said ashamed.

"Edward, you had no other choice!" She tried to ease my pain.

"There most certainly was another choice, and he knows it," Rosalie demanded.

"Rosalie, please, Edward feels bad enough without you…"

"No… No… Rosalie's right. I had no right to put Jasper in this position. This is all my fault, if I hadn't forced Bella on my family, none of this would be happening."

"Edward, you mustn't think like that, accidents happen," Esme begged.

"This was no accident, completely avoidable. Where did Jasper go?" shame laced strong in my voice.

"Emmett went after him in that direction," Rosalie spoke up.

"I'm going to find him and apologize. Attempt to talk him down."

Turning I ran off through the forest. It always seemed that I was running to Bella or away from Bella, when would this stop.

Hearing Emmett trying to console Jasper a few miles ahead, I took off in their direction. What would I say to him? How would I convince him that this was entirely my fault? I'd attempt to reason with him, make him listen. Approaching them with ease I hoped he wouldn't try to escape me.

"Stop trying to make me feel better Emmett, it's not helping," Jasper said.

He was full of shame and despair. This wouldn't be easy.

"It's going to be alright, Carlisle is stitching Bella up as we speak," I interjected.

"It's not alright Edward, for me to behave in such a manner, is not alright," Jasper pleaded.

"This was not your fault. This was my fault for forcing her on you guys in the first place. It was very wrong of me to think this was acceptable, so stop blaming yourself," I said angrily.

"What are you saying Edward?" Emmett asked, concern growing on his face.

"I'm just stating the facts, and the facts are I shouldn't have done this. Now, let's go back to the house, Alice is worried about Jasper."

Watching as they started back, I turned to follow them. We ran back in silence, I listened to what they were thinking.

_What is he up to now?_ Emmett wondered.

_How could this happen, I thought I was getting stronger?_ Jasper's mind swirled.

At that moment, uncertain of how to handle this situation, plans began formulating in my mind. Plans that would ensure this could never happened again. Making our way back to the house, the conversation the others were having was difficult to block.

"Rosalie, don't make this any worse then it already is," Alice snapped.

"We all knew this would happen sooner or later, what with him refusing to change her. What did he expect, for us to just accept her as is?" Rosalie growled.

"Yes, because that's what he would do for you!" Esme piped up.

Even though that was true, going along with everything that my family wanted, without question, this was different. My family had never put me in danger, never asked anything such as this before. Rosalie was right, and the time had come to repair the damage I had caused.

Approaching the yard together, Alice ran to Jasper's side, and Rosalie to Emmett.

"No need to worry, this will never happen again," I vowed.

"Edward, please, calm yourself down, it's not that big of a deal," Alice spoke.

"It is a big deal Alice, what I've done here is a big deal, and now I have to make it right," I said with chagrin.

"How are you planning to do that?" Esme asked.

"I'm not certain, but I will," I promised.

With that I walked toward the house with my head down.

"Edward, where are you going?" Alice shouted.

"To take Bella home," _Where she belongs_. Saying under my breath.

Making my way to the house, I heard Alice and Esme following me. Esme went to the front door and Alice followed me to the back door.

"Edward, there's no need to do anything drastic, I'm certain nothing would've happened, it was just a freak thing that…" Alice spoke.

"Alice, just stop… enough!" saying threw my teeth.

Alice turned and went back to Jasper's side.

I walked through the back door as Carlisle offered to take Bella home.

"I suppose I should take you home now," Carlisle offered.

"I'll do that," I said.

"Carlisle can take me," Bella said, as she looked down at her blue shirt that was soaked and spotted with her blood. Unbelievable… that she would be concerned with my feelings after I had hurt her in so many ways.

"I'm fine," I replied. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

Walking out the kitchen door, the conversation went on inside.

"He's very upset," Bella stated.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

"It's not his fault."

"It's not yours either."

The truth was that it was my fault, no one else's… I was the only one to blame.

"Alice could you find something that Bella could wear home, please?" I asked.

"Sure."

Alice followed me back to the house.

"Are you alright Edward?" She asked.

"I'm not the one who was hurt here," I responded.

"I'm not so sure about that," Alice countered.

Entering the living room, Alice rushed to Bella's side, while I hung back utterly ashamed with myself. Esme was cleaning the blood off the floor while Bella was insisting on cleaning it herself… fortunately Esme had already finished.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."

The two proceeded up the stairs while I remained at the front door. Listening to their conversation, it was excruciating to hear, but unavoidable.

"Alice," she whispered.

"Yes?' Alice also whispered.

"How bad is it?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"How's Jasper?"

Alice sighed. "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."

"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."

Standing at the front door waiting, as they came back down stairs. Opening the door, I waited quietly for Bella to make her way over. I believed this would be the last time she would enter this house and my chest was aching.

"Take your things!" Alice cried out. She scooped up two packages, one half-opened, and Bella's camera from under the piano, putting them in Bella's good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight, and then glanced at me impassively. Attempting to ease me with their thoughts, letting me know everything was fine. Repeating over and over that it wasn't as bad as I was imagining it was.

Keeping pace with Bella as we made our way to her truck. Opening the passenger side door for her… she climbed in without complaint.

We drove in silence to her house. The only noise was from her engine, that I appeared to be pushing it to hard, but I was anxious to get her home. The anxiety and fury was building inside, leaving me in fear of losing control.

The silence was excruciating, but really there was nothing I could say. Nothing she would agree to, or understand. What would I say? Bella would be reluctant to hear the thoughts that were swirling my mind.

"Say something," she finally spoke.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked.

"Tell me you forgive me."

Angering me further, her placing blame on herself… unacceptable. This was entirely my fault, allowing this to happen, already knowing it would –not could –but would. Shame was flooding threw me.

"Forgive you? Forgive you for what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

An angel she remained shouldering the blame herself when none of it was her fault. Placing blame back on myself where it belonged, I knew better.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut –that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault."

That was it… I could no longer sit here and allow her to blame herself… for being human.

"Your fault? If you cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they can't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own –without someone throwing you into them –even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up –and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

Spilling everything, every angry part of myself, anger for my weaknesses, anger for my inability to control myself. Not being strong enough, not having the ability to leave… for not doing the right thing, the healthiest thing for Bella. All fears stored in me about being with her were evident and present tonight.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she demanded.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."

Without an answer, what could I say? Stating the truth, even if she were unable to grasp that, at this moment, it was the truth. Keeping my eyes forward, refusing to look at her, looking at her eyes would give away my uncertainty. I was unable to hide the indecision swirling my mind, she would see right through me.

I pulled up in front of her house and turned off the engine, keeping my hands on the steering wheel.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked.

"I should go home."

My presence at home was probably required to reassure Jasper that he was not to blame. Responsibility rested heavily on my shoulder knowing the position I allowed him to be in. Control was already a difficult issue for him –it was unfair of me to expose him this way. Besides, re-evaluating my involvement here would be the wisest decision.

"For my birthday," she pressed.

"You can't have it both ways –either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

She hopped out, reaching back for her packages.

I frowned. "You don't have to take those."

"I want them," she responded.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." She tucked the presents under her good arm and slammed the door.

Getting out of the truck, I dashed to her side in order to assist her.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said, taking them away. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday," sighing, I leaned down to touch my lips to hers.

She reached up on her toes to kiss me more intensely, but I pulled away. Smiling at her, I turned disappearing into the darkness.

Going around the side of the house, up the wall, pushing through her window. Sitting down on her bed, with the packages in my hand, I waited for her to come.

What was supposed to be a fun and enjoyable evening, quickly turned into my worst nightmare. How naive I was –truly believing –this was good for either one of us. Waiting patiently I wondered what to do about this latest incident. Hearing Bella approaching the bathroom, I wasn't left with much time before she entered her room.

Rearranging my face I needed my features to appear softer. Unwilling to share the extend of the pain I was in with her. I was uncertain what path I would take and several plans were formulating in my head. There would be no reason to alarm her until I was absolutely certain what plan I would follow after this evening's performance.

Bella entered the room already in her pajamas and ready for bed.

"Hi," I said sounding sadder than I anticipated.

She came to the bed, pushing the presents out of my hands she climbed into my lap.

"Hi," she said snuggling into my chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

Denying the pain I was certain she was in, broke my heart, at this moment. Disgusted with the show she was putting on for my benefit as she pretended to be happy about her presents. I revealed a little more than I anticipated and she knew how upset I was.

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I wondered.

"You made me curious."

She picked up the long flat rectangle that was from Carlisle and Esme.

"Allow me," I suggested.

Taking the gift from her hand, I tore the silver paper off, handing it back to her.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she muttered. "We're going to Jacksonville?" she said excitedly.

I was quite surprised by her reaction.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it," I said with a frown. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

She placed the tickets aside and reached for my present. Taking it from her I unwrapped it… she had bleed enough for one night.

Handing her back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?" she asked.

Taking the CD, I reached around her to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. Hitting play we waited in silence as the music began. She listened intently, but said no words. Tears welled up in her eyes and she reached up to wide them away.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it," she was quietly listening.

Alice had helped me make a recording of my music. All of my compositions were on it, starting with Bella's lullaby.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I explained.

"Your right."

"How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine," she said, always lying to mask her pain from me.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything,' she protested.

Sliding her off my lap, I headed for the door.

"Charlie," she hissed.

"He won't catch me," promising, as I disappeared out the door… returning before the door had a chance to swing back to touch the frame. I had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.

She took the pills I handed to her without arguing, being so agreeable, she was afraid to upset me more. She would probably allow me to get away with anything tonight, but I was unable to consider any of that, her safety remained my only concern, and I was concerned.

"It's late," I noted.

Scooping her up off the bed with one arm I pulled the covers back with the other. Placing her down with her head on the pillow, I tucked the quilt around her. Lying down next to her –on top of the blanket so she wouldn't get chilled –I put my arm over her.

She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed happily.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"Your welcome."

It was quiet as we listened to the CD playing. My mind twisted with the many questions swirling my head. Wondering what would be the best resolution to this situation? What I would do from here? How much longer until something really serious happened to her? How much longer before she is hurt beyond repair? Could I justify my existence here any longer?

"What are you thinking about?" she wondered in a whisper.

Hesitating for a second, not quite certain I should answer. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

She shivered ever so slightly.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" she asked quickly, trying to distract me.

"Yes," I agreed, warily.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"Your greedy tonight."

"Yes, I am –but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," she added.

Laughing, I then sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I said, putting my hand under her chin and pulling her face to mine.

It began like any other kiss we had shared, but swiftly overwhelming heat coursed threw me like never before and my hand went around her head tangling her hair, holding her firmly to me. Kissing her vigorously and deeply, I was crossing my caution lines but couldn't seem to stop. Desiring to continue as the heat rushed threw me, my body was tingling and my veins were pulsing as if they were flowing with blood. For one short second I thought I heard my heart beat, feeling alive once more. Having to put a stop to this before I went too far, and I could, so easily.

Pulling back abruptly, I pushed Bella away gently with firm hands.

She collapsed back onto the pillow.

"Sorry," I said, breathless. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind," she panted.

Frowning at her in the darkness. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she challenged.

"It's a tie," I grinned, I then turned serious again. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she agreed, snuggling closer to me.

She was exhausted and was unable to put up much of a fight about going to sleep. She struggled to stay awake but was overcome by exhaustion. She was attempting to shield me from the pain was in by resting her arm against my cold shoulder, but I wasn't fooled. If pressing it against me… made her feel better… then I was pleased. I would do anything to make her feel better.

What a disastrous evening, not at all what I had planned, but I suppose it was inevitable that something like this happened. Taking the only solace available –in this moment –the situation was changeable, with no permanent damage done.

Now the decision had to be made of what to do next? What could I possibly do to correct this situation? There was nothing that would make this all right, when everything was so wrong. I had hurt Bella, my family and made mistake after mistake. This was similar to the story of Romeo who seemed destined to ruin his life. I felt sympathy for him and finally understood the conflict he must've felt throughout his story.

There was only one decision that would repair all of this, but had I the strength to ensure the correct outcome. Somehow I would have to, there were no other choice and the decision was mine. Expecting for the first time that I could make the right decision when it came to her, I had to do what was right for her. That should give me all the strength I needed to do what I should have done from the start. I had to put all of my selfishness aside and finally do the right thing.

Having the decision final in my mind, there were a few details that needed to be tended to. Setting my plan in motion required me to leave, I had to go home in order to implement my plan. This would be difficult –the hardest thing I'd ever had to do –but it had to be done and the sooner the better.

Watching Bella sleep for a moment longer I took in all of her beauty and scent. Rising from the bed I went to the window, sneaking one last glance, I jumped to the ground and took off running.

Floating through the dark forest, my thoughts came to rest on the decision that plagued me. Thoughts swirled around everything that had to be done, requiring me to act quickly before my selfishness squirmed it's way back in, taking over and altering my mind.

Arriving at the house everyone was waiting for me inside. They all had different thoughts and ideas about today's misfortunes, it really didn't matter what they thought, this was my decision, and my decision was final. There was no revising my plans.

I had made no qualms to my family about what would be the moral thing to do in this circumstance. No longer would I put everyone I loved in danger, or allow them all to suffer any longer. They had all sacrificed for one thing, my happiness, and I could not tolerate this any longer. I had to bring an end to the pain and anguish I have caused them, it was the right thing to do. As I walked slowly out of the forest hearing the conversation going on in the house, my attempt not to listen failed, I couldn't resist.

"He will want to leave again," Esme said.

"Then, we'll have to allow him that. He knows what's best," Carlisle warned.

"We all knew that this was not good from the beginning," Rosalie snapped.

"Rosalie, please, he will be in enough pain without you rambling on about right

and…" Esme didn't finish.

"He's here," Alice pointed out. _I think your wrong Edward. This is too extreme… _

_it's unnecessary. You can't think this! Please change your mind._

Wavering was not an option, being a coward was no longer tolerable. Bella deserved better, and better was what I intended to give her. Walking through the front door –slow even by human standards –they were so far off the mark, and I was unable to explain it to them. After disappointing my family, my actions now would crush their very existence. I didn't want to be responsible for that, but I was and I had to finally accept the consequences of my actions.

"Edward, please, we can handle this, its not as bad as you think it is!" Alice cried.

"I suppose you already informed everyone?" I asked.

"No, I think your wrong, that won't make anything better, listen to me…" Alice pleaded.

"No… I will listen no longer… it's my decision and my decision is final," I said with chagrin.

"What is your decision?" Carlisle inquired.

"I've decided we must leave, all of us. Bella needs a clean break, nothing to remind her of us. We must go and allow her to get back to a normal life."

"Are you sure you can do that Edward?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, it's what's best for her," I said, sadness strong in my voice.

"Edward, I could just go away for awhile, I'm certain I will be able to…" Jasper pleaded.

"No… No, Jasper I've already put you all at risk enough, and I've put her at risk long enough. This was my fault, not yours. And it's time to go."

"Are you certain that's what you want?" Esme questioned.

"It's the way it has to be," I mumbled.

"Well, then, we all know what we have to do," Carlisle announced.

"Thank you."

"We will respect your wishes, Edward and you'll get no grief from us. Do what you need to do son," Carlisle said calmly.

"This is what I need to do… thank you for standing by me. I know I put all of you in a difficult position and I am truly sorry, this will never happen again," I pleaded.

"Everyone knows what they have to do, so let's get to it," Carlisle announced.

Everyone went to work preparing, while I returned to Bella's before she woke. Rising up the side of the house and through the window. She was still sound asleep in her bed and took no notice of my absence.

Walking over I lay down beside her, as I had before leaving this evening. Tracing her face over and over in my mind attempting to remember every detail. Taking deeper breaths allowing her scent to wash over me, attempting to keep it fresh in my memory.


	3. Chapter 3Ending

ENDING

Bella had a rough nights sleep, tossing and turning, I was afraid it was the near death experience that kept her from resting peacefully. As she woke I could tell that her arm hurt and she hadn't got enough sleep. Not wanting to linger this morning, I quickly kissed her forehead and duck out the window. After coming to the conclusion I had, my mind was firm. Afraid she would see the decision on my face, I was a competent liar, but knowing she always saw through my pretenses, I had to leave.

Running home I found the house empty, everyone had already left implementing the plan I'd come up with. An odd feeling being here by myself, I was unable to remember the last time that had happened. Changing into fresh clothes, I got my car and headed off to school.

Arriving at school I pulled into a parking spot and waited for Bella to arrive. Sitting in my car, listening to music hoping to calm my nerves. Attempting to assemble myself as if nothing was wrong, I definitely couldn't have this conversation at school, so publicly. This was a conversation to have in private.

Bella pulled up in her truck, I was there opening her door for her.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect," she lied, as I slammed her door shut.

Why does she continue to lie to me? Already knowing she was in pain, it only made me feel worse that she couldn't confide in me. I couldn't talk to her… I wouldn't know what to say… there was nothing to say. Really I wished things could be different and if I weren't such a selfish creature, things would've been different. But I was, and it would appear I would suffer the consequences for the pain I've inflicted.

Morning passed slowly, and I wondered what she was thinking. She gave me no indication as to what she may be hiding behind her eyes. Inquiring about her arm, a couple of times, she said it was fine. Fine was a word she used to often, but this time she was far from fine.

Lunch came and we took our usual seat. Having not talked all morning, I knew she was wondering why, but was too afraid to ask. Grateful for her fears for this was not a conversation to have in mixed company. I'd rather be alone when we had this discussion.

"Where's Alice?" she asked anxiously.

Looking down at the granola bar I was tearing to shreds in my hands. "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone for a while."

"What? Where?"

I shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice, too," she said desperately.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires –vegetarians like us –lived. I had gone to them last winter when Bella's arrival had made Forks difficult for me. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there, rather than siding with James against us. Now, my family were there awaiting my arrival.

Bella bowed her head and slumped her shoulders.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered in disgust.

I was unable to answer… she put her head down on the table.

I suppose by the end of the day the silence was too excruciating for her and she began to speak to me.

"You'll come over later tonight?" she asked as I walked her to her truck.

"Later?"

"I have to work, I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," I murmured.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" she asked.

"If you want me to."

"I always want you," she reminded me.

"All right, then," I said indifferently.

I kissed her forehead again, then, turning my back on her, I headed for my car.

Forgetting she had to work this evening, I was hoping to talk to her after school, before Charlie returned home from work. Having to wait even longer was not good, as I could feel myself weakening. Having to remain strong knowing this was the right solution. This is what I should have done from the moment she stepped into my life, and this is what I had to do now, end of story.

Going home to wait… wait for the right moment that would never come… wait for absolution that would never come… to wait for the ending of something that never should've begun.

While waiting, I was struck by a million questions, still unresolved in my head. Was this really the right thing to do? Wouldn't leaving hurt her more than staying? Was I being more selfish just walking away? Was I truly to blame for everything or was she the unluckiest person in the world? Was this the right thing or the wrong thing?

Knowing the answers to these questions I had to leave. Having an overwhelming need to return to Bella, to see her, again. Unable to sit here and wait any longer, I had to escape. Jumping in my car, I drove over to her house.

Arriving, already aware I was too early for her to be home, I decided to go in and wait with Charlie. Certain he wouldn't be pleased, having to entertain me until Bella got home, he had to be better company than I had at the moment.

Walking up to the front door, I rang the bell.

"Edward, err, Bella's still at work," he explained.

"Oh, I know, would you mind if I came in and waited," I asked.

_Yes, I do mind, but Bella would be mad if I didn't let you in._

"No, come on in."

Already knowing Charlie felt this way about me, he had good reason, although he had no idea I knew this. He led me reluctantly to the living room where we sat in silence waiting Bella's return. Being here, watching and listening to Charlie guaranteed me that I'd made the right decision. He needed his daughter to be safe, as did I.

Hearing Bella's truck pull up, dread washed threw me. Unable to move, my body refused to. Even as she entered the house, my body remained frozen.

"Dad? Edward?"

Thank heavens for Charlie, suddenly my throat was as dry as a bone and I couldn't speak. Opening my mouth no sound escaped.

"In here," Charlie called.

Wanting to go to her, to say something, nothing would come out and my legs wouldn't work. Perhaps this was a mistake after all, I should've come up with another plan, or maybe I would just sit here forever.

"Hi," she said weakly.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

She waited in the doorway, as I used every once of strength I had to turn my head and speak. "I'll be right behind you," I promised, looking back at the TV. Unable to look at her for too long, it was too painful.

Bella walked the hallway to the kitchen and as much as I wanted to follow her I couldn't. Remaining seated in the living room, pondering what to do, how to get this over with? I was such a coward, needing to talk to her, I refused move. This was definitely harder then I'd imagined it to be.

Although she was expecting me in the kitchen, I was unwilling to go there, for I was not capable of looking at her right now. Needing to build more strength, desiring to be the person I knew I could be. Sitting here with Charlie, his thoughts were working, reminding me of the reasons behind my decision.

He was wondering why I remained here with him instead of his daughter. He also knew that there was something wrong between us and rather hoped we were fighting. The fact was… he was wrong about the situation… we were not fighting. He would be relieved to know he was correct about the circumstances –they had changed.

Hearing Bella approaching in the hallway, she peaked around the corner with her camera in hand and snapped a picture. Both Charlie and I looked up.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.

"Oh, come on," she half smiled as she came and sat on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.

"Because your so handsome," she replied. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

He was not happy about that, and wished he hadn't taken Renee's advice on buying the camera.

"Hey, Edward," she said. "Take one of me and my dad together."

She threw the camera towards me, not looking at me, then, knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie let out a sigh.

"You need to smile, Bella," I murmured.

She attempted to smile, but this was not the smile I'd grown to love. She knew there was something not right and it seemed unfair to drag this out, but I was weak, not having enough strength to do what needed doing… yet. I snapped the picture.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested.

Standing, I lightly tossed the camera to him.

Bella came to stand next to me, I felt indifferent about this pose. Putting my arm lightly around her shoulder barely touching her. She in return hugged my waist tightly… this would be much harder than I anticipated… at this moment my plan seemed impossible.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded her.

She took a deep breath and smiled.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie announced shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling it over. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."

Dropping my hand from her shoulder I twisted casually out of her arm. Sitting back down in the armchair, Bella sat on the floor in front of the TV watching a show. No one made any movement until the show ended, when I finally stood up.

"I'd better get home," I said cowardly.

"See ya," Charlie said not looking up.

Bella got up and followed me to the front door. I went straight to my car.

"Will you stay?" she asked.

"Not tonight."

She hadn't appeared surprised, which I was grateful for, she never asked for a reason. Leading me to believe she may assume what was coming, she must have some idea of where we were headed. With all the silence between us, along with the fact that I hadn't missed a night at her house in quite a long time, she must have some indication.

Getting in my car I drove away.

This couldn't go on any longer, needing to talk, wishing to share everything with her, and yet, I was too afraid. It was unfair of me to drag this out any longer. Driving to my empty house, I resisted any desire to go back and watch her sleep. It wouldn't be fair of me to linger without her knowledge… having made the decision… I needed to let her go.

My house was empty accept for my stuff and I felt more alone than I had in decades. Everyone had left yesterday and I was expected to follow today, but because of my weakness, I remained here, afraid of telling Bella. Needing more time to build up my nerve –as this was going to take some persuading on my part –to get her to accept my decision. Requiring me to lie to her… and lie I would… to get her to allow me to leave.

As I packed my necessary belongs into the car I was overwhelmed with a deep sense of sadness. Never being sad about leaving a place, this was different, and I wasn't fond of these feelings. Almost glad I'd never experienced this before, I was also glad that I was leaving now, rather than later when she…

My only solace was that she would still be here. If I had waited for the day she no longer existed –it would certainly be worse.

Wandering around the house aimlessly attempting to reconcile with myself that I had made the right choice. The longer I remained, the harder it would be... I had to leave tomorrow… putting this off no longer.

Arriving at school the next morning, I waited anxiously for Bella to arrive. Wishing this were easier, to have to pretend for the entire day was going to be excruciating. It was hard to remain normal when it came closer to the moment I was dreading.

Bella knew I was indifferent, but hadn't mentioned it. When we were in English class Mr. Berty repeated a question twice before I whispered the answer to her. She was deep in thought and hadn't heard him. _What are you thinking? _I was really anxious to know what her thoughts were. To know whether she knew what I was planning.

We sat at lunch in silence. She was growing apprehensive waiting for me to break the silence between us, but I couldn't. There was nothing to say. The only conversation left to have couldn't be had here. Not in front of all of her friends and all these witness's. It would have to wait until after school.

"Hey, Jess?" Bella spoke.

"What's up, Bella?"

"Could you do me a favor?" she asked, reaching in her bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"

Bella handed the camera to Jessica.

"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full. Like that was a surprise, that she would automatically take a picture of Mike. She hadn't gotten over her infatuation with him yet.

Providing me with a sense of peace, knowing Bella would have friends she could turn to when she needed. She wouldn't be alone. This pleased me. Watching all of her friends fooling around, without a care in the world, reassured me that I was making the right choice. Bella needed to be more like them… she would no longer have to carry on the façade that came with our life-style. She would be able to be her self again. The thought of her returning to a normal existence gave me some pleasure. Her life of hiding would soon be over. She could relax and return to the land of the living.

"Uh –oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. "I think we used all your film."

"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."

After school, I walked her back to the parking lot, again in silence. When we arrived at her truck, I felt so weak, like the coward I was, and I was a coward, for I was still not strong enough for this conversation I would be forced to have. Deciding since she had to work again, I would have to wait until later. Waiting until later not willing to upset her before she had to work. Returning later tonight we would have the inevitable conversation.

Leaving school, I drove back to my house, again it was empty and one of the loneliest places I've ever been. Not having my family around was not ideal at this moment. Needing reassurance, desiring to know that what I was doing was correct.

Hearing her approaching before she arrived. When I wanted someone to be here with me, it was not her I envisioned. What had she come back for?

The front door opened and she stormed through.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I snapped.

"You were supposed to be there two days ago." Alice answered.

"I know."

"I could see you swaying, Edward. You're undecided. I came back to see what was going on. Your future keeps shifting."

"I'm not undecided, it's just harder than I anticipated. But it will be done tomorrow, and I will join you when I'm done. You should get back, Jasper needs you," I said.

"Jasper is fine. It's you that needs me. Why are you so stubborn?" she questioned.

"Okay, I've had a few moments of weakness, but I'm certain now, tomorrow is the day. It will be all over tomorrow. You can go," I promised.

"I'm not going anywhere. Are you sure this is what you want? There is still time to change your mind. She doesn't know anything yet. We could come back and return to normal… there's still time Edward," Alice pleaded.

"No… No… No Alice, it has to be this way. Now stop it. Please go," I begged.

"I'm not going anywhere without you. I'm going to stay with you. I don't agree with what you are doing, but I will support you. And you need my support, trust me on that."

"No more discussion on what I'm doing?" I pleaded.

"Fine, I'm strictly here to make sure you are alright and to be here for when you need me, and you will need me," Alice assured me.

"Thank you Alice."

"Don't thank me, I love you, I couldn't stay away, I had to be here."

Deciding tomorrow would be better… tomorrow I would finish this… tomorrow would be the day. Alice and I sat in silence for the rest of the evening. Contemplating my conversation with Bella, Alice sat envisioning my future, which didn't look too appealing at that point. She worried about my reaction, how I would handle what was to come. It was not me she should be concerned with I knew I would survive this.

She had a few flashes of my future. One were I was alone in the middle of a field sitting motionless, as if I were a statue. There was one more in the night that saw me in the middle of an alley standing with my arms stretched out. Not recognizing either place myself –neither had she. None of these visions included Bella, which assured me I was making the right move.

Arriving at school I waited in the parking lot for Bella. My expression worsened and she was sure to notice. This was it… arriving closer to the moment… the moment I would have to crush her. Regretting all that had happened I wished it was different. Fearing the end of this day, perhaps I should've left without a word, without letting her know. Maybe it would've been better to just walk away, without explanation. Knowing that was the coward's way out, I was unable to do that.

The day resembled yesterday, as we were silent around each other. Attempting to work up the courage to talk to me, she hadn't quite gotten there, yet. Again, I was grateful, for this wasn't a conversation to have in public.

I walked her to her truck, but before arriving I had to ask.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked.

"Of course not."

"Now?" I asked again, opening the door for her.

"Sure," she answered. "I was going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

Glancing at the fat envelope on the passenger seat, I reached over her and snagged it. Not wanting any more distractions, I couldn't wait one more day. This had to be over today.

"I'll do it," I said quietly. "And I'll still beat you there," I smiled.

"Okay," she agreed. I shut her door, and headed for my car.

Driving to her house, I parked in Charlie's spot, planning to be gone before he came home. Not mailing the letter, I couldn't, needing to make a few adjustments to it first. Impossible to send with what was inside.

Bella pulled in the driveway, getting out of my car I met her before she got out. Reaching to take her book bag from her, I placed it back on the seat.

"Come for a walk with me," I suggested coldly.

She had no response, not that I was waiting for one, pulling her toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. She followed unwillingly the resistance in the air was heavy.

We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when I stopped, abruptly, barely on the trail. The time had arrived to finish this, rearranging my face to appear hard and cold. Putting on my game face, this would have to be convincing, if I had any hope of her believing me.

Leaning against a tree I stared at her.

"Okay, let's talk," she said.

Taking a deep breath. How to begin? Where do I start?

"Bella, we're leaving."

She took a deep breath, too.

"Why now? Another year…"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

She looked confused.

Staring back at her coldly… pain shot threw me… I ignored it.

"When you say we…" she whispered.

"I mean my family and myself," saying each word slow and distinct.

She stood shaking her head back and forth. Taking a moment for her to realize what I was saying to her, for it to sink in, I waited patiently.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous," she pleaded. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper –that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay…"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted to correct her.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted, furiously, pleading. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you –it's yours already!"

Taking a deep breath I stared at the ground, this wasn't working. Needing to do something quickly before I gave in, and I wished to, so badly. Needing her to hear me, to understand, I wanted to be very clear. Somehow expressing it, making her comprehend and turn away from me. Pulling out the big guns, I turned my eyes as cold and hard as they would go, staring directly into her eyes I spoke.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," speaking the words slowly and precisely, watching her face as this settled in her brain.

She was silent for a few moments.

"You… don't… want me?" she begged.

"No."

As my heart was breaking, I had to keep up the appearance. Not giving her a hint of indecision, I had to mean it. Using all of my capabilities to convince her I was telling the truth. The pain was excruciating as my words burned in my head.

"Well, that changes things," she said calmly.

Looking into the forest before I spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human," I looked back at her with a stone look, far from human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."

"You're not good for me, Bella," I said, leaving no room for arguing.

"If… that's what you want."

Nodding once, leaving no room for any more words. My words ripped threw me leaving me feeling less human then I've ever had.

"I would like to ask on favor, thought, if that's not too much," I said.

"Anything," she vowed.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded. Her safety was the most important thing.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself –for him."

She nodded again. "I will," she whispered.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

She couldn't speak and looked rather weak in the knees.

I smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human –your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked.

"Well" –I hesitated for a short second- "I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted," I smiled.

Taking a step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," she realized.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" her voice was weak.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She tried to breathe normally, attempting to concentrate.

"Goodbye, Bella," I said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" she choked out the word, reaching for me.

Pinning her wrists to her side, I leaned down and pressed my lips very lightly to her forehead for the briefest instant.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed.

Turning away from her, I ran as fast as I could. It was best to have a clean break, so when my chance came –I left. Sensing she would try to follow me, I ran back to her house. Needing to be certain she would be safe, I entered the house and wrote a letter to Charlie in her handwriting, telling him that she went for a walk in the forest. Assured that if something happened to her, he'd know where to find her.

Proceeding to Bella's room, I gathered all belongings that would remind her of me, or my family, and hide them under her floorboards. When everything was put away and I was certain there were no reminders, walking to the window taking one last look around, taking in one final breath I leaped to the ground.

Walking to my car I stopped for one final glance at her house. An overwhelming sadness washed over me as I jumped in my car and speed away. This would be the last time I'd watch Bella's house and life disappearing in my rear view window.


	4. Chapter 4

**_As always everything is owned by Stephanie Meyers_**

**_4. _**SEPARATION ANXIETY

Arriving back at the house, Alice met me at my car. She was right I needed her… to see me through this. After everything that happened tonight I couldn't imagine being alone. Making me pleased she hadn't listen to me when I asked her to leave. Although, she couldn't agree with my choices, she would stand by me. Needing her here to ensure I left, because everything in me was screaming to remain. The urge to turn around was overwhelming and I almost did.

_Almost_.

"Edward, are you all right?"

"I'll be fine. I have one more thing to take care of, then we can leave."

"What's that?" she asked.

Holding up the envelope addressed to Renee.

"There are pictures in here that can't be sent," I said.

"Here give it to me, I'll take care of it," Alice said reaching for the envelope.

"It's okay Alice, I can handle it."

Stepping out of the car, we walked into the house, and went to the kitchen. Standing at the counter, I opened the envelope, taking out the pictures, there were a couple of her and I, and some with her other friends. Taking out any that were of me, I put the rest back, sealed the envelope and placed the ones of myself in my pocket.

"That'll do it," I said, turning and looking at Alice. "I suppose we should go," I said with half a smile.

She wouldn't smile back instead simply saying. "I suppose."

With that we headed out the front door to my car. Starting the engine I glanced at Alice, taking one last look at the house, I headed down the long driveway for the last time. Being the only place I considered home, it was agonizing to leave. My heart felt as if it were breaking, the ache in my chest was excruciating.

"Are you certain you want to do this?" Alice whispered.

"Alice… please, it's the best way. It's what's best for Bella," I could say no more.

Stopping to drop the letter in the mailbox, we proceeded out of town. Our destination Denali –where Tanya and her family lived in Alaska –we stayed with them when we were in a hurry to retreat. Carlisle and the rest of the family were already waiting our arrival. While we drove there was only silence. Alice asked a couple of times how I was doing, and to be completely honest I had no idea how I was doing. Reluctant, I was unable to divulge that to her, persuading me to return would be effortless.

The more miles we traveled from Forks, the more difficult it became. Emptiness flooded threw me, as if there was a hole in my chest where my heart once beat. Since my heart hadn't beat in almost ninety-years, I was certain it couldn't break, but this felt different, as if it were no longer there. The further away we got, the bigger the hole grew. I was sure my heart would remain in Forks, with Bella, being the only way I would have it. She could return it to me on the day we reunite, after she's lived a full and happy life.

"Edward, I have seen visions of you… that weren't…" Alice said quietly.

"Alice can you just tell me it's all right? That what I've done will be for the best? Even if you have to lie?" I demanded.

"Fine Edward, everything will be fine," she said in a mocking tone.

Seeing and hearing her thoughts, I knew that I wasn't well, that I wouldn't be all right, but what else would she have me do. Hearing such deep despair in her thoughts, I blocked them out, refusing to endure them any longer. Alice was sad, for she was losing her friend, what she believed would be her sister one day. She was sad because she was mistaken.

Spending the rest of the trip with my memories of the last six months. The happiness I felt with Bella was a feeling I never quite related to. Being honest with myself, forced to admit that deep down, I'd known this could never last. Selfish –was the word for it –for everything I had done had always felt wrong. Always knowing I would suffer for my immoral conduct, I was willing to pay for it now, whatever the price may be.

Considering what I would do now… where was I meant to go? Never establishing this part of the plan, never even contemplating it, what would become of me after we left? Was it possible to return to the Edward I had once been? Would I be able to be that again? It seems so long ago… I was alone… passing my time with such menial things. Seeming impossible to consider how to fill my days, for my time in the last six months was wrapped in one person. Everything was for her, what would I do now?

With my thoughts swirling around someone else, how would I to make them disappear? Return to the selfish monster I once was, who only had to consider himself. The more I thought, the faster dread washed over me. I'd made a mistake… again. I had to turn around and go back… back to my Bella… I belonged there. The panic was overwhelming, the feeling I've done the wrong thing… again.

"Edward, maybe you were right, maybe Bella deserves a normal human life," Alice said suddenly.

Her vision came swiftly… it was clear… precise. Bella stood in a long white, lacy dress, more beautiful than I'd ever seen her. Her cheeks blushed the most exquisite scarlet red, it was quite apparent it was her wedding day and she was human.

All panic subsided with the feeling I had done right by her finally. She would continue on and eventually marry a human. She would be happy. This was my wish for her, to be safe, human and happy. What became of me was not important as long as she got what she deserved. Seeing this vision, I'd be obliged to stay away.

Arriving in Denali, already having awareness of what was waiting my arrival. Carlisle and Esme would be extremely concerned with my welfare. Jasper would be forever guilt ridden over the birthday incident. Emmett would attempt to distract me, and Rosalie would be blaming me for upsetting her perfect world. Then, there was Tanya, who had no idea why we had fled the tiny town.

Pulling into the driveway, I was anxious about entering the house, there would be many questions that would require answering, and I remained in no mood to be badgered. Alice was already well aware my feelings.

"Edward, would you like me to go in first and relieve everyone's mind?" she asked.

"No, I can handle it. What does Tanya and her sister's know?" I questioned.

"Nothing, Carlisle told them we just had to leave, no reason was given."

"How did he explain our absence?" I asked.

"You stayed to make certain no one suspected anything."

"All right, let's get this over with," I said.

Getting out of the car, we walked up to the house, and entered the front door. Greeting us at the door were Carlisle and Esme. Esme hugged us both, clinging harder to me as Alice let go and ran to Jasper.

"Edward, are you going to be all right?" she asked concerned.

"Yes… stop worrying… it's finished now. We can move on," I assured her.

"Edward, I'll never stop worrying about you," she said, finally letting me go.

Carlisle put his arm around my shoulder.

"Edward, I know this was difficult for you, but if you believe it's the right path, then I'm certain you will be fine," he said sincerely.

"Thank you Carlisle… again… for all that you've done," I said quietly.

"I'm just glad my family is back together again," Esme added.

Remorse and sadness spread across everyone's face, leaving me the desire to escape. Wishing to be alone. Hearing everyone's thoughts, their concerns were completely overwhelming, with the exception of Rosalie who was angry, everyone else seemed gloomy. Feeling guilty enough for causing such commotion in everyone's life, having everyone feeling sympathy for me, was unacceptable.

"I'm going to go out for awhile," I said.

"Would you like some company?" Emmett asked as he appeared in the room.

"No thanks, I'll talk to you when I come back."

Turning around, I walked out the door. Running –in an attempt to rid myself –of all the staring and innuendo's over how miserable I appeared. Loathing my family viewing me in my deepest despair. Being alone had to bring some sort of dignity back.

As I ran through the forest, forcing myself to block everything, the sky caught my attention. Bella was right, there were far more stars when you were away from Forks. My run turned into a slow walk until I dropped to the ground, sitting down I stared at the brilliant sky above.

It was a clear night with a multitude of stars filling the sky, lighting up the space around me. The moon was full and brightly shinning. Bella would love to see this… enough… I must alter my thoughts. My mind should no longer be thinking of her, I must move on leaving her in my past. For if I couldn't, I would certainly return, and I'd made promise to remain as if I never existed. How would I accomplish that? Our memories last an eternity, not so easily forgotten.

Lying back, I continued to stare straight up, for my entire mind could only see her face. Her warm, beautiful face… full of joy. With the vision of her in a long white dress filling my mind, it would be enough to keep me from returning. No longer able to interfere with her destiny, what she was meant for, and she was meant for more than me.

The fact that she believed me so effortlessly was excruciating. Believing my proficiency in lying would be called into play, having to lie for hours and hours to plant a doubt in her mind. That fact that she accepted my lies so swiftly had me confused. How could she do that? Was it easier for her to accept the end then it was for me? Did it really matter… she accepted it… that's all that really mattered.

What if it's untrue? What if she does something irrational? After making the promise I had, there was nothing I could do. Was that possible? To do nothing, knowing I could slip in and out of Forks anytime, with no one being the wiser? Checking on her from time to time to make certain she was okay. Would that be so terrible?

No. No. No. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.

Lying here watching the sky, I saw three sunsets before I decided to go back to Tanya's. Running back through the forest, Alice was waiting for me with a warning.

"Alice?" I said casually.

_Edward, I saw you were coming back. Esme has been very worried. She almost sent out a search party, until I warned her you'd be back._ Alice said concerned.

"I'm all right, I'll be fine, no need to be concerned. Let's go before she sends anyone else."

With that we took off running back to the house. Hearing thoughts before we arrived, Alice was right Esme was especially concerned, what would I tell with her? With an unsettling pit in my stomach, it would be challenging to convince her that I would be fine. Rearranging my features to appear casual, taking a deep breath I stepped through the door.

_He looks terrible._ Was Esme's immediate thought.

"Edward, you need to hunt," she said quietly.

Until she said that it hadn't even been a thought.

"I'm fine. It hasn't been that long," I returned.

"Well, you should go, soon. Promise me," she demanded.

"I will, I promise."

"It's okay Edward, when you're ready," Carlisle interjected.

Walking into the living room I sat on the floor in front of the enormous window, overlooking the vast land, surrounding the house. Really not up for socializing… I was unable to do anything. Everyone returned to what they were doing previously, a fact I was grateful for, that no one was bothering me. Sitting here, all thoughts swirled around the emptiness my life was becoming. Not knowing how to return to my former self, for that life seemed so petty and irrelevant at this moment.

Was this it? Do I remain here and wait for the end to arrive? And, just when would that end come? Promising myself to remain here as long as she was, not being involved in her life, how would I ever know when the end came? What if something happen to her without me there to protect her? Would checking on her be so wrong? My selfish side said no, that I owe it to her, to make certain she's well.

_Enough…_ that wasn't right. I'd made a promise I had every intention of keeping. It would be as if I never existed… and it had to be. Doing anything else would be wrong, selfish, and my time for being selfish had come to an end. Remaining away from her, would keep her safe. Being the only danger in her life, bringing my immoral ways to her world. Keeping my distance and my word was the only way.

Remaining motionless for several days… maybe even a week… I wasn't paying attention to time. Blocking out everyone's constant thoughts about my well-being. I'd rather not hear anyone right now, especially not Esme, who worried too much. Uncertain this would pass… I hoped it would. As time passed my thoughts became unbearable. Somehow returning to a normal existence –if not for me for my family –seemed the only way to begin.

"Maybe he's gone completely mad," Rosalie said.

"Stop that, Rosalie, imagine for one minute that you lost Emmett," Esme answered.

"Fine, but if he doesn't snap out of it soon, what will we do?"

"We will give Edward what ever time he needs," Carlisle said.

Unwilling to hurt them any longer I reassembled myself and walked over to the couch. Sitting beside Emmett who punched my arm.

_It's about time, Edward. You were starting to make me worry you weren't coming out of it._ Emmett said.

"I'm good, I promise, I'm done moping around. Would you like to go hunting?" I asked Emmett knowing he wouldn't say no.

"Let's go," he said standing up.

We got up and headed for the door.

_I love you Edward, welcome back. _Esme said softly.

Emmett and I ran to the forest slowing down when we reached the edge.

"What's going on?" Emmett demanded.

"What are you talking about?" I said.

"Hunting? After being in a coma for a week you wake up and want to hunt? I don't buy it. You may have fooled them, but your not fooling me. What's up?" Emmett demanded.

"Okay… Okay, Tanya was coming back and I didn't want to get trapped by her. She'll want to know what happened and I'm not ready to tell her yet," I said embarrassed.

"Fine, that's all you had to say bro, I've always got your back you know that."

"I know Emmett."

"Besides Tanya already knows everything," Emmett added.

"How… oh."

Seeing that Rosalie told Tanya and her sister all about Bella and Forks. Carlisle and Esme were extremely unhappy with her for this, but it was too late. At least now I wasn't required to lie, never feeling right about lying to Tanya anyway. Although this should embarrass me, it hadn't, I couldn't care, unable to feel anything at the moment. Without even an ounce of anger at Rosalie, which I'd be justified, I couldn't.

"Well, since were out here anyway, we might as well see what we can find," Emmett interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I agreed.

Heading deeper into the forest, Emmett went to work immediately. Hanging back I collapsed to the ground. Unable to join in, I had no desire to hunt –I had no ambition for anything. Emptiness flooded threw me as the desire to return to her washed over me. She filled my entire mind. Needing something else to fill my mind, wanting to escape the constant flow of memories that seemed to invade my every thought.

What if she felt the same? What if she was wasting away as I was? I was obligated to return to make certain she was all right… wasn't I? Closing my eyes, allowing the vision of her in the white dress to flood my memories. No… I couldn't return… I was certain she would be well. Keeping this vision at the forefront of my thoughts as reminder that one day she would be happy.

"Are you going to hunt or what?" Emmett yelled yanking me from my reverie.

"No, are you done yet?" I inquired.

"Not until you get at least one thing."

"Fine," I got up and ran passed him.

When we were finished we headed back to the house. Instead of running back we walked. It was an odd feeling strolling along at a human speed with Emmett, who never wanted to do anything at a human speed. He was the only one of us who would probably never return to being human. He loved what he was and embraced it more than any of us.

"Edward, are you sure this is the way you want it? I mean if it makes you feel this bad, then maybe your wrong."

I'd never heard Emmett so… so… human before. He'd never been serious about anything. My appearance must be atrocious, worse than I'd imagined, for Emmett to be speaking this way. Hiding my misery would now become priority one, not wanting them to endure this with me any longer. My appearance would be at the top of the list doing everything in my power to begin acting normal again. Being first on my agenda, making certain that my family was no longer wasting their time, worrying about me.

"I'm not wrong Emmett, I'm right… I'll adjust… get over this. Won't I?" I asked, unsure.

"I don't know. If it were Rosalie and me… no… I won't get over it. But maybe you're stronger."

This situation was far worse than I assumed, reaching catastrophic levels. For Emmett to say I was stronger than him, my appearance must be horrifying. For my family to be on guard around me was horrendous. Repairing the damage I've done would be my focus. Perceiving me this way was no longer tolerable… and had to stop. Somehow I would have to return to the selfish monster I once was, to be the Edward they once knew, setting their minds at ease.

Arriving back at the house, I immediately went to changed my clothes, attempting to at the very least resemble the Edward I once was. Still plagued by this irritating feeling, a longing to do something… anything. Uncertain what that would be, it would involve Bella indirectly… this would take some thought.

Returning to the living room area where everyone was spread out doing various activities. Carlisle and Esme sat at the dinning room table, Carlisle reading a medical book, Esme talking to Tanya's sister Kate. Rosalie and Tanya sat on the sofa watching whatever was on TV. Emmett had joined them when we entered. Alice and Jasper were working on the computer as I approached interested in what held their attention.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I was looking at colleges, Jasper and I might attend, again," Alice said.

"Where are you thinking of going?" I questioned.

"Dartmouth, Alaska and a few others. Are you interested?" Alice inquired.

"I don't think I could go to college again," I answered.

"Come on Edward, you love learning, maybe there's something you could take that you don't know everything about," Jasper added humorously.

"No thanks. College is not what I'm looking for."

This brought a good idea my way. Thoughts sprang into my mind.

"Edward, did you hear me?" Alice spoke.

"No, I was thinking about something."

"Are you all right?" Alice asked.

"Actually I'm a great thanks, Alice," kissing her forehead, she gave me a wry smile.

"What did I… Oh… I see, your leaving."

"Thanks for the great idea," I said turning toward Carlisle and Esme.

"What is it Edward?" Carlisle questioned.

"I've got to go to Seattle for a bit. I promise everything is fine, there's just something I have to take care of," I answered.

"Would you like one of us to go with you?" Carlisle asked.

"No, I'd rather do this alone if you don't mind?" I said gently.

"If you feel it's wise," he said sounding concerned.

"I'm good. I'll leave tonight."

Having a plan, a reason for existing again, even if it was for a brief moment, it was still an incentive. Putting my plan into action would require me to leave for Seattle immediately… I couldn't wait. Excitement coursed through me like a lighting bolt, this was powerful knowing I would be able to contribute in some small way. With nothing holding me here, I had to leave at once.

Leaving wasn't as easily achieved. Esme worried so much she would prefer that I take someone with me. Her thoughts bounced around my head making me feel unworthy of her love. Fear of me leaving for good filled her mind, and was her biggest concern. With only one place on this earth I would rather be, and not having the capabilities of being there, reassured me that I'd be back. Not being gone for too long, a couple of days at most, Esme would be fine. Making my way to the door she followed me.

"Edward, promise you'll come back to me," she whispered as she hugged me.

"I promise, don't worry, I'll only be a couple of days," I assured her.

"I love you," she said kissing my forehead.

"I know, me too. I've got to go, see you later," I turned and walked out the door.

My destination, Seattle, and as I ran thoughts of Forks swirled my mind. It was difficult realizing the close proximity the tiny town was to my destination. My mind projected several scenarios that would be easily achieved; perhaps coming alone wasn't the smartest idea. Being this close released several emotions in me that all ended with me returning to her. Was this just an excuse to come back? Aware that Forks was where I truly desired to be. Would I be able to pass through without stopping? Was I strong enough to keep going? I couldn't be certain. Was this the actual reason I was so eager to leave?

No… it couldn't be… I truly wanted to do this… for her. Believing she deserved something for all the trouble I caused her. Returning to her was the worst scenario my mind could imagine, and I refuse to cause more trouble in her life. With her future placed deep in my heart I had to… no needed to accomplish my plan. Without the ability to be part of that future, my wish for her was to desire for nothing. Wishing for her future to be secure and worry free, my plan would help with that.

Coming to the edge of Forks I slowed my pace to a walk. This would be the true test, for a place I dreaded only one year ago, the yearning to be closer now was unbearable. The pain excruciating. As I passed the outskirts of town all of my memories came flooding back, replaying as a movie in my mind. Everything was vivid and real… so real… I could almost feel her again.

_Almost_.

With an agonizing ache to touch her, to smell her luscious scent and to see her blush scarlet, the venom once again flowed in my mouth; the ache in my stomach twisted and my muscles recoiled. Feelings overwhelmed me almost sending me directly to her house.

_Almost_.

Using every once of strength I could muster, I forced myself to head directly to Seattle… no stops… no mistakes. The selfish creature was attempting to bait me, assuring me a quick stop would be acceptable. A brief pause to clear my head, coming to my senses swiftly, I headed in the opposite direction. Not allowing the creature to convince me of anything, he'd caused enough trouble in the past.

Running swiftly up the mountain, one place stood out in my mind, a place I was capable of visiting. Knowing of a place where I would not interrupt anyone or anything. Somewhere special to both her and I, and that place was my meadow. It was always the one place I was able to escape from everything, where my mind could have peace from outside influences. Feeling safe here, I was able to bring Bella here, to reveal everything I was, and it was in this place she had accepted me for what I was.

As I got closer, my breathing came easier, and my body filled with excitement. Her presence occupied my mind. Stopping abruptly at the edge of the meadow, I stood motionless staring ahead. How difficult those first steps had been, it seemed silly now, comical with all that had transpired since then. Taking a deep breath I stepped forth once again. Walking to the middle, I collapsed to the ground. The hole where my heart belonged began to fill with the wonderful memories of Bella. It eased the pain.

Wanting to remain forever, I sat taking in all of my desires. As if she were sitting next to me, her scent swirled my mind, her warmth invaded my body, and her face was clearly planted in front of mine. Basking in the glory of this miraculous place, I laid back closing my eyes.

The meadow had always been a special place for me… even before Bella… now it would become the center of my universe. I was certain –having brought Bella here only once –that she wouldn't be able to find this place again, leaving me free to come and go as I pleased. My meadow was so far removed from the tiny town, I'm certain no one knew of its existence, and my being here would not disturb anyone or anything.

As night passed and the sun began to rise into daytime, I remained very still viewing my memories. The approaching sun was rising higher and higher washing across my face. Being awhile since the sun brightly shone on me, it rejuvenated me. Having a plan before landing here the time had come to put my plan into place.

Time passed too swiftly and the time to leave had come. Forcing myself to get up, taking comfort in the fact that I could return at anytime, I had to depart. Her closeness wrapped around me with familiarity that was more than I'd wished for. Giving me a reason to exist again, feeling her love in such a magical place would be enough to keep me existing.

And, if these feelings departed when I did. Would I feel the same upon returning? My memories were long and lasting, unforgettable. Not that I hadn't attempted –to no avail, all of my attempts were wasteful –to banish these memories from my mind. After such attempts to erase my mind of her, I realized I wanted them… I needed them… they would remain with me forever.

The sun began falling reminding it was time to leave, already a day behind, Esme would worry if I hadn't returned after a few days. Initiating her to send a search party after me. Determined not to disrupt their lives, anymore than I already had, I would leave. Despising the need for me to leave, I was obligated to, having the knowledge that I could return at will. This provided me a certain degree of peace.

Commanding my body to move it struggled to shift. I rose slowly –even by human standards –to my feet, walking out of the meadow, sadness spread once again. At the edge, I turned capturing once last glance, memories of Bella standing in the middle waiting for me, flooded my mind. Promptly I turned around and began running.

**_Please Review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading._**


	5. Chapter 5

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyes._**

5. SEATTLE

Running due east over the mountains, I saw the lights of Seattle on the other side of the sound. Stopping before I touched the borders of human civilization, glancing at the lights below. Darkness had swallowed the city and I would have to wait until morning to proceed with my plan. Sitting at the edge of the mortal city, I watched as the people and cars moved around too quickly, not seeming to enjoy any part of the world that was created for them. Wasteful is what I refer to them as, wasting everything around them.

Calculating my plan… I needed a strategy… this would not be easily accomplished. Having to unearth a way to ensure that my gift could not be refused. This would take some deliberation on my part, but I'm certain I had the ability to come up with an idea that would be impossible to decline. Although she was stubborn, I wished to send this gift without her knowledge of its origin, and that too, would take some consideration. It was a good thing I had all night, as this was going to be more complex than I had originally contemplated.

Watching the bright lights of the city, inspiration struck me, and I was left with a plan. A rather brilliant idea –if executed properly –there might be a chance she wouldn't figure it out. All I had left to do was wait for morning to arrive. The phone in my pocket vibrated, taking it out, I flipped it open to see who was calling, and to my surprise it was Alice.

"What can I help you with?" I asked.

"Esme, was worried, I told her you would be back, that you'd already decided, but she made me call anyway," Alice said quickly.

"Everything is fine, I can't do anything until morning. I should be back by tomorrow evening. Reassure Esme and Carlisle, please."

"I will, can you tell me what your doing, I couldn't figure it out, your future keeps twisting and turning," Alice said.

"No Alice, I can't, but don't worry I'm not leaving again," I reassured her.

"I know, that much I see, but Edward I thought maybe you had changed…"

I interrupted her. "No… I haven't… and I won't, and neither will you. Do you hear me Alice, no interference… understood?" I said with chagrin.

"Yes, but I don't like it," she pouted.

"I know, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye," I said closing my phone.

I wish she wouldn't badger me, as I was already on the verge of going back. Being my every thought, Bella invaded every inch of my mind. This situation was difficult enough without having Alice constantly begging me to change my mind. Being a selfish creature by nature, ready to cave any moment, it already took all of my strength to remain away.

Creeping over the horizon, daylight began to rise. Fortunately for me the sun would not shine today. Needing the ability to walk among the humans, I was grateful, as I wished to return to Denali as promised. Bringing to an end their concern for me, they should be getting on with their plans.

When the time came, I made my way into the city, walking along the streets disguised as an ordinary citizen. Heading to a familiar place that we frequently did business. Coming upon the huge stone building, I walked threw the revolving glass doors. Strolling up to the side counter, I approached the woman who was sitting at the desk.

"Welcome to Pacific Northwest Trust. How may I help you?" she asked.

"I'm here to see Mr. Isaac Randall," I answered.

"Do you have an appointment?" the tiny woman behind the desk asked. Her mental voice said other things._ I haven't seen you here before, a little young to be so formal._

"Could you inform him that Edward Cullen is here to see him, please?" I leaned in looking directly into her eyes, attempting to –using Bella's term –dazzle her. Apparently, it worked because her mental voice was screaming at me.

_Anything for you… anything at all._ "I'll inform him, please have a seat," she said.

Taking a seat in the chairs, I barely sat down when Mr. Randall walked out of his office.

"Mr. Cullen," he greeted me waving me over.

"Mr. Randall," I returned his greeting and walked over to him.

"I told you, it's Isaac, how have you been? How are Carlisle and the family?" he asked.

"I'm good and so is the family," I answered as he led me to his office.

Our family dealt with Mr. Randall and this institution for years. Finding people to rely on in the human world tended to be difficult, being very careful when dealing with anyone who was not our kind. He did wonder in the beginning why we never changed, but money tended to be a great incentive to relinquish any questions. After a few years he just stopped caring.

"So young Edward, what can I do for you today?" he asked politely.

"I have a matter I need taken care of… it's of a delicate nature," I explained.

"Well, anything I can do to help," he offered.

"I need to set up a college scholarship, for a very special person," I stated.

"We can do that, without a problem," he said confidently.

"Well, these are special circumstances. You see I'd rather the person not know it came from me. She must not find out I did this."

"I'm certain we can figure out a way to do that," he said confidently, again.

"There's one more small hitch. She will probably try to refuse it and this is unacceptable. There needs to be a plan to make certain she can't give it back," I demanded.

"There are a number of things we can try, Edward. We could start with an automatic deposit to her account, with no explanation. I'm sure her bank will figure out where it came from. We'll have to make something up," he thought silently for a moment.

"What if it came from some Association that gives scholarships to rejected applicants. A scholarship for someone with merit… a female… from a small town who doesn't have the opportunities available in larger cities," I purposed.

Bella had applied to the University of Washington for a scholarship, but unfortunately she was denied. Needing to make certain she had the opportunity to attend college was my inspiration from the beginning.

"Sounds like you've put some thought into this. Must be for someone special," he deciphered.

"Someone very special. Now, she will probably try to send it back," I added.

"Well, we could send a cashiers check, if that happens," he offered.

"Easily returned… but worth a try, and if all that fails you'll have to send cash. Please make certain she doesn't have a return address, that way she can't return it," I added.

"We can take care of that for you Edward. When would you like this to happen?" he asked.

"It has to be at the end of January when other scholarships would be awarded," I answered sharply.

"It will be in place, how much would it be for?" he inquired.

"I would like the first payment to be twenty-thousand and then five-thousand a month until I say."

"That's quite generous Edward, a very special girl indeed," he added.

"There will be a generous fee for you, for your discretion, of course," I offered.

"Don't worry young Edward, I'll take care of this for you, rest assure it will all be done," he reassured me.

"Thank you very much Isaac, and if there is any problems you know how to reach me. I'll forward all the details to you. Thanks again," I walked to the door and turned with one last request.

"Remember I need your discretion in this matter," I begged.

"As always my young friend, say hi to your father for me."

"I will, and thanks again," I turned and walked out the door.

Walking out of the bank I felt comforted by the fact that Bella would attend college. It was a small gesture, but it made me feel happy helping her anyway possible. Wishing for her to have an excellent college experience with no financial worries was my motivation. My hope is that this will afford her that. With a grin on my face I proceeded into the city streets.

Walking with a sense of hope, I strolled along the sidewalk making my way out of town. Clear of any witnesses and the forest encroaching, I began running. Running through the forest and up the mountains keeping a straight path for Denali. It wasn't long before I was back in Alaska. Esme would be very pleased with my returned.

Arriving at Tanya's house, I sat on the outskirts of the forest and thought about what I'd accomplished today. Wondering about Bella's reaction to my gift. Suddenly struck with right and wrong, I'd promised no interference, this would be breaking my promise, but I felt the need to do something. She would be angry at first, but I'm positive she would forgive me; she always forgave me so quickly.

Deciding it was time to go in, I listen to the atmosphere in the house. Everyone seemed to be spread throughout the house, doing different things. Appearing safe to go in, I walked around the front of the house, and found Alice sitting on the porch.

"Edward," she announced.

"Alice, how are you?" I asked.

"Fine, and you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Fine. What are you doing out here?" I questioned.

"I'm waiting for you," She said vaguely.

"What's up?"

"Are you going to tell me where you were, or not?"

"Not," I answered quickly.

"Why not, I want to know," She begged.

"Maybe someday, but not today."

"You're so mean, Edward," she teased.

"Always a monster, I am," teasing back. Alice felt the need to know everything. She felt off when she couldn't figure what was going on.

"Can I ask you something?" she inquired.

"Anything?" I said.

"Promise not to get mad!"

"I promise not to get mad!" imitating her voice perfectly.

"Can I just check on…"

I interrupted her. "No, Alice. Stay away from her," I said with chagrin.

"Fine, but I still don't understand what harm could come from…"

Abruptly stopping her again. "No interference from us, no reminders," I reminded her.

"She'd never know, Edward," she pleaded.

"But I would, and I don't want to know Alice, leave her to have some peace, please," I begged.

"Fine, but I can't help what I see, and if I see her and something happens to come…"

"I… Don't want… to know, alright?" I said angrily.

"Alright… alright."

"Let's go inside," I said calmly.

Going into the house, it seemed as if like no one had moved since my departure. Rosalie and Emmett were on the sofa watching TV. Jasper was at the computer. Carlisle, Esme, Tanya and Tanya's sister Kate were sitting at the dinning room table. Alice ran over to Jasper and sat beside him. Emmett and Rosalie both sent me greetings. Their greetings were of different tones.

_Hey kid, glad to see you back._ Emmett thought. I nodded my head at him and smiled.

_Look the moron returns, so melodramatic these days._ Rosalie said without even a glance in my direction.

Walking over I sat at the table with the others. Esme was the first to speak.

"Edward how was your trip?" she asked kindly.

"Pleasantly productive, thanks for asking," I offered. "How have you been Tanya, Kate?" Tanya's thoughts preceded my question.

_I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you came back._ "We've been good, and you Edward, how have you been?" Tanya asked truly curious.

"The same. I didn't have a chance to thank you for taking us in, again," I added.

"My pleasure," she said.

And, it was her pleasure, she hadn't given up hope, believing I would wake up one day and realize the prize she was. The truth was, she was a prize, just not for me. Already having my prize, there could be no other, this I was positive of. As much as I loved Tanya, I could never return her affections, not that she felt for me as I felt for Bella. Still, it was a bit uncomfortable being here knowing how she thought. Making the situation more awkward was her knowledge that I could read her thoughts. As hard as I attempted to tune out people's thoughts, sometimes it is very difficult not to listen.

As the conversation at the table continued from one subject to another, I went to sit on the front porch. Staring up at the sky, which was clear and full of stars, the moon was almost full and brightly shinning.

Hearing Emmett approaching before he walked out the door.

"I'll be back in a minute," he told Rose.

"Hey, Emmett," I greeted him.

"What are you doing?" he began.

"Just thinking," I said.

"What are you thinking about? Bella?" he questioned.

"No, I was thinking about what I'm going to do now."

"And what have you come up with?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing," I said sadly.

"Why do you have to anything, we'll be moving on soon to a new place, you could start over again," Emmett said sincerely.

"I don't want to start again, Emmett. I want to find something to fill my time," I said glumly.

"But, maybe you'll find someone else, someone like you," he said hopeful.

"I don't want to find anyone else. She's the only one for me and I'll wait," I answered.

"Wait for what Edward?" he asked curiously.

"I'll wait for my time," I said cryptically.

"What does that mean, exactly?" he asked full of curiosity.

"Don't worry about it. What's the talk, where are they going next?" attempting to distract him.

"I'm not sure. There's been much talk… nothing too concrete… yet. Tanya and Kate want us to stick around for a while. They miss Irina," he added, sparking my curiosity.

"Where did she go?" I asked.

"She left with Laurent. You remember him from last spring?" Emmett said.

When he said his name, memories came rushing back of the three vampires walking out of the forest. Laurent appeared to be the leader, but he was actually a follower of James. Refusing to fight us with James, Laurent instead opted to come to Denali. This detail had slipped my mind.

"Where did they go?" I asked Emmett.

"The sisters don't know. They didn't say before leaving, but Laurent did have a hard time with our chosen live-style. So when he decided it was time to leave, Irina went with him," Emmett explained to me.

"How long have they been gone?" I wasn't sure why I was so curious.

"They left about a week before we got here. Why do you want to know?" he said curiously.

"I was just curious. I almost forgot he came here. Funny he left just before we arrived, don't you think?" I asked.

"I hadn't really given it much thought," Emmett answered.

"You better get back in before Rosalie comes looking for you," I mentioned.

"Yeah, I can't believe she's still holding a grudge. I would've thought she'd gotten over it by now," he thought for a moment.

"You know Rosalie," I added.

"Yeah, I know, she may hold a grudge forever," Emmett sighed getting up.

"I'll see you later."

"Later," he tussled my hair on his way in.

Sitting quietly listening to the conversation at the table, Carlisle and Esme were discussing our next move. Tossing around possible ideas, none of which were appealing to me, I'm certain I wouldn't find any place appealing. With only one place I call home, one place where my heart and thoughts remained, that place would always be Forks. With the emptiness I now carried it won't matter where we end up.

Turning from the conversation at the table to Emmett and Rosalie. She was ranting to him still upset with having to leave, again. She was aggravated having to start over and play a younger person. Admitting that we were all getting quite tired of high school, with the exception of Alice. She found the positive in any situation and was always excited about starting a new live.

Tanya was debating whether to come and speak to me. After our last conversation in the spring, she wasn't quite certain I would want to speak with her. Having no grudges with Tanya, I liked her, I just couldn't return the affection she had for me and that made me feel less than a gentleman. It wasn't her at all, she was certainly beautiful enough, but she just didn't hold my attention as someone else had.

"Tanya, how are you?" I questioned as she approached from behind.

"Edward, I'm good, but it's you I worry about," her thoughts were overwhelming._ He doesn't seem well. He seems so sad._

"I know you can hear what I'm thinking. And I'm worried for you. You don't seem as if you can move passed this. What if you never do?" she inquired.

Thinking about that for a moment, I hadn't considered this. Realizing it didn't matter as long as Bella was able to move on, have a normal life.

"I suppose your right, I suppose I'll never move pass this. But that doesn't matter. What I feel, what happens to me doesn't matter, it's always her I worry about," I responded.

_Boy, this is worse then they let on. _"I hate to see you suffering, your better than that, you deserve better than that," she offered.

"Tanya it doesn't matter, I'm not the one who would suffer in the end. I would always exist… you know that. But she wouldn't… not with us around… it wasn't possible," I continued. "You know how much trouble I brought into her world last spring. There was no way –after what happened at her birthday –I could ignore the facts anymore," I explained.

"Still Edward, you need to do something. Anything. You shouldn't just sit here and dwell, it isn't right. You don't deserve that, no matter how much you think you do," she added.

"Thank you for saying that, but really Tanya I brought this all on myself. I knew the consequences of my actions from the start, but chose to ignore them. She had no choice; I didn't give her the choice. It was unfair of me to do that to her. So really I deserve everything and more," I answered.

"You can't help whom you fall in love with, look at Irina, we told her that this Laurent wasn't good enough for her, but she wouldn't listen and took off with him anyway," she rolled off.

"Where did they go?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, we haven't spoke to her since they left," she murmured.

_I am beginning to worry. If she doesn't call soon, I'll have to go looking for her._

"That's probably not the greatest idea. She'll call or come back soon she wouldn't be able to stay away from you guys for that long," I offered.

"Probably not, I still worry though."

And she did. She had not been away from either sister for this long before. In all the years that they existed, they had been together. Never once, had anyone come between them. She was right to worry, not being partial to Laurent when I met him in the spring, I never trusted him. I was feeling less than honorable for having sent him here, that wasn't right. My path of destruction left a mess of things all over. Slouching down even lower than I already was, unable to look at Tanya, knowing I had caused all of her anxiety. This nightmare just got bigger and bigger, what have I done?

Before I could say anything, before I was able to apologize, again. Tanya turned to stare at me, her thoughts swarming around me.

_It's not your fault, Edward. Irina is her own person, and would do what she wanted to. You can't blame yourself. We don't blame you either._ She was sincere, but that wasn't easing the pain I was enduring. Being to blame for this entire mess was deplorable.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts, but remember what I've said," getting up she ran off.

Feeling even worse, double the anxiety, double the pain, not realizing what I had unleashed on Tanya and her sisters. Was it not bad enough I ruined Bella's safe world, did I really have to ruin the lives of our truest friends, too? Allowing Laurent to come here and upset their existence was something I hadn't seen, but I should have known. With the amount of mistakes that I've made, how dared I criticize any of the classic stories, when my efforts created similar results. Ruining the lives of everyone I loved.

Was there anyone I left untouched from this disaster I've created? Was there no one who wasn't hurt from the actions I took? Was there not one person who hadn't felt the effects of this catastrophe? I deserved to rot in hell for all that I've managed to do. This surpassed anything I've done in my time, and there were some pretty unthinkable things.

Doing what was possible to make Bella's world safe again, it was time to mend Tanya's world. Since it was my mistake that brought Laurent here in the first place, then it was my duty to find Irina and bring her home. Wanting to restore everything that I had twisted, to make everything right again, I was left with another opportunity to repair the damage in my path of destruction.

Convincing my family that leaving would be beneficial was another dilemma. Not wanting them to be informed of my location or my activities. They would offer excuses for me to stay or insist that I bring someone along. Needing to achieve this for myself in an attempt to right my wrongs. All, I required was a reason to leave. Needing an explanation that wouldn't raise suspicions. An insignificant rationale, that couldn't be questioned.

My misery should be enough to allow me to escape for extended period. Being useless to anyone or anything ought to buy me some time. Constantly shifting my thoughts would ensure that Alice couldn't see my plans. Changing my mind continually would twist and turn her visions making everything uncertain.

Wondering what Bella was doing swelled my thoughts suddenly. What was she thinking? Having been fifty-three days since my departure, I wondered if she had moved on. Had she fond someone new? These thoughts made my hands ball into fist and my mind swirl with anger. This must stop. Unable to think this way, this was none of my business anymore. Isn't that what I wished for her, how dare I become angry with her for finding happiness. Leaving soon would be required, in order to occupy my mind with anything… other than her.

Obviously it had been too soon to think of her. The desire to return, even now, was too great and thoughts of her made it more intense. Giving me some peace to imagine her happy, after all, that was my wish for her when making the decision to leave. Truly desiring for her happiness, something I was unable to provide her.

Hopefully these thoughts would confuse Alice. Perhaps, she would believe I was returning to Forks. She would be excited, but she could handle the disappointment later when she realized my true motives. Angry, she would be for deceiving her, but she would recover. She wouldn't hold a grudge as others had.

Getting up returned to the house. Overloading my mind with many destinations was my goal while I explained to everyone my reason for leaving. As I walked threw the door Alice jumped to her feet and glared at me, causing everyone to stare as well.

_You're leaving?_ she guessed.

"Yes," I said directly to her.

"Why? Where are you going? I can't tell," she asked concerned.

"You're leaving Edward?" Carlisle interjected.

"I have to… there's nothing here for me… I have to get away," I responded.

"Where will you go?" Carlisle asked suspiciously.

"I'm not certain. I have different thoughts about that," I lied.

"Your future is shifting Edward, but I do see Forks. Are you going back?" she asked, excited.

"No… No I'm not going back, and neither are you, stay away from her Alice!" I warned.

"Fine, even though I don't like… I'll respect your wishes," Alice said.

"Thank you."

"Edward, are you certain you can't stay?" Esme said lovingly.

Lying to them was not pleasant, but sitting here in misery was no longer appealing to me either. My behavior was inexcusable, and I would no longer allow them to suffer alongside of me.

"Yes, Esme, I wish to be alone for awhile. I need to find something other than being miserable. Hopefully there's something else out there for me. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I feel the need to go," I offered.

She immediately came to me, putting her arms around me, pulling me tight. The sadness this caused her filled me with regret. Lying to them left me feeling less than honorable, but was something not within my power to change.

From across the room Rosalie's thoughts overwhelmed me.

_I'm sorry Edward; I don't want you to go. Please stay. I'll stop my rude comments._ She said with sincerity. Glaring back at her, letting her know she was not the reason and my plans remained the same.

Carlisle came over lifting his arm to my shoulder, patting it. Lost in thought before speaking.

"Edward, would you like some company?" he asked concerned.

"I'll go with you," Emmett immediately spoke up, which rustled Rosalie's thoughts. _No you won't._ Her thoughts screamed out without conscience. _I didn't mean it that way, Edward._ She rebutted quickly.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm really fine. I just want to be alone. I want to figure out what my next move shall be. No offence intended. I think it will be enjoyable to travel around for a little while," I said.

"We'll miss you. Please come back soon. Or at least check in once in a while, so we know your good," Esme begged.

"I will. Don't rearrange your plans for this. Move on, I'll find you wherever you are, I promise."

"We haven't come up with anything concrete yet, but when we do, we'll let you know our plans. Please keep in touch. You'll be missed. Good-bye son," Carlisle offered.

"I promise to keep in touch, and I promise to return when I can," I said convincingly.

Heading out the door I ran through the forest as fast as my legs would carry me. Coming to the edge of the forest, stopping abruptly. Crossing my legs I sank to the ground, where I sat with the many thoughts swirling my mind. How would I proceed? Where would I go from here? How would I begin to find these two? Would they be wandering around as nomads or had he a destination in mind?

There were ways to track our kind. Specific things that made our actions stand out. Being with Laurent would make them easier to find, especially if returning to his original hunting philosophies. Vampire's –who hadn't chosen our lifestyle –left a trail behind them when they hunted. Not to say that we hadn't too, but it was definitely easier to find the others. Searching areas with missing people was the place to begin. In this area there were a lot of missing people, but having definite signs informing us when our kind was involved, they weren't hard to miss.

We were also able to sense our kind easily enough, and my extra-hearing would truly help in this situation. Putting all of my senses to use, relying on every single one of them to guide me. With knowledge of their voices and scent, I would start from here, where they began. Their trail had been long washed away in the months since they were here. Wishing I had a hint, some small lead as to where they were headed. If Laurent had return to a human diet, they would be on the move. There was no possible way to remain in one place, if that were the case.

Heading into Port Angles, reading newspapers from all the cities I could acquire would be the place to begin. Also searching for their scent in the rural areas around the western part of the country, requiring a couple of days to trace. With a strategy in mind the time came to implement it. When the sun fell I would make my way into Port Angles to retrieve whatever papers I could.

Here I sit… again… only moments away from my true desire, with time on my hands. How easily I could slip into Forks and check up on Bella. Alice was right no one would know.

Wrong… I couldn't do that… I'd made a promise and this was one promise I intended to keep. It would hardly be fair of me to use my abilities to be selfish once again. Isn't that what got into this whole mess to begin with? Dazzling her to the point she fell in love with me was wrong, my actions here… immoral. Being away provided her time to think clearly, she would see how truly wrong I was for her.

The sunset, filling the sky with darkness, allowing me to execute my plan. Occupying my mind with things other than her, burying the urge to return, and the desire was overwhelming… powerful… unbearable. Rising from the ground, I proceeded to the small town.

Walking through the streets noticing the restaurant where I'd first declared the truth about myself to Bella. A sudden wave of sadness washed threw me making me move faster than acceptable to get away. Grateful there were no witnesses to my sudden movement, for if there were, it would sure to raise suspicions. But this couldn't be avoided as I attempted to rid myself of the feelings that would forever plague me.

Finding a corner store where an assortment of newspapers would be available, I entered moving directly to the newspaper stand. Picking up all the newspapers I could, I proceeded to the counter to pay for them. Surprising was the girl behind the counter –also the hostess from the restaurant –her internal thoughts were shouting in my head.

_Wow. It's him again, and without her. Wonder if I have a chance._

Oh for the love of all that's holly, was there nowhere I could go without being reminded of Bella?

Wanting to say 'NO,' to her mental thoughts. Wanting to express the truth about her fantasies, how dangerous I was to her. I couldn't. Instead I threw fifty bucks on the counter, quickly leaving the store, blocking her thoughts from my mind on my way out. There were bigger things to be concerned about at the present time.

Proceeding back out of town to the forests edge, I sat back down and began reading. I went through every paper… there was nothing? Nothing in them that I could attribute to our kind, making me think they were no longer in the neighborhood, having gone further away. Taking my search further, becoming much more time consuming than first anticipated, finding them became my focus. Beginning with a search of the forest, certainly they would hide in the daylight hours and the forest was the best place for that.

Running down the west coast, in and out of every forest along the way. There was nothing here, no scent to follow, not a sign of them anywhere. Sitting for a moment, planning what my next move would be, the phone in my pocket vibrated. Taking it out knowing whom it was before answering.

"Alice," I answered.

"Edward, I know what you're doing, you should've told me," she said angered.

"I'm sorry Alice, but you would have insisted on coming and I needed to do this alone. You didn't tell anybody, did you?" I asked.

"Not yet, but I will if you don't give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

"Alice, this is something I have to do alone, I made this mess, let me clean it up," I begged.

"Fine… for now… but I can help you, I've seen the general direction they are headed, and yes, they're still together, for now," she said.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means that for some reason he'll leave her, not for good, but a short period. I haven't seen why yet, but I know when it happens," she answered.

"Where are they?"

"East, they where heading east along the border of Canada. If you leave now, you may catch up with them. Go Edward, and call me as soon as you can."

"Thank you Alice, I'll call soon."

Shutting my phone returning it to my pocket I took off running.

_**Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review. Thanks for reading.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

6. THE SEARCH

Frustration overwhelmed me. After a week of searching, on the verge of giving up and heading back to Alaska, I came across a faint scent. It was Irina, I was certain of that. She had been in the vicinity some time in the recent past. Elated to find something that would bring me closer to her, having a trail to follow. Continuing on the same path, moving through the forest, hovering over anything their scent had touched. It was definite; they had been here, possibly just a few days prior. Determining it to be the best time to check in with Alice, my phone started to vibrate, why was I not surprised?

"Alice," I said.

"You've found something?" she asked.

"I picked up their scent," I answered.

"I know, it looks like their headed for Minnesota, but I can't be sure. Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm along the border in North Dakota. What's in Minnesota?" I responded.

"I don't know? He's so undecided. He can't seem to make up his mind where he wants to go. And she's just following him."

"Try and keep watch, I'll follow this trail, hopefully it will lead me to them," I replied.

"I'll let everyone know your fine, and Edward, if you need anything, anything at all call!" she added.

"Apparently I won't need to call Alice, you'll already know," I assured her.

"Ha, Ha. Miss you. Bye."

The line went dead. I missed her, too. But, there was work to be done. Having to right the wrong, unable to return until this was accomplished. Everyone would be angry with me for not confiding in them, but all would be forgive me once I brought Irina home. After returning Tanya's world to normal, before my selfish behavior ruined it, my actions would be more acceptable and I would be forgiven.

Already having a few days lead on me, I needed to move faster. Remaining on track, not wanting to overlook any details, I moved slower than I normally would. Examining every aspect of their journey, requiring as many details as possible before finding them, I was unaware of what I was looking for. Wanting to determine exactly what brought them out here, his purpose for this trip. Unable to take anything for granted, as I had in the past, there was something very wrong, I was certain he had some type of agenda, but had no clue what that could be. No more mistakes… this couldn't be reminiscence of my past… being here to restore things, it was unacceptable to think of making them worse.

Their trail brought me south through Minnesota State to the border of South Dakota. Unable to grasp their direction, I was definitely getting closer; the trail was becoming more evident. Desperate to figure out his plan requiring me to get closer… close enough to hear his thoughts. Running faster their scent got more powerful, they were headed toward the west coast.

Hitting the borders of Montana and Wyoming, if they were headed back to Alaska they'd go north through Montana, but when was I ever right? Proving to myself once again, that I was never right, they went south toward Wyoming. So Alaska would not be their destination after all, what was their destination? And why would they go so far out of their way, only to come back west again? What was going on here?

Getting closer was the key. Running at full speed I needed to hear his thoughts in order to figure this out. Their scent was overwhelming, assuring me of their closeness. Listening as far out as possible… desiring to hear her… wishing to have her in my range. Keeping on this path the scent was becoming more and more prominent, I was getting closer and closer, I could feel it. Hearing her was my true wish, hearing her I'd know for certain she was okay, and that was my truest goal… to make certain she would be okay.

Coming upon the border of Colorado, I heard a faint conversation between them. Closing in on them, their direction was almost evident, stopping I listened intently to be positive. Appearing as if they were further south… I began running again. Within a few minutes their voices were clear in my head.

"We're going to need to hunt soon," Irina said.

"We will, don't worry, it hasn't been that long, dear," Laurent answered.

"Where are we going? You told me we would stop soon," she questioned.

"I know, but I haven't found the right spot yet," he responded.

"How will you know it? The right spot?" she asked.

"I'll know it when I see it, and so will you, it's beautiful, trust me."

He was searching for a place to settle, this was his plan, but why? Did he not appreciate the home they already had in Alaska? Appearing to have some trust issues, her tone gave me the impression she was uncertain of his intentions. They became silent, as I sat waiting patiently. Before interceding I would need to assess their relationship, figure out my best approach. It would be difficult to convince Irina that going home was in her best interest. I could always lie to her… tell her one of her sisters needed her, but that would have to be a last resort.

They stayed here for a while, with no conversation. Knowing what they were doing, I left them to have some privacy. Busying my mind with other things, it drifted to happier things, such as my Bella.

It was passed lunchtime and Bella would be in Biology class right now. Sitting there, an empty chair beside her where I had once sat. Perhaps, the chair was no longer empty, maybe there was another new student, or perhaps Mike Newton had changed lab partners. My hands ball into fists automatically, angered by the thought of him sitting beside her, their hands brushing each other's, as they passed instruments back and forth. Shaking my head in disgust at the thought.

Enough… enough of these thoughts. Unwilling to imagine her this way, especially with him. Would the thought of her with anyone, other than myself, ever make me smile? Probably not… immediately crushing these thoughts. Believing she was happy, accepting she would no longer have to hide, having the ability to be herself with everyone. Certain she was living a normal, happy, human life, that was what I wished for her, and the life she deserved to live.

Conversation resumed with Irina and Laurent, which distracted me from my thoughts. I listened harder, not wanting to miss anything.

"It's time to move," Laurent said.

"Why, weren't you, having fun?" she teased.

"Of course, but I told you, I want to show you this place," he said as he stroked her face. There was something about the way he touch her, it wasn't right. It appeared as if he were hiding something, but really, could he be? There was nothing in his thoughts that indicated that.

"Let's go," he commanded.

Continuing south following closely enough to hear all thoughts and conversations. Making plans, discussing how long they would stay after he found this special place. He told her forever, but that wasn't the truth. It was definite, he was being dishonest, and he wasn't very convincing. She was picking up on the small jesters he was making, the same as I was. Perhaps, it would be easier to convince her, after all. With doubt already planted in her head, she would be much easier to persuade.

We arrived in the middle of the state, actually, the exact middle of the state, Laurent stopped. Looking west and then east he proceeded about ten miles south. For a moment, I was beginning to think he was lost, it seemed he didn't know where he was going. At last, I saw it… he was right… it was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as my meadow.

_Almost_.

Everything was green with wild yellow flowers growing everywhere. The forest entirely enclosed it, all around, including above, an enclosed slice of heaven. Sitting on the outskirts I watched as they moved to the inside. How had I missed this? Having been all through this area, I'd never spotted this before.

Irina was astonished. She walked around before settling on the ground, in awe. She reminded me of Bella when I took her to my meadow, almost having the same reaction. Okay, this would be harder than I anticipated. After bringing her here, the draw to him would be much stronger. Knowing this from experience, perhaps I was wrong about him… maybe, he truly loved her. Being wrong about such things in the past, at this moment I wished I was wrong, but somehow knew I wasn't. He was intentionally hiding something. Wanting to know what that was, I sat watching them. My phone began vibrating.

Running far enough away, making it impossible to hear me speaking, I opened my phone surprised to see it was Carlisle.

"Carlisle, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing Edward, we just hadn't heard from you in a while. How are you?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm good, everything is fine," I responded.

"Are you coming back soon?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not sure, I haven't thought about it. Have you decided to move on to a new place?" I inquired.

"Not exactly, everywhere we come up with, someone refuses to go. It's going to be a little harder this time. But don't concern yourself with that, we'll figure it out. Besides, I think Tanya likes having us here. It gives her someone to take care of, it also gives her someone to talk to constantly, and she loves to talk," Carlisle answered.

"How's everyone else… Rosalie still angry?" I asked.

"You know Rose, she sure can hold a grudge, but she's coming around. Esme miss's you dearly and so do I, when do you think you'll return?" Carlisle pleaded.

"I'm not certain, but it's been good."

"I hope you come back soon, you're really missed, take care," Carlisle finished.

"I'll talk to you soon," I responded shutting the phone.

Walking back to my former spot I continued listening to the two of them. It was quiet and I could see through Irina eyes that she was alone. What had I missed? Where had Laurent gone? Her thoughts gave the indication that he would be gone for a while. Extending my hearing to listen for him, he was nowhere to be found. Returning to Irina's thoughts –they swirled around Laurent –how would I approach this? What could I say that would make her return with me? Deciding to approach her, I walked up slowly attempting not to scare her.

"Irina!" I said quietly.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked, turning around.

"I came to find you," I answered.

"Why? What's wrong?" she said concerned.

"Nothing, I promise, I came to talk to you, to convince you to come home with me," I said mildly.

"Why Edward?" she asked, concern still in her voice.

"Tanya and Kate miss you. They want you to come back. They are very sad you left and haven't contacted them. Please come back with me." I begged.

"I love you for doing this Edward, but I can't leave right now. Laurent will be back soon. It's not right that you're here… he won't like it. You better go now," she pleaded.

"If he loves you Irina, he would want what's best for you, wouldn't he. What's best for you is to be with your family. What's best for you is to be home. Please come back with me," I said sincerely.

"I will promise to call them soon. But I can't go back, not right now. Laurent has something to take care of here first, then we will return for a visit. You can tell my sister's that. Now go Edward, please, before he gets back. He won't understand this," she begged again.

"Fine, I'll tell them I saw you and that you were fine. Take care, Irina."

"Thank you Edward, and tell them I love them and I'll see them soon. I promise," she concluded.

"I will, bye."

After we had said everything there was to say, I turned and ran off. Stopping where I had sat previously, remaining to make certain she would be all right. Waiting because I remained unconvinced of his intentions, doubtful that he had her best interests at heart. He was hiding something, which required me to figure out what that was before I left. What could he have to take care of here in the middle of nowhere?

Deciding to investigate a little further, I followed his trail where his scent would lead. Wanting to find out what was so important that he would leave Irina Tracking his scent for several miles his thoughts swarmed my mind. I was too late… he was already on his way back. Moving off the path, I hid in the trees while he ran passed, on his way back to her. Following slowly behind making certain he wouldn't notice me.

Once back he ran to her, taking her in his arms. That was enough for me to vanish and head back to Alaska. There was no convincing her… I could see I would be unable to persuade her mind. A sudden sadness washed over me, as I knew I had failed once again. My only solace was knowing she was safe and seemed to be happy. With the ability to explain to Tanya and Kate that I had seen and spoken to Irina, that she appeared safe and happy. That would have to be good enough, for now.

Running straight for Alaska, stopping only once to hunt, it had been a while since I had and I was growing weaker. Hunting for only a short while when thoughts of Laurent entered my mind. It still bothered me that he would leave her –even for the short span of time he had –to do what? What was he doing? What was so important that would take him away from her? And why go all the way to Montana only to double back and end up in Colorado? None of this was making sense. If he simply wanted to show her this place he had found, why not go straight there, why the detour?

Coming to the conclusion I'd be unable be able to figure this out on my own, I required help, and there was only one person who could help me. Forgetting that I was hunting, I was in a full on run for Denali now. Anxious to be back, to know if she had any information that would be helpful. She was the only person I could rely on now; she was the only person I could trust at the moment.

Arriving back in Denali in record time I was excited to talk to Alice. Apparently… she new this too… she met me out back.

"Alice, what do you know?" I asked.

"Just that you were coming back and we needed to talk before the others saw you," she said. "What's happening Edward?" she questioned.

"I found Irina, she refused to come back with me. She seems okay, but it's Laurent I worry about, he doesn't have the best intentions. Something isn't right Alice. I need you to keep watch… I need you to find out what he's up to… because he is up to something," I told her.

"I will Edward, I'll watch for them as much as possible, I promise," Alice reassured me.

"Thank you," I offered.

"No need to thank me, it's my pleasure, I'm really glad your back. So are they, even Rosalie. Let's go in, they'll be excited," Alice smiling.

We went into the house. Alice turned looking me up and down as only she could, shaking her head.

"There are new clothes in the other room, you look dreadful, Edward," she said.

Before I could turn, before I could even take a step, Esme wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"Edward, I missed you so. I'm so glad your back," she said hugging me tighter.

"I missed you too," I squeezed her back.

After a moment Carlisle came over and patted my shoulder.

"I'm glad your well, how was your trip?" he said sympathetically.

Loathing that I was a constant worry for them… they need not worry… I'd be fine as long as Bella was. From my estimation it would be sixty years or more before there would be a need for concern. That was my hope for Bella, to live a long and happy life.

"It was good clearing my mind. I feel better now. It was the right thing to do," disgusted with myself having you lie to them, yet again, I knew this was the right thing for them. Why have them live in my misery? There was no need to have everyone as miserable as I was.

"I'm happy it went well for you, are you home to stay?" Carlisle questioned.

"I believe so. I have no immediate plans to go anywhere," I said.

With the initial greetings were over with, I went to change into the new clothes Alice had acquired for me. Clothing was the last thing on my mind, but after looking in the mirror, she was right, I looked dreadful. Grateful she always thought of the things that were lost to me. Alice was always so helpful in ways that seem insignificant, but were truly lovely. She had everyone's best interests at heart. There couldn't be a better sister on the planet.

Once I freshened up, I rejoined the others in the dining room. With no commitment on where they were headed next, I was wondering what the delay was? We had never taken this long deciding before. Moving on in the past had us staying with Tanya and her sisters for a week… two at most. Unable to pick the reason from anyone's thoughts, the fact was, no one seemed eager to move at all. This was not right, something was wrong.

Needing to figure out what was wrong, I began listening to everyone's thoughts harder. There was nothing, not one hint or reason for remaining. Desiring to ask, I was left with an odd feeling they'd be unwilling to tell me the truth. Knowing sooner or later someone would slip, I'd keep listening, actually invading every thought.

A week past slowly and everyone was on guard. It became more evident they were hiding something from me, but I was unable to get a grasp on the situation. Although, they were functioning normally, they were continually informing me that there was a problem obtaining new documents for us all. Becoming extremely frustrated I had to get away from them for a while. Hanging around while everyone felt the need to hide things from me, was becoming irritating.

"Carlisle, I'm going to leave for a few days," I said.

"Where are you heading?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"Just for a run, get away for a while, I won't be gone long," I answered.

"Well Edward, if you feel the need to get away for a bit, then, you should," he said.

That was a bit too easy, perhaps I was wrong about everything. Maybe, they were just waiting for me to leave. Thoughts clouded my mind leaving me to believe my family had finally had enough of my misery and wanted to move on without me. If that were what they preferred, if that's how they felt, then I would oblige them, going away forever this time.

"I think it's for the best, Carlisle. Are there any plans I need to know about?"

"Not at the present time, but if something changes I'll call you. You'll have your phone with you, keep it on please," Carlisle said sincerely.

Why all the secrecy, if it were not my miserable self? What were they not telling me? How had not one of them slipped up yet? With several thoughts swirling my mind, thoughts twisting and turning making sense of them, impossible.

"I will, I promise. Take care," I answered, turning I headed out the door.

Consumed by confusion, with everyone feeling the need to lie and hide things from me. I was left me only one place I could find peace, relief from these baffling thoughts existed about an hour away. Even the danger of going near Forks couldn't discourage me from going… my feet ran straight for it. Having peace and seclusion was my motivation, and I was unable to help myself, I kept going. Thinking without interruption would help me find the answers to my many questions.

Arriving at meadow I slowed to a walk. It was dark and the moon was shinning brightly, guiding me to my place of perfection. I'd missed this place, I missed coming here and being at peace, and it seemed this was the only place that brought that to me.

Coming here made my memories of Bella stronger, resurfacing easily. Thoughts of her were not as painful in these surroundings. The memories of us here, assured me that someday we would be reunited. And I would wait patiently for that day, for as long as it took.

As I moved closer to the meadow I was suddenly struck by a scent. A scent so strong there was no ignoring it. One I knew well, from a long period ago, but one that was distinct. We had always known they existed, but it seemed there were more of them now. It was no longer safe for me to be here alone now that they were back. The scent brought with it our enemies… WEREWOLVES.


	7. Chapter 7

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

**_I wasn't going to include Jacob's point of view when I started this book, but he wanted his say, so here it is. _**

7. FRIENDS

Upon hearing that Bella was missing, my heart stopped. First reaction was to go over there and help with the search, but my father forbids me. Totally confused –my father was always the helpful one in situations like this –his refusal to allow me to help wasn't right. Of course, not obeying him, I hiked my way over to Bella's house anyway.

Arriving at three a.m. the search had come to an end. Bella was safe and asleep. Spotting Sam, Jared and Paul at her house made me very angry. Why was it all right for them to be here? Why were they allowed to look for Bella and I was not? My father was making no sense lately and I couldn't understand what he was thinking. Being closer to Bella, then anyone of these people, she hadn't even known these guys.

Walking back along the road to my house, Mr. Weber pulled up beside me and offered me a ride. During the drive home he told me that the Cullen's had left town, already making the top of the list, as far as town gossip goes. Apparently, Edward had left Bella in the woods, and that's how she got into trouble. They had left without explanation.

As the days passed Charlie began calling my father for help… a lot. Bella was not doing very well since the Cullen's had left. They were throwing around words like catatonic, zombie, she's not eating or sleeping. Feeling so helpless, I wasn't sure what I could do to help her. Knowing she wouldn't want to see anybody right now… especially me… how could I help her? I'd never been through anything like this before. What could I say to make her feel better?

How could he do this to her? How could he just leave her like that? Hadn't he realized what this would do to her? There's nothing on earth that would make me do that to her. She's too good, too special to be treated that way. How dare he! What kind of monster could leave Bella so crushed and so unhappy? If he was any kind of man, he would have never done this to her.

After the Cullen's left the people of La Push began to celebrate. This pissed me off, that they would celebrate something that made Bella completely sad. Their old superstitions were just ridiculous, and for them to celebrate, when my friend was having a hard time recovering, was just stupid.

As time passed, Charlie became more and more concerned about Bella. He considered sending her back to her mother in Florida. My father finally permitted me to go and see her, but I was sure she wouldn't want to see me. Fairly sure she wouldn't want to see anyone, if she was as sad as Charlie was letting on. Days passed quickly, turning into months.

One afternoon, as I sat watching TV. in the house I heard a familiar sound outside the house. The sound was louder than thunder; the sound was my father's old truck that now belonged to Bella. Walking out of the house I met her in the driveway. She came to see me. Wow, she was here to see me! Wondering what she was doing here, I walked over to the truck.

As I got closer to her I couldn't believe my eyes. Looking much worse than I had imagined, she'd lost way too much weight and had black circles under her eyes. Her hair was darker and her face was dead white. Looking at me, she smiled, a real smile, appearing happy to see me.

"Bella!" I said grinning, excitedly.

"Hey, Jacob!" she smiled back.

Walking up I stopped a few feet away, peering down at her… she looked like she could use a friend. She stared up at me in surprise.

"You grew again!" she accused.

I laughed. "Six five," I announced, proud of my growth sprit.

"Is it ever going to stop?" she shook her head in disbelief. "You're huge."

"Still a beanpole, though," I grimaced. "Come inside! You're getting all wet."

Leading the way I twisted my hair in my hands as I walked. Pulling a rubber band form my pocket I wound it around the bundle. Bella followed slower than me, as she shook the rain from her hair we headed for the front door.

My dad was in the living room, a book in his hands. He set the book on his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw Bella.

"Well, what do you know? It's good to see you, Bella."

She shook his hand.

"What brings you out here? Everything okay with Charlie?"

"Yes, absolutely. I just wanted to see Jacob –I haven't seen him in forever."

Smiling wider. She did want to see me. That was something. I wondered what brought her out in the poring rain to see me.

"Can you stay for dinner?" Billy was eager, too.

"No, I've got to feed Charlie, you know."

"I'll call him now," Billy suggested. "He's always invited."

She laughed. "It's not like you'll never see me again. I promise I'll be back again soon –so much you'll get sick of me."

Billy chuckled in response. "Okay, maybe next time."

Sensing that there was something else on her mind. If she wanted to hang out here that would be fine with me, no matter what the reason was.

"So, Bella, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"Whatever. What were you doing before I interrupted?"

Still not revealing the real reason for being here. What I had planned for this afternoon was not that exciting and I wasn't certain she would want to do that. I'm sure I could think of something else we could do, something a little more girl friendly.

"I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else…"

"No, that's perfect!" she interrupted. "I'd love to see your car."

"Okay," I said, still trying to figure out what was going on. "It's out back, in the garage."

She waved at my dad. "See you later."

A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed my garage from the house. The garage was no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Nothing too impressive, nothing compared to what her former boyfriend probably had. In the garage, raised on cinder blocks, was my car. It was my pride and joy and I had worked on it for a long time now, but it was close to being finished.

"What kind of Volkswagen is that?" she asked.

"It's an old Rabbit –1986, a classic," answering, surprised she knew what it was.

"How's it going?"

"Almost finished," I said cheerfully. "My dad made good on his promise last spring."

Not wanting to bring up last spring, it would only bring up bad memories of him and her at her prom. My father had bribed me to go to her prom and ask her to break up with him. Wishing she had listened to him then, it may have spared her some pain. Maybe she wouldn't have suffered as much as she had.

"Jacob, what do you know about motorcycles?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Some. My friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?"

"Well…" she pursed her lips and hesitated, afraid to say what she was going to say. "I recently acquired a couple of bikes, and they're not in the greatest condition. I wonder if you could get them running?"

"Cool," was this what she was afraid of asking. "I'll give it a try."

She held up on finger in warning. "The thing is," she explained, "Charlie doesn't approve of motorcycles. Honestly, he'd probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this. So you can't tell Billy."

"Sure, sure," I smiled. "I understand."

So that's what she's really afraid off, Charlie. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with Bella riding motorcycles. Girls aren't as durable as boys, so I could see his point. If she wanted to ride I would make sure she became very skilled, and not get hurt.

"I'll pay you." She continued.

Offended by her offering. "No. I want to help. You can't pay me," how could she think that? Wanting to help her, I would do it for free, that's the only way I would.

"Well… how about a trade, then?" she went on, "I only need one bike –and I'll need lessons, too. So how about this? I'll give you the other bike, and then you can tech me."

"Swee-eet," I made the word into two syllables. A bike how cool!

"Wait a sec –are you legal yet? When's your birthday?"

"You missed it," I teased. "I'm sixteen."

"Not that your age ever stopped you before," she muttered. "Sorry about your birthday."

"Don't worry about it. I missed yours. What are you, forty?"

She sniffed. "Close."

"We'll have a joint party to make up for it."

"Sounds like a date."

The sound of that pleased me, a date, maybe she was coming around. Maybe her feelings for me where changing. Probably not, but it had sounded nice. To have motorcycles together sounded nicer. Keep her secret I would, feeling honored that she trusted me.

"Maybe when the bikes are finished –our present to ourselves," she added.

So, I presume, too much. One day, when she was completely over him, she would really see me. Until then, I would always be here for her, and I would keep her secret.

"Deal. When will you bring them down?"

She bit her lip attempting to hold back. "They're in my truck now," she admitted.

"Great," I was excited.

"Will Billy see if we bring them around?"

Winking at her. "We'll be sneaky."

We eased around the yard, sticking to the trees, when we were in view of the windows. Casually strolling along, just in case my father was looking out the window. Unloading the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, I wheeled them one by one into the shrubbery, where Bella hid. Impressed with the bikes she had wrangled.

"These aren't half bad," I appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. "This one here will actually be worth something when I'm done –it's an old Harley Sprint."

"That's one's yours, then?"

I was surprised. "Are you sure?" she should keep the best one for herself.

"Absolutely."

"These are going to take some cash, though," I said, frowning down at the blackened metal. "We'll have to save up for parts first."

"We nothing," she disagreed. "If you're doing this for free, I'll pay for the parts."

"I don't know…" I muttered. I couldn't let her pay… she'd bought them.

"I've got some money saved. College fund, you know."

Nodding my head, I wasn't sure if I should let her spend her college fund. But she was determined, and if she wanted to spend her cash on repairing these bikes, who was I to argue. Besides she seemed excited about the project, maybe this would bring her back to the land of the living. Anything that could do that, I was all for.

Beginning I pulled the first bike –the red one, which was intended for Bella –to pieces immediately. Opening the passenger door of the Rabbit, I offered her a seat, not wanting her to have to sit on the ground. While I worked, I chattered happily. Updating her on the progress of my sophomore year of school, babbling on about my classes and my two best friends. She hadn't said too much, just asked me a few questions, but never reveled anything about herself. She seemed more interested in me.

"Quil and Embry?" she interrupted. "Those are unusual names."

I chuckled. "Quil's is a hand-me-down, and I think Embry got named after a soap opera star. I can't say anything, though. They fight dirty if you start on their names –they'll tag team you."

"Good friends," she raised one eyebrow.

"No, they are. Just don't mess with their names."

Just then a call echoed in the distance. "Jacob?" Quil shouted.

"Is that Billy?" she asked.

"No." I ducked my head. "Speak of the devil," I mumbled, "and the devil shall appear."

Of course, they would show up here now. Thinking ahead of the harassment for days to come. These were my two best friends, the people I would do anything for and who would do anything for me. But they could be ruthless, too. There would be endless talk about Bella being here.

"Jake? Are you out here?" they were shouting louder.

"Yeah!" I shouted back, and sighed.

There was a short silence as we waited until my two best friends strolled around the corner into the garage. Both stopped short when they saw Bella. Embry glanced back and forth between Bella and me, while Quil kept his eyes on Bella, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Hey, guys," I greeted them half-heartedly.

"Hey, Jake," Quil said without taking his eyes off Bella. She smiled in response to him. He winked at her. "Hi, there."

"Quil, Embry –this is my friend, Bella."

They both glanced at each other. There it was, the look that let me know I would never hear the end of this. The questions would never stop. What she was doing here? How long had this been going on? Where was it going?

"Charlie's kid, right?" Quil asked her, holding out his hand.

"That's right," she confirmed, shaking hands with him.

"I'm Quil Ateara," he announced grandly before releasing her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Quil."

"Hey, Bella. I'm Embry, Embry Call –you probably already figured that out, though," Embry smiled and waved with one hand, which he then shoved in the pocket of his jeans.

She nodded. "Nice to meet you, too."

"So what are you guys doing?" Quil asked, still looking at Bella.

"Bella and I are going to fix up these bikes," I explained.

Finally taking their attention off Bella, and back where it belonged. They had embarrassed me long enough, acting as if they'd never seen a girl before. Then again, they had never seen a girl from town on our reservation before, so I could understand their curiosity. Plus they knew how I felt about her, since I had talked about her enough.

"So where are you starting?" Embry asked.

"I'm going to tear them down and start from the beginning," I answered.

We spoke in depth about the plan for the bikes. The conversation went on for a while about the parts needed, the time it would take, and how much money it would cost. Almost forgetting about Bella, she slid out of the Rabbit and stood up.

Looking up, apologetic. "We're boring you, aren't we?"

"Naw," she paused. "I just have to go cook dinner for Charlie."

"Oh… well, I'll finish taking these apart tonight and figure out what more we'll need to get started rebuilding them. When do you want to work on them again?"

"Could I come back tomorrow?"

Quil nudged Embry's arm as they exchanged grins, that hadn't gone unnoticed. Looking at me waiting for my reaction.

I smiled. "That would be great!" answering with a little too much enthusiasm.

"If you make a list, we can go shop for parts," she suggested.

I frowned. "I'm still not sure I should let you pay for everything."

She shook her head. "No way. I'm bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor and expertise."

Embry rolled his eyes at Quil. Adding to their list of things to question me about. I was not looking forward to being alone with them. Having no answers to their questions, I still had no idea why Bella wanted to do this.

"That doesn't seem right," shaking my head.

"Jake, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would he charge me?" she pointed out.

I smiled. "Okay, you're getting a deal."

"Not to mention the riding lessons," she added.

Quil grinned widely at Embry and whispered something. My hand flashed out to smack the back of Quil's head. "That's it, get out," I muttered, they had embarrassed me enough for one evening.

"No, really, I have to go," Bella protested, heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jacob."

As soon as Bella was out of sight Quil and Embry shouted, "Wooooo!" embarrassing me for the last time.

Reaching out I smacked the both of them this time, which was followed by an "ouch" and a "hey!" I also gave a stern warning. "If either of you set so much as one toe on my land tomorrow…" I didn't need to finish… they got the picture.

They were stunned and stared at me with a thousand questions that I had no intention of answering. None of this was any of there business, but I'm sure I wasn't getting away without saying something. Although, I really had no answers to most of their questions.

"She asked me to rebuild these bikes and teach her to ride, that's all," I said.

"That's all he says," Quil quizzed.

"How did this happen?" Embry asked.

"I don't know," I answered.

"Are you sure you want to do this for her? I mean I know how you feel about her," Quil asked concerned.

"I get a bike out of it," I said.

"But she won't like you, as much as you like her. Are you okay with that?" Quil asked.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"Whatever," Embry cut in. "Do you want some help with these bikes?" He asked.

"Sure, thanks," I said.

We spent several hours taking the bikes apart –with their help- they were apart in no time. Had I done it myself I wouldn't be done. Also managing to put together a list of the parts we needed. Getting these bikes running shouldn't take as long as I first thought. It had occurred to me to drag this out, giving myself more time with Bella, but I couldn't help myself. Excited about riding there was no slowing myself down.

After Quil and Embry left, I continued to work for a while longer. Once it became too late, I dragged myself into the house to my waiting father.

"It was good to see Bella this evening!" he said.

"Yes, it was."

"Is she going to come back for a visit soon?" he questioned me attempting to get more out of me.

"Tomorrow," I answered.

"Well, Charlie must be relieved to have her out and about again?" he asked.

"I guess."

"What were you guys doing?" he asked.

"Nothing really, just working on my car," I answered. "I'm going to bed now, see you in the morning."

"Night."

I went to my room, while Billy stayed up for a while longer.

In the morning I woke up early, wanting to get started on our project. 'Our project,' that sounded nice. The fact that we had a project was great, but really, it was the 'we' part that sounded nice. I'm getting ahead of myself, just because I liked the way that sounded, didn't mean she thought of it at all. Sitting at the kitchen counter I wolfed down some cereal, then it was off to the garage.

Tinkering around for a while, there really wasn't much I could do without the new parts. Deciding to clean some of the parts we could reuse, I gathered some rags and cleaner. It wasn't long before my dad called out to me from the house.

"Jacob?" Billy shouted.

"Coming."

Getting up I started for the house, the rain was coming down in buckets –it was not a nice day at all. Hoping she wouldn't change her mind because of the rain, after all, she was a girl, and I knew how much girls didn't like to get wet. It messes up their hair and makeup. Come to think of it Bella didn't wear any makeup and didn't do much to her hair either. She was so naturally beautiful… she didn't have to.

Walking through the front door my dad was waiting for me.

"Charlie just called, Bella's on her way. You should meet her outside with an umbrella, so she doesn't get soaked," he said.

"Good idea."

Turning I grabbed an umbrella and went back out the door. Standing on the porch I heard the thunderous roar of her truck, and then went to the driveway. She parked the truck and I opened the door for her. Holding the umbrella over her head, she got out.

"Charlie called –said you were on your way," explaining with a grin.

She was impressed, I could tell by the way the smile spread across her face.

"Hi, Jacob,"

There was something about the way she said my name that made me want to crumble. My breathing became uneven and my heart spiked. I couldn't tell if she was affected the same way, but it made me feel warm all over.

"Good call on inviting Billy up," holding up my hand for a high five.

She had gotten Charlie to ask Harry to pick up my dad on his way over to Charlie's house to watch a game. So that meant we would be alone.

Harry showed up to get my dad a few minutes later. After helping my father in the car and seeing them off, I took Bella on a tour of my small room.

"So where to, Mr. Good wrench?" she asked as soon as we were pulling out of the driveway.

Pulling a folded paper out of my pocket I smoothed it out. "We'll start at the dump first, see if we can get lucky. This could get a little expensive," I warned her. "Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they'll run again," she didn't look worried. "I'm talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars here."

She pulled out her checkbook, fanned her face with it, and rolled her eyes at me. "We're covered."

We traipsed through the junkyard, through all the rain and mud. She never complained once. The enduring part was that she seemed to be really happy around me. She smiled constantly and joked around. She didn't appear to be as miserable as everyone kept saying she was. When we were finished at the junkyard we headed to a couple of parts stores in town. As we drove I noticed the gapping whole in her dashboard.

"Did the stereo break?" I wondered.

"Yeah," she said.

Poking around in the cavity. "Who took it out? There's a lot of damage…"

"I did," she admitted.

I laughed. "Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorcycles too much."

"No problem."

We had gotten lucky at the junkyard finding a lot of the parts we needed. But we still had to go to Checker Auto Parts for the rest of what we needed. It was a two-hour drive, which I was grateful for. That meant I would spent more time with Bella, and any time I got to spend with her made me happy. Talking about all my friends and school, she continued to ask me questions. I'd never talk to anyone this much before, prompting me to wonder why I was now. Again she never told me anything about herself.

"I'm doing all the talking," I complained after a long story about Quil and the trouble he'd stirred up by asking out a senior's steady girlfriend. "Why don't you take a turn? What's going on in Forks? It has to be more exciting than La Push."

"Wrong," she sighed. "There's really nothing. Your friends are a lot more interesting than mine. I like your friends. Quil's funny."

She was avoiding questions about herself. Not forcing the issue I wondered why. There must be a reason she wouldn't talk about her friends or school.

Frowning. "I think Quil likes you, too."

She laughed. "He's a little young for me."

Frowning deeper. "He's not that much younger than you. It's just a year and a few months."

Okay, so she did think I was too young for her, which depressed me a little bit. But I knew I could change her mind. Everyone is always saying that I'm old for my age, what with having to care for my dad all my life, I felt older. I would change her mind –given enough time with her –I was sure about that.

"Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between guys and girls, don't you have to count that in dog years? What does that make me, about twelve years older?" she said laughing.

Laughing I rolled my eyes. "Okay, but if you're going to get picky like that, you have to average in size, too. You're so small, I'll have to knock ten years off your total."

"Five foot four is perfectly average," she sniffed, offended. "It's not my fault you're a freak."

Continuing our bantered till Hoquiam, still arguing over the correct formula to determine age –she lost two more years because she didn't know how to change a tire, but gained one back for being in charge of the bookkeeping at her house –until we were in Checker, and I had to concentrate again. We found everything on my list, and I felt confident that I could make a lot of progress with our haul.

By the time we got back to La Push she was twenty-three and I was thirty –I was definitely weighting the scales in my favor. Still there was something about her, and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. There had to be a purpose to all of this, a purpose other than learning to ride a motorcycle, but she was not sharing that with me. Putting it out of my head, I knew the more time I spent with her, the more she would grow to like me. Patience I had and I would wait, thanks to our project, time was also on my side. Even, if she had an ulterior motive that was fine, because I had one too.

My dad wasn't back yet, so we didn't have to be sneaky about unloading our day's spoils. As soon as we had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to my toolbox, I went right to work, still talking and laughing while my fingers combed through the parts in front of me.

As I worked, she watched me intensely. It was an odd feeling having someone watching my every move; it was delightful, because it was her. She had a way of making me talk too much, spilling everything about myself, although she never revealed anything about herself. She never spoke his name or anything about what happened, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know, so I never asked, either.

Quil and Embry never showed up, so maybe my threats yesterday were taken seriously. Not that I was expecting them, they knew if I said to stay away, they would.

The day passed quickly. We worked on the bikes –well I worked while she watched –safely from the seat of the Rabbit. It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before I was expecting it, and then we heard my dad calling for us.

She jumped up to help me put everything away, but hesitated, as she wasn't sure what to touch. It was rather comical to see her looking at our parts not knowing what to pick up.

"Just leave it," I said. "I'll work on it later tonight."

"Don't forget your schoolwork or anything," she said.

"Bella?"

Both our heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house.

"Shoot," she muttered. "Coming!" She yelled toward the house.

"Let's go," I smiled, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger.

Snapping the light off, everything changed, yet nothing had changed, I felt different inside. It felt as if I was electrocuted, as a jolt of electricity flowed from my head to my toes. Grabbing her hand I towed her out of the garage and through the trees, my feet finding the familiar path easily. Her hand was soft and very warm. This felt comfortable, natural, as if we'd done it a thousand times before.

Despite the path, we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness. We were laughing when the house came into view. The laughter did not go deep; it was light and superficial, but still nice. She seemed more hesitant, as if she were doing something wrong, I didn't quite understand what could be wrong with laughing.

Charlie was standing under the back porch, and my dad was sitting in the doorway behind him.

"Hey, Dad," we both said at the same time, and that started us laughing again.

Charlie stared at Bella with wide eyes that flashed down to note my hand around hers. He presumed more than actually existed, but he didn't seem upset about it.

"Billy invited us for dinner," Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone.

"My super secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations," my dad said gravely.

I snorted. "I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long."

The house was crowded. Harry Clearwater was there, too, with his family –his wife, Sue, who were from the reservation, and his two children who I grew up with. Leah was a senior like Bella, but a year older. She was on the phone when we got in, and she never let it go. Seth was fourteen; he hung on every word I said, as he stared at me. This was normal for him; he looked up to me for reasons unknown, probably because he didn't have a bother.

There were too many of us for the kitchen table, so Charlie and Harry brought chairs out to the yard, and we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from the open door. This was not unusual for my house, but I'm sure Bella wasn't use to it. The men talked about the game, and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy. I talked mostly to Bella and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever I seemed in danger of forgetting him. Charlie watched Bella, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased but cautious eyes.

It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. Bella didn't speak often, but she smiled a lot, and seemed comfortable. Charlie loved seeing her this way. I had to admit I liked seeing her this way, too. She sure didn't resemble the zombie they spoke of.

I didn't want them to leave.

This was Washington, though, and the rain eventually broke up the party; our living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get-together. Harry had driven Charlie down, so he left with Bella in her truck. Seeing them off at the truck I waved as they pulled down the driveway. When they disappeared, I went back into the house.

"Well that was quite an evening," Billy said.

"Yeah, it was fun," I answered.

"What's going on with you and Bella?" Billy asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you two were holding hands when you came back," Billy inquired.

"That was nothing," I refused to elaborate.

"It didn't look like nothing," Billy giggled.

"Well it was, now stop it," I said with chagrin.

"Fine. But be careful. You know what happened last time she…"

"Dad. Nothings going on, all right… Were friends… That's it."

"Okay, but I can hope," Billy smiled.

Escaping this conversation I went to my room and collapsed on the bed. Running through the day over in my mind, maybe my dad was right. She seemed happy to be with me, no appearance of the former zombie she once was. The sad person appeared to be healing; even her color was coming back. Could this be because of me? Could she possibly have feelings for me? That would be more than I'd asked for, but it did seem as though she was willing to spend a lot of time with me.

That's enough of that, refusing to get hopeful about things that may or may not happen. Pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind, I would wait and see what happens.

Morning brought with it normal life, which meant back to school. Had the weekend really happened? Was it just a dream? It felt like it was a dream. But it wasn't, it was real, and she would want to see me again. This much I knew for sure.

School dragged on as it normally did. Not an enthusiastic student before this weekend, now it was pure torture being here. My thoughts dwelled on returning home and waiting her arrival. Certain she would stop by to see the progress I was making on the bikes. Arriving at lunch in a daze, I barely noticed when my friends were speaking to me. They became difficult to ignore as hard as I tried.

"Jake, can you hear me?" Embry was teasing.

"What! What do you want?" I said angrily.

"Geez! I was asking if we could come hang out today or not? Is your girlfriend coming over today?" Embry asked.

"She's not my girlfriend and besides I don't know," I growled back.

"Fine."

"I'm sorry," regretting my anger.

"It's alright, don't worry about it. Call me later… when you know," Embry said.

They were good friends the kind you could be rude to, down right mean to and it didn't matter. No matter what you did to them, they always came back. Quil and Embry were true friends.

Making my way home my only thoughts were of her. Wondering if she would show up tonight or not. Hoping she would, I missed her today, and don't think I could take another day waiting to see her. Arriving home my dad was waiting for me.

"How was school?" he asked.

"Fine. How was your day?" I questioned.

"It was good. Is Bella coming over today?" he said with a smile.

"I'm not sure. Maybe. I'm going out to the garage," answering in a hurry to leave before the big questions began. It's too embarrassing to have your father interested in your love life. Love life, like I had a love life, there's nothing there, but if there were I wouldn't want my dad asking about it.

Walking into the garage I began tinkering with the bikes. Really, I was just anxiously waiting for her to arrive. Somehow I knew she would come. It was just a feeling I had, but all indications were that she would be over to hang out. When I finally heard the roar of her truck coming down the road, I ran out to the driveway to meet her.

"Hey, Bella," I called.

She smiled looking relieved. "Hey, Jacob," she waved at my dad who was peering out the window.

"Let's get to work," I said in an eager voice.

She laughed a small laugh. "You seriously aren't sick of me yet?" she wondered.

She was holding back, she almost resembled the person she was a couple of months ago. Until I spoke to her and her mood quickly changed. Changing her mood… that was something. Making her smile… this made my heart swell. Knowing this was probably doing some damage to me, that I would pay for this later somehow… I didn't care. As long as she was happy, then I would be happy too. I lead the way around the house to the garage.

"Nope. Not yet."

"Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want to be a pain."

"Okay," I laughed. "I wouldn't hold your breath for that, though."

We walked into the garage; she was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of metal.

"Jake, you're amazing," she breathed.

Laughing, what was amazing was her saying that. The effect this had on me, the way it made me feel to hear her use those words about me. "I get obsessive when I have a project," I shrugged. "If I had any brains I'd drag it out a little bit."

"Why?"

Looking down, that was a stupid thing for me to say. That would open me to questions I wasn't prepared to answer. "Bella, if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes, what would you say?"

She didn't answer, so I glanced up to see her expression.

"I would say… that's too bad, but I'll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even do homework."

Smiling, I relaxed. Sitting down next to the bike I picked up a wrench. "So you think you'll still come over when I'm done, then?"

"Is that what you meant?" she shook her head. "I guess I am taking advantage of your very under-priced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I'll be here."

"Hoping to see Quil again?" teasing to lighten the mood. Not wanting to scare her off, I was desperate for her to keep coming here.

"You caught me."

Chuckling. "You really like spending time with me?" I asked, marveled. This was a loaded question, and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear her answer, so why did I ask it?

"Very, very much. And I'll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we'll do something non-mechanical."

Well that's not the answer I thought she'd give, but I was glad, she did like hanging out with me. This wasn't all about the bikes.

"Like what?"

"I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring your schoolwork –you have to be getting behind, because I know I am."

"Homework might be a good idea," making a face, knowing I was neglecting my schoolwork. Not being a very good student, but if it meant hanging out with her, I would do homework.

"Yes," she agreed. "We'll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren't going to be so easygoing about this," she motion to the two of us as a single unit. I liked that, she thought of us… as an 'us.'

"Homework once a week?" I proposed.

"Maybe we'd better go with twice," she suggested.

Sighing heavily, I reached over my toolbox to a paper grocery sack. Pulling out two cans of soda I cracked one open and handed it to her. Opening the second I held it up ceremoniously. That meant I got to hang out with her a least twice a week, plus the time spent on the bikes, we'd be together most of the time. That was a pleasant thought.

"Here's to responsibility," I toasted. "Twice a week."

"And reckless every day in between," she emphasized.

Grinning I touched my can to hers.

Working on the bikes, while she watched and listened to me jabber on and on, until it grew dark out, and became time for her to leave. As much as I hated her going, I knew it was time. Wishing I had my own car running, I hated the thought of her driving through town at night alone. The overwhelming need to protect her, spread threw me. She appeared to be the kind of person who needed protecting.

Ever since I'd met her, she's had this pull, a kind of draw, pulling me closer to her. At first I thought it was her clumsiness, she was naturally a klutz. But now, it was stronger, when she was near me, my pulse quickened and my heart pounded in my chest. I could feel myself getting hotter and my palms get sweaty. My feelings are definitely stronger than hers, but that's okay, as long as she's happy. That's all that matters… that she's happy.

The next day was the longest one since we'd started our project. Having nothing to look forward to, she wouldn't be able to come over today. She had to work, so it wasn't like she didn't want to see me. Missing her too much, I wondered if she missed me too. Did she even think about me when we were apart?

School was as boring as it usually was, so when it ended I ran straight home and went right to work on the bikes. They were coming along good, and with Embry and Quil's help today, I'd gotten even further than I wished for. Of course, I had to put up with their harassment.

"So where's your girlfriend tonight?" Quil asked. "Did she finally dump you?"

"Shut up, she had to work," I answered.

"Ooow! A woman with a job," Embry teased.

"SHUT! UP!" I yelled.

"Fine, no need to get that upset. Geez! I was just kidding," Embry apologized. "A little touchy aren't we."

"Yes… just leave it alone, alright," I said.

"Fine. But I hope you realize that this will never work, Jake. She's older than you and girls never date younger guys. Besides her last boyfriend was…"

"Don't talk about him… ever…" saying with chagrin.

"Aaalright," he said questioning.

"Ever… I mean it."

This subject was off limits and I never wanted them mentioning his name around her. I wasn't sure how she would handle that. Having never spoke of him or their time together, I wasn't about to let them bring it up and make her upset. Making sure this was a closed subject never to be opened, especially in front of her.

My father's voice interrupted us.

"Jake, dinner," he yelled from the porch.

"Coming!" I answered. "You guys coming?"

They both stayed for dinner so often that my father always cooked plenty of food for anyone who may pass by. That's the way things worked down here in La Push. Everyone knew everyone and were always at each other's houses. It was a close-knit community where all people are family, and we watched out for each other. Some times that could be a pain –never being able to go anywhere- without knowing everyone. There was no getting away with anything, here in La Push.

We went into the house and sat at the kitchen counter, where my father had dinner laid out for us. We sat and started eating. There was nothing in the world like watching three growing boys eat. There was no stopping us as we wolfed down all the food my dad made. The thing was, while I was growing faster and faster so was Embry and Quil. It took plenty of food to satisfy us, usually we would make the rounds to each others house's and eat dinner at all three. I wondered if it would always be this way. It seemed to me that not all boys were like us, just a few chosen ones.

School the next day was much the same as the rest, although I did have something to look forward to today. Bella had invited me over for one of our study sessions that we'd promise to have. I brought plenty of homework to keep me at her house for hours. And although, the last thing I wanted to do was homework, I would take whatever time I had with her joyously.

Arriving at Bella's house, she set us up in the living room, where we were spread across the floor surrounded by books. Charlie didn't seem surprised to see me here, so I guessed that he and my father were talking behind our backs.

"Hey, kids," he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen.

The smell of lasagna that had Bella spent the afternoon making –while I watched and occasionally sampled –flowed down the hall.

She invited me to dinner –of course I stayed –taking a plate home for my dad. Grudgingly I added another year to her negotiable age for being a good cook.

Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after Bella's shift at work, was homework again. Charlie spent the day fishing with Harry. When he got back, we were all done –feeling very sensible and mature about it, too –and watching Monster Garage on the Discovery Channel.

"I probably ought to go," I sighed. "It's later than I thought."

"Okay, fine," she grumbled. "I'll take you home."

Laughing, it almost seemed as if she didn't want me to leave. And I really didn't want to, but I knew my father would be looking for me soon, and I couldn't be embarrassed that way.

"Tomorrow, back to work," she said as soon as we were safe in the truck. "What time do you want me to come up?"

Excited –first about seeing her again –also, I had a surprise for her.

"I'll call you first, okay?"

"Sure," she frowned.

My smile widened.

She dropped me in my driveway and I waited till she was gone before going into the garage. Going to work on the bikes, a few finishing touches, was all it would take and we would be able to ride them. Wanting to surprise her when she came over tomorrow, they were nearly done and looked great. Hoping she would keep her word and still come over when our project was finished, I was excited for her to see them. This would make her very happy and that was my true goal.

The next morning was spent cleaning and shinning up our new bikes, wanting them to look perfect for her. This is when the fun would begin, teaching her to ride. Once she got the hang of it I was sure she'd love it. There's nothing like the freedom of flying along with the wind in your hair. She'd enjoy that, I was sure of that. Once they were perfect I went inside to call her.

"Hello?" she asked breathlessly.

"Bella," I said.

"Hey, Jake."

"I believe that… we have a date," I said, liking –too much –the sound of that.

She paused for a moment. "They're done? I can't believe it!" She said excitedly.

"Yeah, they run and everything."

"Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one."

"Cool! I'm middle-aged now."

She laughed. "I'm on my way up!"

It was wonderful hearing her say these things about me, even if she didn't mean it the way I hoped she would. As I waited for her to arrive, my father felt the need to have a discussion.

"What are you and Bella doing today?"

"Nothing much, just hanging out."

"I hope… I hope your not doing anything that may hurt you in the end?" he said concerned.

"Dad… stop worrying. I'm fine. We're just friends," I said embarrassed.

"I hope so, you remember what happened to her last fall. You ever hear the phrase 'rebound'. I don't want to see that happen to you," he added.

"It won't, it's not like that. I've got to go, she's here. Bye," saying as I ran out the door.

Bella parked the truck off to the side of the house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to sneak the bikes out. When she got out she saw the two shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, that were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. I was prepared.

I tied a piece of blue ribbon in a small bow around each of the handlebars. She was laughing at that when I came running up.

"Ready?" I asked.

She glanced over my shoulder, and there was no sign of my dad.

"Yeah," she said and seemed a little hesitant.

Loading the bikes into the bed of the truck, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn't show.

"Let's go," I said excited. "I know the perfect spot –no one will catch us there."

We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest –sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach, and the view stretched on forever.

She was driving slowly, so that she could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs. Talking about finishing the bikes, my descriptions were getting technical, so she wasn't paying close attention.

"No!" Bella shouted suddenly, stomping on the brake.

"What's wrong?" I shouted back, startled.

"That guy –he just jumped off the cliff! Why didn't they stop him? We've got to call an ambulance!" she threw open her door and started to get out.

I laughed, and she spun to stare at me wildly.

"They're just cliff diving, Bella. Recreation. La Push doesn't have a mall, you know," I was teasing, irritated.

"Cliff diving?" she repeated, dazed. She stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then leaped into space.

"Wow. It's so high," she slid back into her seat, still starring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. "It must be a hundred feet."

"Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway," I pointed out my window. "Those guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it's freezing today. That water can't feel good," I made a disgruntled face, because the stunt pissed me off.

"You jump off the cliff?" she asked.

"Sure, sure," shrugging I grinned. "It's fun. A little scary, kind of a rush."

She looked back at the cliffs, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I could tell she had never witnessed anything like this before. Her eyes were wide, and she smiled. "Jake, you have to take me cliff diving."

Frowning back at her, my face disapproving. "Bella, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam," I reminded her.

"I want to try," she insisted, starting to get out of the car again.

Grabbing her waist. "Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?"

"Okay, fine," she agreed. "But I want to go soon."

Somehow I knew this was not about cliff diving. There was something else, some other reason for her sudden risk taking. I haven't figured out what it was, but I will, some day.

"Soon," I rolled my eyes. "Sometimes you're a little strange, Bella. Do you know that?"

She sighed. "Yes."

"And we're not jumping off the top."

She watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start, flinging himself further into the empty air, farther than the other two. He twisted and cart wheeled through space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely free –unthinking and utterly irresponsible. Show-offs, that's the word I would use to describe them.

"Fine," she agreed. "Not the first time, anyway."

Now I sighed. What was with her? It seemed like she wanted to risk her life, but for what purpose? Suddenly wondering if she was on a suicide mission I quickly squashed that idea. If she truly wanted to kill herself I'm certain she could come up with a better way than that.

"Are we going to try out the bikes or not?" I demanded.

"Okay, okay," she said, tearing her eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. She put her seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the road again.

"So who where those guys –the crazy ones?" she wondered.

A disgusted sound escaped the back of my throat. "The La Push gang."

"You have a gang?" she asked, sounding impressed.

Laughing once at her reaction. "Not like that. I swear, they're like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace." I snorted. "There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his disciples ran him off our land. They're all about our land, and tribe pride… it's getting ridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam." I shook my head, face full of resentment. "Embry also heard from Leah Clearwater that they call themselves 'protectors' or something like that."

My hands were clenched into fists… wanting to hit something or someone… anger coursed threw me.

"You don't like them very much."

"Does it show?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well… It doesn't sound like they're doing anything bad," she tried to soothe me, attempting to make me cheerful again. "Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang."

"Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They're always showing off –like the cliff thing. They act like… like, I don't know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, and Sam came by with his followers, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, you know how he's got a big mouth, and it pissed Paul off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiled –no, he showed his teeth but he didn't smile –and it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something. But Sam put his hand against Paul's chest and shook his head. Paul looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, it was like Sam was holding him back –like Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn't stop him," I groaned. "Like a bad western. You know, Sam's a pretty big guy, he's twenty. But Paul's just sixteen, too, shorter than me and not as beefy as Quil. I think any one of us could take him."

"Tough guys," she agreed. "Isn't Sam a little too old for this kind of thing?"

"Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sam Uley can do no wrong."

Outrage overwhelmed me. These feeling's are all consuming and strong… I hadn't even known they existed. Not able to understand any of it, I really didn't want to.

"It all sounds really annoying and… strange. But I don't get why you're taking it so personally," she peeked over at me. I became calmer as I stared out the window.

"You just missed the turn," I said with an even voice.

She made a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as her circle ran the truck halfway off the road.

"Thanks for the heads-up," she muttered.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

It quiet for a brief moment. They did bother me mostly because they didn't seem to do anything accept hang out, and no one else seemed bothered by this. Why were the council not bothered with people who did nothing, but hang out. That wasn't acceptable for anyone else on the reserve, so why was acceptable for them?

"You can stop anywhere along here," I said softly.

She pulled over cutting the engine, nothing but silence followed. Still fuming over seeing Sam and his buddies I couldn't speak. We both got out, and I headed around back to get the bikes. Smiling halfheartedly, I pushed the red bike to her side.

"Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?"

"I think so," she looked frightened.

"We'll take it slow," I promised. I wouldn't let anything hurt her.

She leaned the bike up against the fender, while I went to get the other one.

"Jake…" she hesitated as I came back around the truck.

"Yeah?"

"What's really bothering you? About the Sam thing, I mean? Is there something else?" she was watching my face, as I grimaced, she was more observant than I assumed. Looking at the dirt I kicked my shoe against the front tire of my bike again and again.

I sighed. "It's just… the way they treat me. It creeps me out," I started talking faster. "You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I've never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts the most. It's got something to do with his father and his father's father. My great-grandpa, Ephraim Black, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Billy, maybe because of that."

"But I'm just like everyone else. Nobody treats me special… until now."

She sounded surprised. "Sam treats you special?"

"Yeah," I agreed, looking up at her with pleading eyes. "He looks at me like he's waiting for something… like I'm going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it."

"You don't have to join anything," she said angrily.

"Yeah," I kept kicking the tire.

"What?" prompting me for more information.

I frowned, looking worried. "It's Embry. He's been avoiding me lately."

Embry was one of my best friends and I couldn't understand what was going on with him. One day he was with Quil and I and now he's acting as if he doesn't know us. He hangs out with Sam and his gang and refuses to talk to us.

"You've been hanging out with me a lot," she reminded me.

"No, that's not it. It's not just me –it's Quil, too, and everyone. Embry missed a week of school, but he was never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked… he looked freaked out. Terrified. Quil and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn't talk to either of us."

She stared at me… while I bite my lip anxiously… I shouldn't be discussing any of this with her. This was my problem I needed to deal with it. Bella had enough of her own problems to deal with, and she was just beginning to resemble the old Bella I once knew. It was unfair of me to unload my problems on her making me feel like a heel for doing it. Feeling compelled to tell her –wanting her to know for unknown reasons –I continued.

"Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry's hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today."

Glancing at her. "Bella, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn't want anything to do with them. And now Embry's following Sam around like he's joined a cult."

"And that's the way it was with Paul. Just exactly the same. He wasn't friends with Sam at all. Then he stopped coming to school for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sam owned him. I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Embry's my friend and… Sam's looking at me funny… and…" I trailed off.

"Have you talked to Billy about this?" she asked.

Filling me with anger. "Yes," I snorted. "That was helpful."

"What did he say?"

Becoming sarcastic as I spoke. "It's nothing you need to worry about now, Jacob. In a few years if you don't… we'll, I'll explain later," pausing to lose the anger in my voice. "What am I suppose to get from that? Is he trying to say it's some stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong."

Knowing my father knew more than he was letting on, it concerned me that he didn't feel as though he could tell me. My father and I always had a good relationship and thanks to this we'd become practically strangers. He wouldn't tell me anything and I in return would tell him nothing. Tension was definitely building in my household.

Tensing, my hands balled into fists, appearing horrified, Bella threw her arms around my waist and pressed her face against my chest.

"Oh, Jake, it'll be okay!" she promised. "If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don't be scared, we'll think of something."

Freezing as she hugged me, I knew it was because I was upset and she was attempting to consol me, but it felt great. Even if –it were not for the reasons I wished it were –I would take it. Throwing my arms around her hesitantly, knowing how much damage I was doing myself… I couldn't stop myself.

"Thanks, Bella."

We stood embraced for a moment; I couldn't resist her, hanging on as long as she allowed it. She didn't seem to want to let go, as much as I didn't want to let her go. She was so tiny and soft; it felt wonderful having her in my arms. With all the tension at home and losing one of my best friends, it was nice to have someone to lean on again.

"If this is how you're going to react, I'll freak out more often," saying with laughter as I touched her hair. She pulled away quickly, laughing with me.

"It's hard to believe I'm two years older than you," saying as she emphasized the word older. "You make me feel like a dwarf."

"You're forgetting I'm in my forties, of course."

"Oh, that's right."

Patting her head. "You're like a little doll," I teased. "A porcelain doll."

Rolling her eyes, she took another step away. "Let's not start with the albino cracks."

"Seriously, Bella, are you sure you're not?" stretching my arm out to hers, the difference was shocking. "I've never seen anyone paler than you… well, except for…" breaking off quickly, I turned away, realizing what was about to slip out of my lips. Almost saying the name we never spoke, I caught myself in time. The atmosphere was tense enough without mentioning that subject.

"So are we going to ride or what?"

"Let's do it," she agreed, with enthusiasm.

**_Let me know what you think. Please leave a review._**


	8. Chapter 8

8. ADRENALINE

She climbed on her bike eagerly, appearing too small to be riding such a machine. Hesitating, wondering if this was a good idea, after all. Seeing how small she was propped up on the huge metal frame, doubts crept in my mind about her safety. Quickly resisting that thought, I realized that Bella was not as fragile as everyone assumed she was.

"OKAY, WHERE'S YOUR CLUTCH?"

She pointed to the lever on her left handlebar, letting go of the grip, her first mistake. The bike wobbled underneath her, almost knocking her to the ground. She grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight.

"Jacob, it won't stay up," she complained.

"It will when you're moving," I promised. "Now where's your brake?"

"Behind my right foot."

"Wrong."

Grabbing her right hand I curled her fingers around the lever over the throttle.

"But you said…"

"This is the brake you want. Don't use the back brake now, that's for later, when you know what you're doing."

She was so stubborn. Wishing I hadn't told her about the back break. What made her so unwilling to know the truth?

"That doesn't sound right," she said suspiciously. "Aren't both brakes kind of important?"

"Forget the back brake, okay? Here…" wrapping my hand around hers I made her squeeze the lever down. "That is how you brake. Don't forget," I squeezed her hand another time. Having my hand wrapped around hers was exhilarating, making it hard to concentrate. Pushing the other thoughts out of my mind, I had to pay attention to make sure she would be fine.

"Fine," she agreed.

"Throttle?"

She twisted the right grip.

"Gearshift?"

She nudged it with her left calf.

"Very good. I think you've got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving."

"Uh-huh," she muttered.

She seemed hesitant, which made doubt sneak in again, but I was sure she could handle it. She was stronger than she gave herself credit for. If I thought for one moment she couldn't handle this, I wouldn't compromise her safety.

"I want you to hold down the clutch," I instructed.

She wrapped her fingers around the clutch.

"Now this is crucial, Bella," I stressed. "Don't let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend that I've handed you a live grenade. The pin is out and you are holding down the spoon."

She squeezed tighter.

"Good. Do you think you can kick-start it?"

"If I move my foot, I will fall over," she told me through gritted teeth, her fingers tight around the live grenade.

She appeared nervous to remove her foot from the ground. The bike was a bit heavy, but she would get use to that in time. A little practice was all she needed.

"Okay, I'll do it. Don't let go of the clutch."

Taking a step back I slammed my foot down on the pedal. There was a short ripping noise, and the force of my thrust rocked the bike. She started to fall sideways, but I caught the bike before it knocked her to the ground.

"Steady there," I encouraged. "Do you still have the clutch?"

"Yes," she gasped.

"Plant your feet –I'm going to try again," placing my hand on the back of the seat, too, just to be safe.

It took four more kicks before the ignition caught. She could feel the rumbling beneath her. She gripped the clutch until her knuckles were white.

"Try out the throttle," I suggested. "Very lightly. And don't let go of the clutch."

Hesitantly, she twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath her. I smiled in satisfaction. She would get the hang of this, no problem.

"Do you remember how to put it into first gear?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Well, go ahead and do it."

"Okay."

I waited for a few seconds. She seemed to hesitate and I wasn't sure she knew where it was.

"Left foot," I prompted.

"I know," she said, taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. "You look scared."

She seemed terrified; maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Knowing if she could just get going, she'd be all right.

"I'm fine," she snapped. She kicked the gearshift down one notch.

"Very good," I praised her. "Now, very gently, ease up on the clutch."

Taking a step away from the bike, I had faith she could handle this.

"You want me to let go of the grenade?" she asked in disbelief.

"That's how you move, Bella. Just do it little by little."

She loosened her grip on the handle, actually listening to me for once.

"Oh!" she gasped, and let go of the clutch.

The bike buckled under her, yanking her forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of her. The engine choked to a stop. Immediately I went to her side.

"Bella?" I jerked the bike off her. "Are you hurt?"

She wasn't listening, once again looking like she was listening to someone else.

"Bella?" I shook her shoulder.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, dazed.

Pulling her to her feet, that was enough practice for one day. Maybe, I should just take her for a ride on my bike, until she gets the hang of it. She seemed okay, but the bike did fall on her.

"Did you hit your head?" I asked.

"I don't think so," she shook it back and forth. "I didn't hurt the bike, did I?"

"No. You just stalled the engine," I said. "You let go of the clutch too fast."

She nodded. "Let's try again."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she seemed anxious.

This time she tried to kick-start it herself. She jumped a little to slam down on the pedal with enough force, and every time she did, the bike tried to knock her over. My hand's hovered over the handlebars, ready to catch her if she needed me.

It took several good tries, and ever more poor tries, before the engine caught and roared to life under her. Remembering to hold on to the grenade, she revved the throttle. It snarled at the slightest touch. Her smile mirrored mine.

"Easy on the clutch," I reminded her.

She seemed more comfortable, which set me at ease. I began to relax a little.

"Ease off slowly," I encouraged her.

"I will," she said.

She relaxed a little and eased off on the clutch, the gear caught and wrenched her forward. She was flying, for a few moments she appeared like she knew what she was doing. She went smoothly down the road like an old pro.

She was only in first gear, when she suddenly appeared out of control, as if something got in her way. That's when it happened, she did what I had warned her not to do, hitting the brake with her foot. The bike flew out of control, with Bella still on it, it hit a rock and she tumbled front wards over the handlebars. The motorcycle landed on top of her and I was terrified she was hurt. Immediately jumping on my bike I rode down to her.

My heart pounded so hard I thought it would jump straight out of my chest. She didn't move and I was growing very anxious.

"Bella!" I yelled, as I cut the engine of my bike.

Grabbing the bike off of her, I rolled her over. She was worse than I anticipated.

"Wow," she murmured.

"Bella!" crouching over her anxiously. "Bella, are you alive?"

"I'm great!" she exclaimed, flexing her arms and legs. "Let's do it again."

"I don't think so," still worried. "I think I'd better drive you to the hospital first."

"I'm fine."

"Um, Bella? You've got a huge cut on your forehead, and its gushing blood," I informed her.

Clapping her hand over her head.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Jacob," pushing hard against the gash.

"Why are you apologizing for bleeding?" wondering as I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go. I'll drive," holding my hand for the keys.

This was entirely my fault, she was not ready for this, and now she was injured. Hoping it wasn't as bad as it looked, there was a lot of blood coming out of her head. Needing to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible, I began moving her forward, reaching for the keys.

"What about the bikes?" she asked, handing them over.

Thinking for a second. "Wait here. And take this," pulling off my T-shirt that was already spotted with blood, I threw it at her. She wadded it up and held it to her forehead. Jumping on the black bike, kicking it start in one try, I raced back down the road, spraying sand and pebbles behind me. Getting back to the truck, I threw the bike in the back… got in and raced back toward Bella.

Leaving the truck running, I raced back to her, wrapping my arm around her waist again, I helped her to the truck. Hurrying, I had to get her to a doctor to fix her head. My heart was jumping out of my chest the whole time, wondering how I allowed this to happen.

"Okay, let's get you in the truck."

"I'm honestly fine," she assured me as I helped her in. "Don't get worked up. It's just a little blood."

"Just a lot of blood," I muttered as I went back for her bike.

"Now, let's think about this for a second," she began when I got back in the truck. "If you take me to the ER like this, Charlie is sure to hear about it," she looked down.

"Bella, I think you need stitches. I'm not going to let you bleed to death."

This girl was crazy if she thought for one minute I would agree to not taking her to the hospital. She definitely needed medical care for this.

"I won't," she promised. "Let's just take the bikes back first, and then we'll make a stop at my house so I can dispose of the evidence before we go to the hospital."

"What about Charlie?"

"He said he had to work today."

"Are you really sure?"

"Trust me. I'm an easy bleeder. It's not nearly as dire as it looks."

Unhappy with the results of our first ride, I was growing concerned that her injuries were greater than she was letting on. Having her refuse to go directly to the hospital was making me anxious, what if she had a concussion or something worse? How could I go along with her? She suddenly flinched.

"You still okay?" I checked.

"Yeah," attempting to sound convincing.

"By the way," I added. "I'm going to disconnect your foot brake tonight."

We arrived at Bella's house and went inside. She rain up the stairs while I waited at the bottom. This felt so wrong, waiting this long to go to the hospital, if something happened to her as a result, I'd never forgive myself.

"Hurry up," I called.

"Okay, okay," she shouted back.

She was coming down the stairs.

"How do I look?" she asked me.

That was a loaded question, as she always looked good to me.

"Better," I admitted.

"But do I look like I tripped in your garage and hit my head on a hammer?"

"Sure, I guess so."

"Let's go then."

Hurrying her out the door I insisted on driving again. We were halfway to the hospital when she realized I was still shirtless.

"We should have grabbed you a jacket."

"That would have given us away," I teased. "Besides, it's not cold."

"Are you kidding?" shivering she reached out to turn the heat on.

She watched me to see if I was lying, but I really wasn't. She must have lost a lot of blood, and that's what making her cold, making me even more worried she'd really hurt herself. She was staring at my body in a funny way, making me feel a bit uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing. I just hadn't realized before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?"

Beautiful… interesting. She was definitely going to need a cat scan.

Rolling my eyes. "You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?"

"I'm serious."

"Well, then, thanks. Sort of."

She grinned. "You're sort of welcome."

Seven stitches it took to close the cut on her forehead. They gave her a local anesthetic so there'd be no pain during the procedure. Holding her hand while Dr. Snow was sewing, I felt horrible, responsible. I should have never told her about the back brake.

We were at the hospital forever. By the time we were done, she had to drop me off and hurry home to cook dinner for Charlie. Feeling guilty that she couldn't go home and rest after such an eventful day. What a day it was, being able to be with her when she needed me was wonderful. Although, knowing it was my fault she'd gotten hurt in the first place, was not something I cared to think about. When she dropped me in my driveway, I took the bikes back to my garage, proceeding to unhook her back brake immediately. This would never happen again. When I was done I went into the house.

My father already had dinner on the counter.

"Hey, Jacob. How was your day?" he asked.

"Interesting," I replied.

"What did you and Bella do?"

"Nothing much, just hung out," I answered.

"Well, what was so interesting?" he questioned.

"Nothing, except she did trip and hit her head. It took seven stitches to close it up."

"What? Why didn't you tell me? Is she going to be okay?" he asked panicked.

"Yeah, she'll be fine, nothing to worry about."

"Maybe she shouldn't be hanging out in your garage anymore!" he said.

"It's not that serious, Dad. It was just an accident. I'm going to my room."

Not wanting to discuss this anymore I headed for my room. Collapsing on the bed, I went over the day's events. Good thing that my father didn't know about the bikes, he would have flipped out and made me get rid of them. They could never find out we had them. My thoughts turned to Bella and the way she stared at me when I was shirtless. Whatever I was doing seemed to be working, because she was noticing me in a different way now. Her comment about my body was not just friendly chat, she really noticed me. With thoughts combing my head about her, I fell asleep.

"Charlie's getting nosy," she complained to me when she picked me up after school on Friday.

"Maybe we should cool it with the bikes," seeing her objecting expression, I added. "At least for a week or so. You could stay out of the hospital for a week, right?"

"What are we going to do?" she griped.

Smiling cheerfully. "What ever you want."

She thought about that for a while. It seemed, as if she were a thousand worlds away. Wishing I knew what she was thinking –just a little glimpse inside her head –would make my life so much easier.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" I asked.

"Well…" beginning slowly. "I found this place in the forest once –I came across it when I was, um, hiking. A little meadow, the most beautiful place. I don't know if I could track it down again on my own. It would definitely take a few tries…"

"We could use a compass and a grid pattern," saying with confidence. "Do you know where you started from?"

"Yes, just below the trailhead where the one-ten ends. I was going mostly south, I think."

"Cool. We'll find it."

It was a strange request, but I was game for anything that meant I could spend more time with Bella. Some day I knew she would change her mind and see me, as I saw her. The day would come when the age difference wouldn't matter and I anxiously waited for that day. In the mean time, I would oblige her with whatever she wanted.

Saturday afternoon, I was sprawled across the living room floor when Bella showed up. For a full twenty minutes I drew a grid across the section of the map Bella had spoke about. Pulling up a chair Bella talked to my dad about our hiking trip.

"Maybe we'll see the super bear," I joked.

My dad laughed at me. "Maybe you should take a jar of honey, just in case."

I chuckled. "Hope your new boots are fast, Bella. One little jar isn't going to keep a hungry bear occupied for long."

"I only have to be faster than you."

"Good luck with that!" I said, rolling my eyes as I refolded the map. "Let's go."

"Have fun," my dad rumbled, wheeling himself toward the refrigerator.

Bella drove to the very end of the dirt road, stopping near a sign that marked the beginning of the trailhead. Knowing this area a little bit, I had hiked a lot around this area. Maybe, making this easier than we first thought. This was way out of the normal routes for townies making me wonder what brought her out here in the first place.

Bella got out and looked at the dense wall of green.

"I went this way," she murmured, pointing straight ahead.

"Hmm," I muttered.

"What?"

Looking at the direction she pointed, then at the clearly marked trail, and back. She always seemed to surprise me… her requests were never what I thought. Not figuring her for much of hiker, being the klutzy type.

"I would have figured you for a trail kind of girl."

"Not me," smiling bleakly. "I'm a rebel."

Laughing I pulled out our map.

"Give me a second," holding the compass I twisted the map around till it angled the way I wanted.

"Okay –first line on the grid. Let's do it."

She was slow, but I didn't mind, it meant I got to spend more time with her. Not being much of a hiker, questioning again, what would she be doing in such a place? This must have had something to do with him, he would know the forest, I heard his family enjoyed hiking a lot. What if this was their special place? Not wanting to think about that, I couldn't help it. Knowing she would never tell, and I would never ask. If she was trying to get back to a place they shared? Did I want to go along with her under these circumstances?

Yes… the answer was always yes, I would go anywhere with her. So instead of dwelling on the reasons she wanted to come here, I would make this memorable for us, I began whistling to myself. Checking the compass every few minutes to make sure we were heading in a straight line.

"Hey… Jake?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"How are things… with Embry? Is he back to normal yet?"

Silent for a moment, I moved forward with long paces. When I was too far ahead I stopped and waited for her. Having a wonderful day I didn't want to think about the problems I'd left behind. They only made me angry.

"No. He's not back to normal," saying as she reached me, frowning.

"Still with Sam."

"Yup."

Putting my arm around her shoulder.

"Are they still looking at you funny?" she half-whispered.

Staring through the trees. "Sometimes."

"And Billy?"

"As helpful as ever," I said in a sour, angry voice.

"Our couch is always open," she offered.

I laughed. "But think of the position that would put Charlie in –when my dad calls the police to report my kidnapping."

She laughed too.

We stopped when I said we'd gone six miles, cutting west for a short time, we headed back along another line on my grid. Today did not turn up her meadow, but there was a lot of ground to cover, so we'd have to try again. Giving up as the day was quickly turning into night.

"As long as you're sure we're starting from the right place…" glancing down at her.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Then we'll find it," I promised, grabbing her hand and pulling her through a mass of ferns. On the other side was the truck, I gestured toward it proudly. "Trust me."

"You're good," she admitted. "Next time we bring flashlights, though."

"We'll save hiking for Sundays from now on. I didn't know you were that slow."

She yanked her hand back stomping around to the driver's side, while I chuckled at her reaction.

"So you up for another try tomorrow?" I asked, sliding into the passenger seat.

"Sure. Unless you want to go without me so I don't tie you down to my gimpy pace."

"I'll survive," I assured her. "If we're hiking again, though, you might want to pick up some moleskin. I bet you can feel those new boots right now."

"A little," she confessed.

"I hope we see the bear tomorrow. I'm sort of disappointed about that."

"Yes, me, too," she agreed sarcastically. "Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and something will eat us!"

"Bears don't want to eat people. We don't taste that good," grinning at her in the dark cab. "Of course, you might be an exception. I bet you'd taste good."

"Thanks so much," she said, looking away with a strange look on her face.


	9. Chapter 9

9. WEREWOLVES

Time began to trip along much more quickly than it had before. School, time spent working on my car and of course Bella. She seemed much better, almost completely healed, not all the way, but close. I like to think I had a part in that, that I was able to bring her back to the land of the living. And even though, she still didn't feel for me as I felt for her, she was definitely happier.

Knowing I could never replace him, I did try to be a better substitute for her. Every now and then, I would get the distinct impression that she tried very hard not to think of him. He was never a topic of any conversations we had, she never mentioned him or his family and neither did I. Figuring if she wanted to discuss it, she would bring it up. Messing up a couple of times mentioning her prom –that she attended with him- but she never said anything.

Hating him for what he did to her, I was glad that he was gone. My wish is that he would never return, and by the amount of time that passed since they had left, I can't imagine they would come back. It must have been hard for him to leave her or maybe it was easy, I know I could never do it. She was too special to just walk out on. With his good looks and money he probably just moved on to someone else –breaking another heart.

She was getting pretty good on her bike now, which meant less bandages, and less trips to the hospital. We hung out most days, only missing the days that she worked at the sports store. When those days came I was miserable and bad tempered. Not only couldn't I hang out with her, but I had completely lost Embry now, too.

It happened to be Valentines Day when Bella showed up to my house. I knew she had no clue what day it was. She was getting better, but still paid no attention to the little things like what day it was. Certain that this would be a harder day than normal for her I was going to try and make it a happy one for her.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I said, smiling.

Holding out a small, pink box, balancing it on my palm. Conversation hearts.

"Well, I feel like a schmuck," she mumbled. "Is today Valentine's Day?"

Shaking my head with mock sadness. "You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the fourteenth day of February. So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do."

She stared at me for a moment and I knew I made her uncomfortable.

"What exactly does that entail?" she hedged.

"The usual –slave for life, that kind of thing."

"Oh, well, if that's all…" she took the candy.

"So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?"

"Hiking," she decided. "You're not the only one who can be obsessive. I'm starting to think I imagined that place…" she frowned into space.

Wanting to help, wanting to be what she needed, I had to help her find this place. She was anxious about finding this place and it had something to do with him. I couldn't figure out what that was, but if Bella wanted to go there, then I would take her.

"We'll find it," I assured her. "Bikes Friday?" I offered.

"I'm going to a movie Friday. I've been promising my cafeteria crowd that I would go out forever."

Trying hard to keep my expression normal, it didn't work, and my face fell. I looked to the ground. The thought of missing a day with her was excruciating.

"You'll come too, right?" she added quickly. "Or will it be too much of a drag with a bunch of boring seniors?"

I was stunned… she invited me! It was probably just a pity invite, but that didn't matter, I wouldn't have to miss my day with her.

"You'd like me to come, with your friends there?"

"Yes," she admitted honestly. "I'll have a lot more fun if you're there. Bring Quil, and we'll make it a party."

"Quil's gonna freak. Senior girls," I chortled rolling my eyes.

She laughed, too. "I'll try to get him a good selection."

In the end Quil couldn't come because he was fighting at school and got grounded, so it would just be Bella's friends and me. This didn't bother me for I would get to spend the evening on a semi-date with Bella. I'm sure she'll have more fun with me then any of the other boys that would be there.

On Friday when she returned home from school, I was parked in front of her house. Leaning against my finished Rabbit with a huge grin on my face.

"No way!" she shouted as she jumped out of her truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!"

I beamed. "Just last night. This is the maiden voyage."

"Incredible," she held up her hand for a high five.

Smacking her hand against mine, she left hers there, twisting my fingers through hers. "So do I get to drive tonight?"

"Definitely," she said sighing.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm giving up –I can't top this one. So you win. You're oldest."

I shrugged. "Of course I am."

Mike's Suburban chugged around the corner. She pulled her hand out of mine, and I made a face she wasn't meant to see. Was this how this was going to go? Was she going to be weird with them around?

"I remember this guy," saying in a low voice as Mike parked across the street. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"

She raised one eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage."

"Then again," I said thoughtfully, "sometimes persistence pays off."

"Most of the time it's just annoying, though."

Wondering if she was still speaking of Mike or me. Pretty positive that she was revering to him, he annoyed her. He got out of his car and crossed the road.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted her his eyes turned wary as he looked up at me.

"Hey, Mike! Do you remember Jacob Black?"

"Not really," Mike held out his hand.

"Old family friend," I introduced myself, shaking his hand.

We locked hands with more force than necessary. So this was my competition, nothing to worry about there, Bella would never go for this guy. He was dreaming if he thought she would. He had nothing to offer her. It surprised me that he would still try.

When I let his hand go, he flexed his fingers. Weak too.

The phone started ringing from the kitchen.

"I'd better get that –it might be Charlie," she told us, and dashed inside.

This was an awkward position she'd left us in. There was no conversation that could be had with this guy. Knowing what he wanted here, he wasn't going to get it, not tonight anyway. He stood measuring me up and down. I'll admit, that the boys from the reserve are quite big, but I think he's considerably small. He certainly didn't look like a senior, way too small. Bella came back out of the house.

"Ang is sick," she told us glumly. "She and Ben aren't coming."

"I guess the flu is making another round. Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time," Mike suggested.

"I'm still up for it. But if you'd rather stay behind, Mike…"

Not willing to back out, I wanted to spend the evening with Bella, and if it had to be with this clown, so be it. She wouldn't pay much attention to him with me around. I would keep her entertained.

"No, I'm coming," Mike interrupted. "I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Let's go," he started toward his Suburban.

"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" she asked. "I told him he could –he just finished his car. He built if from scratch, all by himself," she bragged.

"Fine," Mike snapped.

"All right, then," I said.

Mike climbed into the backseat of my car with a disgusted expression.

Being my normal chatty self I was hoping Bella would forget all about the loser in the backseat. It started to work too, until he decided to join in, leaning forward putting his chin on her seat. His face was too close to hers. She shifted her body so she was sitting sideways with her back to the window. Knowing she had no interest in this insignificant boy.

"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" Mike asked.

"Yes," I answered. "But Bella doesn't like music."

She stared at me surprised… she'd never told me that… my father did. He mentioned that when she was in her zombie state that she threw out all of her CDs. I was certain it was because they all reminded her of him and I wouldn't do anything that would do that.

"Bella?" Mike asked, annoyed.

"He's right," she mumbled, still looking at me.

"How can you not like music?" Mike demanded.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It just irritates me."

"Hmph," Mike leaned away.

When we got to the theatre, I handed her a ten-dollar bill.

"What's this?" she objected.

"I'm not old enough to get into this one," I reminded her.

This probably should bother me –showing my age –but it really didn't. Things were different with Bella and I, it was an issue at this point, but I knew it wouldn't be for long. The age difference would become a non-issue before long.

She laughed out loud. "So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?"

"No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence."

She snickered, and Mike quickened his pace to keep up with us.

The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, four people got blown up and one go beheaded. The girl in front of Bella put her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her date's chest. He patted her shoulder, and winced occasionally, too. Mike didn't look like he was watching. His face was stiff as he glared toward the fringe of the curtain above the screen.

We settled in to endure two hours, watching carefully as the people were being hacked up. But it was ridiculous and so unrealistic… I couldn't help but snicker.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Oh, c'mon!" I hissed back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?"

Chuckling again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall.

After that, she really watched the show, laughing with me, as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. This was certainly making us closer, getting along as well as we did. It seemed she had nothing in common with this Mike character, and he was no threat.

About half way through the movie, Mike leaned forward and put his head in his hands. At first I thought he was a wimp and reacting to something in the movie, but then he moaned.

"Mike, are you okay?" Bella whispered.

The couple in front of us turned to look at him as he groaned again.

"No," he gasped. "I think I'm sick."

Mike groaned again, and bolted for the door. Bella got up to follow him… I did the same.

"No, stay," she whispered. "I'll make sure he's okay."

Following her anyway.

"You don't have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage," she insisted as we walked up the aisle.

"That's okay. You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks," my voice rose from a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the theater.

There was no sign of Mike in the hallway, and she was glad that I had come with her, as I ducked into the men's bathroom to check for him there. Sure enough he was there and not in good shape. Proceeding back out to inform Bella.

"Oh, he's in there, all right," I said, rolling my eyes. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit."

"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that."

We were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was deserted –quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession counter in the lobby. I wasn't about to let this guy ruin our evening, so I went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, patting the space beside me.

"He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," I said, stretching my legs out in front of me as I settled to wait.

Bella joined me with a sigh. As soon as she sat down I shifted my weight towards her putting my arm around her shoulder.

"Jake," she protested, leaning away.

I wasn't bothered, I reached out and took her hand firmly in mine, wrapping my other hand around her wrist when she tried to pull away again.

"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," I said in a calm voice. "Tell me something."

She grimaced. She didn't want to hear anything, not now. But I was determined.

"What?" she muttered sourly.

"You like me, right?"

"You know I do."

"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" gesturing toward the bathroom door.

"Yes," she sighed.

"Better than any of the other guys you know?" I was calm, serene, because I already knew the answer.

"Better than the girls, too," she pointed out.

"But that's all," I said, and it wasn't a question.

"Yes," she whispered.

Grinning down at her. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good-looking –sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."

"I'm not going to change," she said.

I was thoughtful, no longer teasing. "It's still the other one, isn't it?"

She cringed. I knew better than to use his name. Not wanting to make her sad, I wouldn't push the subject.

"You don't have to talk about it," I told her.

She nodded, grateful.

"But don't get mad at me for hanging around, okay?" patting the back of her hand. "Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."

She sighed. "You shouldn't waste it on me," she said.

Sensing she didn't want me to give up, I wouldn't. Waiting as long as I had to and one day she would come around to realize what we could have.

"It's what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me."

"I can't imagine how I could not like being with you," she told me honestly.

I beamed. "I can live with that."

"Just don't expect more," she warned me, trying to pull her hand away. Holding onto it tightly, I refused to let it go.

"This doesn't really bother you, does it?" I demanded, squeezing her fingers.

"No," she sighed.

"And you don't care what he thinks," jerking my thumb toward the bathroom.

"I guess not."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem," she said. "Is that it means something different to me than it does to you."

"Well," tightening my hand around hers. "That's my problem, isn't it?"

"Fine," she grumbled. "Don't forget, though."

"I won't. The pin's out of the grenade for me, now, eh?" poking her in the ribs.

She rolled her eyes. I chuckled quietly for a minute while my pinky finger absently traced designs against the side of her hand.

"That's a funny scar you've got there," I suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it. "How did that happen?"

With my index finger of my free hand, I followed the line of the long silvery crescent that was barely visible against her pale skin.

She scowled. "Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?"

"It's cold," I murmured, pressing lightly against it.

And then Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered in sweat.

"Oh, Mike," Bella gasped.

"Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered.

"No, of course not," she pulled her hand free and went to help Mike walk.

"Movie too much for you?" I asked heartlessly.

He glared at me. "I didn't actually see any of it," he mumbled. "I was nauseated before the lights went down."

"Why didn't you say something?" she scolded him as they staggered toward the exit.

"I was hoping it would pass," he said.

"Just a sec," I said as we reached the door. Walking quickly back to the concession stand.

"Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?" I asked the salesgirl. She looked at Mike once, and then thrust a bucket at me.

"Get him outside, please," she begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor.

Bella towed Mike out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. I was right behind them. Helping her get Mike into the back of the car I handed him the bucket with a serious gaze.

"Please," was all I said.

We rolled down the windows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Mike, so he wouldn't threw up in my car. Bella curled her arms around her legs to keep warm.

"Cold, again?" I asked, putting my arm around her before she could answer.

"You're not?"

Shaking my head.

"You must have a fever or something," she grumbled. She was freezing. She touched my forehead.

"Whoa, Jake –you're burning up!"

"I feel fine," I shrugged. "Fit as a fiddle."

She frowned and touched my head again. Her hand was freezing.

"Your hands are like ice," I complained.

"Maybe it's me," she allowed.

Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. Checking anxiously over my shoulder to make sure my car wasn't defiled.

The road felt longer on the way back.

Remaining quiet I left my arm around her to keep her warm. Anything I could do to make her feel better I would. No matter what she thought about me I would still be there for her, wherever or however I could.

She stared out the windshield also quiet.

We arrived back at Bella's house. Bella drove Mike home in his Suburban, while I followed behind to take her home. We remained quiet all the way back to Bella's house. Suddenly I was beginning to feel a bit weird and wondered if I caught what Mike had.

"I would invite myself in, since we're early," I said as we pulled up next to her truck. "But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel a little… strange."

"Oh no, not you, too!" Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No," I shook my head. "I don't feel sick yet. Just… wrong. If I have to, I'll pull over."

"Will you call me as soon as you get in?" she asked anxiously.

"Sure, sure," I frowned, staring ahead into the darkness and biting my lip.

She opened her door to get out, but I grabbed her wrist lightly and held her there.

"What is it, Jake?"

"There's something I want to tell you, Bella… but I think it's going to sound kind of corny."

She sighed. "Go ahead."

"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down –I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"

"Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know."

A smile spread across my face. Already presuming that she needed me, that somehow I made her life better by being her friend. And someday she would change her mind about me, and I'd wait. But I wouldn't tolerate her seeing someone else, I'm not sure I can handle that.

"I really think I'd better go home now," I said.

"Call me!" she yelled as I pulled away.

Pulling away I drove down the street. Bella disappeared in my rearview mirror. The further I drove the stranger I felt. It wasn't exactly sickness, just this weird vibrating throughout my body. Driving faster I attempted to get home before the throwing up began. Finally I made it to our road, but not before the feeling of pins and needles began stabbing me all over my body. Parking the car I made my way into the house.

Opening the front door I went in. My father wheeled his way over to me. He was staring at me in that annoying way he seems to lately. Not wanting to deal with him right now, I really didn't feel like myself. I collapsed on the couch.

When the phone began ringing my father made no move to answer it, and I couldn't move to get. By the eighth ring he finally picked it up.

"Hello?" he asked.

He paused for a moment, and I knew it was Bella, I'd forgotten to call her.

"He's here," my father said.

Not being able to hear anything anymore the pain was getting awful, and it was getting hotter in here.

My father hung up the phone and wheeled his way over to me.

"You look strange," my father said.

Feeling strange, I didn't know what was happening, and hearing him talking was not helping. In fact, it was down right annoying. The room was getting hotter and hotter. Rage was washing threw me like never before, the anger was getting so bad, so strong it was making my whole body shake.

To my horror and shock, the shaking got worse and my body began to fall apart. Terrified I screamed for help from my father, but he just sat there. One second to change me, one second was all it took to change my life forever. It felt as if I had exploded… from the inside out… and I knew this was it… I knew I was dying.

As fast as it happened it was over. I didn't explode, I didn't fly apart into pieces and I wasn't dead. But there was something else wrong and I couldn't understand what it was. My shape wasn't right. My head was hitting the ceiling, were they going to blame this on a growth sprit? Looking down from the top of the room I saw my father sitting in his wheel chair. The shaking had stopped, but the anger and rage was still there. Everything was still hot and red.

Attempting to yell at my father, I wanted an explanation, but my voice was now a growl. Something more like a howling. Taking a step forward, the entire house began to shake. Needing to know what was going on, my lips pulled back over my teeth and the howling started again. Reaching for my father to shake him and demand to know what was happening, I noticed the fur. The closer I examined the claw in front of me I realized that it belong to me. Instead of my hand I had a claw. Terrified a yelp came through my teeth again.

My father spoke to me as if I were a child, slow and soothing, telling me to be calm, that everything is okay. Okay! Everything was not okay! What was he talking about? I had paws instead of hands, how could everything be okay? Why wasn't he surprised? Why wasn't he freaking out? Was he expecting this? Why didn't he warn me if he knew this was going to happen?

He edged his way to the phone and called someone. Who could he be calling? At that moment he said Sam's name. Sending me into a deeper rage then I was already in. How could he phone him of all people? Moving I ended up right in my fathers face, he looked frightened; I was aching to bite. Jerking myself back I heard that frightened yelp again.

Suddenly there were voices in my head. This was it… insanity… I'd finally gone off the deep end. Along with the voices came images and emotions. So this is what it feels like to be crazy, I'd always wondered if people knew they were crazy, apparently so. But within seconds of hearing the voices and seeing the images, I understood. Seeing the explanation behind the words, the answer to my questions. Werewolf. I'm a monster.

As the voices became clearer I picked one out. It was the voice of my former friend Embry. His voice stood out the most, even though there was no sound. He seemed relieved to have me with him now. Sam allowed him to explain. My father squeezed by me to open the front door as Embry talked me out of the house. Seeing the others for the first time, they were so big and horrifying. How could this be? And now I was just like them.

The night was long as they stream the stories and legends through my mind. Everything I'd been told or heard was true and was all my factual history. This was an absolute nightmare, one I would never wake up from. I'm a monster, worse than a horror movie. That's when they began telling me why this happened. This was the worst part. The vampires were real, too. It's their fault I've turned into this thing. How can vampires be real, it wasn't true, it couldn't be.

As the nightmare continued, the worst part of this nightmare was still to come. It was unbelievable, impossible, how could they expect me to accept this.

_Jacob, it's about Bella! _Embry said.

Looking at him. Her name caught my attention.

_What about her?_ I said.

_Bella was in love with one of them. The Cullen's were the vampires that made us what we are,_ Embry said.

_No! That's impossible! No!_

_It's the truth, Jacob,_ Embry pleaded.

_No! I refuse to believe that,_ I said angrily.

_Edward Cullen is a vampire, and…_ Embry cut short.

_And what?_

It was silent for a moment.

_And what? _I demanded.

_Bella knew all about it,_ Embry said quietly.

_No! I'll never believe that. No!_ I repeated.

Somewhere deep inside I knew it was true, all of it. This answered so many questions I had about her. Apologizing for bleeding all the time, the sudden movements she would make when I touched her. The way she was always afraid to touch me. This answered a lot for me, and I knew it was true.

How could she grieve for him? What had he done to make her feel so bad when he left? He was a monster who came from a line of monsters and she knew all along. I guess we weren't a close as I thought, since she never felt the need to tell me about him. All this time she was suffering over a monster. The thought sickened me.

Sam finally began to speak.

_Jacob, yes you're a monster, but you're one of the good ones,_ he said.

_That doesn't help,_ I answered.

_We exist to protect our families against the bad monsters,_ Sam explains.

_That's really not much of a comfort, Sam._

_I know Jacob, but we are legendary protectors now, we exist to keep our tribe alive and well, that's our only job, now,_ Sam continued.

_I have to see Bella!_ I exclaimed.

_You can't,_ Sam said.

_What do you mean I can't?_ I said angrily. Who was he, to tell me what I could and couldn't do?

_I'll take this one Sam. Jacob, you can't be around normal people right now. It's too early… you're too new. If you lost control… you could kill her. Maybe in six months… a year… maybe. But for now you'll have to go to school to keep up appearances, but that's it, it's school and us. That's your life now. I'm sorry Jacob, really, but I am glad I have you now,_ Embry said.

_I'll see anyone I want to, anytime I want to,_ I protested.

Sam brought memories to my mind that played out like a movie with an ending I already knew. Sam began to remember a time he changed into a wolf. Seeing him plead with Emily I heard the answer that sent him into an irrational fury. Fury that was a hallmark and curse of every wolves' existence. He exploded out, his hand still extended toward her. I watched his claws cut into her face. She fell to the ground, unconscious. He was so panicked and terrified, he couldn't change back to help her. She looked like she was dying, the pain of the memory made me throw up, even though I knew she survived. Jared and Paul rush in to help, bringing Sue Clearwater –an RN the best choice available when one of the hospital staff is a vampire. Sue took care of Emily while Sam writhed in agony in the forest, hiding, still unable to calm himself enough to change back…

They were right I couldn't see Bella and risk anything happening to her. My promise to her would go unkempt. I was going to hurt her… just as he did.

Sam's memory continued to it's close, which is where I saw him change back. I copy what he did and calmed myself. Shimmering back into my true shape, I was back to normal. Naked and sick, I curled up in the dark and began to cry as I'd never cried before in my life.

Everyone else was surprised, taking them days, even weeks to figure out how to make the change. I had done it so quickly, without thought.

In the morning everything was still the same, but my world had changed, and appeared different. Feeling relatively the same as I always did, yet somehow different. This was a lot to swallow and I wished someone had mentioned this to me sooner. My body hurt all over, and I'm guessing that when I changed into that monster, my insides took a beating, which explained the aching I was feeling. Pondering everything that had taken place last night, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered weakly.

"Oh, Jake," she groaned sympathetically. "You sound horrible."

"I feel horrible," I whispered as reality sunk in quickly.

"I'm so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks."

"I'm glad I went," still whispering. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."

"You'll get better soon," she promised. "I woke up this morning, and I was fine."

"You were sick?" I asked dully.

"Yes, I got it, too. But I'm fine now."

"That's good."

"So you'll probably be better in a few hours," she encouraged. If only that were true.

"I don't think I have the same thing you did."

"Don't you have the stomach flu?" she asked.

"No. This is something else."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Everything," I whispered. "Every part of me hurts."

Truth pouring out of me, not only did my body hurt, my heart was also in pain realizing I had to let her go.

"What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?"

"Nothing. You can't come here," I said abruptly.

She couldn't know the truth. I couldn't bear having her around such a vile creature as I was now. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her.

"I've already been exposed to whatever you have," she pointed out.

She couldn't come here, there's no telling what might happen, and I couldn't let her see me like this. She could never see the monster I'd become.

"I'll call you when I can. I'll let you know when you can come down again."

"Jacob…"

"I've got to go," I said urgently. I could feel the anger returning.

"Call me when you feel better."

"Right," I agreed, like I'd ever feel better again. She better not wait for that call.

"I'll see you soon," she finally said.

"Wait for me to call," I said again.

"Okay… Bye, Jacob."

"Bella," After I whispered her name I had to hang up.

Wanting to tell her everything, feeling the desire to have her know, I knew I couldn't, so I hung up the phone before something slipped through my lips that I'd regret. Feeling the anger building I knew right away what was happening… again. Running out the front door, not wanting to be near my dad when this happened. After seeing what happened to Emily, what Sam had done to her… that couldn't happen to me.

When I reached the porch, the shaking became violent and the change was taking place. Lasting only a few seconds it felt longer. Once the change was complete the voices rallied in my head. Paul was the one voice easily picked out. He was asked how I was doing. What could I say, I was angry, and I didn't have to say anything, they already knew how I felt. They could hear everything I was feeling. Having no privacy was going to take some time to get use to. Everything was going to take time to get use to.

After all this, after everything I'd been shown and told. There was more. How could there be more? How could this get any worse? Sensing they were holding back, trying hard not to think about what else they needed to tell me. It was apparent that this wasn't good news, that what they had to say would anger me more.

_Jacob, there's something you need to know, _Paul said quietly.

_What else, Paul? What else could there be? How can this get any worse? _ I said with chagrin.

_Jacob, it can get a lot worse, but I want you to remain calm. You're already worked up. You need to calm down. Please,_ Sam pleaded.

_Fine. Give me a minute,_ I answered.

Running over to the forest I paced back and forth for a minute. Wanting to hear this in person, I needed to be in human form. Calming myself enough I shimmered back. Of course, that left me standing there naked and exposed to the world. Sam came with a set of clothes for me.

He paced back and forth while I got dressed. He seemed distracted, almost upset. Hard to believe that he would be my saving grace –after hating him so much –I had to rely on him now. After finding this out, I finally understood him with some kind of comprehension. This did not make it any better, it was not easy to forget the anger and hate I had for him.

He turned to look at me after I was dressed, with anguish in his eyes. He appeared bothered, disturbed somehow.

"What is it? Just be straight with me!" I asked pointedly.

"Jacob, I wish we had more time. I wish we didn't have to rush this," Sam said.

"Whatever, Sam. Just tell me, whatever it is, just tell me," I said angry.

"Fine. The Cullen's are gone that's true, and they are what they are, hopefully they won't be back. But we have another problem at the moment… they weren't the only ones," Sam explained.

"What do you mean?"

"There are others, two others in the immediate area. One male… one female. They've been hunting in our area, and we have to stop them," Sam answered.

This didn't sound too bad, at all. The thought of sinking my teeth into one of them sounded like the perfect solution to me. Of all the things that had been shared with me in the last twenty-four, this was the best news of all. Getting the chance to fight some vampires –even if it wasn't the one I wanted to –sounded like a good thing to me.

"When do we go?" I said.

"We have a bit of work to do first," Sam answered.

"What kind of work?" I asked.

While we were talking, the others made their way over to us, joining in on the conversation.

"Well, I'm impressed with how you could change back so quickly. It might not be as much work as I thought. The hardest thing for everyone here was changing. Learning how to change was the hardest thing for us all. But you seem to be in control. It's impressive." Sam admired.

"It's not that hard. I just watched what you did and copied it," I said.

"Well it was hard for the rest of us, Jacob. I was stuck for a week," Paul spoke up.

"Can you change back now?" Sam asked.

"If I wanted to, I know what triggers it, so I could. I suppose."

"Why did you run out of the house?" Sam asked.

"Because I felt it coming on. And I didn't want to be near my dad, after what I saw happen to…"

Everyone gasped, I couldn't figure out what the big deal was. It's not as if my brain stopped working, I knew the consequences of changing when he was around.

"That's far more progressive then any of us were in twenty-four hours. It's impressive. Let's change back and we can give you the low down on the two that are still in the area, and everything else. The responsibilities that come with what we are now. Alright," Sam said.

"Sure. Give me a minute," I asked.

"Sure thing," Sam said. "We'll be out front the house when you're ready. Let's go."

They all went with Sam and left me standing there. My trigger was anger and all I needed to do was think of Bella. Knowing I would never able to see her again was all I needed to trigger me to change. She could never know the monster I'd become.

The violent shaking started again, but it was getting easier, not as painful. Before I knew it I was the wolf again. Hearing the voices waiting by the front of the house where they said they'd be. Hearing their thoughts I was certain they could hear mine, that was such a strange feeling. It seemed impossible, but somehow it was real. These four other people would know exactly what I was feeling and thinking from this moment on. It didn't seem right, I didn't want them to know everything about me, and I certainly didn't want to know everything about them. How would we exist like this?

_It's hard, but you get use to it, and when we run patrol and protect our people, it's worth it. It reminds us of why this happened to us, _Paul spoke up again.

_So what about the two in the area? What are they doing here?_ I asked.

_We don't know. There are things about vampires we need to show you. You need to know everything we know,_ Sam piped in.

He began showing me everything about them. They were very quick being able to run faster than us. Their skin was as hard as stone; the only thing that could penetrate them was our teeth, but we had to be careful not to let them bite us, because their teeth contained venom that was poisonous to us. They could swim very fast, and remain underwater for long periods, because they didn't have to breath. They had many abilities, probably more than we knew about. If not our enemies, I would have been impressed.

It was hard grasping the idea that Bella knew all about them. How could she be with a monster such as he was? The heartache she had when he left played out in my mind again and again.

_I know this hard for you to hear, Jacob. But the night I found her in the forest was the worst thing I'd ever seen. She was so broken and battered, not physically, but emotionally. I'm not sure what he did to her for her to react this way, but I knew we had lost her to them,_ Sam spoke up.

He showed me the night of the search. How he found Bella crumpled up on the floor of the forest… lying in a pool of mud and water… she seemed half dead. It was a lot worse than I had imagined. The pain and the anguish I felt ripped through me. I hated him… hated him for doing that to her. How could he do that to her? And how could she love him the way she did?

That night we began running patrol after getting my assignment I ran with Paul. No matter where we were everyone could hear us… hear our thoughts. It was sinking in, how I would never have privacy again. Not as long as I was a werewolf. My life would never be the same or normal, again. This was a lot to handle. How would I deal with this? Without my best friend to help me, for that's what she'd become over the past month, I shared everything with her… I loved her. Now I would never see her again. How could this be happening?

_I know how hard this is, Jacob. I wish I could have had you when this happened to me. It was scary and confusing, but after a while I got use to it. Now it's kind of cool,_ Paul began explaining.

_There's nothing about this is cool… well, maybe the fact we get to kill the vampires, that's kind of cool. But other than that, this sucks,_ I said angrily.

_I know, I'm sorry, Jacob. I'm really sorry I didn't warn you,_ Paul said apologetically.

_Why didn't you tell me?_ I asked.

_We're not allowed to. Believe me I tried. But we can't go against Sam. He's the leader and what he says goes. Try it sometime, try to go against what he says, you'll see what I mean. He has some kind of power over us and we can't go against him. The rules say we can't tell anyone. Never discuss this with anyone. Ever,_ Paul explained.

_Then how come my father knows? _I asked.

_Because he is part of the council… the whole council knows. A few others, but that's it. No one can ever know about us, Jacob,_ Paul exclaimed.

We'll just see about all of that. I would try to go against Sam, see what happens. No way was I going to follow suit all of my life, or existence, or whatever it was we had now.

_Try, you'll see!_ Paul said again.

_Stop that!_ I demanded.

_I can't, sorry,_ Paul hung his head.

_I didn't mean to yell at you,_ I apologized.

_It's okay, like I said; you'll get use to it. It takes a while,_ Paul looked at me concerned.

We ran patrol for the rest of the night in silence. Pondering over all the information that was revealed to me in the last day. It was unbelievable, hard to come to terms with it. It was also hard to come to terms with the fact that I would never see her again. She had become the most important thing in my life and I wasn't sure that I was able to let her go. But I had to, there was no possible way I would put her in danger. Not like he did. I would not be like him… not ever.

The night ended and so did our surveillance. We were able to go home to eat and get some sleep. My father had food waiting when I returned. He was sympathetic, but I was still angry with him. Angry that he never told me… or at the very least warned me.

"Jacob, I couldn't warn you," He said.

"Yes, you could have. Screw the rules. I'm your son," I said angrily.

"No, I couldn't. We weren't sure it would happen to you," he answered.

"Still you could have said something. Is this why you were looking at me weird all these months," I shouted.

"Yes. I had a feeling this would come about for you. You should be proud, Jacob. You are a legend now. It's a proud moment," he beamed.

"I don't feel proud, right now. I'm going to bed."

As I stood the phone began ringing. My father went to answer it. He paused looking at the caller I.D. He picked up the receiver.

"Hello," he said.

Wondering who it was. Why he was so hesitant to pick it up. What now?

"He's still sleeping, Bella," he said.

No wonder he was hesitant.

"Yes, he's seen a doctor. He's still really sick and not up for visitors. I'll have him call you when he can," he hung up the phone.

"That's going to be a problem," he said as he wheeled toward me.

"I know," turning I headed for my room.

What was I going to do about Bella? How do I cut her out of my life? She wasn't going to go away that easy, it was going to take some time to think of something. Having to hurt her, break my promise was excruciating. Not wanting to be the same as him, leaving her crumpled in pain. But I saw no other choice… I couldn't put her in danger… not like he did.


	10. Chapter 10

THE MEADOW

Days passed and Bella kept calling, several times a day. We just let it ring, not knowing what to say to her. How would I hurt her like that? There was no escaping her, and I couldn't find the words to actually let her go. This was so annoying. How would I break her heart, again? I wouldn't do it… I couldn't. Two days passed and it wasn't getting any easier.

On Saturday she decided to come by the house. Standing in the forest I watched painfully as she drove up to the house and got out. She went to the front door and knocked. No one would answer… no one would answer ever again… not for her. It broke my heart not being able to go to her, to tell her everything. To see her drive off, for what may very well be the last time I'd ever see her. My heart broke into pieces as I watched her red truck –the one I'd built for her –pull down the driveway. Then the voices started. Not even realizing that I changed.

_This is why you can't see her, Jacob,_ Sam said.

_Why? _I shouted.

_Because you didn't even know you had changed. That's very dangerous for people. You know that, you saw that,_ he explained.

_I know… but…_ I pleaded.

_Jacob, It's breaking your heart. I understand. There's no but! Would you really risk her like that? _he questioned.

_No… I suppose your right. Not that I like it,_ I conceded.

_None of us like it, but it's our life now. We have to accept that,_ he said solemnly.

_Will it always be like this? Will we always be these monsters? _I asked, not certain I wanted an answer.

_No. We'll be like this as long as the vampires are a danger to our people. If they leave for a proficient amount of time we return to normal,_ he explained.

_So we don't have to be monsters forever,_ I asked, excited.

Sparking me for the first time since all of this happened. It was possible to be with Bella again, things could work out for us. If we got rid of these two, maybe that would be enough. Perhaps that would be enough to scare off anyone else who may come. And after what he had done to her, I was certain the Cullen's wouldn't dare show their faces around here again. So there was no need to worry about their return. This was how, how I would return to her. Get rid of the vampires and I would be normal again.

_Jacob, you're getting ahead of yourself. It's not going to be that easy. I wish it were,_ Sam interceded my thoughts.

_I know, but I can try. It's worth a try to get our lives back. Isn't it?_ I said.

_I suppose. But remember we have a job to do, no matter how long it takes. And you know the rules, Jacob. Keep this to yourself. No one must know. Ever,_ he warned me.

There was something about the way he said that. It made me feel funny. Feeling as though I couldn't say anything accept 'yes' to him. It was as if he had some kind of power over me… but not completely. This must be what Paul was talking about before when he told me to try and refuse Sam. I wasn't able to refuse him. Not able to say 'no' to him.

A week went by and Bella was giving up. She only phoned three times this week. Wondering what she must've been thinking, she was probably so angry with me. She would never forgive me for this, and I wouldn't blame her. Hoping she would give up and stop trying, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to send her away. I knew I couldn't.

Attempting not to think about her when I was a wolf, I didn't want to share that part of myself with them. They didn't need to know how much this was tearing me apart. But it was hard and pieces would slip through every now and then. They would ignore me, which I was grateful for, I didn't want to explain this to them.

After running patrol for the day, I went home to relax for a while.

"Bella called again today," my father commented as I walked in the house.

"Yeah," I said trying to sound casual.

"I told her you would call her," he said.

"Sure," I said as I sat down to dinner.

"You should end this, Jacob. Tell her something, anything," he scolded.

"What would you like me to tell her… hey, Bella, I'm a werewolf now, so I can't see you anymore… sorry," I yelled back.

"Tell her you have a girlfriend, tell her your bored with her, tell her anything to get her to go away," he said with concern.

"No… I… won't… lie to her. I won't… hurt her like… he did. Understand. She couldn't take it. You saw her last time, Dad. Do you think I could do that to her, too," I answered.

He looked at me pleading. "You can't avoid her forever, son. You'll have to tell her something sooner or later. Best to get it over with."

"I know… I know. I'm going to rest for a while, before I have to go out again. We'll talk about this later."

My father was right, this inevitable conversation would happen sooner or later. The longer I waited, the harder it would be, for her and me. What would I tell her? It's so cliché to say I have a girlfriend, and she'd probably find out I was lying anyways. Having nothing, no reason good enough to break her heart, there was nothing I was capable of telling her.

Pulling me from my thoughts, I heard my father calling.

"Jacob," he yelled.

Walking out of the bedroom, he was rushing his words.

"They need you… you have to hurry… go, son," he said urgently.

No more words were said as I flew out the front door, changing into the monster, I leaped of the porch. Immediately they were in my head, shouting so many things at once. Confusing me at first, but after a few minutes it became clearer.

_Up the mountain… hurry! _Sam yelled.

Hearing their voices I ran faster to catch up with them_. _Within a few short minutes, I was running along side of them, going through the forest at top speed. Catching up with Sam, he shared with me what was happening.

_Jared and I were running patrol when we came across the scent of the male. He's back. Take a whiff, Jacob, _Sam ordered.

Following his orders I took a deep breath through my nose, it burned and reeked bad.

_Can you smell him?_ Sam asked.

_Whoo! Sure can, that reeks,_ I said wrinkling my nose.

_I know, that's how we track them. Follow your nose it will lead right to him,_ Sam continued.

We flew up the mountain in mere minutes. Jared took the lead, as he had the best sight, he could already see the vampire in a small meadow. Showing us all through his thoughts. Wondering if this was Bella's meadow, we were on the same course we had taken. We began to slow down following the scent more carefully.

_We want to try and sneak up on him,_ Sam announced.

Approaching slowly, Jared saw the vampire talking to someone, but couldn't quite make out who it was, yet. We edged closer to get a better look.

Shock and horror spread through me, the person he was talking to was Bella. Assuming right –this was her meadow –she had come on her own. Hurrying forward, Sam stopped me.

_Jacob, wait. We can't do anything, _Sam ordered.

Stunned and confused, I stopped to stare at him.

_We're off our treaty land,_ Sam says.

_So what, he's killed, he's a danger,_ I yelled at him.

_Yes, he's broken the treaty with his killings, but you can't prove it –you didn't witness it. We can't start a war, Jacob,_ Sam warns.

_I don't care! He's going to kill Bella, and I won't stand for that. Do you hear me Sam… I won't stand by and do nothing,_ remaining calm, but stern.

_All right, we can protect her. Let's go,_ Sam ordered.

Pushing forward closer to the meadow, we wanted to take him by surprise so there would be no escape. Bella was in the worst danger of her life –at this moment I was proud to be a werewolf, and that I could save her.

This vampire took a step toward her as she was attempting to ease back. Their conversation was becoming hostile and something had to be done before it was too late.

That's when he saw us –having great eyesight; too- I put that on my list of their abilities. He froze where he stood, shocked and horrified. Bella didn't move an inch. Backing up slowly he was astonished, catching him by surprise, he was afraid.

Jared eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward the vampire. Flanking on either side of him were Sam and Paul. Being the closest to Bella –so close she could touch me –if she knew who I was. Taking up the last two spots were Embry and I, forming a V shape. Everyone had their eyes locked on the vampire; except for me I was watching Bella. She gasped and jumped back at the sight of us. She appeared horrified and frozen where she stood. She waited anxiously for me to pounce on her. Angering me she was waiting for death, believing she'd be ripped apart by monsters, there was nothing I could do to comfort her. Accept stop him from killing her.

Broken hearted I stared at her wishing she would figure out, who I was, and know she was safe. Sam's growl caught my attention… I whipped my head back toward the vampire who was about to die.

The vampire stared at us with unconcealed shock and fear. Without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees. We were after him in a second, bounding across the open grass in a few strides, snarling and snapping. We caught him after only a few minutes. He wasn't as fast as the stories made us believe.

He was easy prey taking him apart in short order. This seemed easy, easier than all the legends I'd been filled with. Was this because there were five of us? It didn't seem like it since Sam and I did most of the work. Perhaps the stories were wrong and vampires weren't as tough as we were led to believe.

_Well that wasn't so hard, _I said.

_It's a lot easier when there are five of us. It would be a lot harder if there were less. Hopefully, this will be the last of us,_ Sam shared.

_What does that mean, the last of us? _I questioned.

_The more vampires that come around, the more of us there are,_ Sam offered.

_You mean this is going to happen to someone else?_ I asked.

_Probably, there are a lot of vampires that appear to like Forks these days._ Sam said.

_Who's next?_ I demanded.

Everyone was silent, not a thought amongst them.

_Who? _I shouted.

_It would appear to be Quil… but, we can't be sure, Jacob, _Embry answered.

_We have to tell him… to warn him,_ I panicked.

_We can't tell him anything. We just have to watch and wait, just as we did with you, Jacob. It's the only way. If we tell him, and he doesn't change, then we've broken our own treaty,_ Sam answered.

_Who cares about some dumb treaty that we had no part of. He's our friend… he needs us,_ I shouted.

_And if it happens for him, we'll be there for him, as we were for you. That's how it's done, and that's how it will always be. I know this is hard, but please try and understand Jacob. It's for the protection of our tribe… our people,_ Sam explained.

Putting it that way there was no way I could refuse. Who was I to decide what was right for our people… I was just a kid. Or at least I was until a couple of weeks ago. My wisdom held no measure for those who came before me. I would continue to honor our treaty, even though I didn't like it.

We had finished our job, taken care of the vampire, but I was still horrified at the thought of Bella being alone in the woods.

_Sam, could Embry and I go and make sure that Bella gets back to her truck okay? _I asked softly.

_Sure, make sure she's safe, Jacob. I know it will ease your mind,_ Sam agreed.

_Thank you. _

Embry and I ran back through the forest. When we were close enough to see her we held back. She was horrified and panicked, but still managed to make her way down the mountain. When she was in her truck and safely heading home, we turned back and ran.

_What is it with this girl, Jacob? Can she not stay away from these vile creatures?_ Embry asked.

_Shut up Embry, _I said with chagrin.

_I'm sorry. But really, first she dates one, now she's almost dinner for one. What's with that?_

_Honestly, I think she's a magnet for danger. It follows her wherever she goes. You should have seen her riding that motorcycle. It was quite a sight,_ I answered.

_I did, sorry… But you were thinking about it when we were on patrol,_ he said sympathetically.

_Right, still not use to that one. We'd better get home for some rest; we'll be on patrol before you know it,_ I said.

_All right, I'll see you later._

_Bye,_ I returned.

Arriving home my father wanted to know what happened. He was horrified when I told him how Bella was involved.

"Jacob, she's Charlie's daughter. If anything happened to her, it would kill him," he said.

"I know, dad. I took care of it. And since I'm running patrol in the day, I'm going to watch their house at night. I'm not taking any chances with her. She will be safe, and Charlie, too. I promise," I answered.

"Does Sam know about this?" he asked.

"Probably, and if he doesn't, he will tonight," I returned.

"You should discuss this with him, he's your leader."

"I'm not discussing anything, I'll do my job for him, but what I do on my own time is mine. It's my business no one else's," I said sternly.

My father didn't say another word, which was surprising. Going to my room, I collapsed on the bed. Behind my lids I could only see Bella's terrified face in the meadow. She was appalled –more horrified by my new face than she was by the red-eyed, hunting vampire. How would she explain this to herself? What does she think she saw?

Before I knew it, I woke from the nightmare I was having. It involved the vampire whose name I never spoke, Bella and I. Finally coming face to face with each other, Bella was in the middle being pulled by both of us. Is this what would happen if he were to return? Somehow I doubted that, as I would surely rip his head…

Jumping out of the bedroom, I went to the living room, where my father was watching the ball game.

"Did you rest well?" he asked.

"No, not really."

"Do you want something to eat before you go?"

"Sure, thanks," I said.

My father went right to work making me a couple of sandwiches. Things sure have changed around here, it use to be me who took care of him, now he was too eager to take care of me. My father was proud of what I had become; I wished I could share his enthusiasm. For now, I would be thankful that I could protect Bella –this pleased me. If I were the old Jacob, she would be dead.

When I finished eating I left the house. Changing to the wolf I ran straight for Bella's house. All was quiet when I arrived. Sweeping the forest searching for any sign of the redheaded vampire, there was nothing. No one had been near the Swan home. Stopping in the forest I looked up at her bedroom window. She would be sleeping now, probably afraid after what she saw in the meadow.

Wondering what she thought, how terrified she must have been. Wishing there was some way to explain this to her, I knew there wasn't. I guess if I couldn't see her, it was enough to make certain she was safe. Running her house every night until this annoying bloodsucker was taken care of.

Running patrol every day with Embry and her house every night didn't leave much time for anything else. This had become my live now, but I wasn't bothered, as long as she was safe, I was happy to do it. When the others saw my memories of telling Bella about our legends, they were upset. But since she didn't believe the stories –except for one –they weren't that worried. Since the vampires who agreed to the treaty were gone, it didn't mean a war.

Obeying the order Sam had given me –not to tell Bella –was proving to be difficult. Sam had given me these orders in wolf form and when he did I could feel the layer of authority running through the thought. This is what Embry spoke of when he told me to refuse Sam.

Wanting to see her, to explain everything to her was becoming difficult to hide while in wolf form. The elders were worried that I would break the treaty. Keeping my distance from her was the only way, but she was persistent, probably growing angrier by the day. She would have to give up soon… this couldn't continue forever… could it? Refusing her phones calls and refusing to see her would have to work. Telling her to leave face to face was not an option… I wouldn't be able to break her heart that way.

A week passed with no phone calls from Bella. Had she given up on me… finally? I hoped she had, as I hated to hurt her like he did. Becoming no better than him, leaving her hurt and sad, with no one to talk to. Truly I had become a monster, no different than him.

This was my life now, admiring her from a distance. Never being able to be close to her again. We would never talk, ride motorcycles or hang out as we had before. Could I accept this? Was seeing her from afar going to be enough?

While patrolling with Sam and the others, we received news from my father that Bella was parked out front my house. She was prepared to wait there until I showed up. Sam didn't want me talking to her, insisting on sending Paul and Embry to take care of this.

_Jacob, I think we should send them. You can't handle this yet. It'll be too hard for you, _Sam said concerned.

_I think I can. I think I'll be okay. I can do it,_ I answered.

_Okay, but your going to half to remain calm. It's not going to be easy. Are you sure you can do this? You've seen what can happen, _Sam said.

_Yes, I can do this. Besides it has to come from me, she'll never believe anyone but me. It's the only way she'll stay away. I'm sure of that. It has to come from me,_ I confessed.

_Fine, we'll be close by just in case,_ Sam said.

Running back to my house we remained in the forest until we were all human again. Looking out of the forest I could see her truck. She was settled in for what seemed like a long wait. She had her feet up on the dashboard and was writing something. Seeing her pained me… but knowing what I had to do… was even more painful.

When Bella came into view, Sam had lingering doubts about me handling this situation. He was thinking of Emily and I couldn't ignore him. It was difficult to argue with him, but I knew I was right. I was stronger than that… I could feel it. In the end, I won changing back to a human and walking out of the forest. The others followed me as I walked to the truck. Tapping on her window, I startled her and she jumped.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" I growled.

She started at me in blank astonishment.

"Jacob," she whispered.

Staring at her my eyes tense with anger.

She glanced at the company behind me, realizing we weren't alone. She noticed the changes in me since the last time we'd seen each other. I was definitely bigger and had chopped of all my hair. It probably frightened her to see the five of us here hovering around her, but I needed her to get scared and never return. As much as it pained me to do it I kept my face hard and cold.

"What do you want?" I demanded, getting angrier as the emotions crossed her face.

"I want to talk to you," she said in a weak voice.

"Go ahead," I hissed through my teeth.

"Alone!" she hissed back, anger strong in her voice.

Looking over my shoulder for Sam's response, knowing he would say yes, but needing his approval. Sam nodded once, then made a brief comment in Quileute. We won't be far, stay calm, Jacob. He turned heading for the house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry followed him.

"Okay," I said less aggressive and calmer.

She took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know,"

Not answering I stared at her bitterly, unable to explain, even if I wanted to.

She stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain was overwhelming and hard to hide. What could I say? How would I do this? Sam was right; it was so much harder than I ever believed it would be. With her face to face staring at me with pleading eyes, it was almost unbearable.

"Can we walk?" she asked.

Not able to respond in any way.

Getting out of the truck she started walking toward the trees to the north. Feeling their eyes on us they were paying close attention. She glanced to see if I was following because she couldn't hear me walking. My mind was spinning with the conflicting thoughts of what I wanted to do.

Picking up the pace, striding ahead of her easily I swung around to face her, planting myself in her path, so she would have to stop, too. Coming here for a purpose, it was time to get on with that. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, but it had to be done.

"Let's get this over with," I said coldly.

She waited… I knew what she waiting for.

"It's not what you think," my voice suddenly weary. "It's not what I thought –I was way off," the words wouldn't come, I wanted them to, but they won't. I couldn't force an explanation from my lips.

"So what is it, then?"

Studying her face for a long moment, speculating. "I can't tell you," I finally said.

Her jaw tightened, and she spoke through her teeth. "I thought we were friends."

"We were," saying those words, using the past tense when describing our friendship was crushing. It had to be this way. I couldn't see it any other way. As much as I wanted, it could never the same again.

"But you don't need friends anymore," she said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice –you've always looked up to him so much."

"I didn't understand him before."

"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can." My voice turned brittle and I looked over her head, past her, rage burning out.

"He's helping you," she repeated. "Naturally."

Refusing to listen, losing control was quickly becoming a possibility. Taking deep breaths I attempted to calm myself. With anger spreading threw me, my hands began shaking.

"Jacob, please," she whispered. "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."

Her pleading with me, made me angrier, the fact I couldn't simply tell her. Wanting so badly for her to know, that was impossible. There was nothing she could do to help me anyway. There was nothing anyone could do for me.

"No one can help me now," my voice broke.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded, tears swelling her eyes. She reached out to me, stepping forward with her arms wide.

Cringing away I held my hands up defensively. "Don't touch me," I whispered.

"Is Sam catching?" she mumbled, whipping the tears away with the back of her hand, folding her arms across her chest.

"Stop blaming Sam," I said automatically without of thought.

"Then who should I blame?" she retorted.

I halfway smiled.

"You don't want to hear that," to hear that may crush her, I couldn't be responsible for that.

"The hell I don't!" she snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know now!"

"You're wrong," I snapped back.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong –I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!"

Speaking of Sam this way sent a jolt of anger threw me. An uncontrollable urge to tell her… something she wouldn't want to know. Before I could stop myself it fell out of my mouth.

"You asked for it," I growled at her. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?"

Her mouth fell open and her breath came out with a whooshing sound. She was frozen in place. Giving her the worst possible blow I could give her. Bringing him up –letting her know I was aware of him –the shock hit her like a tone of bricks. She looked as if she was in pain, like she would pass out. She remained staring at me in shock. I was left furious. Furious at him for what he was, furious at him for doing this to her. And, furious at her for making me say it.

Her mouth still hung wide.

"I told you that you didn't want to hear it," I said.

"I don't understand who you mean," she whispered.

Raising one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand who you mean," she repeated.

Why was she doing this? Making me say their name, to crush her so badly. Her loyalty was unbelievable considering they left her here alone to deal with their mess. Was she really that loyal to them, still?

"The Cullen's," I said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing her face as I spoke it. "I saw that –I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."

She shook her head back and forth, still stunned that I knew. A thousand questioned were forming in her eyes, but I couldn't answer any of them. Having to stand here watching her crumple in pain, unable to stop it, was killing me.

"Don't tell me your listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," she said.

"He knew more that I gave him credit for."

"Be serious, Jacob."

Glaring at her with critical eyes. How could she still pretend?

"Superstitions aside," she said quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the… Cullen's" – she struggled to say the name- "of. They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes… things are set in motion, and then it's too late."

"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"

Moving suddenly close to her face, fury glowing. "For existing," I hissed.

She seemed to heed my furious warning. She became very still and quiet, almost as if she was listening to someone else. Fury was growing while I stood in front of her, quivering with anger. For her to defend them, after all they had done to her, was unacceptable.

"Your being ridiculous," she told me.

Not sure she was talking to me, she appeared to be talking to someone else, but there was no one else here.

"Fine," I answered, breathing deeply again. "I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."

"What damage?"

She shouted the words in my face.

"Let's head back. There's nothing more to say."

She gasped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"

Walking past her, striding back toward the house. That was enough said, continuing would only lead to trouble.

"I ran into Quil today," she yelled after me.

I paused, misstep, but didn't turn.

"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified."

Whirling to face her, my expression pained. "Quil," Was all I said.

According to the others Quil seemed to be the next one of us. Hoping that wouldn't happen to him, I didn't want this happening to anyone else… ever.

"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."

Staring past her with desperate eyes, concern took me over. Concern for my friend who had no idea of what was about to come.

She goaded me further. "He's frightened that he's next."

Clutching at a tree for support, my face crumpling. "He won't be next," I muttered to myself. "He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?" Slamming my fist against the tree, breaking it off loudly, under my blow.

Staring at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror. He couldn't be next I wouldn't allow that, doing everything in my power to stop it.

"I have to get back," Whirling I stalked away so swiftly that she had to jog to keep up.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it," I mumbled.

She chased me back to the truck. "Wait!" she called as I turned toward the house.

Spinning around to face her, my hands were shaking. I needed to be forceful, and I needed to end this, now.

"Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. "Are you… breaking up with me?" spilling the words before she could think about them.

Barking out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."

"Jacob…. Why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!" she begged.

"I'm sorry, Bella," saying each word distinctly in a cold voice.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't… before… I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob," she said desperately. "Maybe… maybe I would change," she whispered. "Maybe, if you gave me some time… just don't quit on me now, Jake. I can't take it."

My face went from angry to agony in a second. My shaking hand reached out for her. She was blaming herself, she couldn't do that, and I couldn't allow that.

"No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself; don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me," she whispered. "There's a new one."

"I mean it, Bella. I'm not…" I struggled, my voice going even huskier as I fought to control my emotions. "I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good."

"What?" she stared at me confused and appalled. "What are you saying? You're much better than I am, Jake. You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you that!" she was yelling again.

My face went hard. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."

"You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake –don't!"

Beginning to back away from her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said again; this time it was a broken mumble. Turning I almost ran into the house.

Bella waited outside, waiting for me to come back. Wanting to… I couldn't. Hurting her was the worst thing I'd done, making me as bad as him. Worse then him, at least she knew what he was, he had told her, and I couldn't.

It began to rain harder and I hoped this would prompt her to leave, but she didn't. She stood out there, allowing the rain and wind assault her, until we couldn't watch any longer. The pain and agony became too much, the desire to go to her overwhelming. Sam decided it was not a good idea, sending my father out to her instead.

My father rolled his wheel chair into the doorframe.

"Charlie just called, Bella. I told him you were on your way home," his eyes full of pity.

She turned robotically and climbed into her truck. Starting the engine, she turned around, and headed down my driveway for the last time. I watched until she was out of sight. Everyone turned to face me, which left me feeling uncomfortable. My heart ached, my brain empty, I was a shell of the person I once was. Needing to escape, escape the looks, the thoughts and escape before I started crying again.

Running out of the house leaping into the wolf before I hit the trees, I continued to run as fast as I could. Having to get away from all the pain, there was no escaping them. They were everywhere in my head and found me, too soon.

_Jacob, you did the right thing, _Sam said.

_You had to, Jake. You know that, right? _Embry pleaded with me.

_Stop it. I don't want to hear it. I just did the worst thing I could do,_ I said angrily.

_That was the best thing you could do for her, Jacob. Letting her go was the best thing you could do for Bella, _Sam repeated.

_Breaking her heart was best for her. I don't think so, Sam. You saw what happened last time someone did that to her. You were there. It broke her completely. You know that, _I answered.

_Yes, but I was there when… I hurt… Emily too. And believe me, Jacob. That was much worse. Trust me,_ Sam begged.

Although I understood what he was saying, I couldn't see myself doing that to her. I was in control, I was sure of that.

_You may think that now, but are you really prepared to risk her life. That's what you would be doing. Risking her life, Jacob. I got lucky… Emily lived… if she hadn't…_

He would say no more. Instead I saw what he was thinking. I couldn't listen anymore, I couldn't see anymore. Needing to get away from them, no longer wanting to hear their reasons. Running again I ended up at home. Changing back into human form, I walked into the house, to my father who was waiting for me.

"Jacob, it's going to be all right. You did the right thing, letting her go. It's what's best for Bella and you," he said sympathetically.

"Dad, stop it. It's not best for her or me. It's what's best for you, all of you. The Quileute's. So stop acting like I had a choice here. Stop acting like I wouldn't have choice her if it were up to me. I did what was expected of me. I honored the treaty. But that's it, that's were it ends. If I had a choice I would have chosen differently."

Refusing to listen to anymore of his rubbish. I left the house. With nowhere left to go I turned and went to my garage. I hadn't been in there since all of this began. As I reached the opening two shinning things caught my eyes. One was red the other black. Okay, maybe this wasn't the best place to escape to.

Peering at our bikes reminding me of the simpler times, when it was Bella and I. Her attempting to heal and I somehow helped her. Agonizing to know, after all the months of trying to change her mind about me, that I could undo everything I'd worked for, in one conversation. To allow her to take the blame for what happened to me was unacceptable. There had to be a way to right the wrong I've done. Someway to make this all right again. Losing her now was not an option, needing her the more than ever. I wanted her.

The idea came to me quickly, Sam ordered me not to tell her anything, but she already knew. Somehow I had to make her remember, she would understand, she would see. And if she did remember, would she hate the monster I'd become? Would she accept me –this new me? It's hard to imagine she could. Would I frighten her too much?

If she could accept that bloodsucker –enough to fall in love with him –I suppose she could accept me. It was decided. All I had to figure out was how I would see her again. None of them could know. Staying in human form I would go and see her tonight. I'd earned a night alone, to get over what had happened. Deciding I would ride my bike over later and get her to realize the truth.

Somehow I had to get her to remember. It shouldn't be that hard, she already knew that one part of the story was true, why not the rest? Would it be so hard to accept that there were werewolves, when you already knew there were vampires?

When it was time, I took my bike and walked it down the drive. Not wanting my father to see me leave, I was sure he would warn the others, there was no question about that. When I reached the road I jumped on my bike and took off. Riding felt wonderful, I'd forgotten how fun it could be. Arriving a couple of streets from Bella's I left my bike and walked the rest of the way.

Bella's house was dark and quiet. Going to the spruce that was out front of her house. Climbing up to the top my weight bowed the tree toward the house. The branches scratched the window as the tree swung back and forth. Bella rose from her bed and came to the window. She jumped when she saw me.

"Bella! I hissed. "Ouch! Damn it open the window! OUCH!"

She peered sharper out the window, until she realized it was me. She hurried to the window and shoved the glass out of the way.

"What are you doing?" she gasped.

Clinging to the tree as my legs dangled twenty feet above the ground just a yard away from her. The thin branches scraped against the house again with a grating sound.

"I'm trying to keep" –I huffed, shifting my weight as the treetop bounced me- "my promise!"

"When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?"

I chuckled without humor and swung my legs to improve my balance. "Get out of the way," I ordered.

"What?"

I swung my legs back and forth increasing my momentum.

"No, Jake!"

She ducked to the side. With a grunt I launched myself toward her open window. Swinging agilely into her room I landed on the balls of my feet with a low thud.

We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken Charlie. A short moment of silence passed, and then we heard the muffled sound of Charlie's snore.

A wide grin spread slowly across my face, extremely pleased with myself. She was angry with me as I assumed.

"Get out!" she hissed.

I blinked, my face going black with surprise.

"No," I protested. "I came to apologize."

"I don't accept!"

She tried to shove me back out the window. It was a useless attempt she couldn't budge me. My body was too big and strong, for her tiny, fragile body to move. She dropped her hands quickly stepping away from me. I leaned over her astonished by her furious reaction. She began swaying as if she were about to collapse.

"Bella?" I whispered anxiously.

Catching her elbow as she swayed again, I steered her toward the bed. Her legs gave out when we reached the edge, and she plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

She looked up at me, the tears not dried on her cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?"

"Right," I agreed taking a deep breath. "Crap. Well… I –I'm sorry, Bella." Saying it sincerely.

"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake."

"I know," I whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

She shook her head wearily. "I don't understand anything."

"I know. I want to explain…" breaking off suddenly I sucked in a deep breath. "But I can't explain," I said, still angry. "I wish I could."

Letting her head fall into her hands, her question came out muffled by her arm. "Why?"

Remaining quiet for a moment. She twisted her head to the side –too tired to hold it up –to see my expression. It surprised her. My eyes were squinted, my teeth clenched, and my forehead wrinkled with concern. Attempting to form the words, to explain everything, but nothing would come out. Words weren't coming to me now.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Exhaling heavily, I was holding my breath. "I can't do it," I muttered, frustrated.

"Do what?"

Ignoring her question. "Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"

Looking at her I knew she realized exactly what I was talking about. She'd kept the secret about the Cullen's for god knows had long.

"Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom...?" I pressed. "Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"

She pursed her eyes together and didn't answer my question. Taking this as conformation of her secrets.

"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of… situation?" Struggling for the right words. "Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell."

She couldn't argue, she kept his secret; she was still keeping his secret. A secret I knew all about suddenly. A thousand question were forming in her eyes as to how I suddenly had the information I had.

"I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "This is so frustrating."

We looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless. How would I do this? Not being able to tell her straight out, I had to find a way for her to figure this out. What would make her realize the truth?

"The part that kills me," I said abruptly, "is that you already know. I already told you everything!"

"What are you talking about?"

I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know everything. But, I couldn't, the minute I tried to say anything my breath would stop, leaving me no air. Sucking in a startled breath I leaned toward her, my face shifting from hopelessness to blazing intensity in a second. Staring fiercely into her eyes, my voice was fast and eager. Speaking the words right into her face.

"I think I see a way to make this work out –because you know this, Bella! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!"

"You want me to guess? Guess what?"

"My secret! You can do it –you know the answer!"

She blinked twice, trying to think. She was so tired I was making no sense to her.

Peering at her for a moment I looked straight into her eyes again. "Hold on, let me see if I give you some help," I said, but my air was being cut off, making me pant.

"Help?" she asked, trying to keep up.

"Yeah," I said, breathing hard. "Like clues."

Taking her face in my hands I held it inches from mine. Staring into her eyes I whispered, attempting to communicate something besides the words.

"Remember the first day we met –on the beach in La Push?"

"Of course I do."

"Tell me about it."

Taking a deep breath she tried to concentrate. "You asked about my truck…"

Nodding I urged her on.

"We talked about the Rabbit…"

"Keep going."

"We went for a walk down the beach…" she was remembering.

Nodding, I was anxious for more.

Her voice was nearly soundless. "You told me scary stories… Quileute legends."

Closing my eyes I opened them again. "Yes," my words were tense, fervent; she was on the edge of figuring it out. Speaking slowly, making each word distinct. "Do you remember what I said?" she knew this, I had told her everything that day, if she just tried a little harder it would come to her. I was sure of that.

She appeared stunned as she was remembering that day.

"Think hard," I told her.

"Yes, I remember," she breathed.

Inhaling deeply, struggling. "Do you remember all the stor…" I couldn't finish the question. As hard as I tried I couldn't get the words out. It was as if my lungs stopped working, cut off my oxygen. Needing this, she had to remember, she had to figure this out. All she needed was to remember all the stories where the truth was set there in them.

"All the stories?" she asked.

I nodded mutely.

She was struggling to remember, there was only one story she was interested in at that time. Hoping she would remember the others I told her, she began shaking her head.

I groaned and jumped off the bed. Pressing my fist against my forehead and breathing fast and angry. "You know this, you know this," I muttered to myself.

She had to get this; she already knew what I was trying to tell her. She just needed to focus and it would come to her. If I could somehow make her focus, it would come to her.

"Jake? Jake, please, I'm exhausted. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…"

Taking a steadying breath I nodded. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story," adding in a sarcastically bitter tone. Plunking back onto the mattress beside her. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?" I asked, still sarcastic. "I've been dying to know."

"A question about what?" she said warily.

"About the vampire story I told you."

She stared at me with guarded eyes, unable to answer.

"Did you honestly not know?" I asked her. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"

She glanced at me disbelieving, trying to figure out why I suddenly believed myself. She clenched her teeth together. She stared back at me, no intention of speaking.

"See what I mean about loyalty?" I murmured. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…"

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" she whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of my hair.

My hands began to tremble. "No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence," I laughed bleakly. "Longer, maybe."

"No, Jake," she moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"

She still cared, wanting to help me out of this, but this was not something she could help me out of. There was nothing that could get me out of this now. Running away would not help, no matter how appealing the offer seemed.

"It's not something I can run away from, Bella," I whispered. "I would run with you, though, if I could," my shoulders were shaking now, too. Taking a deep breath. "Look, I've got to leave."

"Why?"

"For one thing, you like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep –I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

"And why else?"

I frowned. "I had to sneak out –I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am," my mouth twisted. "I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything," she hissed.

"All the same, I will."

Her face flashed with anger. "I hate them!"

Looking at her surprised. "No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before –it's me. Sam is actually… well, incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul is kind of… And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there –the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam…"

She glared at me in disbelief, but let it go.

"Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" she demanded.

"It's not safe," I mumbled, looking down.

Fear spread across her face. She thought fiercely about what I was saying. Did she finally figure it out? She couldn't have or else she would tell me. Why was she so scared? Having to reassure her that I wouldn't put her in danger. She had to know she was safe.

"If I thought it was too… too risky," I whispered, "I wouldn't have come. But Bella," I looked at her again. "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."

Watching incomprehension cross her face. "After that stupid movie," I reminded her. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"

"I know you didn't want to do it, Jake. It's okay."

"Thanks, Bella," I took her hand. "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised," I grinned at her suddenly. "It would really help if you could figure out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it."

She had to get the answers on her own. There was no possible way for me to tell her. The hold they had over me was greater than I'd expected and the words were no longer mine to say. She would figure this out… I had faith in her.

She grimaced weakly. "I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon," I sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."

"Don't listen to them."

"I'll try," I shook my head, doubting my success. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out," give her the choice… it had to be her choice. "If you… if you want to."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

The hardness returned to my face. "Oh, I can think of a reason," I said in a harsh tone. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"

She just nodded… I was scaring her. There was a huge possibility she wouldn't want to see me, after she remembered. This was something I was prepared to live with, as long as she knew the truth. I wanted her to know the whole truth.

"At least call me –if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."

"That won't happen…"

Raising one hand I cut her off. "Just let me know."

Standing I headed for the window.

"Don't be an idiot, Jake," she complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."

"I won't get hurt," I muttered, but headed for the door. I hesitated as I passed her, staring at her. I held one hand out, pleading.

She took my hand, and suddenly I yanked her –too roughly –right off the bed and she thudded against my chest. Would this be the last time I would see her? The last time I would hold her in my arms? Hoping and praying it wasn't, that she could accept me.

"Just in case," I muttered against her hair, crushing her a bear hug that just about broke her ribs.

"Can't –breath!" she gasped.

Dropping her at once, keeping one hand at her waist so that she didn't fall over. I pushed her… more gently this time… back down on the bed. Exhaustion came over her and I was anxious to leave before they came looking for me. They couldn't look for me here. They couldn't scare her like that.

"Get some sleep, Bells. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand, I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this."

With one stride I was at the door, opening it quietly I disappeared through it. Going down the stairs and out the front door, I stopped glancing up at her room. Feeling strong that she would figure it out quickly. Needing to see the others, they were going to know what I've done, impossible to hide this for long. Deciding I would tell them tomorrow, they could wait.

Picking up my bike I headed home. Putting the bike in the garage I was thankful that all the lights were off in the house. Not wanting to talk to my father tonight, I didn't want to talk anyone. Sleep was what I required most at this moment. Going into the house, walking to my room, I opened the bedroom door and collapsed on the bed.


	11. Chapter 11

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Morning broke through my window waking me from my sleep. Wondering what this new day would bring, my best friend back or an end to a relationship with the only girl I've ever loved. Worrying that I would never see her again, I didn't want to wake, as she consumed all of my dreams. Wishing I were able to sleep and dream forever. Since that wasn't the case I would have to get up and face the day.

Stumbling out of my room, my father was waiting in the kitchen with a weary look on his face. Knowing I was in for a lecture I braced myself for his wrath. I was sure he figured out where I went last night. Easing my way into the kitchen, my father stared at me with regret in his eyes.

"Jacob, Bella stopped by," he said quietly.

"What did she say?" I said excitedly.

"She's down at the beach waiting for you. What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about. I've gotta go. I'll explain later."

Taking off out the front door I ran to the beach.

She sat on the driftwood where we'd had our first conversation. So she remembered. Approaching her slowly I tried not to startle her. What did she think? It was a good sign that she came in person. Perhaps she was okay with what I was. She must be able to accept it other wise she would have just called. But, what if she didn't? Could I handle that?

"Hi, Bella," I spoke softly.

She was startled and jumped. My attempt not to scare her failed.

"Jake?"

Standing several paces away, shifting my weight from foot to foot anxiously.

"Billy told me you came by –didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out."

"Yeah, I remember the right story now," she whispered.

It was quiet for a long moment. I searched her face for an answer. The fact she didn't say anything, compelled with the expression on her face, gave me the answers I needed. She did not come with good news. Suddenly overwhelmed with anger.

"You could have just called," I said harshly.

She nodded. "I know."

Pacing along the rocks. She could accept a vampire, but not me. How could this be?

"Why did you come?" I demanded, still pacing.

"I thought it would be better face-to-face."

Face to face may be better for her, but for me, anger and resentment was not a good thing. She didn't realize the danger she put herself in by being here.

I snorted. "Oh, much better."

"Jacob, I have to warn you…"

"About the rangers and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know."

"Don't worry about it?" she demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and…"

"We can take care of ourselves," I growled, still pacing. "They're not going to catch anything. They're only making it more difficult –they'll start disappearing soon enough, too."

"Jake!" she hissed.

"What? It's just a fact."

"How can you… feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!"

What did she want from me, we were already doing everything we knew how to protect these people. We were out there day and night making sure no harm came to them. They were the ones trying to kill us.

Coming to an abrupt stop. "What more can we do?" I retorted.

"Could you… well, try not to be a… werewolf?" she suggested in a whisper.

Throwing my hands up in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!" I shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?"

If I weren't a werewolf more people would disappear. We wouldn't be able to safe anyone. If I were not a werewolf half of those hunter's including Charlie would probably be dead by now. What was she asking? For me to safe my own life over there's.

"I don't understand you."

Glaring at her, my eyes narrowed and my mouth twisted into a snarl. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?"

She flinched away from my hostile expression shaking her head.

"You're such a hypocrite, Bella –there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" My hands shook with anger.

"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"

"Ugh! I groaned, pressing my trembling fist to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "Would you listen to yourself?"

I'm the monster… when she dated a… but I'm the monster, right. Her ex-boyfriend drank people's blood, we saved people from them, but I'm the monster.

"What?"

Taking two steps toward her, leaning over her and glaring with fury. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"

She jumped to her feet and glared back. "No, you're not!" she shouted. "It's not what you are, stupid, it's what you do!"

"What's that suppose to mean?" I roared, my entire body quivering with rage.

Suddenly it was as if she was listening to somebody else again. I couldn't understand the expression on her face. Who was it she kept hearing? What were they saying to her? The intensity of this conversation was making me angry.

"Jacob," she pleaded, taking softer and calmer. "Is it really necessary to kill people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"

Straightening up with a jerk, her words sent a jolt through me. My eyebrows shot up as my eyes stared wide. Unable to comprehend what she was saying. What exactly was she accusing me of here?

"Killing people?" I demanded.

"What did you think we were talking about?"

The trembling stopped. Looking at her in disbelief. "I thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves."

"No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a… wolf. That's fine," she promised. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people… that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you…"

"Is that all? Really?" interrupting her, a smile breaking across my face. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"

This was wonderful, exhilarating she was concerned I was killing people.

"Isn't that enough?"

Starting to laugh. That was such a relief. So she thought we were murdering people.

"Jacob Black, this is so not funny!"

"Sure, sure," I agreed.

Taking one long stride I caught her in another bear hug. My worries quickly faded as I realized she was way off base. The fact that she could accept me as a werewolf eased my mind and anxieties. Life would be better… all of this would be better now.

"You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" I asked, my voice full of joy in her ear.

"No," she gasped. "Can't –breath- Jake!"

Letting her go I took both her hands in mine. "I'm not a killer, Bella."

She studied my face, and the truth shone through.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really," I promised solemnly.

She threw her arms around me. I stroked her hair.

"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," I apologized.

"Sorry I called you a murderer."

I laughed.

She thought of something suddenly and pulled away. "What about Sam? And the others?" she asked anxiously.

Shaking my head, smiling as if a huge boulder had been lifted for my shoulders. "Of course not. Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"

"Protectors?"

"Exactly."

"But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"

My face was serious and full of concern. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them, but we're always just a little too late."

"Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?"

How could she not know this? I would have thought that she would know exactly what was going on. She had experiences like this before. Was this not obvious to her?

"Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing –our one enemy. It's the reason we exist –because they do."

She stared at me blankly for a second. The blood drained from her face and a thin, wordless cry of horror broke through her lips. Comprehension crossed her face along with anxiety.

I nodded. "I thought you, of all people, would realize what was really going on."

"Laurent," she whispered. "He's still here."

Cocking my head to the side. "Who's Laurent?"

She knew them by name. How many does she know? How deeply involved was she with them? And how could he put her such danger like that? He truly was a monster.

"You know –you saw him in the meadow. You were there…" she said as it all sunk in. "You were there, and you kept him from killing me…"

"Oh, the black-haired leech?" I grinned. "Was that his name?"

She shuddered. "What were you thinking?" She whispered. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realize how dangerous…"

This was the true problem with Bella was she always seemed to worry about the wrong things. She didn't understand, yet, but she would.

Laughing I interrupted her again. "Bella, one lone vampire isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!"

"What was so easy?"

"Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the whole murder thing," I added quickly. "Vampires don't count as people."

She could only mouth the words. "You… killed… Laurent?"

I nodded. "Well, it was a group effort," I qualified.

"Laurent is dead?" she whispered.

Hoping this doesn't change her view of me. She can't be upset about this bloodsucker. She couldn't be, I wouldn't allow her to be.

"You're not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill you –he was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?"

"I know that. No, I'm not upset –I'm…" she stumbled back a step until she felt the driftwood, and then sank down onto it. "Laurent is dead. He's not coming back for me."

"You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends or anything, was he?"

Maybe I was wrong about his intentions. Was he one of her friends? Did we read the situation wrong? It looked as though he was going to kill her.

"My friend?" she stared up at me, confused and dazed. "No, Jake. I'm so… so relieved. I thought he was going to find me –I've been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. I've been so frightened, Jacob… but how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…"

Well a least it wasn't one of her fri… friends. It was hard to think of her having friends such as them. But I was glad I didn't hurt her and that I was able to save her life.

Sitting down next to her I put my arm around her. "It's what we're made for, Bells. We're strong, too. I wish you had told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be."

"You weren't around," she mumbled, lost in thought.

"Oh, right."

"Wait, Jake –I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"

Confused for a moment. What did she mean it wasn't safe to be in her room? What was she talking about? Realizing what she was meant I ducked my head. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Then why didn't you think it was safe for you there?"

Looking at her with guilt-ridden eyes. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for me. I was thinking of you."

"What do you mean?"

How do you I tell her? How do you tell someone that you love and that you could hurt them… unwillingly? Would she understand this? It didn't feel like I would hurt her… I really didn't. But, there remained the possibility and I couldn't take chances with her. Refusing to put her at risk, she had to know the whole truth.

Looking down I kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm not suppose to be around you, Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for you. If I get too mad… too upset… you might get hurt."

She thought about that carefully. "When you were mad before… when I was yelling at you… and you were shaking…?"

"Yeah." My face dropped even lower. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But… I just got so upset that I was going to lose you… that you couldn't deal with what I am…"

"What would happen… if you got too mad?" she whispered.

Considering what could happen if I turned while she was around, was a thought I didn't like to have. The image of Emily crossed my mind. I would never let that happen to Bella.

"I'd turn into a wolf," I whispered back.

"You don't need a full moon?"

Rolling my eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right." I sighed, turning serious again. "You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this. And we're keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others –we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that."

She sat silent for a moment processing what I was telling her. Comprehension washed over her.

"Laurent is dead," she gasped, turning to ice.

"Bella?" I asked anxiously, touching her cheek.

"If Laurent died… a week ago… then someone else is killing people now."

Nodding, clenching my teeth together, speaking through them. "There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us –in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate- but she just keeps running away, and then comes back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in –but in where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…"

Bella turned away from me leaning over the tree trunk. Her body convulsed with heaves. I caught her shoulders –keeping her from falling forward onto the rocks. "Bella! What's wrong?"

"Victoria," she gasped.

Pulling her up from her slump, I draped her awkwardly across my lap, laying her head against my shoulder. I struggled to balance her, to keep her from sagging over. Brushing the sweaty hair back from her face.

"Who?" I asked. "Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?"

"She wasn't Laurent's mate," she moaned into my shoulder. "They were just old friends…"

"Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," I demanded, franticly.

What was wrong with her? She needed help.

"I'm not sick –I'm scared," she explained in a whisper.

Patting her back. "Scared of this Victoria?"

She nodded, shuddering. So she knew this one, too. Was there anyone of them she didn't know? How could she be so tied into this type of creature? He sure left her in quite a mess. What made him leave? What would make him leave her to face these creatures alone? And who was this one that made her afraid?

"Victoria is the red-haired female?"

She trembled again, and whimpered, "Yes."

"How do you know she wasn't his mate?"

"Laurent told me James was her mate," she explained.

Pulling her face around, holding it steadily in my hands. Staring into her eyes. "Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?"

"Of course," she whispered. "She wants me."

Confused, I couldn't figure out why she would want Bella. "Why?" I demanded.

"Edward killed James," she whispered as I held her tightly. "She did get… pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know –still doesn't know, I guess –that… that…" She swallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."

So that's what happened. He didn't want her anymore. What an… leaving her here dealing with the disaster he created. Is that what he did to her?

"Is that what happened? Why the Cullen's left?"

"I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," she explained.

This angered me, for him to leave because she was human, when I would do anything for her. Anything at all. How could she still love him? How could he leave her knowing that there were others waiting to kill her? What kind of monster was he?

"If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough…"

"Please," she moaned. "Please. Don't."

Feeling sad for her, I understood she still loved him. Not comprehending why, I knew I wouldn't stop loving her no matter what she did, but for her to defend him… that I would never understand. She did seem to know things, more than we knew, maybe she could help.

"This is important," I said again, getting back to business. "This is exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away."

Standing, I pulled her to her feet. Keeping two hands on her waist to be certain she wouldn't fall. In a hurry, needing to inform everyone about the information I had received. Bella knew a lot more about them then we did and this should be welcomed information to the rest of the pack.

"I'm okay," she lied.

Releasing all of her, except for one hand. "Let's go."

Pulling her back toward the truck.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet," I admitted. "I'll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?" leaning her against the side of the truck I released her hand.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back," I promised.

Sprinting across the parking lot, across the road, and into the bordering forest. Swiftly I morphed and began calling for the others. Knowing they were running patrol and I was late, they would be angry. But after I shared the information she gave me, with them, they would calm down. Accepting what I did, they would realize it was better to have her on our side, she knew more than we did, and she could help.

After making contact with them and knowing they were going to meet with me. I morphed back and went straight to Bella.

Tapping on the truck's window she yelped in terror. She unlocked the door, her hands trembling.

"You're really scared, aren't you?" I asked climbing in.

She nodded.

"Don't be. We'll take care of you –and Charlie, too. I promise."

This was one promise I intended to keep. Pack or no pack she was the most important thing in my life and I would protect her from anything. The love I had for her was overwhelming, like nothing I had felt before. It was even stronger then the pull of the wolves.

"The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," she whispered.

This is why I love her so much, always putting everyone ahead of herself. She would soon realize that there was no need to fear for me, I could take care of myself and I would to care of her, too. These vampires were no competition for us.

"You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting," I laughed.

She shook her head.

"Where did you go just now?" she asked.

I pursed my lips and said nothing.

"What? Is it a secret?"

Frowning. "Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out."

"I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know," she attempted to smile.

Grinning back. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can… hear each other."

How do I explain this one, I almost don't believe it myself and I'm the one hearing them. She wouldn't understand this. How could she? I suppose if she knew everything about the vampires, then she should know everything about us, too.

Her eyebrows pulled down in confusion.

"Not hear sounds," I went on, "but we can hear… thoughts –each other's anyway- no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing –having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?"

"Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though you didn't want to?"

"You're quick."

"Thanks."

"You're also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you."

She always seemed to amaze me with her acceptance. She was not surprise and never showed any sign of disgust with anything I told her.

"It's not… well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird to me."

"Really…? Wait –are you talking about your bloodsuckers?"

"I wish you wouldn't call them that."

I laughed. "Whatever. The Cullen's, then?"

"Just… just Edward," she pulled one arm around her torso as she said his name.

This bothered me. "I thought those were just stories. I've heard legends about vampires who could do… extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth."

So the legends were all true, this would make things more difficult. Having her know there special abilities would certainly help. Sam would happy about this news.

"Is anything just a myth anymore?" she asked me wryly.

I scowled. "Guess not. Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."

Starting the truck she headed back up the road.

"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" she asked.

I nodded embarrassed. "I kept it real short –I tried not to think about you so they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."

"That wouldn't have stopped me,"

"Well, it would have stopped me," I said. "Remember how I couldn't finish my sentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story?"

"Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something."

I chuckled darkly. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's… the head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something –when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him."

"Weird," she muttered.

"Very," I agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing."

"Huh," was her only response.

"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that –wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support."

"Sam was alone?"

"Yeah," my voice lowered. "When I… changed, it was the most… horrible, the most terrifying thing I've ever been through –worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone- there were the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam…" I shook my head. "Sam had no help."

She thought about this for the moment.

"Will they be angry that I'm with you?" she asked.

Angry wasn't the word for it. They're going to be furious, but I was sure I would be able to calm them and make them see reason. Once I was able to give them the information on this other vampire, they should calm down. I hoped.

I made a face. "Probably."

"Maybe I shouldn't…"

"No, it's okay," I assured her. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just some ignorant human. You're like a… I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines."

She was deep in thought. Betraying her friends was probably foremost in her mind. But really, we were doing this to save her life and Charlie's live, too. Surely he would understand that, she could understand that, she had too. We needed her… she was the closest anyone has ever been to them. Her expertise would save us a lot of time.

The others had to see this… they had to acknowledge what she could do for us. Once I explained everything they would see it as I did. She was an asset to us and they had to accept her. She wasn't going anywhere… I wouldn't allow that… it was too late.

"Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker," I continued. "That's the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that those stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think Victoria can do anything special?"

"I don't think so," she hesitated, and then sighed. "He would have mentioned it."

"He? Oh, you mean Edward –oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it."

She squeezed her midsection. "Not really, no."

"Sorry."

"How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read my mind."

"Naw. I just pay attention."

We were on the little road where I first taught her to ride the motorcycle.

"This good?" she asked.

"Sure, sure."

She pulled over and cut the engine.

"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" I murmured.

She nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.

"Did you ever think… that maybe… you're better off?"

She inhaled slowly, and then let her breath out. "No."

"Cause he wasn't the best…"

"Please, Jacob," she interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't stand it."

"Okay," I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said anything."

Seeing the pain it still caused her agonized me. She shouldn't have to suffer this way. My wish is that she would forget about him, but it didn't look likely that that would happen, anytime soon anyway. But I would wait, one day it would be different.

"Don't feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it."

I nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk to anyone."

"Hell," she agreed.

Sucking in a sharp breath. "They're here. Let's go."

"Are you sure?" she asked while I popped my door open. "Maybe I shouldn't be here."

Understanding her reluctance to meet the other wolves, they must seem scary to her. They were not the friendliest of our people and they would be angry, at first. Once I explained everything to them, they would be all right with this.

"They'll deal with it," I said, and then grinned. "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?"

"Ha ha," she said. She got out of the truck and hurried to stand close to my side. Her hand was trembling as I grabbed it and squeezed. Nothing would happen to her, this I knew positively.

"Here we go."

Bella shook at my side while she scanned the forest for the others. When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they weren't what she expected. They were four big guys, but I'm sure she was expecting four wolves.

Watching them from a distance they looked like brothers, I suppose I looked like them, too. They were a lot bigger than your average young men around. We all had the same hair and with morphing in and out of wolf form, we all wore the same shorts and nothing else. It was just easier then ripping apart a bunch of clothes, that none of us could afford.

They started out curious and cautious. When they saw Bella, half-hidden behind me, they all became furious in the same second. I grabbed her hand tighter to reassure her. This was going to be more difficult than I imagined.

"What have you done, Jacob?" Sam demanded.

Paul –thrust past Sam and spoke before I could defend myself.

"Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob?" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell are you thinking? Is she more important than everything –than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"

"She can help," I said quietly.

"Help!" Paul shouted. His arms began to quiver. "Oh, that's likely! I'm sure the leech-lover is just dying to help us out!"

"Don't talk about her like that!" I shouted back.

A shudder rippled through Paul, along his shoulders and down his spine.

"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded.

Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he was trying to concentrate. He was attempting to control himself, but it wasn't working.

"Jeez, Paul," Jared mumbled. "Get a grip."

Paul twisted his head toward Jared, his lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in Bella's direction. Taking a step to put myself in front of her.

That did it.

"Right, protect her!" Paul roared in outrage. Another shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.

"Paul!" Sam and I shouted together.

Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and he exploded.

Dark silver fur blew out from Paul, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size –a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.

The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his chest. His dark enraged eyes focused on Bella.

In the same second, I was running across the road straight for Paul. There was no way I would allow him to be near her. I had to stop him before he did something he'd regret.

"Jacob!" she screamed.

Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down my spine. Leaping forward I dove headfirst into the empty air. With another sharp tearing sound, I exploded, too. Without a second passing I was charging Paul. Ready to fight him I was ready to do anything to protect her.

We met each other head-on. Angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees.

"Jacob!" Bella screamed again, but it was too, late.

Being bigger and stronger than Paul, I rammed my shoulder against him again and again, knocking him back toward the trees. Successfully I pushed Paul off the road and into the forest. Sam ran after us wrangling the both of us, pitting himself between the two of us. The thoughts in his head were powerful.

_Enough… that's enough out of you two. I'm so sick of this. Stop it! Stop this now!_ he continued to yell.

Paul and I immediately stopped and growled at each other.

_I said enough,_ Sam commanded.

We both stopped moving and bowed to the ground.

_Now that's enough out of you two… pull yourselves together and let's get back to the problem at hand,_ Sam continued.

As he talked we calmed down and pulled it together. We all stayed in wolf form because we had no clothes.

_My father is going to kill me. I have no clothes left. Thanks Paul!_ I said.

_Don't blame me. You started this one, always breaking the rules,_ Paul offered.

_What are we going to do now? _I asked Sam.

_Come along I have back up, _Sam ordered.

He got us new clothes to wear and we changed back to human form, just outside of Sam's house.

"Jacob, were not finished," Paul announced.

"Whatever Paul, grow up," I answered.

"Would you two give it a rest? Jacob, Paul's right, we're not done. You did break the rules. What were you thinking?" Sam asked.

"I didn't break the rules… not technically anyways. She guessed, Sam. I didn't tell her."

"Call it what you want, Jacob. She still knows, that's not a good thing," Sam explained.

"Actually, Sam. It kind of is a good thing. She knows a lot about them… the vampires. She knows a lot more than we do. Like this red-headed one, she knew what she was looking for," I explained.

"What is she looking for, Jacob?" Sam asked anxiously.

"Bella!"

"What? Why is she looking for her?" Sam asked confused.

"Apparently, Edward –Bella's ex-bloodsucker- killed this one's mate. So she wants to kill Bella to avenge her mate's death. It's all about her ex-bloodsucking boyfriend, there's a surprise," I said.

"Well, that's sure is informative. Knowing what she's looking for, we can probably get her. This should make things easier. This doesn't mean I approve what you did, Jacob. It does certainly help. Let's get back to my house," Sam said.

On our way back to Sam's I had time to think about what we could do to catch this second vampire. Why were they all after Bella? What was with her? The girl sure was a magnet for danger. It almost seemed no matter where she went, or what she did, danger followed her.

How would I protect her? She could never be alone, again. Wishing there was something else I was able to do to keep her safe. Never wanting to see her like I'd seen her that day, face to face, with a vampire. Never wanting to see her so venerable… so weak… so helpless, like the day I saw her in that… **MEADOW**.


	12. Chapter 12

TRACKING

Their scent was stronger in the meadow… not fresh, but they had undeniably been here, recently. There was more than one of them, maybe four or five. A danger to us, they were our enemy, although there was a treaty in place, this would have to be my last trip here alone. Being no match to defend myself against four or five, I would have to stay clear of my meadow. Starting a war with the wolves was unacceptable. As long as I was here I would remain for a short visit, since it was meant to be my last.

As I lay here closing my eyes, her face appeared behind my lids, my vision was as clear as if she were in my presence. Her beautiful face full of joy and happiness put my mind at ease, for she would remain happy until the end. I loved this place… I could stay here for eternity… that was a possibility… for this world held nothing else for me now. Having seen and done everything I'd desired, what else was there? Since it appeared that my family was becoming uncomfortable around me, maybe it would be easier for everyone if I remained here. Could I really do that? Would anyone really be concerned? They'd certainly be relieved, to be free of me. With the wolves having knowledge of my secret place, I'm certain remaining here would not be the most ideal situation.

My true wish was to know what was happening with my family. Extending a great deal of effort hiding this from me suggested, the nature of this problem was tremendous. Using such extreme measures made no sense, what could be so wrong? Is this why they had not moved on? Could they truly want me to go without them?

This was all wrong –even with my extra-hearing –I was certain that my analysis of the situation was wrong. Judging from my past experiences, being wrong seemed to be my specialty. Not being able to uncover Laurent's plan, along with what was occurring with my family, made me question my sanity. Was I losing my mind? Seeing things that weren't really true? Was I not capable of seeing anything right, was the pain and anguish I'd felt since leaving Forks clouding my mind? Did leaving do more damage, then I was allowing myself feel? Was it me or was it them?

Having only one way to be certain requiring me to return to Denali. Having to face this –no matter what this was –head on. Needing answers, my family was going to have to explain themselves. Whatever was going on, I had a right to know and would have to deal with it, too. That's the way we had been in the past, and that's the way we'll be again. Enough hiding, enough trying to spare my feelings, they would either share with me everything, or I would leave for good.

Sitting until the sun rose, I watched as the brightness took over the sky. Not quite ready to deal with them, I wasn't capable of leaving, needing a little more time in my meadow. With the sun coming over the horizon there was no other place more magnificent then this one. As the day got brighter, my time had arrived to head back, requiring me to get this over with.

Rising, I began running in a straight line for Denali, anxious to resolve the situation, whatever it may be. Marching in, I would demand to know what was going on, they couldn't refuse me if I was forceful. If that didn't work, then I would have no choice but to leave, if they felt that I couldn't be trusted any longer, I would have no reason to stay.

Arriving back in Denali dread washed threw me. Would this be the last time I'd see my family? It maybe the end of another thing in my life, and this seemed to be the year for endings. Perhaps, I needed a fresh start, going out there and discovering this world alone. That thought saddened me, being alone, all by myself. Reaching the edge of the forest near Tanya's house I stopped abruptly. Listening carefully to the conversation inside.

"He's coming back," Alice said.

"Are you sure?" Esme asked.

"Yes, he's on his way, he wants to know what's going on," Alice told them.

"What are we going to tell him?" Esme questioned.

"We tell him nothing, he's dealing with enough, and he doesn't need to know this," Carlisle answered sternly.

Okay, enough was enough –they were going to explain everything, right now. This had gone too far and the time had come for answers. One way or another they were going to explain what was happening, I would accept no more excuses. Opening the front door I went in.

"Edward, your back!" Esme shouted coming to me and putting her arms around me.

"Yes, I told you I'd be back," I answered coldly, not hugging her back.

"We weren't expecting you so soon, Edward," Carlisle spoke.

"Well… I came back for some answers," I said.

"Answers to what?" Carlisle said puzzled.

"I need to know what your hiding… I need to know what's going on… and I know you've all been hiding things from me," I accused.

"I told you he'd know? I told you hiding this from him wouldn't work," Rosalie said sternly.

"What are you hiding?" I asked.

"There's some stuff that's been happening around Seattle that's had us concerned," Carlisle began. "It would seem that someone has been causing quite a disturbance and we were worried it was Victoria. Now Edward, we haven't come to any conclusions yet and were still not certain, we were just keeping an eye on the situation," Carlisle finished.

"Why didn't you want to tell me? Why is this a secret? Did she go near Forks?" I asked angrily.

"No! She hasn't been anywhere near Forks Edward, I promise, I've been watching," Alice interceded.

"Our real concern was that the she would attract the attention of the Volturi, that they would come here and we didn't want that occurring," Carlisle said.

"Why did you feel the need to keep this from me?" I repeated.

"We knew what you would do and we were afraid for you," Esme said sadly.

"You were right, I will take care of this, no need to worry about the Volutri coming here, I'll take care of Victoria, like I should've done in the first place," I said angrily.

"Edward, you can't do that, not alone," Emmett spoke out. "I'll go with you."

"No, you won't Emmett, stop it," Rosalie screamed at him.

"She's right Emmett, I can take care of this myself. I will take care of this myself," I said.

"We should go with you, what if you need our help?" Carlisle asked.

"I'll be fine. Is this why you haven't move on?" I demanded.

"Yes, we needed to make certain she would be alright before we could leave," Carlisle answered.

"Thank you, but that's not your job, that's mine, I've made this mess, I'll clean it up," I said sharply.

"Edward, she's not in danger, Victoria is not even looking for her, and neither are the Volutri," Alice promised.

"Thank you Alice, but I still have to do something about her, I won't take any chances."

"Edward, Alice told me you saw Irina," Tanya piped in.

Glaring at Alice she had betrayed my trust, why would she do that?

"Yes Tanya, I did see Irina. I spoke with her briefly… she was well… she seemed happy. She said she would call you soon," I told them.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Carlisle asked.

"I wanted to bring her back, I knew how much Tanya and Kate missed her. When she wouldn't come I decided I would give her a little longer to come home on her own," I answered.

"Was she still with Laurent?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Yes, Why? Is that important?" I questioned.

"I don't know." Carlisle thought for a moment. " What were they doing?" he asked.

"Nothing really, they were traveling around. At one point he did leave her to go somewhere, but I didn't find out where. Nothing in his thoughts indicated he was in touch with Victoria, if that's what your wondering," I explained.

"Judging from recent experience, we can't take anything for granted. We can't rule anything out. What will you do now?" Carlisle asked.

"I will track her… track her down and kill her," I said.

"Are you certain that's what you want to do?" Esme asked.

"It's what I have to do," I answered.

"Well then, you shouldn't go alone," Carlisle began to plan.

"Carlisle, it's alright, I'll be okay. I need to do this alone. Alice will keep watch and I'll keep in touch. I'll take care of this, I promise," I explained. "I'm sorry I lied to everyone, but like you I thought it was best," I pleaded.

"It's alright Edward, we were under the same assumption. We're sorry too," Carlisle said remorseful.

"No more hiding and no more lies, let's just go back to the way we used to be," I demanded.

"Where will you start?" Carlisle asked.

"What was the last thing you heard?" I asked, turning to Alice.

"Most of the commotion was in Seattle. I think that's the best place to start," Alice answered.

"Well then, it's decided, that's were I'll begin," strategies began to form in my mind.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, besides you have to find a new place for us," I announced.

"Don't worry about that," Esme interjected.

"I do worry, it's been long enough," I said.

"No, Edward, we'll find a place when you're able to help, as always," Carlisle reminded me.

"I'm certain I'll like anywhere you find," I rebutted.

"Fine, when will you leave?" Carlisle asked.

"Right away, the sooner I resolve this, the sooner I can return."

"You'll be missed. Stay in touch, and if you need help don't hesitate to ask, we'll be there in a minute," Esme responded.

"I will, I promise, you find somewhere nice to go. I'll call in a few days. I promise."

With that, I turned and headed for the door. Reaching out, I opened it, turning I glanced back.

"I'll see you all later."

"Bye," Esme said quietly.

Walking through the door closing it behind me. I stopped short on the front porch and listened as she approached.

"Alice."

"Edward, can I just sneak a peek at…"

"No!" I roared.

"What if she does something…"

Interrupting her. "She wouldn't, Bella promised. Don't be looking for her future, either, we've done enough damage."

"Are you sure about that Edward?" Alice pleaded.

"Yes, I promised it would be as if I never existed, and I meant it. Leave… her… alone, please," I begged.

"Fine, but I really don't like this."

"I know… you've made that clear. I've got to go, I'll see you later."

"Bye," she waved.

Running off, with everything at home resolved, it was time to get on with the task at hand. My starting point would be Seattle. Once again I ran south which would bring me along the border of Forks. The overwhelming sense to return almost overtook me.

_Almost_.

Fighting every instinct I had keeping me on my path. Having a plan, a reason for continuing made it a little easier to resist. Although knowing she may be in danger, knowing Victoria was still an issue made the path of resistance a difficult one. To just –as Alice would phrase it –sneak a peek to make certain she was safe. No, I couldn't do that. My plan was allowing Bella to remain safe and I would do anything to make sure that she was.

Arriving in Seattle, wondering where to begin. To begin with I could travel the streets listening for any sign of our kind. That would probably be the quickest way to find her or anyone she was associated with. Certain Alice was right… that Victoria was not after Bella… it would ease my mind knowing that she was out of the picture, permanently. Walking the streets searching for anything that would lead me to her, if she were here someone must have seen her. I was certain she could walk around among the humans, James would have made sure of that, I was certain he had taught her that much.

Looking in every alley, every back road, all out of the way places our kind would choose to hide. There was no trace, no sign of her, nothing. Picking up a newspaper from the trash, I began reading, searching for anything out of the normal. There were a couple of missing people that I would investigate to make certain their disappearance's had nothing to do with her. Continuing my search, I read the minds of every street dweller that crossed my path. Surely, someone had seen the woman with the wild orange hair. She would be noticeable, our kind always were.

The search continued, going on for days. On the verge of giving up hope, I spotted her in the mind of a street person. Picking his brain for anything he remembered of her, she wasn't alone; she had a boy with her, a boy about nineteen years old. He was a new vampire; no doubt she had created him. He was one of the missing people I read about in the newspaper. They were headed south out of town when the man lost sight of them.

Picking up their trail on the edge of town, excitement wash threw me. Finally, having a solid lead to follow. Heading through the forest, continuing to follow their scent, assessing everything that pertained to them, missing anything was not an option. Continuing this for miles, I came upon a stream. Finding the spot where they resurfaced would prove to be difficult, they had not gone straight across. Was she trying to hide her tracks? Who would she be hiding from? What was she doing and why had she made this companion?

Needing answers I stopped abruptly, pulling out my phone and dialing the number of the one person who may have answers.

"Alice."

"Edward… is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yes, I was able to get a glimpse of Victoria, but the trail has gone cold. Can you tell me anything, have you seen anything?" I questioned.

"No, nothing yet. Her future is shifting… nothing is decided. She keeps moving around so much. Where are you?" Alice asked.

"Just outside of Seattle, I lost them in the forest. It's seems as if she covering her tracks on purpose," I responded.

"What do you mean 'them'?" she questioned.

"She's made a companion. A young man of about nineteen… he went missing from Seattle," I explained.

"Why would she do that? Newborns are so unpredictable, that doesn't make sense."

"I thought the same thing, I'm baffled."

" I'll do some research on the net… see what I can find out about him… perhaps, she has a purpose for him. You should head east, I'm certain she's gone that way. I can't see why, but I'm sure that's the way they're heading."

"Thank you Alice. Call when you find out more information. I'll talk to you soon," I answered.

"I will, take care Edward, I'll talk to you soon," Alice finished.

Shutting my phone, I took her advice and headed east. She was right, there had to be some purpose behind her decision to make a new one. Surprised that she was able to bring him to the city and avoid any mishaps while there. Newborn vampires can be very aggressive and hard to keep under control. Perhaps, she was testing him… seeing how he could handle being near humans. But, why would she do that? Certainly, she knew the rules and the consequences of breaking them.

My pursuit of her had just intensified, wishing to understand her intentions. She appeared to have a plan a fact had not escaped my mind. Attempting to get near her, close enough to figure out what she was preparing for. Although, Alice was certain Bella was not involved in her thoughts, I couldn't be certain. Being overwhelmed by the feel to make sure Alice was right, and that this had nothing to do with Bella. Could Victoria be holding a grudge? Could she possibly want revenge for James? When we were in the clearing, I hadn't got a strong impression of a tight bond there, but I've been wrong before.

Heading east, as Alice had suggested, I found nothing, no trace of them at all. Could Alice be wrong? Not willing to bet against her, perhaps I'd missed something. Maybe, I would have to search harder, if Victoria were truly covering her tracks, she would be very careful to leave no trace.

Unaware of how to proceed, I sat dumbfounded coming to the realization that I was horribly bad at this. Having this happen to me once before –last spring when I was chasing James –I was presented with the fact that I was no tracker. At this moment, I felt as if I needed to be a quick study, this couldn't be one more thing I failed at. Succeeding this time would require me to revisit the hunt for James, deciphering where it was I went wrong became critical.

Recalling all of the memories from that period was excruciating, but necessary. Believing my biggest mistake was going against my vampire instincts, setting aside my prejudices this time, I would rely more on who I was to guide the way. Allowing the monster to surface was not an easy response for me. Loathing the need for him, making me feel repulsive, conjuring him once more bothered me immensely.

If he were what was required, then so be it, I would do anything. Allowing him out would take a great deal of effort on my part. Allowing him to resurface and keep him in control would be very difficult. Last spring there was a purpose for him, one he could concentrate on, this time he would not be so tame. There was no one here to contain us, no one here to watch over us, no one here to stop us if there became a reason.

Allowing the monster inside to make his escape would require a plan, a strategy that allowed me to remain in control. Control would be a major problem, the monster worked purely on instinct and instincts weren't easily controlled. Focusing on Victoria dominated my instincts, giving him a focus and a reason for existing, making him easier to control. Proceeding with this strategy, making him believe that Bella was in danger from Victoria, and to me, she was. With Victoria tainting good air she would always remain a danger to Bella and this would distract the monster from anything else.

My thoughts recalled last spring when I first laid eyes on Victoria. Looking into her eyes as if she were the one who desired to kill Bella. Watching her face as she crouched ready to spring at my family, seeing her deadly intentions as her eyes swept across my family and stopped at Bella. These memories would be enough to wake the monster, he was already rattling around.

My phone vibrated, interrupting my preparation. Flipping it open to see whom it was.

"Alice, what's up?" I said annoyed.

"Edward, she's moving. She's headed south, you need to go."

"Where Alice… where is she going?" I asked anxious.

"I not sure, she keeps changing her mind. I believe you were right, and she's hiding something. And doing a good job, too," she said annoyed.

"What does Carlisle make of this?"

"He's not certain either, no one here has a clue what she's up to," she answered.

"But you see her going south?" I asked.

"Yes. I also see what your planning and are you sure that's wise?" she asked concerned.

"I'll be fine."

"Should I send Jasper to help you?" she asked.

"No Alice, I've got everything under control. I have a plan that I'm certain will work. Just stay there and keep watch. Watch carefully, please. I know I'm asking a lot but I truly need your help," I begged.

"Edward, you don't have to ask, I already know. I'll keep watch. I promise."

"Thank you Alice. I'll call again soon," I promised.

"Bye," she said as the line went dead.

Contemplating what Alice had said, I began to wonder if she was right. Was it wise to rely on such a creature? Could I not take care of this myself? Attempting to take care of this myself may put Bella in danger, and I couldn't allow that. Since I wasn't certain of her motives, making a mistake was not an option. Relying on him would be my only choice. Worse case scenario, I would have to call Carlisle to come and help me.

With the decision made, I needed to conjure up the monster, needing him to make an appearance. Thinking the worst thoughts possible would help my cause. Returning to my memories of Bella and the trouble we were in last spring. The ballet studio seemed a good place to begin. The memories of that day flooded back at once, so clear, so vivid as if I were standing in that room again. The monster was writhing at the thought of Bella being hurt over and over. His release was getting closer. When the thought of James' final blow to Bella entered my mind, the way she flew across the room hitting the mirrors, blood gushing from her head. This was the moment I believed she would die. That was it, the moment he rose from within, escaping his inner sanctum. The monster was back in full force and he had a mission.

Rising from the ground, I began moving through the forest with a purpose. He was on a hunt. My instincts seemed different now, clearer. He searched for any trace, any sign that would lead him to them. There was an urgency that had been missing. The urgency overwhelmed me and I followed it. This urgency would finally end this situation, bringing to a close, everything I've done. Bella would truly be able to live in peace.

Moving through the forest with a purpose a clear direction to follow. Knowing what to do had never been so clear. We had a mission to carry out and I would not fail, not again. Running at full speed I headed south in the direction Alice had suggested. After a few miles I stopped abruptly. Taking a glance around I realized I was in the same place I followed Laurent to. Was this possible? Where they still in contact? How could I have missed this? Was she here looking for him or was this a coincidence?

Walking at human speed through this place… it was beautiful… I soon reached the other side. It was at that moment I caught her scent, it was faint but it was there. Following it I began to have hope, some form of expectance, perhaps I would find her after all. Running I followed the scent that was still faint which meant they were a lot further ahead then I would like them to be. The urgency to find them overtook me and I was running faster.

Hitting the border of Texas her scent was becoming stronger giving me more strength to continue. Knowing I was on the right path, that I would find her. This was becoming thrilling and exciting to the monster. The closer we got, the more excited he became. He knew the outcome once we found them and he was anxious. He was formulating strategies that would ensure the outcome he desired. Allowing this to continue, allowing him to make plans was my strategy. Under this duress he would find them, that was a certainty.

Once again I slowed to a stop, not wanting to take anything for granted, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed a number.

"Edward!" Alice responded.

"Yes, anything new Alice?" I asked.

"No, just that she's headed south, you're on the right track. It seems as though she stopped in Dallas. I'm not sure what's she doing," she answered.

"That's alright, you can't see everything. I did pick up her scent and it's getting stronger," I offered.

"Edward, are you certain you don't need our help?" Carlisle suddenly asked concerned.

"No Carlisle, I haven't even found her yet. You'd just be wasting your time out here with me. When I find them I will call, I promise," I said quickly.

"Alright then, you take care and call soon, no matter what happens," he returned.

"Don't worry I will," I promised.

Shutting the phone his concern washed over me. Alice must have told him my strategy. Knowing this made me feel guilty, this would always be his last resort. And, this was my last resort, to rely on such a creature, but I knew of no other way. Every other attempt hadn't worked, leaving me no other choice. I'd never been this close, not even when I hunted James last spring; I'd only closed in on him when he allowed me. I wouldn't allow it to be that way again, so to me this was my last resort.

Heading further south toward Dallas the scent grew stronger. How would I proceed? Did I really have to involve my family more than they already were? Positive I could take care of this situation on my own, I was unwilling to allow them to come to my rescue once more. After all, I am a vampire who posses the same instincts as any other vampire, only I have an advantage most don't. Aware of their minds, all of their plans, certainly that had to allow me the upper hand.

The closer I got to the city the stronger their scent became. Knowing I was getting closer to them, my mind began strategizing. Realizing, a confrontation in a city this size would not be ideal, my mind began formulating plans to get them out of the city. But, first I would have to find them. Finding them before they became aware of my presence was critical. Remaining hidden until the right time, the element of surprise had to remain on my side.

Arriving in Dallas it was evening and the sun was just setting on the horizon. Waiting until the sun had completely disappeared, I sat on the edge of town. This being the part I dreaded most… waiting. The feeling of helplessness washed over me, as there were always obstacles standing in my way, usually dew to my limitations. With all of my strength and speed, reading other people's minds, even being a perfect killing machine, I still had limitations. Freedom eluded me, as there were still so many limitations to my abilities.

Nighttime fell on the city, bringing with it, my time to begin, rising from the ground I made my way into the city. Looking into the minds of the people on the street appeared to be the best way to start. There were many people with several thoughts swirling around. So many unimportant thoughts filled the minds of humans. Many years of observation, into the minds of humans, had taught me that most thoughts are empty and not worth listening to. It was a rare occasion someone would have a thought that would remotely interest me. For the most part, blocking them out became my way of life, having to listen, at this particular moment, was reminder me of why I tuned them out in the first place.

_Did I remember to lock the door? _one woman said.

_Jerry's going to be there at four, I should be there earlier, _came from a brown haired man in a suit.

_Bread, butter and sandwich meat, _said a tiny woman in front of me.

Worry seemed to be the main focus in most human thoughts. Human's worry so much about every little detail there's no escaping it. Surprising me that more of them don't go mad from all the worrying that goes on.

Refocusing, I had a mission here, needing to concentrate. Traveling through the city as quickly as possible searching the minds of these strangers, surely someone had noticed them. Finally, there was a vendor who had seen her a short time ago; she was heading into a nightclub. Making my way to the nightclub, I stood across the street from the alley where the front entrance was.

Here I was doing the one thing on this planet I loathed most… waiting… again. Knowing one thing for certain, she was alone. Her newest vampire was not with her, but I would have to wait until she came out, for any reason behind this. There were too many voices resonating from the club to pin point hers. Having only heard her once in the clearing, she didn't speak enough for me to know for certain which voice was hers.

As the club began to clear out, I listened to everyone who came out. If she were in there, one of these humans had to have seen her. A little woman came out with thoughts shouting from her mind. Clearly she was upset about something that had happened, as her thoughts swirled around very quickly, it was hard to make sense of them. Concentrating on her thoughts, it seemed Victoria was making advances on her boyfriend. Obtaining my goal, Victoria was here after all. Bothering me was that this woman left by herself, she had left her boyfriend with Victoria. Quickly ending my thoughts of taking care of her tonight, I would not risk anybody else's life that way.

The monster inside was not pleased. He had been anticipating a quick resolution, he was far more impatient then I. He was growing excited and could not be contained much longer. Afraid, that when I saw her, he would come apart, I began to take back control. This was not the time, nor the place for him to make an appearance. Not here, in the middle of a city, with so many witnesses to the violence that was certain to occur. There would be a better place for the type of brutality that would surely ensue.

Victoria came out of the club. She was alone. Searching her mind for any clues as to what her plans could be, there were none. She thought nothing of the woman's boyfriend, nothing of her newest vampire. In fact, she had no thoughts at all, except she appeared to be singing in her mind. Replaying the songs she'd heard in the club.

She turned down a street, while I followed close behind, wanting to stay in the shadows, remain undetected. She strolled along humming to herself. As we edged closer out of town she let something slip. She thought of the location of her newest addition to her family. Seeing clearly where he was, she had left him in the forest hiding from civilization. Seeing him now, he eagerly awaited her return… he missed her. His mind was overly consumed with her… every thought was of her… he ached for her. She had created this monster to worship her.

Imagining what I had done to Bella, that was no different than what Victoria had done to this boy. Using our power to draw them in, mixing in our selfishness, had left them defenseless against us. We possess the power to pull you in and keep you there without much effort. Seeing threw this boy's eyes what I had done to Bella made me appalled, agonized. My only solace was giving her the ability to change her life, leaving her human with a chance at a normal life, unlike this poor lad, who was destroyed forever now.

Victoria had a reason for her newest friend, but neither of them was thinking about that, at this moment. Currently they were having a reunion. Deciding to sit this one out, I cleared my mind, and began wondering about her actions. Attempting to figure out the purpose behind all the things she's done. Unscrambling my mind was my priority. She had traveled here, why? She had made her newest friend, why? She left him here as she went to seek out other men, why?

None of this was making sense, unclear of the reasons behind her actions, any intentions she may have. Perhaps, there was no sense to be made. Maybe, she was just surviving like the rest of us, or perhaps she'd rather not be alone. Did she have a plan after all? Had she forgotten about James… moved on? Had I been wrong all along, was there no strategy or plan at all? What if she was existing just like the rest of us were?

There existed another problem for me and that would be whether or not I could handle the two of them. My uncertainty left me believing I may need back up, but I would wait and assess the situation further. Their diet would make them strong, him being brand new would make him even stronger also very unpredictable. With his own blood still running through him, he would be the strongest of us all. If I advanced on them I would have to be successful – having them walk away, intolerable –failure was not an option.

Time passed and Victoria was on the move again, this time she brought the boy with her. Following along, keeping enough distance to see and hear them, I remained hidden from view. His thoughts were the same… he knew nothing other than her… it was disgusting to listen to. I was repulsed to think that Bella thought that way too. Sending shivers down my spine –was it possible Bella thought this way of me? I hoped not.

Victoria on the other hand, was thinking of getting away somewhere far, turning possibilities around her head. She was tossing places around her mind such as England, Australia, and even Canada. But, she appeared to have a soft spot for one place in particular, South America, Brazil to be exact. Being drawn to that place for some reason, her mind swirled with happy thoughts of this specific place.

Brazil, what would she do in Brazil? If Brazil was were she planned on going next, then that is where I would go, too. She was leaving tomorrow, and so was I. Removing my phone from my pocket I dialed the number for the airport.

"American Airlines, may I help you?" the voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Yes, I need a one way ticket to Brazil, departing tomorrow," I answered.

"Let's see if I have an available flight," she responded. "I have a seat on a flight leaving at noon."

"I'll take that, the name is Edmund Lee and my credit card number is…"

Giving her all the information required I was set to leave at noon tomorrow. Feeling satisfied being one step ahead of Victoria for a change. Believing that I had finally got something right, I continued following them. They proceeded a little further along the forest, stopping to settle in for the rest of the night.

When morning arrived, she was determined go to the airport and leave for Brazil. Pleased with myself, I appeared to be getting better at this. My flight left at noon and I would wait until she made her way. She planned to go early to make sure they would obtain a flight out today. It was a foggy day, which would allow us to travel with no problems.

They left for the airport as I followed along. Once there, my departure time was nearing. Waiting as long as I could, I saw them go to the ticket counter. She asked the attendant about flights to Brazil. That was all I needed to hear, I turned and walked to my departure gate arriving before my flight departed. Arriving in Brazil before them would give me the opportunity to see them arrive. Extending my extra-hearing, I attempted to hear their arrival time, before getting on my plane. I was unable to hear before having to board my plane.

Taking my seat, putting on my seat belt, I leaned as far back as the seat would allow. Closing my eyes, Bella appeared, this was my inspiration, the purpose behind all of this. She was my reason for existing doing everything in my power to make certain she always existed. Her face was behind my lids, giving me a sense of peace. She was beautiful every feature, her eyes, her nose, her lips appeared as clear as if she were right in front of me. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

When we landed I made my way off the plane to the terminal. It was brighter here than I had hoped. Having to stay inside the terminal, in the shadows, until the sun went down. This was not a problem since I had to wait for Victoria's plane to arrive. With no idea which plane she would be on, this may be a long day. Making my way to the arrivals board, familiarizing myself with all flights arriving from Dallas. There were four arrivals and I would search all passengers that stepped off of those planes.

Sitting at the gates of the next arrival, I waited. Wondering what would bring her here, what purpose she would have in such a place? Remaining unsure of her plans, I was certain she had some sort of plan.

Finally the flight arrived and I watched as all passengers exited through the gateway. To my disappointment they were not on board. The next two flights produced the same results. With one last flight, I was beginning to get nervous that I had jumped the gun, leaving before they had was a mistake. Waiting to see them get on a plane that was destined for Brazil would have been a better option.

The phone in my pocket rang. Having a good idea of who it was, I answered.

"Alice."

"Edward, where are you? It looks like South America," she said.

"Brazil," I answered.

"What are you doing in Brazil?" she asked.

"Victoria is coming here. She made plans to come here."

"No, Edward, she didn't."

"What do you mean?" I asked, tense.

"You're right, she left Dallas, but the rest is a blur. I'm not certain where she went," Alice said.

"Then how do you know she didn't come here?" I questioned, frustrated.

"Because she didn't get on a plane, Edward. They ran off together. I'm not even certain which way they went, but it was nowhere near an airport. After you flew out, she left, Edward. She must have known you were following," Alice explained.

"Are you certain, Alice?" I asked, disappointed.

"Yes, Edward… I think… you should… come home," she commented.

"I don't think so Alice. I can't," realizing I was wrong.

Everything I'd done was wrong. What would I do now?

"Alice, can you find them? Anything about them? Tell me I haven't lost her, please," I begged.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't see anything. Please come home," she pleaded.

"I can't, that's it. I can't do anything. Please tell Carlisle and Esme not to worry. I'll be okay. Move on find somewhere nice to go. I'll be in touch. Got to go."


	13. Chapter 13

**_As Always everything belongs to Stephaie Meyers._**

13. MISERY

Shutting the phone, the day's events flashed in my mind. Here I was, again. My attempts to right the wrong that I had caused failed once more. How could this happen to me again? Could I not do anything right? Attempting to help the people I loved only seemed to make the situations worse.

Without the ability to return home, I was unwilling to face my family when I had failed so miserably, again. Losing Victoria was a horrible blow, making it impossible for me to continue. A tracker I was not, protecting Bella impossible, what have I done? My only hope was that Alice was correct… that Victoria was not after Bella.

This was not the ending I had envisioned. Expecting to be victorious, accepting my failure was excruciating. What would I do now? Where would I go? Did I not possess the ability to do anything right? Figuring out what to do next eluded me, doubt lingered my mind.

The phone in my pocket rang. Reaching for it I stopped myself. Knowing it was family I wasn't capable of talking to them… not now. Taking the phone from my pocket I opened it and shut off the ringer. Dealing with them, at this moment, would not go well. I would return their call when I had more information, when I could face them.

Nighttime fell and I made my way out of the airport. Hanging around an airport day and night was not the wisest idea. People were bound to ask questions soon or later. Not certain where I was headed, wanting to hide, to disappear from the world, never to be seen again. The only thing I knew for certain was I couldn't remain here. Making my way to the nearest forest I attempted to take refuge from my mistakes.

Picking a spot, deep in the thick of the forest, I crossed my legs and sunk to the ground. It was difficult realizing my efforts were worthless. Continuing was not an option as my attempts never worked out, somehow I always made things worse and I couldn't be responsible for that happening again. Could I do anything right? Was there nothing in this existence that was meant for me? What on this earth would I do now? And, if I were to do anything, what else would I mess up?

It was decided –I would never bother anyone again. Waiting my time out interfering no longer. Everybody would be happier if I remained away. Making the mistakes I've made, I'm certain everyone would be relieved without me in their existence, no doubt lingered my mind about that. With the things I've done, compacted with my misery made me an unpleasant person to be around and I refused to allow them to suffer alongside of me.

Time passed and my existence became a spiral into nothingness. Existence was one meaningless day after another. After two weeks in the thick of this forest it was time to move on. People were heading this way, requiring me move to another spot to wallow in misery. I needed to hunt –in order to keep up my strength –not that I really cared either way. I'd made myself a promise to exist as long as she did, which required me to take care of myself… for now.

When I finished hunting, gaining enough strength to move on, I my way through the forest in search of a better place to settle. Coming across an extensive field of hay growing tall and vast enough, leaving me undetected. Settling in the middle of the field, I sat down. The feeling of the sun on my face was amazing making me realize how much I'd missed it. Struck by inspiration, I opened my phone and listened to my messages.

With my voice mail full, I stared at the phone like it was a key to my past. A past I wasn't particularly fond of remembering. Reminding me of the mistakes I'd made, of the disappointment I'd caused everybody I loved. Listening to the first ten messages was excruciating and I refused to listen to anymore.

Everybody had attempted to call me, including Rosalie. They were all worried, wanting me to return home. How would I call them? What would I say? Surely my failures had made them disappointed in me.

Dialing a number I pressed send.

"Edward, where are you?" Esme asked.

"I'm okay."

"Where have you been?" Esme begged.

"Esme, I'm good. I'm just checking in," I answered solemnly.

"I'm glad you did, but where are you? Are you coming home?" she pleaded.

"No, but I'm in a good place here. You would love it."

"Edward, please… please, come home," Esme begged.

"I can't, not right now… I'm all right. I'll call again, soon. I promise. Bye."

"Edward, no. Don't…"

Shutting the phone, I was crushed. Hearing the hurt in her voice was excruciating making it impossible to listen any longer. Missing her terribly, I missed all of them, but being with them was no place for my miserable self. Allowing them to suffer with me, for my mistakes, for my inability to do the right thing was something I was unprepared to endure.

Calls to my phone continued daily. Their attempts to convince me to return home were hopeless, I couldn't. Ashamed to face my family, to face the disaster that had become my existence, I wasn't prepared for that, not yet. When would this end? When would I be put out of my misery? My wish was that it wouldn't last too long.

Time passed slowly and the calls stopped coming. Had they finally given up on me? Providing me with a sense of relief knowing they wouldn't be sitting around worrying about me. The thought of calling –to at the very least –check in, seeped into my mind, but I thought better of it, the calls had stopped, and I didn't want them to start again. Leaving them to have some peace, hadn't I caused enough trouble?

As I was contemplating all of this I heard someone approaching. She was one of us –this much was obvious as she approached me with caution. But, there was something about her features that were familiar, catching my attention at once. She was unlike most of the vampires that I'd ran into… she appeared more trusting. Our kind tends to be overly suspicious, it's a natural instinct not to trust one another, but her mind seemed pure somehow. Her thoughts were full of curiosity, she had many questions, but that was not the greatest thought she had. Her mental voice was admiring me and I wasn't certain why. I'd had women look at me that way in my time, for the most part I ignored them, but her eyes met mine with such innocence, I couldn't look away.

She approached with ease –worried I would run off –I probably would've attempted, but I couldn't quite move. Feeling frozen in place, knowing that even if I wanted to move, I wouldn't have the strength to. Sitting motionless as she approached, she spoke softly.

"Hello!" she said.

Not answering her, I was here to be alone and wanted to remain that way.

"Don't be afraid! I'm not here to hurt you. I saw you sitting here and wondered what you were doing?" she said in a musical voice.

Still not answering, I hoped by being unresponsive she would get the hint.

"Are you okay?" she asked in the most enduring way, making it difficult to ignore her. This would be the first conversation that hadn't revolved around the misery my life had become. Being the first girl I would talk to –besides my family –since leaving Bella. If I opened my mouth and spoke it would be a betrayal to Bella. Deciding to end this quickly I would send her away without any trouble. Opening my mouth I spoke.

"I just want to be alone, if you don't mind." I answered politely.

"That's okay! You just seem kind of sad and I hoped I could help." She answered.

Staring at her I wasn't quite certain what to make of her. This was not the usual behavior for our kind. Vampires were usually selfish by nature, but she appeared genuine. Reading her thoughts she seemed naïve, sparking my curiosity. If she were a newborn she couldn't be in such control and she would not be alone. Stretching my extra-hearing out further I searched for others, perhaps this was an ambush. There was nothing, no one else was out there. My attention turned back to her.

"If you want me to go, you just have to say so, but I'd rather not. I've been traveling for a while and haven't run into anyone in quite a stretch, it would be nice to have someone to talk to again," she explained.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't be very good company at the present time," I explained.

"That's okay, bad company is better than no company," she said smiling.

She held my glare. Her eyes were piercing as if they saw right through me. There was something odd in the way she held my gaze, almost as if I couldn't look away.

"So why are you out here by yourself anyway?" she asked.

"It's where I belong," Was all I could answer.

"Why's that?" she prodded.

"It's a long story," I said.

"That's all right I have an eternity," she responded with a giggle.

A smile spread across my face and I glanced at her once more. Her eyes were troubling, making me look a little longer than I should have.

"It's not a very interesting story," I finally answered.

"Why don't I be the judge of that?"

Pushy was the word for her and it was apparent that she wasn't going to leave on her own accord. Rummaging through her thoughts there appeared nothing that would concern me, except the thoughts she was having about me. This was nothing I hadn't heard before, but for some reason I couldn't ignore them. Being capable of blocking thoughts and voices I hadn't wanted to hear, I was having trouble doing that at this moment. It was like she had some hold over me, and yet, she sat beside me with the most innocent eyes staring back at me.

Still there was something in her eyes, and then, it came to me… her eyes were golden, not red crimson. That was it. She shared the same diet as I. Could this to be real? I'd never met anyone like us before. We usually had to convince people to submit to our way of life, and here she was with bright golden eyes. Where did she come from? Had I finally lost my mind? Is she part of my delusion?

"Are you going to tell me your story, or should I just leave you alone?" she asked quietly.

"No, I'm not going to tell you my story," I snapped.

She began to get up, but I stopped her.

"But you can stay if you want."

Not knowing what compelled me to say that, I wanted her to leave. This wasn't right. She needed to go. But when I opened my mouth to reveal that to her, it came out a little different then I intended.

"Where did you come from?" I asked, bewildered.

"Nowhere in particular. I travel around a lot," she answered.

"Who was your creator?" I asked.

"No one I care to remember."

She was being very vague which made me feel nervous. Why would she not want to share these details with me? Needing to get answers out of her I kept up the questioning.

"How old are you?"

"Well I was sixteen when I was turned into this," she said.

"And how long ago was that?" the questions just kept pouring out of me.

"I was turned in 1919," she finally answered.

This date sent a jolt threw my body, as this was one year later than my transformation. Could this be a coincidence? Staring at her it was hard to swallow that this was just a coincidence, but I wanted to and I couldn't understand why. More questions were formulating in my mind and I attempted to ignore them. The last time I had this many questions about someone, it hadn't worked out so well and I couldn't risk that happening again, not that I wanted to, either.

Although this time she was definitely not human and I hadn't felt the need to protect her. This girl wouldn't need my protection from anyone… they would only need protecting from her. Even thought she appeared as a helpless young child, she wasn't, she was a perfect killing machine and I wouldn't allow that fact to escape my mind. Her mind held no danger for me. She had the purest thoughts of any mind I'd ever heard.

"Where is your maker now?" I inquired.

"I have no idea. And I really don't care. He wasn't very nice, and I couldn't live they way he did, so I took off. I left him years ago and haven't heard anything about him since. I don't think he was broken hearted though."

"What do you mean 'the way he lived'?"

"Well, that's why I noticed you. Your eyes I should say. I live on the same diet, as you and my creator couldn't understand that. He thought I would get over it and turn to his way of existing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't do that. One night while he was hunting I ran off and never went back. I've been on my own ever since," she explained.

So she'd come to this way of existing on her own. That explains her thoughts; they were beautiful with no signs of danger. She held the sweetest thoughts I'd ever heard. Perhaps, I was dreaming. Had I finally learned how to sleep? Even with all the evidence that presented itself to me, I still had my doubts. For her to appear here, at this time seemed wrong. And for all the thoughts I had against this, I still felt compelled to keep asking her questions.

"That must've been a lonely existence?" I said sympathetically.

"Not so bad. I've run into others every now and then. No one I cared to stay with. You are the only one with the same eyes as me. That's how I knew you wouldn't hurt me. Also, the fact that you were the saddest looking vampire I'd ever seen. You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I couldn't resist the chance to make you feel better."

"That's kind of you, but I don't think that's possible," I answered softly.

"You could give me a chance. But, like I said before, if you want me to leave I will," she said putting her head down.

Wanting to tell her to go. Desiring to be alone. My thoughts won't seem to formulate into spoken words. My tongue was tied and the words wouldn't escape my mouth. Struggling, against this power that seemed to be controlling me, when I attempted to speak the words I wanted, they came out wrong.

"I don't mind if you would like to sit here with me. I can't see what would hold your interest, but if you want to stay… stay."

Stunned by the words that fell out of my mouth, I couldn't make sense of them. Wanting to be alone with my misery, that's not what came out. Where did these words come from? Comprehension was lost to me. What was the matter with me? Did my misery finally have its way with me, leaving me unable to create coherent sentences? Had it been so long since I'd talk to anyone that my brain no longer worked?

Who was this girl? Where had she come from? And, why had it appeared that I wanted her here? The words I released from my mouth, her thoughts swirled around me. She was happy I wanted her to stay. This wasn't good. She was getting the wrong impression here, needing to straighten out the situation, before it was too late. Once again, I made an effort to speak.

"How long do you plan on staying?" stunned by my question, which was not the one I was preparing to ask. She perked up, taking the question the wrong way. Her thoughts were soft and gentle assuming my willingness to allow her to stay. This pleased her. What the hell is wrong with me? Why could I not get rid of this girl?

"As long as you want me," she answered putting her hand on my arm.

My reaction was quick, removing my arm out from under hers. Her touch was the same as mine, the temperature felt perfect. It hadn't felt cool or warm, it was exactly right. Her hand was also soft –not to soft –just soft enough. Quickly back peddling my thoughts, this wasn't right, I forced those thoughts from my head. She giggled embarrassed as her hand dropped.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's alright. You just surprised me."

And she did. How had I not seen that one coming? Was there something wrong with my hearing? I should've known she was going to do that before she'd done it. No one has ever surprised me before except for… there was no reason to bring her into this.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," she said quietly.

"It's okay, don't worry about it!" I said apologetically.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she said apologizing.

"You didn't, it's okay," I repeated.

Suddenly I had the urge to comfort her, to make her feel better. Not wanting her to be saddened by my rude behavior. Having the urge to touch her back, as hard as I struggled against it, the urge was more powerful. I couldn't stop it, commanding my hand not to move, it reached out and took her hand. My head turned to hers… gazing into her eyes I spoke words that that were far from what I thought.

"Really, it's fine. Like I said you just surprised me, that's all," leaving my hand in hers for longer than I should have. Finally she broke my gaze and removed her hand from mine. She settled back wrapping her arms around her legs. Continuing to watch her I was unable to remove my eyes from her.

"So, how long are you planning to stay here for?" she asked me.

"I'm not certain. I have no plans. I'm just waiting," I said.

"Waiting for what?" she questioned.

"I'm not sure. Something new to do, I suppose."

Everything went silent and we remained sitting that way for the rest of the evening. As I sat watching the stars, sifting through her thoughts, there was nothing. She was happy she came across me and was glad I was the same as her. That held majority of her thoughts. She had wondered what my name was, but was afraid to ask… I wasn't certain why. She seemed nervous to speak again, could I blame her after my reaction earlier. Appearing as if I would have to speak first or we would be stuck this way for an eternity. That would be okay too, although it wouldn't be polite.

"What's your name?" I finally asked.

"Elizabeth… What's yours?" she said nervously.

"Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you," I answered holding out my hand.

"The pleasure's all mine," she said shaking my hand.

She meant it. It was her pleasure, appearing to boost her confidence. Again, I held her hand slightly longer than I should have. Not understanding exactly what was going on here, all of my instincts weren't in working order. This girl had some kind of pull on me making me concerned. Did she have some kind of extra power?

As fast as those questions came they were gone again. Searching her thoughts, attempting to find anything that would explain the pull she had on me. Feeling absolutely drawn to her. Knowing one thing for certain… if I wanted to get up and leave… I couldn't. Did I crave company that bad? Had I been out here too long?

Elizabeth suddenly turned to me, cupping my face with her hand, bringing her face closer to mine. Staring into my eyes, holding my gaze, she leaned forward taking my hand with her other hand.

"I'm never going to hurt you. I can tell that someone already has and that is not my intention here. If you are ever unhappy with my presence here, just say the word and I will leave. I only want to make you happy." She spoke softly with love in her voice.

She moved in closer, so that her face was only inches from mine. As much as I wanted to back away, I couldn't, my body wouldn't move. Remaining frozen in place. She tilted her head to the side, brushed her hand down my cheek, down my neck, until it rested on my shoulder. Taking her other hand out of mine, she moved it to the back of my neck and pulled me closer to her.

Her lips pressed ever so lightly to mine, as I remained frozen. She moved her head to the side and began kissing my cheek, slowly moving down to my neck, stopping under the hollow of my ear. Attempting to protest, my thoughts were screaming out, but my mouth wouldn't move. Making her way back up to my lips, she once again pressed her lips to mine, a little harder, attempting to get me to react. To my shock and dismay I did. My lips moved with hers this time. Shock swelled threw my body. What the hell was I doing? Stop this… stop this… I kept yelling at myself, but couldn't seem to. Instead of pushing her away, I put my arms around her, pulling her tighter to me.

My hand traced the line in her back from her neck down to her waist, pulling her tighter. Kissing her vigorously –our mouths moving in synchronicity –the feeling was quite overwhelming. She moved her hands from around my neck bring them forward, placing them on the front of my shirt. Slowly she began unbuttoning my shirt. The feeling of being free suddenly flashed threw me. One by one she unbuttoned and I said nothing, instead I kissed her with more intensity. She slipped my shirt off in one smooth motion. Placing her hands on my chest, she ran them down to my waist and back up again. Then she pressed slightly harder and we fell back to the ground.

She pressed slightly on top of me running her hand across my face. Moving her lips closer to mine we began kissing again. She ran her hand across my chest again as I crushed her to me. This was an unusual experience for me, not having to be so careful, to have the freedom to move at will. Not being used to this, I always had to be on guard with…

That was it… that one thought changed everything in an instant. Snapping back to reality, that one thought reminded me why I was here. Gathering all of my strength I grabbed Elizabeth by the arms and pushed her off me. Grabbing my shirt I quickly got up and ran off. Running as fast as I could, I knew she wouldn't be able to keep up.

After several miles I slowed to a walk falling to the ground. What the hell was that? That wasn't right, something wasn't right. Sitting on the ground I wondered what had happened. Not being able to figure out what that was, now that I was away from her, my mind seemed to be working better. Making no sense, I couldn't understand why I was unable to resist her. She must have some special power that I couldn't sense. Sending me further into misery, unwilling to admit any other reason. There was only one person I wanted and only one person I would ever want.

Having to rid myself of her, to block her from mind, unwilling to think of this again. Certain that it happened, that it was real… I knew I wouldn't want to remember. Banishing this from my mind was the only way I would be able to live with myself. This was a betrayal of the worst kind. Betraying the trust Bella had in me, although I was not with her at this moment, it remained a betrayal. Making me the worst of my kind, selfish was the word I would use. How could I allow this to happen? Needing to get out of here, to move on and never think of this again. Rising off the ground I began running, again.

Leaving the fields I wandered into the city. Being around people again was excruciating, face after face, reminded me of what I had left behind. Passing a woman who had long brown hair, with big chocolate brown eyes, brought my memories back of Bella. Missing her was painful, my chest full of emptiness, but having betrayed her was worse.

Being around people was no place for me… the pain was unbearable. Hiding from public was the only way I could survive. Searching for a place that would suit me, I found a building that had a dark attic that would suit me just fine.

Here I was again, remembering my first meeting with Bella. That first day in school when I wished I were able to sleep. To sleep through the rest of my eternity on this planet was my desire. Since I couldn't do anything right I'd rather wither away in some dark corner. Remaining away from the people I loved so that I never brought harm to anyone again. Spending my existence alone here was the only way and my deepest desire.

Staying in the dark corners allowing me to remain out of trouble. No longer causing pain to the people I loved, I would wait out my existence here. Going back to my family would only cause them pain and suffering, and there was no reason for them to suffer with me. Remaining here with the rats and spiders I would cause no more damage or grief to anyone.

Meaningless.

That's what my life had become.

My existence would be forever meaningless.

Not even able to return to my meadow, as it had been taken over by the wolves. The last place that was truly mine was lost to me forever. Losing everything. That's what had happened. I'd lost everything, and now my life was meaningless.

The hole in my chest grew bigger and I had nothing left. My heart was gone, my body ached and if I were able to cry I would. With nothing left to lose, perhaps, I could return… return to a place that was once happy for me… return to Forks, my true home. If I went back to the cloudy little town, I would return to her.

Returning seemed to be the only answer. To go back and beg on my knees for the rest of her life seemed a better than the existence I was now having. But what if I returned and she didn't want me? Or worse, what if she moved on with someone else, as I'd wished for her? Was this something I was prepared for? Was this something I could deal with?

No… I couldn't return… I'd promised.

What if she were in danger? What if she needed me? How would I know?

Here I sat, making up excuses in my mind, any reason to justify breaking my own promise. Would I stop at nothing to get what I wanted? The selfish creature inside was pleading with me. Persuading me to check on her, just to make certain everything was okay.

Closing my eyes I could see the alluring image of Bella's window enticing me. This image was forever behind my lids along with the vision of her face. She haunted my every thought, my every memory. There was no escaping the vision of her. Seeing her in strangers walking down the street, women with brown hair and brown eyes reminded me of her. There was no way to get away from it, as hard as I tried.

Wanting to be with her, desiring to be near her, I could just go back…

No. No. No… I wouldn't do that… I couldn't do that.

As hard as it was to leave the first time, if I returned, I could never leave again. Returning would mean putting her in danger for the rest of her life. My world would be dangerous to her. My world has no place for an angel such as Bella. Leaving and remaining away gave her the only chance at a peaceful life, without the dangers of my existence.

Leaving her world alone was my promise and I intended to keep my word. 'It would be like I never existed' were the last words I'd said to her, and it had to be. I'd removed all evidence of myself from her world and left with a clean break. Going back now would destroy everything I attempted to do and I refused to do that.

What was my pain in the greater scheme of things? My pain and suffering was nothing compared to her having a normal peaceful human existence. She was meant to live a long and happy existence. She was meant to get married, to have babies and none of that would be possible with me, I couldn't give her that.

Having seen the vision of her on her wedding day, in a long white gown and scarlet red cheeks, she was definitely human… and happy. This was the only outcome that I could agree to. Doing everything in my power to make certain this would be her happy ending.

My family was a different story. Returning to them would be too difficult, at this time. Having to face Carlisle and Esme after my appalling failures would be too excruciating. Their expectations of me were something I was unable to live up to. They always thought too highly of me and I've never deserved their praises. Now it seemed as if I would never become the person they always presented me as.

Then there was Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie was probably glad I was gone. She remained mad at me for ruining her perfect little existence, so it's safe to say that she wouldn't care what became of me. Emmett, on the other hand, was my true brother, and I'm certain he would not accept me leaving so easily, but he would have to know this was for the best. Surely, he wouldn't want to live with me, as miserable as I was.

Leaving Alice and Jasper. What would I do without Alice? She was my shadow, always in my head with me. Seeing her visions and having our private conversations was something I'd grown accustom to, and living without them would take some time to get use to. Missing that part of myself, I was certain she wouldn't want to know what was in my head at this time. As for Jasper, even his gift couldn't help me now, this I was certain of. There was no masking this kind of agony.

As I saw it my family would be better off without my presence. Knowing they wouldn't give up on me that easy, they had already started the phone pool again, taking turns calling me constantly. Sooner or later they would stop calling and wait for me to contact them. And I would, eventually. Time was all I needed.

Sitting here, hearing the constant chatter in the tenement below me, they were all speaking Spanish, I understood them, but blocked the actual words. The raunchy smell of cooking oil filled the air in the room around me, and I wondered how long it would be before the smell and noise would drive me mad.

Perhaps, I was already mad. Maybe, being totally empty inside, along with the meaningless existence my life had become, was insanity. Had I finally hit the point of no return, the deeps of darkness that there was no coming back from? Was this to be my place for eternity? Again, I wished I were able to sleep.

If I were able to sleep… I could dream… dream of a new life. I could dream of a new existence for myself –even if it was only imaginary –allowing me the strength to make it through the next seventy-years. Dreaming would allow me to exist side-by-side with Bella and bring her no harm. Dreaming was my wish, but death was my desire.

Dying, or whatever it was we did, would allow me to end this meaningless existence that was now my life. My hope was that something else existed for me after my time here. One hundred years here was long enough, but I wouldn't move on until she had. And so… that left the one thing that I absolutely loathed… waiting.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Flipping it open to check whom it was. There was no way I would answer it. I wasn't ready to talk right now… especially not to her.

_**Thank you for reading and reviews are allows nice. I know events in this chapter seem odd and out of the blue, but rest assured there was a reason for this. When I was writing this I knew I just had to write it and I was stunned as I had no reason why. It was only when I got to book 4 I discovered the reason for this chapter. So please bear with me and I promise it will all be revealed in the end. And just for your information the rest of this book and book 3 will follow along with Stephanie's book. I know how much people love that I have stayed in line with the books.**_


	14. Chapter 14

STRATEGIES

The phone rang, and rang, and rang, until the voice mail finally answered. Rather hoping he would pick up, I was certain he wouldn't. Confused, I was sure I couldn't leave this on a message. It was too important and I knew we had to act immediately. So if he wouldn't answer I would have to take care of it myself.

Edward would not be happy, certainly he would be angry when he found out. And, he would find out, for there was no possible way of keeping anything from him for very long, someone would make a mistake sooner or later. Knowing it was for his benefit, I still hated lying to him. With him in such a terrible state of mind he wouldn't be able to handle a situation such as this. Making him insanely crazed, he would stop at nothing to make certain she was safe. We would not allow anything to happen to her either. Whether he liked it or not she was part of our family, which meant we would protect her from anything. At least, that was what I told myself in order to lie to him proficiently.

Bella was my sister, she always would be and protecting her became my job now. Which is what first prompted me to check on her. Following his rules for months was excruciating. Every fiber in me wanted to sneak a peek, but I respected his wishes and stayed away from her. That was until the vision came. It was so swift, just a blur really, but it peaked my curiosity. Fumbling around for days arguing with myself about what was right. As much I loved and respected my brother, I also knew that my visions came for a reason. There were two reasons I would get a vision that I wasn't looking for, one was that person was in trouble, or two they'd made a major decision, a life changing decision.

Frustrated I decided I would speak to Carlisle; ask his advice about how to handle this vision. Perhaps he could offer some wisdom on how to proceed.

"Carlisle, could we speak for a moment?" I asked.

Glancing at me with concern on his face, he walked out the front door with me. Once on the porch he turned and closed the door.

"What is it Alice, is it Edward?" Carlisle asked anxiously.

"No, it's not him directly, I mean he's alright," I answered.

"Then what is it? What's wrong?" he asked concerned.

"I've had a vision… of Bella. And I don't know what to make of it," I said quickly.

"What was your vision?"

"It was very blurry for a moment and then she disappeared," I said anxiously.

"What do you mean she disappeared?" Carlisle spoke anxiously.

"I'm not certain what it means. Carlisle I'm worried I like to check on her, but I promised I wouldn't. What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not sure. She disappeared? That makes things more complicated. If she had God forbidden, died, you would have seen that, but disappeared. I don't know what to think of that. I think we should discuss this with everyone, get some other opinions."

"If you think that's best," I said quietly.

"You know how he will feel, I think this should involve everyone, since we will all have to life with him if this turns out to be nothing. We can't hide this from him Alice, not for long anyway," Carlisle summarized.

"I know that's the reason for my indecision. Let's go and ask what they think," I said walking back into the house.

Carlisle began the discussion.

"Everyone we need to have a meeting, please join me at the table," Carlisle spoke with authority.

Everyone assembled around the dining room table, taking their seats with true curiosity on their faces. Carlisle spoke first to my relief.

"Alice has had an unusual experience that she would like everyone's opinion on how to proceed. Alice," Carlisle said turning the floor over to me.

"Well, I've had a vision of Bella," I said quickly. Jasper gasped at me.

"I didn't go looking for this, as promised, I didn't cheat. This one just came to me, unwilling," I quickly responded.

"Well, what was the vision Alice?" Rosalie asked.

"It was very swift and blurry, I couldn't really seen anything except her, and then she disappeared," I answered.

"What do you mean disappeared?" Esme said softly.

"She vanished," I said.

"What does that mean?" Emmett asked. "Does that mean she's… dead?" he asked gravely.

"I don't know, Emmett," I said softly.

Carlisle interjected at this point. "Alice would like permission to look for Bella, to see what's going on. We all know how Edward feels about this. What I'm asking is for everyone to tell us what they would like done. Should Alice search for Bella or just leave it alone as Edward wishes? Remember he will find out eventually and he won't be happy that Alice disobeyed him… we will all be to blame for that. If we allow her to look, we do it as a group, or not all," Carlisle explained.

"I think she should make sure she's alright," Esme pleaded.

"Me too!" Jasper added.

"He's going to be really mad that we didn't discuss this with him, but if there is something wrong we need to know, he needs to know. So I say yes," Emmett said.

"Well I'm already out voted, besides he'd be even madder if we did nothing," Rosalie said quietly.

"Well, I guess that's it, Alice you have our permission to look for Bella," Carlisle voiced.

"Thank you all, and I promise I won't interfere unless it's necessary. I also won't tell you anything that isn't important. I will watch for anything," I promised.

"What are we going to do about Edward? When will he return Alice?" Carlisle asked.

Sitting motionless I searched for Edward.

"It's uncertain, he has no plans to return," I answered.

"We have to decide if we will tell him," Carlisle spoke.

"NO!" I shouted. "We can't he'll be angry. We shouldn't tell him anything until we have something to tell him. This maybe nothing," I said anxiously.

"What does everyone else think?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm with Alice," Jasper said.

"Me too," Rosalie responded.

"There's no use upsetting him for no reason," Esme said quietly.

"I don't like lying to him, but I think maybe your right," Emmett agreed.

"Alright, it's unanimous we have to hide this from him. Can you all do that?" Carlisle asked.

Slowly everyone nodded their heads.

"It will make it easier with him gone, but if he comes back, or calls everyone has to remember to keep quiet. No thoughts about this if you're on the phone with him. Until Alice verifies what she's seen keep this out of your heads. When we know something we will inform him. Does everyone agreed?" Carlisle asked again.

Everyone nodded their heads, again.

Wanting to figure out what I saw, I wished I could see her now, but it was hopeless. Deciding to take a break I went to my computer to work on my designs, needing a distraction. Although, I was tuned into to her for more than half a year, I was having trouble seeing her now. Maybe, it was being away from her for so long, maybe, there was nothing wrong. At this moment, I didn't know why I couldn't see her. My mind needed to be clear, these visions needed to come on their own if they were to make any sense. If I tried to push them they'd be distorted. Perhaps, that's what happened… enough… designing, I'm just designing a new dress.

Jasper came to sit by me, glancing at me with a concerned look in his eyes. I glared back attempting to calm him. Leaning in I kissed his cheek, he kissed me back putting his arm around my shoulder. We sat while I worked designing a new dress.

Sitting with a fresh mind the visions came swiftly. She was easy to locate. Having no trouble finding her at this time, what was going on? Was there something wrong with my gift? None of this was making much sense and I didn't know what to make of it. The only good thing that was I could see her know.

She appeared well as she sat at the kitchen table with Charlie. My visions were all short, her at work, her at school and her at home in her room. In every one of my visions she appeared fine on the surface, but I could sense something wasn't right. It wasn't anything obvious, just something in the way she appeared. Since I'd seen what I was looking for, I suppose it was time to leave her alone. She was alive and appeared to be moving on, as he wished for her. I would leave Bella to have some peace in her life.

Getting up I went to the dinning room table where Carlisle and Esme were sitting. I sat frustrated with only one answer for them; I wish I were able to provide more.

"Carlisle, I've seen Bella, and though I'm not convinced, it she appears well and alive," I told them.

"You've seen her?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, I've seen her at work, school and home, everything looks fine. I'm sorry I made you worry for nothing, and I promise to stay away from her as Edward requested," I said in defeat.

"It's fine Alice, we were all worried with your vision, and I'm glad you came to us. Don't hesitate to do it again," Carlisle said.

"I won't," I returned.

With that I was up from the table and went to my computer. Jasper joined me quickly. Without saying anything I felt a sudden ease come over me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"No problem, you look like you could use some relaxation," Jasper said.

"I could. Too many things to look out for," I answered. "Thank you for always looking out for me," I finished.

"You need to hunt, it's been a while," he offered.

"Perhaps your right, let's go, maybe it will help," I said grabbing his hand.

We were out the door and through the forest in a blink. Stopping abruptly I turned to Jasper pulling him close to me. He pulled me even tighter and kissed me. It had been a long while since we had some time alone, too long. With all that had taken place and with Jasper feeling that this was his fault, I realized that we had forgotten about each other. With so many people living under one roof, it was easy to be distracted from the important things. Deciding we would spend the rest of the night together, perhaps remember why we were doing all of this in the first place. We clasped to the ground where we would remain for the rest of the night.

As the sun began to rise, so did I. It was time to return to Tanya's, to return to the others. It was time to start making plans for the future. To figure out where it was we were heading next. Having a good idea, time had come to start implementing that plan. We had intruded on Tanya and her family long enough, and since I don't see us returning to Forks, it was time. Edward had decided that for us, and even though I thought he might change his mind, he was more determined than ever, not to return.

"Jasper," I whispered.

"Yes," he replied.

"It's time to head back," I answered.

"I know. I was just enjoying myself for as long as I could," he smiled at me.

"I know. But it really is time. We have things to discuss with everyone. It's time to move on," I finished.

He rose and we began running. Within one minute we were back at Tanya's house. Walking through the front door everyone turned to look.

"Everyone, there are things we need to discuss," I announced.

Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Esme came to the table where Carlisle was already sitting with Tanya.

"It's time to start thinking of where we will go next. I hoped Edward would change his mind, that's what I've been waiting for, but it's decided. He's decided and he's not returning."

"Are you certain, Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"All right then, I'm open to ideas," Carlisle spoke.

"We were thinking of going to Europe for a couple of months," Emmett began.

"That's sounds wonderful," Esme offered. "There are so many things to do."

"What are your ideas Carlisle?" Rosalie asked.

"I thought about teaching, I've been offered a job at Cornell," Carlisle responded.

"Well, I was thinking about taking some classes," Jasper added.

"So we can stay together," Esme spoke up.

"What about Edward, Alice? What do you see?" Carlisle questioned.

"Nothing certain yet, he hasn't decided that much?" I answered.

"Well, we wait for him then, when he decides, we decide," Carlisle finished.

"No, Carlisle, he wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want us to sit and wait. He wants us to move on and I think we should," I said solemnly.

"Well… I suppose we could go and see Cornell. Jasper classes will begin soon. Cornell it is," he said as a statement more than a decision.

Understanding what Carlisle was waiting for –Edward to return –he couldn't believe he wouldn't. From what I saw, Edward would not return anytime soon. He was living in misery and I wished he would show me where he was, but he wouldn't. I'm not certain he knows where he is, if he had, he gave no indications either way.

Carlisle and Esme were about to head down to Cornell and look around. Searching for the place we would go next they were preparing for the move. Jasper wanted to go back to college, so maybe this would be good all around. Wishing we could convince Edward to come back. He would enjoy college… he always had in the past.

Jasper and Emmett went hunting, which left Rosalie and I to fend for ourselves. Tanya and Kate left for a trip of their own.

"What do you want to do today Rose?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. What do you want to do?" she said as she looked at herself in the glass window.

"Shopping trip?" I said with enthusiasm.

"Sure, I'm up for that. Where do you want to go?"

We left for Seattle and had a day of shopping. It had been a long time since we had enjoyed ourselves, especially Rose and I. With so many things going on and nowhere in particular to live, it was good to get out and have no worries for a change. Rose and I really enjoyed ourselves, so when we returned to Tanya's we were surprised to find everyone already home.

Walking in the door everyone was at the table. Their faces we long, they seemed worried about something. Searching ahead I saw that the decision was made, we were leaving, as soon as tomorrow. Dropping my bags, this felt wrong, to leave without him felt wrong.

"Were leaving?" I asked.

"Yes, were going tomorrow," Carlisle, answered.

"Well… that's the way he wants it. We should do as he wishes. There's no reason to wait any longer. Rose, have fun in Europe!" I stated.

Rose gave me a wry look.

"Don't worry, you'll have fun."

Emmett jumped up and ran to Rose's side.

"You'll love it, I promise. We need this. We need to get away," Emmett pleaded.

"I know… it just seems so final," Rosalie said sadly.

"It's going to be hard for us all, but it must be done," Carlisle interrupted.

"Does he know?" I asked.

"We've attempted to call, he won't answer. I left a message letting him know where we were heading," Carlisle said.

"That's the best we can do. When he's ready, he'll answer," I said softly.

"Shouldn't we try to find him?" Emmett questioned.

"No, he doesn't want that. As much as I want to find him, he needs time. We should respect his wishes. Believe me Emmett I'm keeping my eye on him. If something appears wrong, I'll be there," I explained.

"You know where he is?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know exactly, but I know the vicinity," I said.

"Are you sure we shouldn't go look for him, Carlisle," Emmett asked.

"No, this has to be very difficult for him. He just needs some time Emmett. We can give him that can't we? We can't be selfish about this, he needs our understanding right now," Carlisle assured us.

"Alice, keep a good eye on him. I'm so sad we can't help him and so worried about him. I couldn't stand if we missed something we needed to see," Esme said.

"I will Esme, I don't want anything happening, either. I'm keeping watch carefully," I promised.

"Well then, let's get on with it. You all know what to do now. Everybody get ready, we'll leave tomorrow. I start my new job on Monday and Jasper begins classes on Tuesday," Carlisle stated.

Everyone proceeded with their duties. When we moved on, again we all had specific things to do and we all knew our parts. Edwards job was always making certain there were no stories left behind, that no one suspected anything. Since there was no reason to watch anyone here we would not need his assistance.

Time passed slowly, his absence was visible in everyone. Carlisle and Esme were extremely sad. They hardly ever smiled and were in constant state of misery. To them their family was separated and it felt as if we would never be together again.

We called Edward often, still never hearing a word from him. Keeping watch over him strained me for he was extremely miserable. Wanting to help him, desiring to go, find him and bring him home. I wasn't able to, knowing he wouldn't come, knowing he would be very angry if I attempted to find him. All I was able to do was watch.

With March break approaching fast, it brought some relief from our pain. Rosalie and Emmett would return from Europe, which would make Esme feel a little better. Some of her family would return providing her some peace. We were all heading to visit Tanya and her family in Denali for the break.

Edward called once in a while to keep us at bay. He attempted to sound normal, but I knew better. He wasn't able to hide from me, knowing he was out there, all alone, living in totally misery made me feel helpless. Wanting to go to him, to reassure him that things would be better, I couldn't. Not able to see anything getting better for him, only he could make things better, and there was only one way he could make it better.

Carlisle's teaching position was going well and he really enjoyed it. Working with people again seemed to bring him some pleasure. He was still sad about Edward and wished he were able to help him, but at least he had some pleasure. Esme was busying herself with renovating a house, which is what she enjoyed doing the most. The house was starting to look beautiful as all her homes always had.

Jasper was enjoying school as much as he could. It was difficult for him with the guilt that still remained along with being close to humans again, but he was doing well. His classes kept him busy leaving him focused on doing the work.

I, on the other hand, kept vigil for Edward, watching him as much as possible. He was conflicted, always on the edge of returning to her, but not able to. He was constantly fighting himself, but he would not give in, stubborn was the word I'd use. If he could see what I had, this would no longer be an issue. He would return to her, he would be happy and she would be happy too. Refusing to see that, he was so blind in his attempt to keep her human.

We all arrived in Denali at about the same time. It was a sweet reunion that was a long time coming. Seeing Esme smiling again was worth it. Rosalie and Emmett had returned from their trip and were home to stay. Bringing some relief to Carlisle and Esme who were happy that most of their family was back home with them. There was only one missing and he refused to return anytime soon.

"We should go get him, it's been long enough," Emmett pleaded.

"Emmett I would love to, but I'm afraid we'd be wasting our time, he's not ready yet," I answered.

"Is he okay?" he asked.

"As good as anyone can be under the circumstances," I replied.

"I've tried to call, but he still won't answer," Emmett offered.

"I've talked to him a couple of times and he's just as sad as the first day. I'm not sure he'll ever get over this," Carlisle said.

"Well, we can't just leave him out there, we have to do something," Rosalie interjected.

"We will… were going to give him a bit more time to make the decision himself. If he doesn't return by the end of this month, we'll go get him and bring him home," Carlisle explained. "But it won't be easy. Alice sees that he is living with constant guilt over everything that happened. That is not an easy thing to get over," Carlisle ended.

"Guilty about what?" Emmett asked.

"Everything… Bella… Jasper, everything that happened he feels it is his entire fault. He fights with himself daily about whether to return to her or not. He hasn't wavered though… he's stronger than I gave him credit for. I thought he would return by now and there were a couple of close calls, but he didn't. He just sits there, doing nothing," I explained.

"Are you worried he'll do something to himself?" Emmett asked panicked.

"No… he made a promise to himself that he would exist as long as she did. By my calculation we have sixty-eight years before we have to worry about that," I said.

"Okay that's settled. We wait till the end of the month. If he's not back we go and drag him home," Carlisle said.

Everyone decided to go hunting only Rosalie and I stayed behind. It would be nice to spend the day with my sister again… it had been too long. After everyone was gone, Rose and I sat at the dining room table. She went on and on about their trip, everything they saw, everywhere they went. It wasn't that I wasn't interested because I was, I just couldn't concentrate on the words she was saying. A greater force was blocking them. Becoming very still my face went blank… I could no longer hear anything Rosalie was saying.

This vision came swiftly, faster than most, and it was clear… I could see her perfectly. With a gasp I saw Bella, standing on the edge of a cliff. She stood looking down for a moment. To my horror and shock she jumped, falling down into the waiting waters below. I froze waiting… waiting… waiting for her to come up… but she never did. I keep searching certain I had missed her surfacing, but she hadn't.

"NO!" I cried out.

"What is it, Alice?" Rosalie asked concerned.

"NO! She wouldn't, she couldn't," I screamed.

"Alice, tell me what's wrong?" Rosalie grabbed my arm.

"It's Bella, Rose," I said turning to look at her face.

"Alice, What happened?" Rosalie shouted.

"It's Bella," I shouted.

"What about her? What happened?" Rosalie asked.

"She jumped… of… a cliff. Rose, she didn't come up," Rosalie gasped.

"What? Are you sure?" Rosalie demanded.

"Yes, I'm sure. She never surfaced, Rose. She's… dead."

"Are you absolutely certain, Alice?" Rosalie asked calmly.

"Yes, I've go to go, Rose."

Running to the other room gathering my things. Rosalie followed me yelling.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to Forks. I have to help her. There must be something I can do for her," I answered.

"Shouldn't we call Edward?" Rosalie asked.

"No, not yet. I've got to go. I'll call when I'm there."

With that I was out the door running through the forest. Heading towards the nearest airport at full speed I keep searching for her, but still there was nothing. Bella was nowhere to be found. What was she thinking? Knowing something like this would happen… I warned him that it would. Why wouldn't he listen to me?

What would this do to him? How would we tell him? There was no easy way to do it. He would blame himself… he would think it was because of him. Why would he not listen to me when I told him she couldn't live without him? Hoping and praying I was wrong… I knew I wasn't.


	15. Chapter 15

17. ITALY

The phone in my pocket vibrated again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours. The thought crossed my mind to open it, at least seeing who was trying to contact me. Perhaps, it was important. Maybe, Carlisle needed me.

I thought about it, but I did not move.

I wasn't precisely sure where I was. Some dark attic crawl space, full of rats and spiders. The spiders ignored me, and the rats gave me a wide berth. The air was thick with the heavy scents of cooking oil, rancid meat, human sweat, and the nearly solid layer of pollution that was actually visible in the humid air, like a black film over everything. Below me, four stories of a rickety ghetto tenement teamed with life. I didn't bother to separate the thoughts from the voices –they made a big, loud Spanish clamor that I didn't listen to. I just let the sounds bounce off me. Meaningless. All of it was meaningless. My very existence was meaningless.

The whole world was meaningless.

My forehead pressed against my knees, and I wondered how much longer I would be able to stand this. Maybe, it was hopeless. Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, I should stop torturing myself and just go back…

The idea was so powerful, so healing –like the words contained a strong aesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under –that made me gasp, made me dizzy.

I could leave now… I could go back.

Bella's face, always behind the lids of my eyes, smiled at me.

It was a smile of welcome, of forgiveness, but it did not have the affect my subconscious probably intended it to have.

Of course I could not go back. What was my pain, after all, in comparison to her happiness? She should be able to smile, free from fear and danger. Free from a longing for a soulless future. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here.

The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. My body shook with it. When Bella went on to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion. There must be relief.

That was my hope, but there were no guarantees. _To sleep, perchance to dream. Ah, there's the rub,_ I quoted to myself. Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel the torture of her loss?

I shuddered again.

And, damn it, I'd promised. I'd promised her that I wouldn't haunt her life again; bring my black demons into it. I wasn't going back on my word. Couldn't I do anything right by her? Anything at all?

The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home on this planet snaked through my thoughts again.

Just to check. Just to see that she's well and safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there…

No. Damn it, no.

The phone vibrated again.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it," I growled.

I could use the distraction, I supposed. I flipped the phone open and registered the numbers with the first shock I'd felt in half a year.

Why would Rosalie be calling me? She was the one person who was probably enjoying my absence.

There must be something truly wrong if she needed to talk to me. Suddenly worried for my family, I hit the send button.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honored."

As soon as I heard her tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was hard to guess at her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made sense to me. Her impulses were usually founded on the most convoluted kinds of logic.

I snapped the phone shut.

"Leave me alone," I whispered to nobody.

Of course the phone vibrated again at once.

Would she keep calling until she passed along whatever message she was planning to annoy me with? Probably. It would take months for her to grow tired of this game. I toyed with the idea of her letting her hit redial for the next half year… and then sighed and answered the phone again.

"Get on with it."

Rosalie rushed through the words. "I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks."

Opening my eyes I stared at the rotten wooden beams three inches from my face.

"What?" My voice was flat, emotionless.

"You know how Alice is –thinks she knows everything. Like you," Rosalie chuckled humorlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing.

But my rage made it hard to care what Rosalie's problem was.

Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my lead in regards to Bella, though she did not agree with my decision. She'd promised that she would leave Bella alone… for as long as I did. Clearly, she'd thought I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe, she was right about that.

But I hadn't. Yet. So what was she doing in Forks? I wanted to wring her skinny neck. Not that Jasper would let me get that close to her, once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me…

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I didn't answer. Pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it were possible for a vampire to get a migraine.

On the other hand, if Alice had already gone back…

No. No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

Repeating the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the seductive image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

No doubt I would have to grovel, were I to return. I didn't mind that. I could happily spend the next decade on my knees if I were with her.

No, no, no.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie's voice turned a trifle smug now, pleased, no doubt, that she'd forced a response from me. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right?" My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea. She hadn't graduated yet, so she must have returned to her mother. That was good. She should live in sunshine. It was good that she'd been able to put the shadows behind her.

I tried to swallow, and couldn't.

Rosalie trilled a nervous laugh. "So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!"

"Wait!" she said, sensing, rightly, that I was about to hang up again. "That's not why I called."

"Then why? Tell me quickly, and then leave me alone."

"Well…" she hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie said in a rush. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle…"

"I am thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I didn't answer.

"I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," I said, trying to be patient. What she'd said about Esme and Carlisle had struck a chord. "Just because Bella" –it was hard to say her name out loud- "has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I'm able… Look, Rosalie. I really am sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."

"Um…"

There it was, that nervous hesitation again.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme all right? Is Carlisle…"

"They're fine. It's just… well, I didn't say that Bella moved."

I didn't speak. I ran over our conversation in my head. Yes, Rosalie had said that Bella had moved. She'd said: …_you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter. _And then:_ I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished…_ So Bella wasn't in Forks. What did she mean, Bella hadn't moved?

Then Rosalie was rushing through her words again, saying them almost angrily this time.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this; the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind seemed to be broken. I couldn't make sense of her words. It was like there was something very, very obvious she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was. My brain played with the information, making strange patterns of it. Nonsensical.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

A long pause, the length of a few human heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

A longer pause.

"I'm… sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella… threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him…"

The phone went dead. It took me a few seconds to realize that I'd shut the power off.

Sitting in the dusty darkness for a long, frozen space. It was like time had ended. Like the universe had stopped.

Slowly, moving like an old man, I turned my phone back on and dialed the one number I'd promised myself I would never call again.

If it were she, I would hang up. If it were Charlie, I'd get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong, and then go back to my nothingness.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.

Not pausing to think about the implications of that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again.

It's true, she's…

How could…

She'd jump off a…

The world stopped spinning, the universe began to close in on me, and my brain stopped functioning. I sat, in this old, rickety, bug infested, dark place completely shut down. Nothing seemed to work, not my body, not my brain, I'd lost the ability to think, I'd lost the ability to move. I'd forgotten how to do everything as my mind sat empty. Emptiness had finally had its way with me and nothing remained.

Time passed. With no awareness of how much time had passed, time held no interest for me anymore. Replaying my conversation with Rosalie over and over again in my mind, it couldn't be real. But, when I added in the boy's voice telling me Charlie was at the funeral, there was no denying it.

Bella was gone. My angel no longer existed. They had come for her and taken her to heaven. There was no doubt lingering my mind about that. If there was ever a person meant for heaven it would be Bella. This was too early. She was meant to live a long and happy life. What had happened that this was cut short? How could she possibly do this to Charlie… to herself?

Questioning the whys was useless at this time, the fact that she was… and I was left finding it impossible to wrap my mind around it. Shouldn't I feel different? Shouldn't I feel something? I had nothing, just emptiness. Perhaps, it would sink in later, but I wasn't planning on being around to find out. With a strategy worked out for when this day came, I had a plan and was eager to execute it. Timing was everything and believing there would be many years before this day would come, adjusting my plan became priority one.

Implementing my strategy required traveling to a place where I believed it could be fulfilled. There was only one place on this planet, where fulfilling my wishes could be possible, and my desire were to be they're as quick as possible. Requiring me to get up and remove myself from this dark, dingy place. Even though, I commanded my body to move… it remained motionless.

With the many thoughts swirling my mind, time was my enemy. Needing a small amount of time –for my body to catch up with my thoughts –time was the one thing I required at this moment. Perhaps, this was shock, never having experienced it before, I wasn't certain. My mind worked quickly, sifting through all possible scenarios that could occur. I had a plan of where this would take place, along with the knowledge of how I would get there; the last part of my plan always remained when. The when was now… and I would wait no longer. Rising from the tomb that had become my unconsciousness, I made my way out of the darkness.

Reaching for the phone in my pocket I dialed the number for the airport.

Realizing I was in Brazil, I would arrange to be on the first flight to Italy. An argument ensued with the customer service representative, as she attempted to convince me the first available flight wouldn't be for three days. She stood fast, so I hung up, aggravated. Dialing the number for a different airline, when answered, I was immediately put on hold. Growing impatient I shut my phone tossing it in the nearest garbage can. Determining the best solution would be to head directly to the airport to find a flight in person.

Arriving at the airport, I hurried to the first ticket counter available. Approaching the counter, a woman sat smiling eager to serve me. My hope was that she possessed the ability to help me. Needing a flight out today, I strolled to the counter as her mental voice spoke very loudly.

_Wow look at this. I'm glad I was here for this._ "May I help you?"

Perhaps, this would be easy, with a reaction like that, it should be.

"I hope so," I replied with a smile, looking directly into her eyes, wishing very much that my eyes were a lighter golden, but positive they were black. Not a very pleasing color when attempting to –as Bella always referred to it –dazzle someone.

_Anything for you..._ "I'm sure I can, what do you need?" she asked.

"I need a flight to Italy. The first one available." I requested.

_He's leaving that's unfortunate._ "Well, let's see what I can do."

She began typing in her computer. Growing impatient I began tapping my fingers on the counter. She glanced up at me, which made me stopped.

"Well, there we go, I have a flight in an hour. Will that do?" she smiled at me.

"Yes, I'll take it," I said handing her my credit card and I.D.

"Will you be requiring a return flight, Mr. Lee?" she asked eagerly. _Let's hope!_

"No thank you, this is a one way trip," I answered.

_That's too bad. I would like to see him again._ Her mental voice continued, it had more to say, but I had no interest. She processed everything, handing everything –including the airline ticket –back to me.

"Go to Gate 3, and have a good trip Mr. Lee!" she ended with exhilaration. _Hope I see you again soon._

"Thank you."

With that I turned and walked away. Managing to get through security quickly, I was too early for my flight. This provided me a moment to process all the information that I had received today. My mind twisted with so many unanswered questions. Why now? It had been six months since I'd left, certainly enough time for her –a human –to forget. Memories faded over time for humans. Could this be about me? It was impossible to believe. Had she not moved on as I wished for her? What have I done?

It seemed the nightmare of my existence was never going to end. Allowing this to continue, for as long I had, without any regards to the consequences of my actions, was the most hideous act of my existence. A monster I truly was, allowing myself to destroy the one pure thing I'd found in this world.

Providing me a little peace, the fact that this nightmare would be over –one-way or another –in less than twenty-four hours. The monster would be quieted for all eternity, making me eager for a resolution such as that. This would never happen again, my plan would make certain of that. If by some small chance this had nothing to do with me –as I was always the cause of misery –I would not exist without her. Attempting to figure out what went wrong was pointless, when this would be over soon.

As the boarding for my plane began, I proceeded to line up with the other passengers. Once on the plane, I put my seat belt on and closed my eyes. Wanting to return –to a time when things were happy –I sat back and thought of my time with Bella. Existing with her brought me such pleasure, more pleasure than I had in the eighty years, and I was grateful for the experience. I wouldn't have missed that for anything in this world. As my lids fell closed, Bella's face appeared, with her beautiful smile and scarlet red cheeks, she never looked more beautiful. I spent the rest of the flight with my wonderful memories.

Arriving in Italy, I still had to make my way to Volterra city. I would have to perform one more criminal act, but I'm certain it won't matter now it was already too late for me. I'd sealed my fate –losing my soul –when I'd become a vampire, and if that weren't enough… I'd already broke most of the commandments in my time. Certainly heaven had no room for someone such as me… if in fact there was a heaven. I have yet to be convinced of the whole God and heaven concept.

Walking through the parking garage, I searched for a vehicle that would take me to my destination. Picking a vehicle that had tinted windows, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, it had to be inconspicuous too. Finding one that would do the job, I eased into the drivers seat and within two minutes I was pulling out of the garage.

Passing by Florence, I proceeded up the road towards Volterra. With my plan swirling my mind, my mission here wouldn't waver. Convincing them shouldn't be that difficult, they wouldn't be able to say no. How could they? Why would they? This would be nothing to them, affecting them in no way. They would have no reason to say no. My wish was that this would happen swiftly, without any hesitation, finally bringing to an end my nightmare existence.

I began the steep climb toward the ancient walls of the city. Darkness was falling on the city making me grateful to be able to move throughout the city with ease. Slowing down as I approached the gates I drove into the city. The road narrowed turning to cobblestone feeling more like an alleyway than a road. Even though, I'd been here before the city was quite amazing. Entirely built from stone, the city had marvelous archways throughout; it appeared it's age. The city's square sat in the middle, and was home to a huge fountain. The buildings were smaller in this area, but as I made my way around the backside of the city, they became much taller.

Nighttime had completely consumed the city. Parking the car, I decided to get out and walk. Wondering through the streets a peaceful feeling spread throughout me. Arriving at the Volutri building, its appearance was more like a medieval castle than a place of business. It was clearly a beautiful building, but behind these stonewalls held a nightmare for any human who dared to enter. Walking at a human pace up to the front door, I went in.

Inside the doors was a luxurious lobby, continuing the façade of a normal human business. Behind the front counter was a woman named Ginna who was human. She glanced up at me the moment I entered, instantly knowing that I was not human she was not bothered. I made my way to her desk.

"Good evening, may I help you?" she asked politely.

"I'm here to see Aro, would you tell him Edward Cullen is here to see him," I answered.

She picked up the phone and waited a moment before speaking.

"Yes, I have an Edward Cullen here to see you," she paused, and before she spoke again, I was aware of the outcome. "Right away," she answered hanging up the phone. She began to speak again, but I held out one hand to stop her.

"It's not necessary, I already know what he said. Thank you."

Lowering my hand I turned toward the long hallway, walking over, I pressed the button for the elevator. Aro would be waiting on the second floor for me. The elevator opened and I went in, pressing the button for floor two as the doors shut. Here I was at the point of no return. Once I announced what it was I desired, there would be no changing my mind. Not that there could be a reason to change my mind. This world held nothing for me anymore… with Bella gone… I would exist here no longer.

The elevator stopped on floor two and the doors opened. A sense of peace and fulfillment washed threw me knowing my journey on this planet was finally come to an end. As I stepped off the elevator, I turned to the right where Aro waited down the hall. He greeted me with enthusiasm.

"Young Edward Cullen! What a surprise, I'm thrilled to see you, come… join me," he motioned with his hand.

Perhaps, this would not be as easy as I had imagined. I hadn't been expecting this kind of greeting. As I filtered through his thoughts, I realized his thoughts were very different from mine. Aro was well over three hundred years old and would never entertain such thoughts as I was presently having.

"Aro, very nice to see you, again," I said as I made my way down the hall.

We proceeded into a grand room lined with bookshelves, all filled with books on every wall. Never having been invited to this room before, I was impressed. There was a huge oval table with enough chairs to seat about twenty people. Seated at the table were Marcus and Caius, who were Aro's brothers. Also, standing behind the brothers chairs were Jane and Felix. The rest of the guard stood along the walls waiting in anticipation. Everyone was clueless wondering what brought me here. Aro was entertaining his own reasons, but he was way off the mark.

Aro's gift was similar to mine, but his was much more powerful than mine. In order to hear your thoughts, he had to have contact with you, but he could hear all thoughts you've ever had. Not needing close proximity, I was able to hear from a distance, but I could only hear thoughts that existed in the moment.

"Please, Edward, have a seat," Aro said as he walked to the head of the table, motioning me to be seated at the other end. He hadn't attempted to shake my hand, for this would certainly explain my presence here. I pondered this for a moment, as he was usually very curious.

"Thank you," I said wryly.

"What brings you to our beautiful city, Edward? Is Carlisle and the family good?" Aro questioned.

"Yes, Aro, they are all good," I responded.

"Then what brings you on such a long journey to see us today?" Aro asked curious.

"Well I came to ask a favor, Aro. And, I'm hoping you will oblige," I answered quickly.

"Well, what is your favor, young Edward?" Aro was genuinely curious now.

"I wish to end my time here, and since I have no idea how to do this, I was counting on your help with this situation," I blurted out.

There was a gasp in the room. I wasn't certain where it had come from, but I could hear thoughts swirling the room. Everyone in the room were surprised, rather shocked. I suppose it seemed an odd request, one that had probably never been requested before. None of these thoughts bothered me; the only thought that irritated me came from Felix, who appeared to take pleasure in the thought of extinguishing me.

There was only silence in the room. Aro was considering what possible reason could cause my sudden action here. He seemed genuinely confused by my wishes. He had no understanding and could come up with no reason to leave this world.

Deciding I had to clarify my request, I rose from my seat and went to Aro. The guard took a step forward, but Aro raised his hand sending them back to the wall.

"Aro, if you just look for yourself, you will see the reason behind my request," I said raising my hand to him.

Aro took my hand in his and began running through the last year of my life in his mind. My gift allowed me to follow along with him. Every thought, every action, every feeling I had in the last year came pouring out verifying my actions here. The final thought was my vision of Bella jumping off the cliff to her death. Aro released my hand and gasp.

"You see Aro, I have no reason to remain here anymore. I need to move on to wherever it is we go," I said anguished.

"I do see Edward, but… I'm not certain this is what is right for you. I'm not convinced this is the answer to your pain," Aro said.

Seeing that Aro was considering my request, confused by how a human –even one with such a luscious scent –could have such a hold on me. He thought of my pain and how I spent the last six months… meaningless… a depressed vampire –that was a new one for him, he couldn't wrap his mind around it.

His thoughts quickly turned to Carlisle, the disappointment this would cause Carlisle if he were to fulfill my wishes. Already recognizing the bond between Aro and Carlisle, I hadn't comprehended how strong it really was.

"As you can see, I've given this much thought, Aro. It's not a rash decision. I prefer it to be quick, that's why I came to you. I knew you would be able to execute this leaving me a little dignity," I explained.

"And that I could, young Edward, but I remain unconvinced that this is what's best," Aro said thoughtfully.

His mind swam with ideas, pondering different scenarios. Stalling me long enough to get Carlisle here was one of them. Another had him offering me a place in his family. None of these alternatives appealed to me, with only one thing I desired, I refuse to take no for an answer. One way or another he would fulfill my wish… that was a certainty.

"Edward, would you consider joining my family. We could hold much interest for you. You've always had a mind that yearned to learn. What better place to learn of our kind, then here with us. We have an extensive library of our history along with much in the way of artifacts that may be of interest to you. If you became part of our family you would have a purpose again," Aro offered.

This was going all wrong. He had not seen my thoughts? How could he not understand the determination behind them? He was relying on the fact that we are easily distracted; he couldn't realize how deep my feelings ran. How could he? He's never known love existed this way, this deep. It ran to my very core and there was no distraction that would mask it… ever.

"Thank you for your very generous offer. But I'm afraid I'll have to decline," I said softly.

"That's too bad, Edward. We could have been very good together. As for your other request… I'll have to give that some thought."

"I understand," I said walking toward the door.

"Give me an hour," Aro said.

"Thank you Aro. I'll come back in an hour," I said, as I opened the door heading for the elevator.

Aro followed me to the hallway with a wry look on his face.

"One hour then," He repeated to me, another distraction, but he would consider my request and that was all I was asking for.

Pressing the button for the elevator I waited, not able to look at him again knowing he was watching me leave. The doors opened and I stepped in, pressing the button for the lobby, the doors closed and I was on my way down. Stepping out to the lobby I made my way to the front doors. The receptionist said something, but I ignored her. My thoughts swirled around their decision, incapable of believing I would get a denial. How could they say no? Surely, Aro saw my other options if they denied my request. Certainly, he would not want that for his city.

Wondering the city streets I began making a contingency plan in case they refused to fulfill my wishes. As I walked through the city, people were busying themselves placing stuff all over the city. At first I hadn't noticed, but then the red began catching my eye. Everything being put up was red, red flags, and red banners. Wondering what I had missed. What was the date? As a man passed me on the sidewalk I asked him.

"Excuse me, what is going on?" I asked.

"Their preparing for the Saint Marcus Day celebration, tomorrow," the man answered.

"Thank you," I began to walk faster.

So there would be a festival tomorrow. It appeared to be perfect timing. This couldn't have been better if I planned it this way myself. There would be hundreds of people in this very square tomorrow making my other options much easier to implement. Peace swallowed me knowing my wish would be carried out after all. Walking a little further through the city, the time had arrived to return for my answer.

Backtracking to the building I originated from, I was anxious. I was positive Aro would fulfill my wishes; there was no possible excuse to say no. Excitement spread the closer I drew; joining Bella was my true desire. My wish was to see her again, but if that weren't a possibility, remaining here wasn't either. Peace spread throughout me as I strolled to the front door almost amused by the ease of this, opening it, I walked through to the lobby. Not ignoring the receptionist this time I walked toward her desk.

"Their waiting for you on floor two," she said smiling.

Smiling back I made my way to the elevator. Pressing the button I was almost singing to myself. Anticipation sprang up suddenly knowing I would receive my truest desire. With a quick ending my nightmare existence would be over. The doors opened again on floor two and I stepped out. Thoughts swirled the hallway leaving me no concept of the meaning behind them. Once again, Aro was waiting in the hallway for me, motioning me to join him. Immediately, I heard his thoughts and froze where I stood.

"Please Edward, come… let me explain," he begged.

"There's nothing to explain," I said angrily, remaining where I was.

"We just don't do things like this, we have our rules and no rules were broken. You must understand," Aro pleaded.

Pressing the button for the elevator to return.

"I understand Aro. I understand that you spoke with Carlisle. I understand you are using your power to hide behind. Thank you for your consideration, I appreciate it, more than you know," I said through my teeth.

"Come and let's discuss this," Aro pleaded again.

"No, thank you. I'll be on my way. Good bye, Aro," I said.

"Behave yourself Edward… please," Aro begged.

"I will, I will not bother you again." I said extremely crushed.

The elevator door opened and I stepped on. The ride down was slower than my first ride here. Misery enveloped me knowing they would not willingly put an end to my suffering. This meant implementing my contingency plan. Making my way through the lobby and out the front door, escaping into the back alleys of the city. Picking a dark corner, I sat against the wall and filed through the many different strategies that would provoke a reaction from them. Needing something outlandish enough to make them take immediate action.

My mind streamed through several scenarios. Going on a murderous rampage throughout the city out to be enough. Giving that some deliberation I'd rather not disappoint Carlisle in that way. Holding a car over my head would do it, but that seemed a tad overdramatic and that wasn't me. Running through several more scenarios none of which seemed appropriate.

With the festival in the square tomorrow there would be several hundred witnesses. This gave me inspiration, a new plan, something resembling my particular style. Unable to ignore this plan, they would act swiftly to keep their secret. Waiting this long I was certain I could wait a while longer, for the perfect moment to accomplish my plan. At the precise moment, when the sun was at its highest point in the sky, I would remove my shirt and walk out into the square exposing myself to the people of Volterra. Anticipating that the Volturi would step in long before I had a chance to expose myself, there would only be one casualty, and that would be me.

No one else would have to be harmed in order for me to get what I truly desired. Carlisle and Esme would be disappointed, but I honestly believed they would understand my actions better than anyone. They would gain peace knowing I wanted this… that I needed this… they would not morn for long. Sincerely believing they would be happy for me in the end, certainly they knew of my suffering, and they would no longer have to endure with me. Loving my family as I had, I knew they would move pass this and eventually know it was the best thing for everyone involved.

With my plan in place all there was left to do was wait. Deciding to take in the city, for it would be my last night on this planet, I began wandering the streets. The celebration was already in full swing; festivities flowed through out the city. The wine flowed well into the night as the music played on. In the mood for a festival, imagining that I would see Bella again, supplying me inspiration to celebrate. After a long century on this planet, departing seemed only fitting. As I made my way through the streets the parties began thinning out as people were making their way to their homes.

Dawn was approaching, which was my cue to find a place to hide until the appropriate time. Moving through the city I thought the best hiding spot would be underground. I would remain in the sewer until I was ready to unveil my plan. As soon as I pulled the manhole off, I changed my mind, deciding a nice dark attic would suit me much better. Turning around, I looked at the available buildings, searching for one suitable enough. Climbing up the sidewall to the top floor I made my way into a window. It was small, dark and dinghy, but would suit me far better than wet and smelly.

Sitting in the furthest corner of the small room, I processed my plan once more. One step was all it would take to finally set me free and the anticipation of that was exhilarating. Being trapped for a century, the feeling of freedom was failing me… freedom was no longer part of my memory. Eighty years of living with a secret… of never being able to be my true self… of hiding everything I was… and in one single moment it would all be over. The feeling was unexplainable, words failed me, but it was definitely thrilling.

As I watched the sun rise, it was the most glorious sight I'd ever seen, bringing with it great brightness and warmth. My face threw rainbows across the room, as the sun touched it. I remained this way for a better part of the morning. When my time was near, I made my way down to the street. Staying in the shadows, behind the tall buildings, I proceeded to the alley where I would implement my plan. Remaining in the shadows I watched the crowds.

I hadn't given much thought to the actual celebration, until this moment. They were celebrating the fact that this city was one of the safest cities. Ridiculous to think that the humans believe they were safe here –of all places –where the oldest family and guard of all vampires lived. This whole celebration was ludicrous, knowing that living here, in this city, was the biggest threat to human life there could ever be. As I watched, I was saddened by the fact that there were so many clueless people.

Watching as the sun rose higher and higher and my time was drawing closer and closer. A sense of peace washed through me as I became captivated. Walking down the alley, I stopped at the furthest point that the shadows would allow. With the sun almost at its peak, I began unbuttoning my shirt. Slowly I unfastened the last button, pulling the shirt off my arms and down my back. Rolling up my shirt I threw it down in front of me. It was time… time to end this… time to step forth for the last time. Step forth to my new world… or life… or whatever it was we did.

Standing at the edge of the shadows, I placed my arms at my side, palms up and closed my eyes. It was a miracle… already hearing her voice… it was like magic. Raising my foot I began to take a step. Before ever touching my foot on the ground I heard Bella calling my name. Her voice was like music to my ears, there was nothing more beautiful, giving me hope as I placed my foot on the ground. Moving the other foot to take the final step that would bring me directly into the light.

Determination washed over me and I hadn't cared what happened to me, I was able to hear her voice one last time, and that would be heaven enough for me. Something touched me and I opened my eyes slowly, perceiving the end. To my shocked eyes a brilliant light shone in front of me and there in the middle of the brightness stood Bella. She appeared the same as she always had, as if she were standing before me now.

As the clock tower tolled, my eyes remained fixed on the angel in front of me.

"Amazing," I said amused. "Carlisle was right."

This angel opened her mouth and spoke my name. "Edward."

Raising my hand to brush her cheek, she felt very real. Bliss… happiness… and love spread threw me having her here, at this moment. There was nothing more glorious, nothing else I could have asked for, then to have her with me at the end. I was uncertain how this was happening, but I couldn't care, I couldn't think of the reason that this was occurring. It was everything and more than I'd wished for or deserved, but I'd take it. Glaring at her beautiful face, afraid to look away, terrified that she would disappear.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing –they're very good," I mused, closing my eyes again and pressing my lips against her hair. _"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,"_ I murmured the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb. The clock boomed its final chime. "You smell just exactly the same as always," I went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

The beautiful angel looked into my eyes and spoke to me once more.

"I'm not dead," she said. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" she struggled in my arms.

"What was that?" I asked politely.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi…"

What was this? Had I hear wrong? We weren't dead. She's alive… I'm alive. How could this be possible? Comprehension set in before any more words could be said. They were here, hearing their approach before they came into view. What have I done? How would I protect her from them? What was she doing here? How did she get here? It was too late to remove her from this situation. As quickly as I was capable of, I swung Bella against the wall behind me and placed my arms out to protect her.

Glaring down the alley as they moved toward us. Thoughts swirled the alley and although I hadn't done anything wrong yet, Bella's presence was unacceptable to them. Having the knowledge she had, they would refuse to allow her to leave. Thoughts of our escape filled my mind, different ways out of this mess, it wouldn't be easy. I would be able to fight these two without much difficulty, but there was the rest of the guard to consider. If I disposed of these two, there would be more to follow, making an escape from the city impossible.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said calmly and pleasantly, no need to upset them. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

Stiffening in front of Bella, I stood covering their view of her. This was the worst-case scenario; the circumstances couldn't get any more horrific. Removing her from this place, unharmed was… My mind was running every possible way out of this situation.

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix whispered to me.

Okay, so things could get worse. We couldn't move we needed to remain in public. Without any witnesses on hand things would progress much too fast and Bella would end up hurt or worst. Their instructions were to bring me back to Aro, and I would not refuse, but there was no way I was allowing her to come.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I said with a harsher voice. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Dimetri said. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you," I said dryly. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

This was my meager attempt to get her out of here, and when she was clear of danger I would go with them.

"No, bring the girl," Felix said.

"I don't think so," I said with a flat icy voice.

With my refusal to bring Bella I was preparing to fight them. Making her safe, freeing her of the danger I'd put her in, yet again, was something I was prepared to die for. They had no comprehension of this; they had their orders to follow.

"No," Bella mouthed the word to me.

"Shh," I murmured only for her ears.

"Felix," Demetri said cautiously. "Not here," he turned to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I agreed. "But the girl goes free," she was not coming with us.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix purred as anticipation spread across his face.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I replied.

Felix and Demetri stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could pounce on me from both sides. They were attempting to move us deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. There attack would be swift, but I could hear their plan as it unfolded, which gave me the advantage. My problem would be keeping Bella out of their way. I couldn't allow them get close to her, if that happened it would be over.

Not moving an inch, they would have to kill me to get to her.

Hearing her coming before she approached. Abruptly, I whipped my head around, toward the darkness of the alley where there was movement. Demetri and Felix mirrored my movement.

I sighed heavily as she spoke.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" a lilting voice suggested. "There are ladies present."

Great Alice! She tripped lightly to my side, swinging her arms like a child. It would be hard enough to protect Bella, but to have to worry about her too. How had I missed this, how had I not seen that she was behind Bella being here? Alice greeted me.

_Edward, in a bit of a jam,_ she said.

Glancing at her with pleading eyes appalled at the fact she would come here.

Demetri and Felix both straightened up, their cloaks swirling slightly as a gust of wind funneled through the alley. Felix's face soured, this was a disappointment. Apparently, they weren't enthused about having even numbers.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded them.

Demetri glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square was a little family, with girls wearing red dresses, watching us. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away when Demetri met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder.

Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said.

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions. Feeling Bella tensing up behind me now, she was getting ready to scream at the men in red, I couldn't allow this to happen. I would protect her and somehow get her out of here.

Clenching my teeth together. "No," a warning for both Bella and Demetri.

Felix smiled, certain a fight would ensue.

"Enough."

Out of the shadow's Jane appeared. She was tiny, as tiny as Alice, but she was a threat, a bigger threat than any of us here. Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensive positions to blend again with the shadows of the overhanging walls.

Dropping my arms I relaxed my position as well –but in defeat. Unable to do anything, it was impossible to win a fight with Jane here. Her gift was more powerful than any of our kind. No one would go up against Jane, nobody with intelligence.

"Jane," I sighed.

Alice folded her arms across her chest, her expression impassive.

"Follow me," Jane spoke again. She turned her back and drifted silently into the dark.

Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking. He was also disappointed anticipating a fight that was not going to take place now.

Alice walked after Jane at once. Wrapping my arm around Bella's waist I pulled her along beside Alice. The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. Bella looked up at me with frantic questions in her eyes, I shook my head at her. Wanting to answer her questions, desiring to assure her that we would be fine, I couldn't. I loathed bringing her to a place such as this, but I couldn't allow Jane to do anything to her.

"Well, Alice," I said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," Alice answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I said in a polite tone, as I knew there were many ears listening to us now.

"It's a long story," Alice's eyes flickered toward Bella and away. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

Speaking just for me now Alice explained everything.

_The short version of the story is that Bella jumped off a cliff and into the water below. I never saw her come back up. Assuming she was dead I went to forks to see what I could do for Charlie. Surprising me when I arrived was Bella, alive and well. I didn't see her come out of the water because she was with her new best friend Jake, who is also a werewolf, who I can't see. Whenever Bella's with him she disappears. But it's a good thing she had him as a friend because Victoria was after her and nearly got her a couple of times too. And now we're here. That's everything. If you hadn't thrown away your phone…_

"Hm," I said curtly, the casual tone of my voice gone.

That was quite a story, werewolf's, Victoria and extreme sports. Clearly leaving her to keep her out of danger had not worked, as I intended. What the hell had happened to bring all of this on? And, now look at what I've done, putting her in the most danger she would ever face. I was right… she was a magnet for danger… especially if her best friend was a werewolf. How did that happen?

Jane led us further into the dark alley, which was a dead end. She dropped into the sewers, Alice followed without breaking pace she slid down the open hole.

Bella gasped.

"It's all right, Bella," I said in a low voice. "Alice will catch you."

Bella eyed the hole hesitantly. I would've gone first, but there was no way I was leaving her alone with Felix and Demetri, waiting smug and silent, behind us. They would enjoy that too much.

She crouched down, swinging her legs into the narrow gap. She was nervous and scared.

"Alice?" she whispered, voice trembling.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice assured her.

Wanting to grab her, run with her, that won't work. As much as it pained me to take her, there was no other way of getting her out of here … at this time… alive.

Taking her wrists I lowered her into the blackness of the hole.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Drop her," Alice called.

Bella was trembling and stiff, terror spread across her face, comforting her was hopeless, how would I ever comfort her again? Allowing her to drop down, I stepped over the hole and dropped down right behind her. Quickly going to Bella's side, I wrapped my arm around her waist. She grabbed a hold of my waist with both arms signifying her anxiety, I squeezed her tightly in a meager attempt to sooth the situation for her. Proceeding down the sewer, she tripped and stumbled along beside me.

Felix and Demetri's thoughts were very frustrating, suggesting that we would never leave this place alive. My nerves were being stretched tight with my inability to ensure Bella's safety. Listening to their thoughts was disgusting –unwilling to hear the different ways they would dispose of us –I tuned them out. This was not their decision, it all rested on Aro's decision. He would be the one I'd have to convince. Giving me the first signs of hope since this started, Aro was far more reasonable to deal with, then these two.

Holding Bella tighter, I reached with my free hand to hold her face, tracing her lips with my thumb. Kissing her hair was the closest I could come to fulfilling my urge. I was with my angel, and although we were heading for what could be our very last moments, I would remain extremely thrilled that she was in my arms once again. What I've missed over the last six months, moments such as this, her so close, her scent swirling in my mind. I almost forgot where we were.

_Almost_.

Softly kissing her forehead, I was unable to get enough of her, desired to be closer. She had many questions in her eyes, but for now, it was best for her to be silent.

The tunnel slanted downward and she was growing more anxious the further down we went. My hand kept rubbing along her face in an effort to reassure her.

Bella began shaking bringing to my attention the fact that she was freezing. I automatically removed my arm from around her waist, taking only her hand.

"N-n-no," she chattered, throwing her arms around me.

I chafed my cold hand against her arm attempting to warm her with friction.

We continued on through the tunnel slower than the two behind us would prefer. Not caring how long it took, they would have to implement some patience. They both let out heavy sighs along the way.

At the end of the tunnel was a grate –the iron bars were rusting, but were still thick. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. Ducking through I hurried into a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a clang, followed by the snap of a lock, making Bella jump.

On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick and stood open.

Stepping through the door, Bella glanced around, relaxing automatically. I stood beside her clenching my jaw and tensing.


	16. Chapter 16

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

16. VOLTURI

Entering the brightly lit hallway, the walls were off-white, and the floor carpeted in industrial gray. There was no comparison to the lobby upstairs. It was warmer which I was pleased because Bella was freezing and she needed warming.

I glowered darkly down the long hallway, toward the slight, black shrouded figure at the end, standing by an elevator. I pulled Bella along, and Alice walked on her other side. The heavy door shut behind us, and then there was the thud of a bolt sliding home.

Jane waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. Her expression was apathetic. Once inside the elevator Felix, Demetri and Jane relaxed further. They threw back their cloaks, letting their hoods fall back on their shoulders. They resembled Alice and I, all except their eyes, which I was sure, Bella would notice they were deep crimson, giving away their hunting habits. Under their shrouds, their clothes were modern, pale, and nondescript. Rubbing Bella's arm, I never took my eyes off Jane.

We stepped off the elevator into the much classier reception area. Bella gawked at the receptionist, who she realized was every bit as human as her. Bella appeared surprised and I wished I could explain, but I couldn't. The best thing to do at this point was wait, which was always the worst thing.

The receptionist smiled politely in welcome. "Good afternoon, Jane," she said, no other expression on her face.

Jane nodded. "Gianna," she continued toward a set of double doors at the back of the room, and we followed.

On the other side of the wooden doors was a different kind of reception. Alec was in a gray suit and looked very much like Jane. He came forward to meet us. He smiled, reaching for her. "Jane."

"Alec," she responded, embracing him. They kissed each other's check on both sides. Then he looked at us. He was not surprised to see me here. There phony banter was irritating me, acting as a loving family, this was the last thing they were, what a façade.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted me. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I said in a hard tone.

Alec chuckled, and examined Bella who was clung to my side. Not liking the way he looked at her. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked, skeptical.

I only smiled contemptuously and then I heard Felix's thoughts, which made me freeze.

"Dibs," Felix called casually from behind.

Turning, a low snarl building deep in my chest. Felix smiled –his hand was raised, inviting me forward. Wanting to… rip him limb from limb… peel him skin from bone. The monster was surfacing, he was angry, as was I.

Alice touched my arm. "Patience," she cautioned me.

She glared at my eyes. _Not to worry Edward, I have a plan, show some patience. My plan won't work here; we have to be with them all._

Taking a deep breath I turned back to Alec.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said, as if nothing had passed.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested.

I nodded once.

Alec and Jane, holding hands, led the way down another hallway; this really was a gigantic building. If it didn't house whom it did, I would be impressed. They ignored all the doors stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of the paneling, it exposed a wooden door. Alec held it open for Jane.

Sensing Bella was worried I pulled her through the door to the other side. Once inside it was cold, but there was nothing I could do, again. It was the same ancient stone of the square, the alley, and the sewers. This lead to a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round huge castle turret. Two stories up, long window slits threw thin rectangles of bright sunlight onto the stone floor below. There were no artificial lights. The room housed several massive wooden chairs, thrones such as they were, that were spaced unevenly, flushed with the curving stonewalls. In the very center of the circle, in a slight depression, was another drain.

The room was not empty. Most of the guard was present, along with the wives. Everyone seemed to be in relaxed conversation. They all turned and looked at us when we entered. Thoughts were swirling the room... they were hostel. The fact that we were here, with a human, and not for the purpose they would have a human here, was very much in most minds in the room. Thoughts in the room were irritating me, but again, there was nothing I could do at this moment.

Having Bella here was the last thing I desired. Never wanting her to see this place or know these vampires even existed. That fact that I allowed this to happen, for her to come here and save me, was the worst feeling in the world. To know this maybe be our last moments together was painful.

My only hope is that Alice had a great plan that would see us out of this. Fearing that her ideas might not work, I began picking the brains of everyone I could. Searching for any loop holes, and any other things that may help.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" Aro cried in evident delight.

He drifted forward, and the movement flowed with such grace that Bella gawked in astonishment. I suppose seeing Aro for the first time must be amazing. Not quite seeing him that way myself, I knew the truth. He did not approach us alone; the entire guard fell heavily behind him, keeping watch. This was not the same atmosphere I had entered into yesterday. The chances of us escaping alive at this point were not good. Somehow I would have to win them over, I had to get Bella out of here, quickly.

Aro glided to Jane, took her face in his hands, kissed her lightly on the lips, and then floated back a step.

"Yes, Master," Jane smiled. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished," not that she didn't want to have it the other way, wanting to take care of us long before this.

Aro turned to his eyes toward us, and his smiled brightened –becoming ecstatic.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" he rejoiced, clapping his hands together. "This is a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

Not caring for his false enthusiasm the sound of his voice was frustrating, for I knew his thoughts were very different. He likes the smell of Bella, not as much as I did, but it was still a strong desire. This is as bad as it gets, there could be nothing worse then standing here at this moment, with Bella.

He turned to Felix. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master," Felix nodded and disappeared back the way we had come.

"You see, Edward?" Aro turned and smiled at me like a fond but scolding grandfather. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro, I am," I agreed, tightening my arm around her waist.

"I love a happy ending," Aro sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" He turned to gaze at Alice with curious, misty eyes. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," she flashed a dazzling smile. She looked perfectly at ease, except that her hands were balled into tight little fists. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"You're too modest," Aro chided. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

Alice flickered a glance at me, wondering what it was I shared with him, I couldn't tell her. Aro did not miss this. Alice was aware off him, but had never personally met him.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not," Aro shook his head; his tone was envious.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added attempting to warn her. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

_Everything, really? _Alice said raising her eyebrows, and I inclined my head.

Aro didn't miss that either.

"But to be able to hear from a distance…" Aro sighed, gesturing toward the two of us, and the exchange that had just taken place. "That would be so convenient."

Aro looked over our shoulders. All the other heads turned in the same direction, including Jane, Alec, and Demetri, who stood silently beside us.

Felix was back, and behind him floated Aro's brothers both in black robes. Both looked very much like Aro; one even had the same flowing black hair. The other had snow-white hair –the same shade as his face- that brushed against his shoulders.

The trio from Carlisle's painting was complete, unchanged by the last three hundred years since it was painted.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro crooned. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Aro's brothers did not share his enthusiasm; they didn't like his games, and were simply bored by them. If they had their way they would simply dispose of us and continue with their day.

There lack of interest did not curb Aro's enjoyment.

"Let us have the story," Aro almost sang.

Caius drifted away, gliding toward one of the wooden thrones. Marcus paused beside Aro, and he reached his hand out, touching Aro's palm briefly and then dropped his hand to his side. Aro raised one black brow.

_Their bond is greater than anything I've ever felt. He's prepared to do anything to get them out of here safely. It's quite puzzling, how he can stand there next to her, and his feelings for this other one, I've never felt that from one of us before. It'll be a waste when…_ Marcus thought.

I snorted very quietly... Alice glanced at me curious.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro said. "That's quite interesting."

Marcus looked disinterested as he glided away from Aro to join Caius, seated against the wall. Two of the bodyguards followed silently behind, remaining by their sides.

Aro was shaking his head enthralled by what Marcus had shared with him. "Amazing," he said. "Absolutely amazing."

Alice's expression was frustrated. Turning to her I explained in a low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself. Then he spoke to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro mused, staring at my arm wrapped around Bella. He couldn't comprehend my close proximity, and that it didn't seem to be difficult for me. "How can you stand so close to her like that?"

"It's not without effort," I answered calmly.

"But still –_la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

Chuckling once without humor. "I look at it more as a price."

Aro was skeptical. "A very high price."

"Opportunity cost," picking his brain, he was truly mesmerized with my control.

Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…"

"Waste it," I finished, my voice sarcastic now.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him –only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I said impatiently.

The preliminaries were enough already; he needed to get on with this. The longer we were here, the more dangerous it was for Bella. Somehow I would have to get us out of here. Proceeding to read everyone's thoughts there had to be something there to help us.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro mused. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it… pleases me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

Not replying. He wasn't truly happy for Carlisle… he envied him. He wasn't pleased with the strength of Carlisle's family. The fact that there were so many of us compiled with our gifts bothered him immensely.

"But your restraint!" Aro sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again –if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

Gazing back at Aro's admiration expressionless. Beginning to grow irritated with this conversation, needing to be finished, getting on with whatever was about to happen. Aro's mind was wrapped around Bella's scent and my control; it seemed to be all he could think of.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you…" Aro chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."

Tensing, I didn't like the way he thought of her. He couldn't possibly understand and he didn't want to either. He assumed we were crazy and my request yesterday had confirmed that to him. Her scent was just pleasing enough to him.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro reassured me. "I mean her no harm. But I am so curious, about one thing in particular." He eyed Bella with bright interest. "May I?" he asked eagerly, lifting one hand.

"Ask her," I suggested roughly, offended the way he referred to her as my property.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed. "Bella," he addressed her directly. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent –so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try –to see if you are an exception for me, as well?"

Her eyes flashed to me in horror. Allowing this was incomprehensible, I hated the thought of him being that close to Bella, but I also knew he wouldn't hurt her at this moment. I nodded to her with encouragement.

Bella turned back to Aro and raised her hand slowly… it was trembling. He glided closer, with an expression to reassure her, I'm not certain she was convinced. She apprehensively kept her hand raised and allowed him to touch her.

The ache in my chest ripped through me at the thought of him touching her. There was no greater danger in the world then to allow him to become enthralled with Bella. Her scent alone may be enough to push him too far. Keeping my thoughts on his mind.

Aro's face altered as we watched. The confidence wavered and became first doubt, then incredulity before he calmed it into a friendly mask.

"So very interesting," he said as he released my hand and drifted back.

Bella's eyes flickered to mine, and though my face remained composed, I was a little smug. His gift didn't work on Bella either, he was frustrated, and I knew his curiosity as I had felt it many times.

Aro continued to drift with a thoughtful expression. He was quiet for a moment, his eyes flickering between the three of us. Then, abruptly, he shook his head. He didn't like this feeling of inept. It was quite disturbing to him and he hated failing, and this was a failure in his mind. Then his mind took a sudden twist and as the image formed in his mind the monster in me began his rise.

"A first," he said to himself. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents… Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled the word. Alice grabbed my arm with a restraining hand. I shook her off.

Jane smiled up happily at Aro. "Yes, Master?"

I was growling now, looking at Aro with baleful eyes. This would not happen, Jane would not do anything to Bella, not while I was here to stop it. Aro was far to amused, there was no way he was backing down. He didn't care what may happen to Bella, he had to know if she was immune to everyone. I had to stop this... I had to do something.

Then he spoke to Jane. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to you."

Growling louder, I was completely disgusted with his thoughts. Letting go of Bella, moving to hide her from their view. The monster was surfaced and I was prepared to do away with everyone in this room. Caius ghosted in our direction, with his entourage, to watch.

Jane turned toward us smiling.

"Don't!" Alice cried as I launched myself at the little girl.

Before I knew it I hit the floor, writhing in pain. The overwhelming pain rushed through my body, as I lay here paralyzed. Holding in the pain, I refused to allow any sound escaped my lips. Bella must have been terrified and I refused to scare her even more. The monster however was making plans. He was reaffirming that everyone in this room would die today. There couldn't be a vampire left when he was finished. The brutal images flashed through my mind as the pain increased.

"Stop!" I her Bella shriek.

"Jane," Aro recalled her in a tranquil voice.

As suddenly as the pain arrived, it disappeared. I lay motionless for a moment. Hearing Aro's next move, wanting Jane to turn her power to Bella. Jane turned her head to Bella. I heard Alice speaking to her.

"He's fine," Alice whispered in a tight voice. As she spoke, I sat up, and then sprang lightly to my feet. My eyes met hers, and I was horrified. Quickly looking at Jane, and back to Bella –then I relaxed in relief.

Looking back at Jane she was no longer smiling. She glared at Bella, her jaw clenched with the intensity of her focus. I knew this frustrating look too, it seemed Bella was immune to her too. She was an angel who was immune to every one of our gifts and I was thankful to God for that.

Stepping to her side again, I touched Alice's arm, and she surrender her to me.

Aro started to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha," he chuckled. "This is wonderful!"

Jane hissed in frustration, leaning forward like she was preparing to spring.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said in a comforting tone, placing a hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all."

Jane's upper lip curled back over her teeth as she continued to glare at Bella. This had never happened to any of them and they were uncomfortable without their powers. They all relied on their powers far too much.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro chortled again. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once –just out of curiosity," he shook his head in admiration.

I glared, disgusted.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed.

Alice and I stiffened. This was the part I'd been waiting for. Bella began to tremble.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked me hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

I hesitated. Both Felix and Jane grimaced.

Saying each word clearly. "I'd… rather… not."

"Alice?" Aro asked, still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

"No, thank you," Alice said, without hesitation.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.

I hissed into Bella's ear. Aro was unbelievable, even the thought of asking her that.

Caius broke the silence. "What?" he demanded of Aro; his voice, though no more than a whisper, was flat. He was stunned that Aro would offer a human sanctuary. To him getting rid of her now was the only way to proceed.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chided him affectionately. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

Caius looked away with a caustic expression. Jane's eyes sparked with indignation at the comparison. None of them thought the idea was a good, none of them except Aro.

I stood fuming beside Bella. My chest was rumbling, building to a growl. It was difficult to contain the anger and fury building within me. The thought of Bella –a vampire- and one of the Volturi, was one I'd rather not imagine. For Aro to have the gull to ask her, in front of me, was testing my endurance. He pictured this in his mind, which only added to the anger that was already escaping me. The monster was reaching full disclosure.

"No, thank you," Bella spoke up in barely a whisper, her voice breaking in terror.

Aro sighed. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

I hissed. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to this room. So much for your laws."

From the moment we stepped into this room I was picking every brain in here. Attempting to decipher a way out of here, knowing it would not be easy. Being careful about the words I chose to speak, I would strive to use their own laws against them. Aro's passing words made me irate, and remaining in control becoming more difficult.

"Of course not," Aro blinked, astonished. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

This was the truth, Aro was waiting for Heidi to return and I didn't want to be here when she did. What they had in store for when Heidi returned was not something I wanted to witness or have Bella witnessing either.

"Aro," Caius hissed. "The law claims them."

Glaring at Caius. "How so?" I demanded. I knew what Caius was thinking and I needed to have him say it out loud for my plan to work.

Caius pointed his finger at Bella. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded him, thinking of the receptionist below.

Caius grimaced at the notion behind my statement. "Yes," he agreed. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not," he scoffed.

"I wouldn't…" Bella began, still whispering. Caius silenced her with an icy look.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius continued. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only her life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

I bared my teeth.

"That's what I thought," Caius said, with something akin to pleasure. Felix leaned forward, eager.

"Unless…" Aro interrupted. He looked unhappy with the way the conversation had gone. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

I pursed my lips, hesitating for a moment. "And if I do?"

Aro smiled, happy again. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." His expression turned more hesitant. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it."

Aro raised his hand in front of him.

Caius, who had begun to scowl furiously, relaxed.

Impossible circumstances! That's what I faced from the day I laid eyes on her. Impossible circumstances! I couldn't mean it! I couldn't. As I stared into her eyes, as my lips tightened into a fierce line. Being a competent liar, I was not that good. There was no possible way to fool Aro, he would see through my charade. Staring into her eyes as she stared back.

"Mean it," she whispered. "Please."

Torture! That's what this was, pure torture. I couldn't say it and mean it. I couldn't.

And then Alice stepped away from us, forward toward Aro. We turned to watch her. Her hand was raised like his. She was so smart, I didn't give her enough credit, but this was just brilliant. I would owe her big time for this.

She didn't say anything, and Aro waved off his anxious guard as they moved to block her approach. Aro met her halfway, and took her hand with an eager, acquisitive glint in his eyes.

He bent his head over their touching hands, his eyes closing as he concentrated. Alice was motionless, her face blank. My teeth snapped together as I realized, Alice may show him things we didn't need him seeing. Perhaps this was not so smart after all. She had seen Bella on her wedding day, and she was human. How could she be certain he would see Bella as a vampire?

No one moved. Aro seemed frozen over Alice's hand. Alice showed him her visions of Bella changed, transformed into a vampire. She was stunning and happy, standing arm in arm with Alice. She also shared with him Bella as part of our family with everyone one in our house, happy. There was so much more she shared with him, but these were the most important things at the moment. It worked like a charm… Alice was brilliant.

"Ha, ha, ha," he laughed, his head still bent forward. He looked up slowly, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was _fascinating!_"

Alice smiled dryly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"To see the things you've seen –especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" he shook his head in wonder.

"But that will," she reminded him, voice calm.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

Caius looked bitterly disappointed –a feeling he seemed to share with Felix and Jane.

"Aro," Caius complained.

"Dear Caius," Aro smiled. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household… Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

Aro did not see the subjective way Alice's talent worked, and I was grateful for that. Whatever means we needed to use to get Bella out of here was fine with me. I was angry with Alice for doing what she did, but I also glad it worked.

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked calmly.

"Yes, yes," Aro said pleasantly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius promised. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

Clenching my jaw I nodded once.

Felix groaned.

"Ah, Felix." Aro smiled, amused. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

Seeing that he was right now was a good time for us to exit this place.

"Hmm," I said with hard edge to my voice. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents do happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," I agreed.

"And here," Aro added, motioning to Felix with one finger. Felix came forward at once, and Aro unfastened the gray cloak the huge vampire wore, pulling from his shoulders. He tossed it to me. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

Putting the long cloak on I left the hood down.

Aro sighed. "It suits you."

In his dreams, I would never join them, and I'd never where one of these robes. I chuckled as I looked over my shoulder. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends," Aro said, his eyes bright as he stared in the same direction.

"Let's go," I said urgently now. Heidi was returning with her party.

Demetri gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we'd come in, the only exit by the look of things. Hurrying as Heidi and her party we not far off. Pulling Bella swiftly beside me, we needed to be out of here faster. Alice was close to her other side, her face hard.

"Not fast enough," she muttered.

Knowing that already, we hadn't got out fast enough to hide this terrible scene from Bella. As much as I didn't want her to see any of this, it couldn't be helped. Hearing the voices of their intended victims. Their numbers was enough of a nightmare, but their fate was ghastly. The monstrous side of our kind was pure evil at its finest. To have Bella witness this was agonizing. We couldn't get out fast enough.

"Well this is unusual," a man's coarse voice boomed.

"So medieval," an unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Demetri motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass. Watching in horror, as they passed not knowing that fate had brought them to hell.

The couple in front, Americans from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.

"Welcome, guests! Welcome to Volterra!" Aro sang from the turret room.

The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures. Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was not making sense anymore. Noticing one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than the others, touching someone now and then and asking a question in another language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked. Unlike her fellow tourists, she appeared to understand her surroundings.

Pulling Bella's face against my chest, for this woman was already sensing what the rest of these people would be feeling in a few moments. Her danger alarm was ringing very loudly, but it was too late for her and the rest of them. There was nothing I could do, for if I did, it would put us in more danger. Attempting not to give weight to what was about to take place in the next room, my thoughts filled with keeping Bella safe.

As soon as the smallest break appeared, I pushed Bella quickly toward the door. She had a horrified expression on her face, and tears began to pool in her eyes. Attempting to hide her from the horror –it was too late- she knew what was about to happen. Hopefully I could remove her from the situation before the screaming started.

The hallway grew quiet as everyone was ushered into the room we had come out of. The only one left was Heidi, who smiled absently and stared at Bella curiously.

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri greeted her from behind us.

"Demetri," she responded, her eyes flickered between my cloak and Bella.

"Nice fishing," Demetri complimented her.

The thought made me disgusted, how someone human or not could have such little respect for life. It was inconceivable to me that there way of life was not necessary to our survival, and yet they enjoyed their way of existing very much. The thoughts that were emanating from their minds were repulsive.

"Thanks," she flashed a smile. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

Heidi nodded and ducked through the door with one last curious look at me.

Walking faster as I knew what was coming next. There was no need to have Bella hear any of this. But we did not make it threw the door at the end of the hallway before the screaming started.

**_Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated._**


	17. Chapter 17

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

17. FLIGHT

Demetri left us in the reception area, where Ginna was still at her post behind the polished counter. Bright, harmless music tinkled from hidden speakers. The façade still in place. My wish was to be out of here as quickly as possible, but I knew we would have to be patient and wait. Having to do what I loathed most in this world… waiting.

"Do not leave until dark," he warned us.

I nodded in compliance, and Demetri hurried away.

Ginna eyed my cloak with shrewd speculation.

"Are you all right?" I asked under my breath, too low for the human woman to hear. Anxiety still fresh in me comprehending that I allowed Bella to see and hear the worst part of who we were. She had to be terrified.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces."

Bella was shaking uncontrollably, her entire frame vibrating until her teeth chattered. She was going into shock. Feeling helpless I was unable to comfort her in what had to be the worst moment of her life. Witnessing the slaughter that had just taken place not one room away from us must have been a nightmare for her.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I said as I pulled her to the sofa farthest away from the curious human at the desk.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.

Looking at Alice franticly, not certain what I should do, I was knew slapping her would not help. She was crying hysterically and sobbing like a child. Attempting to comfort her, but how would I comfort her knowing she had just witnessed the worst that our kind was capable, of doing to her kind. There was no shielding her from this situation.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I chanted again and again.

Pulling her onto my lap I tucked the thick wool cloak around me, protecting her from my cool skin. If she was going into shock, she needed to be warmed up. She was trying to look at me, but couldn't see through her tear filled eyes. This filled me with pain, to realize I couldn't shield her from this horrendous place.

"All those people," she sobbed.

"I know," I whispered.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."

She rested her head against my chest, using the thick cloak to wipe her eyes. She took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. Ginna the receptionist approached form behind us.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked politely as she leaned over my shoulder.

"No," I answered coldly, not wanting to have anything more to do with this place.

She smiled, nodded at Bella, and then disappeared.

"Does she know what's going here?" She demanded, her voice low and hoarse. She was calming, her breathing was evening out.

"Yes. She knows everything," I told her.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She's knows it's a possibility," I said.

She was surprised.

My face tensed as I spoke of this human whom I didn't understand. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

She became white in the face. "She wants to be one of them?"

Nodding once keeping my eyes on her face, watching her reaction.

She shuddered. "How can she want that?" she whispered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"

I didn't answer. My expression soured knowing Bella desired the same outcome. No matter what she thought of us, this is who we are, and she wanted to be one of us. Saddened by the fact that she didn't comprehend what we are truly capable of.

"Oh, Edward," she cried, and began sobbing again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, still anxious, rubbing her back.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged herself closer to me. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" She asked, her voice breaking.

Pulling her tightly to my chest. Did she forgive me? Did she still want me after everything I have done to her? "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive." Perhaps she was relieved to be alive.

"Yes," she agreed. "That's a good one."

"And together," I breathed.

Was I presuming too much? Having her in my arms again made my head spin, clouding my thoughts. Maybe she had not forgiven me, perhaps she had moved on, as I intended her to. But, I was with her now and I would take anytime I had with her.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully," she said uneasily.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice assured her. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added in a satisfied tone.

Bella stared at me as I stared back. Wishing I could hear her thoughts. Desiring to know exactly what she was thinking at this moment. Was I fooling myself with her reaction? Was she just glad to be alive? When we arrived at home would she banish me from her life? Not that I would blame her… I deserved everything she could hand out.

My fingertips traced the circles under her eyes. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," she whispered back, as she looked at my eyes.

I shrugged. "It's nothing." Bella hadn't changed, always worrying about the wrong things.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," she offered, unwilling and always self-sacrificing.

"Don't be ridiculous." I sighed. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now."

This was the truth –after seeing what we had seen- I was totally disgusted with how our kind could behave. The thought nearly drove me mad, had they had no conscience at all. Part of me understood… the monster within would be pleased to be like them… but that was unacceptable. There existed the internal fight among those of us who choose a different way of existing. At first it was difficult, but as the years passed it became easier, until that fateful day last spring. I'd never realized my decision was a conscience one, I always assumed I existed this way because of Carlisle… mostly.

Last spring everything had changed. When I had to stop the venom from spreading in Bella, when I had to drink from her to save her, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Her blood was the sweetest, most luscious tasting thing I'd ever had. But at the same moment it was like poison to me –not for Carlisle- but for me. I never wanted to feel or taste anything like that again in my existence.

With her in my arms, I felt safe again, as if nothing else existed. I almost forgot where we were, again. _Almost_. Wanting to run with her, escape this nightmare we were in, but we had to wait. Did she love being in my arms? Did she want to remain there, forever? I couldn't tell, she seemed relieved, but that could be because we were out of danger. When we left here, could she still want me, as she had once? My wish is that she could somehow forgive my foolishness, that she could forgive my inexcusable behavior of the past. If I had to beg on my knees for years, I would, if she would take me back.

Wanting to have a talk, to clear the air, to understand exactly where we stood and what she thought. I was too afraid to ask. I was scared she didn't want me and waiting would buy me more time with her. If I began this conversation and it didn't go the way I hoped it would, that would be it. Returning to my world of nothingness was not something that appealed to me.

As I stared at her face attempting to memorize it again, I began a discussion with Alice about how we would get home.

"We'll need a car to get to the airport." I said so low and quick that Ginna wouldn't hear.

"I'll take care of that. I'll get our stuff that I stashed this morning, and meet you outside the city gates." Alice said.

"Thank you, Alice." I said.

"No problem, take care of her." She said.

"I will."

"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked.

"La tua cantante," I said.

"Yes, that," Alice said.

I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer –because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed.

Bella was extremely tired and I wished she would sleep. Still as stubborn as ever she kept her eyes on me and refused to close them. As I held her tightly in my arms the urge to kiss her overtook me, and even though I knew it was too presumptuous of me, I leaned down and kissed her, several times. I kissed her forehead, her hair and the tip of her nose. She appeared slightly hesitant but I didn't care, the urge was too powerful. The pain this would cause later would be worth it, as the heat and electricity rang throughout my body. I would pay whatever price I would have to in order to have these moments with her.

This was heaven –right smack in the middle of hell.

Hearing him approach before he was here, I tightened my arms around Bella. I knew we were safe, but I didn't like them that close to her.

"You're free to leave now," Alec told us, sounding like a lifetime friend. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

With an ice-cold voice, "That won't be a problem," I answered.

Alec smiled, nodded, and disappeared again.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Ginna told us as I helped Bella to her feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," she added pleasantly.

Alice shot her a dark look.

I couldn't be bothered with Ginna, already knowing the way out, my only concern lay with Bella and her well being. She appeared relieved that there was another way out.

We left through the tastefully luxurious lobby. I didn't look back as we made our way to the street. The party was still in full swing and the streetlights were just coming on as we made our way through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. I didn't stand out as I might have on a normal night in Volterra, in the cloak I now wore. There were others in black satin cloaks now, and the plastic fangs we'd seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the adults.

"Ridiculous," I muttered once.

This whole celebration was ridiculous, knowing what I knew. The things happening –here in this city- right under the noses of every person here. The whole thing was just so ridiculous.

"Where's Alice?" Bella whispered in a panic.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

She thought about that for a moment.

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" She guessed.

I grinned. "Not till we're outside."

Making our way to the front gates I could tell Bella was exhausted, I wound my arm around her waist and supported most of her weight as we walked. She shuddered as I pulled her through the dark stone archway. I would be satisfied once we were passed the front gates to the city.

Leading her toward a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the engine running. Sliding into the backseat with Bella I refused to let her go.

Alice was apologetic. "I'm sorry." She gestured vaguely toward the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from."

"It's fine, Alice." I grinned. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I promised.

Owing her that at the very least. She was instrumental to my life, to my very existence, and even though I should be angry with her, I couldn't be. She had brought me back to my Bella, even if it was for the shortest of time, I was grateful. To have her in my arms at this moment was all I could think of.

"Yellow," Alice requested.

Keeping Bella tight in my arms, wrapped inside the gray cloak, attempting to keep her warm and comfortable. She appeared hesitant, not as open as she once had been. But there was no apprehension in the way she clung to me. She held me tightly too.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over."

She hesitated before answering me.

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." She answered.

Pressing my lips to the hollow under her ear. "Try," I encouraged.

She shook her head.

I sighed. "You're still just as stubborn."

She fought her sleepiness the whole drive to the airport, against my better judgment. The plane ride to Rome was entirely too short to make her sleep. But while we were on the flight from Rome to Atlanta I hoped exhaustion would overcome her. Realizing I was wrong when she ordered a coke from the flight attendant.

"Bella," I said disapprovingly.

"I don't want to sleep," she reminded me, providing me a good excuse that I was unable to refute. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

Not being able to argue this point I was certain anyone who fell witness to the Volturi would have nightmares. Certain if I slept, I too would have nightmares. My whole existence was one big nightmare… and I wouldn't wish that for anyone.

Deciding, not to force her to sleep, now would be a good time to talk. Wondering what we should do now? Where we went from here? Selfishly, I held back my questions for a future time. Being with her now… in my arms… that's all that matter at the moment.

My fingers traced her face again and again. She touched my face too. Not being able to stop myself I kissed her hair, her forehead, her wrists… but never her lips. That would be too presumptuous of me and I couldn't handle what may come. Fear of rejection… fear of her reaction… fear made me a coward, unable to discuss this, not able to kiss her lips.

Desiring to talk to her, to resolve our situation one way or another. Not knowing was agonizing to me, not being able to hear her thoughts was excruciating, perhaps I would not want to hear. Feeling as if one word would crush my existence. I wished she would close her eyes and sleep, she was exhausted.

She was awake when we arrived in Atlanta; even watching the sun rise over Seattle's cloud cover before I shut the window. She seemed surprised by the reception that waited for us at Sea-Tac airport, I wasn't. Jasper stood waiting for Alice running straight to him when she spotted him. They stood staring at each other.

Carlisle and Esme waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the shadow of a white pillar. Esme reached for Bella, hugging her fiercely, yet awkwardly, because I refused to let her go.

"Thank you so much," she said in Bella's ear.

Then she threw her arms around me, and she looked like she would be crying if that were possible.

"You will never put me through that again," she nearly growled.

Her thoughts overtook me and I was feeling like a heel. The worry and concern she felt was powerful, more powerful than I would have imagined. She never acted as a mother in all the years we'd been together, but she did now. She scowled me in her thoughts.

_Edward, of all the ridiculous, crazy ideas you've had, this tops everything. How dare you leave me this way? Never, ever, do that to me again! Do you hear me?_

I grinned, repentant. "Sorry, Mom."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."

"Hardly," she mumbled.

The sleepless night was suddenly taking its toll on Bella.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded me. "Let's get her home."

Dragging Bella through the airport as Esme held her on the other side. Once outside, I spotted Emmett and Rosalie leaning on the black sedan, under the dim lights of the parking garage. Stiffening, I was not certain I could handle seeing her at this time. There were many things I wanted to say to Rosalie, many things that built up over the last twenty-four hours, but my concern rested only with Bella now. Rosalie would have to wait.

"Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should," I said, making no attempt to keep my voice low.

"It's not her fault," Bella said.

"Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

Glowering at Rosalie I was not willing to forgive her.

"Please, Edward," Bella said.

Sighing I towed Bella to the car.

Emmett and Rosalie got in the front seat without speaking, while I pulled Bella in the back again. She laid her head against my chest, closing her eyes, finally.

"Edward," Rosalie began.

Her mental voice was pleading with me._ Please Edward! Let me explain. I thought you should know. I didn't think it right for them to keep it from you. If I had any idea that you would…_

"I know." My voice not generous.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked softly.

Bella's eyes opened in shock.

"Yes, Rosalie?" She asked, hesitant.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course, Rosalie," she mumbled. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

Bella babbled tirelessly.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled.

"I'm conscious," Bella said.

"Let her sleep," I insisted, my voice a little warmer.

Driving home I continued to stare at Bella's face. Was I dreaming? Was I really here, with her in my arms, on our way to Forks, my true home? After everything that had transpired in the last three days, how would I leave again? It would be her choice, if she wanted me to leave –I would loath it- but I would go. It had to be her choice.

Arriving at Bella's, I began carrying her from the car. Charlie ran out the front door yelling.

"Bella!" he shouted from a distance, concern swirled his mind.

"Charlie," Bella mumbled incoherently.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep." I pleaded.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at me, with every right to.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella groaned. He didn't hear her.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I assured him quietly. "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do!" he yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

Attempting to pass her to Charlie, she clung to me with locked, tenacious fingers. Charlie yanked her arm, and I could have force her loose, but I didn't want to let her go. It would take a lot more force then Charlie had to remove her from me.

"Cut it out, Dad," she said with more volume. "Be mad at me."

We were in front of the house. The front door was standing open.

"You bet I will be," Charlie promised. "Get inside."

He was plenty angry with both of us, but mostly me. Could I blame him; here I was bringing his daughter home after a three-day absence with no explanation. Unable to think of any excuse good enough to satisfy him, it would've fell on deaf ears, he wouldn't listen to me. This wasn't the first time this had happened since meeting me.

"Kay. Let me down," she sighed.

Setting her on her feet, she began to wobble as she trudged forward toward the house. Catching her before she hit the concrete.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I said. "Then I'll leave." I begged.

"No," she cried, panicking.

"I won't be far," I promised, whispering so low in her ear that Charlie didn't have a hope of hearing.

Charlie nodded his head. I walked around him with Bella in my arms. Taking her up the stairs to her room, I placed her on the bed and pried her fingers loose from my shirt. Charlie followed close behind, standing in the doorway stomping his foot, until I walked passed him to leave. He followed me down the stairs to the front door.

"I don't want you seeing her again." Charlie said angrily.

"That's not possible, if she wants to see me, I'll be here." I answered.

"You are never to walk through my door again. Do you hear me?" Charlie yelled after me as I made my way down the front walk. I understood his anger, but I couldn't agree to his rules. Luckily I didn't have to break his rules… I could use the window.

Emmett and Rosalie were again leaning on the black sedan waiting for me. As I approached Rosalie made another attempt at apologizing.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." She pleaded.

"You two go home," I snapped back.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Emmett asked.

"No, I'm not leaving her, not now." I said.

"She'll be sleeping for a while, you should…" Rosalie began.

"No… No. I'm staying. Go home." I answered my voice a little softer.

"Fine, but you know where we'll be if you need us." Emmett offered.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I just want to make certain she's okay. She heard and saw too much, she'll need me when she wakes. So please go home." I begged.

"All right, Edward, take care. Come home soon." Rosalie pleaded.

"I will."

With that I turned and headed to my treetop in Bella's backyard. Planting myself I watched Charlie tuck her into bed. He sat on the edge brushing his fingers through her hair. He was so relieved to see her back home… his panic over the last three days consumed him… not knowing what had happened to her. Putting Charlie in danger because of what I was, left me feeling less than honorable, the fact that I wasn't able to tell him the truth was painful. It appeared as though I was back at square one, when it came to Bella.

Waiting for some time Charlie finally went to bed. When his breathing became even and he was snoring, I made my way up the side of the house and into her window. It felt like coming home finally, but unlike any home I've ever known. This was a home that was peaceful and full of love. Not to say mine home wasn't, but this was different.

Taking a deep breath allowing her scent to wash over me. Her scent swirled my mind and I became whole again. The hole in my chest closed with every breath I took. Taking my customary seat in her rocking chair afraid I would wake her if I lay down with her.

Being here it was like no time had passed. All of the horrors of the last six months meant nothing to me now. Being home with my Bella where I belonged, if she wanted me, as I wanted her, I would remain forever this time. I'd done what I could to make her world safe, but apparently I was wrong, putting her in more danger with my absence. Would I ever get this right? Would I ever make the right choose when it came to her?

As time passed I couldn't bare it any longer. I had to be close to her… to touch her… to have her in my arms again. Crossing the room I lay down next to her on the bed, tucking one arm under her and the other arm over the blanket around her, I pressed my lips to her hair. Taking a deep breath her scent eased its way to my mind again.

She stirred a couple of times in the night, almost waking herself. Certain she was having nightmares… I held her tighter attempting to ease her dreams. If my presence here gave her one moment of peace that would gratify me.


	18. Chapter 18

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

18. THE TRUTH

I lay watching her sleep until the very moment she began waking. Touching her forehead ever so lightly with the softest pressure, attempting to comfort her.

She squeezed her eyes more tightly shut… refusing to open them… this confused me. Did she not want me here? Was she trying to hide from me? If she wanted me to leave I would understand. Certain I was not her favorite person that she probably never wanted to see me again… I would leave if that were what she preferred.

"Oh!" she gasped, and threw her fists over her eyes.

She scared me. Not knowing if she wanted me to leave or if she was angry I was still here. Perhaps I'd frightened her. She sat silently for a few moments with her hands over her eyes. Immediately moving close to her face in case she was scared.

"Did I frighten you?" I said in a low anxious voice.

She stared at me blankly looking straight at my face as if she were going to find some answers there. She blinked twice almost as if she were trying to wish me away. But every time she opened her eyes, I remained.

"Oh crap," she croaked.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned at me. Becoming more anxious, I was right she didn't want me here.

"I'm dead right?" she moaned. "I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I frowned too. "You're not dead," I answered, confused.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged, raising her eyebrows.

"Your awake, Bella."

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…" she trailed off in horror.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I half smiled. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed.

She looked away from my face to the dark opened window, then back to me. Her color was returning to her face as her cheeks began to blush. I'd missed this far too much to be good for me. When my time to leave came it would be that much harder to go. I shouldn't allow this to go any further not knowing the outcome, whether she wanted me her or not. But I couldn't help myself; my selfish side would remain here as long as I was allowed.

"Did all of that really happen, then?" she asked shocked.

"That depends," attempting to smile, but remembering made it hard. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

Rolling my eyes, of all things to say at this moment. Bella hadn't changed one bit, still reacting all wrong. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore," she was shaking her head. "What time is it?" How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

"Charlie?" she asked.

I frowned. "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she asked, disbelief melting into fury.

"Did you expect anything else?"

She thought about this information for a moment becoming angry.

"What's the story?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I responded puzzled.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for… how long was I gone, anyway?" she thought about that.

"Just three days," my eyes tightened as I attempted to smile. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

She groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I offered, trying to comfort her.

"So," she began.

This was it, the most important conversation we would have, and I didn't know where to begin. Like the coward I was I let her start. Unsure I wanted to her what she might say to me. Unable to handle the rejection that was certainly coming my way. Whatever Bella wanted –if that meant leaving- she could have. Everything was for her.

"What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

Not the question I was prepared for. "Nothing terribly exciting."

"Of course not," she mumbled.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well…" she pursed her lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she repeated scornfully. I waited for her answer. "Maybe," she said after a second. "If you tell me."

"I was… hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she criticized. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing my words with care. "I wasn't hunting for food… I was actually trying my hand at… tracking. I'm not very good at it."

"What were you tracking?" she asked, intrigued.

"Nothing of consequence," I tried to hold in my anger.

"I don't understand."

Hesitating again. Not willing to tell her I was tracking Victoria –which I had failed miserably at my attempts- that she may still be in danger because of my failure. She was not about to let this go. Still so stubborn.

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know" –I began to talk faster, unwilling to share this with her- "that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria" –a rush of anger filled me- "would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now –she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him- that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there."

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice –what she saw herself- when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolf's, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself" –I shuddered and halted for a short second. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for…"

"Stop," she interrupted me.

Staring at her with agonized eyes. She struggled for a moment. Struggled with her words. It looked like she was trying to find the right ones. She struggled with what she was about to say to me. This must be where she decided to tell me to leave.

"Edward," she said. I wanted to tune her out. I wanted to run from the words she was about to spill on me. But I couldn't, I needed to hear this, believe it. She continued. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this guilt… rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, its just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible –think of Esme and Carlisle and…"

She was on the edge of losing it. She stopped and took a deep breath, to calm herself. She had gotten it all wrong, everything. How could she not know this? How is it she didn't see exactly what she meant to me? Had I not explained this to her fully before that fateful night in September? I needed to make this perfectly clear to her, so she would never question my feelings… ever again.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered, anger crossing my face. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

She had a blank expression on her face. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said with a soft voice and eyes fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death" –I shuddered as I whispered the last word- "even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful –I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

The odds were always our downfall, right from the start. What were the odds she would move her in the first place? That she could be the one thing on this planet I couldn't resist, that we would fall in love. What were the odds that James and his fellow vampires would come across us in the clearing? The odds were never with us… ever.

"The odds…" I muttered, distracted. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," she said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?"

Staring at her for a long moment dumbfounded. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me."

Brushing the tip of my finger against her lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension," I closed my eyes, shaking my head back and forth with half a smile on my face. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…" she shook her head looking for the right word. "Confused."

Gazing into her eyes. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

She froze, sitting motionless.

I shook her shoulder. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly," I winced. "That was… excruciating."

She waited, still frozen.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye…"

She thought for a moment.

"You weren't going to let go," I whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it –it felt like it would kill me to do it- but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered through unmoving lips.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible –that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry –sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

This was the though that haunted me, had me living in agony the last six months. That her faith in me had wavered so easily… convincing her that I didn't love her. I wouldn't have believed her so easily, if she had told me the same thing.

She didn't answer. And I wasn't certain I wanted to hear it.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept –as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"

She was still frozen. I shook her shoulder to pull her from her shock.

"Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking?"

She began to cry. Tears welled up and gushed down her cheek.

"I knew it," she sobbed. "I knew I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I said, laughing frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head while the tears continued to stream down her face.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," she explained. "I always knew that."

My eyes narrowed and my jaw tightened. How is it she could not know? How could she not see? All this time I thought my feelings were so transparent, undeniable, I felt like she could see threw every part of me. Never being able to hide anything from her. How wrong I was, again.

"I'll prove you're awake," I promised.

I took her face securely in my hands as she struggled to turn away, I won't allow her to.

"Please don't," she whispered.

Stopping… my lips an inch from hers. I was right; I'm too late, she'd moved on as I meant her to. This crushed me to my very core. I couldn't handle this.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"When I wake up" –I opened my mouth to protest –she stopped me, "okay forget that one –when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

Pulling back I stared at her face. Having to know there was no more hiding from this. The time had come for the inevitable question that haunted me for the past forty-eight hours.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please –just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I whispered.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

She stared at me darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you –and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

Unable to hold back any longer, the love flowed through me was forcefully. My mouth was on hers moving urgently as electricity streamed throughout my body. Lost in the moment I forgot all about the last six months. Her lips moved in synchronicity with mine as if I'd never left. There was no caution in me, as there should be, I desired more and I couldn't think of a reason to stop. Having her lips on mine… her body crushing close to mine… set me on fire, and I was at risk of losing all control, but I was unable to stop.

Her heart was pudding her chest so hard letting me know this was right. Her temperature rose a few degrees prompting me to kiss her harder with unwavering thought. The excitement clouded my mind and all reasonable thoughts flew out the window.

Waiting six months for this moment, I truly believed it would come one day. I was grateful, at this moment, that I didn't have to wait seventy-years. This feeling was far too great to wait so long for it. My hands memorized her face, the same way hers were tracing mine, and, in the brief seconds when my lips were free, I whispered her name.

Using every ounce of strength I was able to muster, I pulled away placing my ear against her heart. Listening to her heart beat as our breathing slowed and the excitement left my body. That was the closest I'd come to losing…

"By the way," I said. "I'm not leaving you."

She didn't say anything… she remained silent.

Lifting her head to lock her gaze with mine. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I added. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you –keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay –thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered.

Growing angry. "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No –not lying," she shook her head. "You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched. Remembering that moment when I had to put my family second to her. There was no other option at that moment. Having to protect her no matter what the consequences would be. If in the same situation today I would do the same thing.

She thought for a moment.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" she supposed. "You'll end up doing what you think is right?"

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it- before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

She grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I insisted, glaring at her. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited, studying her face to make certain she was really listening.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars –points of light and reason. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but the light blinded my eyes. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

"That's just the problem –they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

Laughing without humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone –like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she muttered.

I arched my eyebrow. "Funny?"

"I mean strange –I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long," she filled her lungs. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

Closing my eyes I laid my ear over her heart again.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked, curiously.

"No," I sighed, as her hear throbbed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger form Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with… Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil –and really she came here," I groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears…"

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella shrieked interrupting me.

Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

"Not well," I answered, studying her face. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

I thought about the moment I found her, not knowing she was here looking for Bella. Knowing she was still out there stalking and planning to…

"This is… out of the question," she choked out.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after…"

She interrupted me again. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave," she asked. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned. A snarl beginning to build in my chest. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria" –the snarl became more pronounced- "is going to die. Soon."

This was one promise I intended to keep. She would not breath much longer.

"Let's not be hasty," she said. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

My eyes narrowed, and I nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

She snorted. "I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I thought about answering that statement, but there would be plenty of time to warn her of the werewolves. Clenching my teeth I spoke threw them. "Really?" I asked. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she hedged.

"All right," I agreed, suspicious.

She paused. "There are others who are coming to look for me," she reminded me in a subdued whisper.

Sighing, she didn't realize what time was to a vampire. It was endless.

"The Volturi are only the second greatest?" who was the first, I thought.

"You don't seem that upset about it," she noted.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," I added lightly.

Horror washed across her face as she thought of this. Supposing if I were her and knew these creatures were going to come looking for me one-day, I too would be horrified.

"You don't have to be afraid," I said, anxious as I watched the tears filled her eyes again. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here."

Taking her face in my hands, holding it tightly while I glared into her eyes. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said thirty," she whispered, as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I can –not be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…" she couldn't finish.

"Yes?" I asked, waiting for her question.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" she asked repulsed.

Brushing her tears away with my lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I breathed against her cheek. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" I hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew me –if you wanted something more –I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she demanded.

Giving some thought to this part. Of course I know she would die some day and so would I, which was the plan from the beginning. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously…" she was looking for the right word. "Sick."

Sick maybe, but that's the way it has to be, the natural order for her. "Bella, it's the only right way left…"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said angrily. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty" –she hissed the word- "do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered slowly, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But…"

"But?"

I grinned while she stared at me warily.

"I have a few plans."

"And these plans," she said. "These plans all center around me staying human."

Her words hardened my expression. "Naturally."

We glowered at each other for a long minute.

She took a deep breath, and pushed my arms away, to sit up.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, and her heart fluttered, which eased the sudden hurt I felt.

"No," she told me. "I'm leaving."

Watching her attempting to figure out what was going on in that brain of hers. Certain this would surprise me because she always surprised me.

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked.

"I'm going to your house," she told me, feeling around the floor for her shoes.

Getting up I went to her side. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," I offered as a deterrent.

She sighed. "I know. But, honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I suggested, knowing it won't work.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," she encouraged, as she headed for the door.

Getting there before her blocking the door. She frowned, and turned for the window.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll give you a ride."

She shrugged. "Either way. But you probably should be there, too."

What was she up to? "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject?" I asked threw my teeth, knowing I wouldn't like her answer.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know," she said mockingly. "If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?" I asked getting angry, and her avoidance to the subject was making me very anxious.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

A vote! She had utterly lost her mind, or perhaps, she was still asleep. If she thought for one moment that I would allow, her and my family, decide whether or not she would be one of us, she was delusional. She was acting as if this were an insignificant thing to vote on. This was not a matter for my family it only concern her and I. And since it was I who would have to perform this transformation, then it should be my decision.

This was never going to happen! I would not allow it! Besides, this was my family and they would agree with me, they would never go against me. Being that Carlisle was the only other one of us capable of performing this, I knew he would never do this to someone who had another choice. So if it's a vote she wants, it's a vote she'll get.

Vote on her mortality, how absurd!

**_Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry this chapter took so long but there was somehting wrong with my account, but all seems to be working again, so thank you for hanging in there._**


	19. Chapter 19

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers_**

19. VOTE

Although this did not pleased. Without further argument, I took her in my arms springing lithely from her window, landing without a jolt.

"All right then," I said, my voice disapproving. "Up you go."

Helping her onto my back I took off running. The natural feeling having Bella on my back as I ran through the forest was one I'd never forgotten. Even thought we were headed to do something that didn't agree with, I gave no weighted to what might happen, I was too happy to be here with her. No matter what happened from this point on I would be with her and that was enough for me.

The heat from her body rushed through me setting me on fire. Giving me such pleasure knowing that she was safe with me. For the months I was away the pain was excruciating not knowing whether she was safe. The agony and emptiness I felt during the darkest period of my existence would never exist again. Never existing without her again. This was a promise I'd made to myself once and this time intended on keeping it.

Suddenly she pressed her lips to neck and kissed me.

"Thank you," I said. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured, mostly to myself. "If it's my final act."

"I trust you," she assured me. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please."

Slowing to a walk we weren't far from the house, and I wanted to hear this explanation. Defining this relationship was my motivation.

"Well…" she struggled to find the right word. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

Stopping I reached around to pull her from my back. Setting her on her feet not letting her go. Wrapping my arms around her waist tightly, I hugged her to my chest. She had always got this part wrong, for it was I who didn't deserve her. Ridiculous to think she could feel this way after everything I had done. Grateful that she could love me, I had to set her straight. Explain how I felt once and for all.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that." I said hugging her to my chest.

"You never did tell me…" I murmured.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess." She sighed, reaching up to touch the tip of my nose with her index finger.

I nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

I waited.

"You can leave me," she explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

Crushing me to my very core. These words –she now spoke- were the ones I never wanted to hear. Hurting her as much as I have was unacceptable, and if I had to spend the rest of eternity making it up to her, I would. She would never feel pain like that again, as long as I existed.

"Don't," she whispered, touching my face. "Don't be sad."

Half smiling. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you," I whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," she agreed.

My face still sad over what I've done to her.

"So –since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" She asked.

Laughing, still feeling less than a gentleman, knowing I had to reveal my childish act. "Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets –they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?"

Nodding slightly cheered by her pleasure in this trivial fact. It lightened my mood a little.

"I think," she said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

She had lost her mind. "Voices?" I asked flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." Looking concerned as she was explaining.

"I've got time." My voice not as normal as I wanted it to be.

"It's pretty pathetic."

I waited.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun."

"Err, right. And before that, with the motorcycle…"

"Motorcycle?" I asked surprised.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that… See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly," she confessed. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much –it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt."

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

Astonishing me with this confession I was heart broken. Knowing the effects of what I did from Alice's vision was one thing, but to hear the truth from Bella… herself… was painful. Having the knowledge of how deeply I'd hurt her sent a jolt to my very core.

My words came out staggered. "You… were… risking you life… to hear…"

"Shh," she interrupted me. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

She began a moment of deep thought. Waiting patiently for her to explain. No reason could explain what I've done, leaving her in danger and helpless. There could be no excuse for my actions and I would have to live with that. No matter what she may say, I would never forgive myself for the pain and hurt I caused her. Having the knowledge she was risking her life to hear my voice was agonizing and disturbing. Something I would never forget, reminding me that no matter what happened from here on… I would stay… forever. I wouldn't risk her doing anything like that again.

"Oh!"

"Bella?'

"Oh, Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I asked… my voice strained.

"You love me," she marveled.

A smile spread across my face. "Truly, I do."

Taking her face in my hands again. Kissing her until the heat in my body was burning like fire, the excitement spread from my head to my feet. A bolt of electricity jolted through me putting me on the brink of getting carried away. Before it was too late… I stopped, leaning my forehead against hers, my breathing heavier, more like a pant.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I told her.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family –I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I grinned, sheepish. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She thought about this for a moment.

"I only heard one voice," she corrected me.

Laughing I pulled her tight against my right side and started to lead her forward. It was time to get this over with.

"I'm just humoring you with this." I motioned broadly with my hand toward the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged indifferently.

Leading her through the open front door into the dark house I flipped on the lights. In the middle of the living room floor sat two boxes. Looking at them for a moment I turned to Bella, who had a surprised look on her face.

"Scholarship?" She asked.

I mumbled. "…kick a gift horse in the mouth." Saying too low for her to make out. Okay I'd broke most of my promises, but this was one I was glad I did. It was the one thing I was able to give her in my absence and although, she clearly didn't accept it, it gave me pleasure to know she could if she needed to.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I called out in a normal voice, they would hear.

Carlisle appeared standing next to Bella. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

She nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

She glanced at my critical face as she spoke. Carlisle was looking at me too. To me it didn't matter what they said at this meeting. My decision was final and there would be no changing my mind. So I would play along, if it made her feel better.

"Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. We made our way to the table, where Carlisle held out a chair for Bella at the head of the table.

The table and chairs were props; we never eat in the house. Taking our seats, we were not alone. Esme followed me, and the rest of the family filed in behind her.

Carlisle sat down on Bella's right side, and I on her left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at Bella, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie smiled at Bella tentatively. Bella smiled back timidly.

Carlisle nodded towards her. "The floor is yours."

She swallowed, looking nervous. Reaching under the table I took her hand to ease her. My eyes were focused on everyone else in the room with a disapproving look I indented them to see. They know exactly where I stood on this subject.

"Well," she paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured her.

"And on the way?"

"That, too," she nodded.

What was this? What happened on the way to Italy? Sifting through Alice's mind, she was thinking about what she had told Bella. Apparently, she mentioned that she would change Bella in passing, more jokingly, this upset me, but her next thought made me more comfortable. Alice would not attempt it, she was afraid she would kill Bella, so she wouldn't even try. This put me at ease, although, Alice and I would have words later.

"Good," Bella sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page."

Everyone waited patiently while she collected her thoughts.

"So, I have a problem," she began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing –something to avoid."

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked at each of their faces, saving mine for last. I grimaced. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme opened her mouth to speak, but Bella held up one finger to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."

There was a faint rumble of a growl in my chest. She ignored me.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

She gestured toward Carlisle to begin.

"Just a minute," I interrupted.

She glared at me through narrow eyes. Raising my eyebrow at her I squeezed her hand.

"I have something to add before we vote."

She sighed.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

Putting my free hand on the table I leaned forward. Having a plan they needed to hear, it would change their opinions, I was certain of that. Besides, no matter what was decided here, she was not going to Italy to face the Volturi alone…that was never going happen.

"You see," I explained, looking around the table as I spoke, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I grinned.

"Which was?" Alice prodded.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I glanced down at Bella.

She shuddered and I took that as a yes.

"He finds people –that's his talent, why they keep him. Now the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker –a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me," she said flatly.

I was smug. "I'm sure of it. Her relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," I said fiercely. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

Emmett and I exchanged a glance and a smirk.

"But they can find you," she reminded me.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward me, extending a fist.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm.

Stretching out my arm to smack Emmett's fist with my own.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," Bella agreed.

"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

Esme just glared at me.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," Bella said coolly. "Let's vote."

She looked at me this time. "Do you want me to join your family?"

That was an unfair way to ask that particular question. "Not that way. You're staying human."

She nodded once, and then moved on.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes," he said, voice grave.

"Rosalie?"

She hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip. "No." She held up both her hands, palms forward.

"Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" He grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella grimaced as she looked at Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme," she murmured as she turned toward Carlisle.

Carlisle stared straight into my eyes, and I pleaded with him.

"Edward," he said.

"No," I growled. My lips curled back from my teeth.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

Dropping Bella's hand, shoving away from the table. I stalked out of the room, snarling under my breath. This can't be happening. How could they do this to me? Proceeding into the living room the fury built up inside me. Needing a place to release it. Something to smash, I wanted to hit somebody or something. That's when it happened, I picked up the TV and through it threw the window. That helped ease the fury of anger a bit, until…

"No! No! No!" I roared, charging back into the room. I was in Bella's face, bending over her in rage. "Are you insane?" I shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

She cringed away, her hands over her ears.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…"

What were they speaking of, I would never allow this to happen, for Alice to even contemplate… no way… no… this was never going to happen!

"You promised," Bella reminded her, attempting to see past my arm.

"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

"You can do it," she encouraged her. "I trust you."

Snarling in fury. I couldn't believe my ears. This was ludicrous, first for them to vote against me, and now they were going to change her themselves, had everyone lost their minds. Did they truly know what they were saying?

Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned to him.

Grabbing her face in my hand, forcing her to look at me. Placing my other hand out, palm toward Carlisle.

Carlisle ignored me. "I'm able to do it," answering her question. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," she said as I squeezed her face.

This was crazy, insane, was I the only person who saw this was not right.

"Hold on," I said between my teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," she said.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," she said sourly. "Now let go of me."

Freeing her face I folded my arms across my chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them." She frowned.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I said, still talking through gritted teeth, looking at Carlisle, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

Finally, a reasonable response. I knew Carlisle had on in him. I wasn't certain what he was thinking at the moment and I couldn't stop long enough to listen. As far as I was concerned my entire family had lost their minds. I would not tolerate any of this, whatever had to be done… I would do… to stop this.

She pursed her lips. "I'll consider it."

Relaxing I unclenched my jaw, having bought more time.

"I should probably take you home," Saying more calmly in a hurry to get her out of here before anything else could go wrong. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

She looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"

"You have my word."

That gave me a couple of months to change her mind, or think of a new plan. I wouldn't wait too long though, as she was just as determined to be a vampire, as I was to keep her human. This evening had not gone as planned and I needed to think.

"Okay. You can take me home."

Rushing her out of the house before they could promise her anything else. Slipping her out the back door, attempting to hide the mess I'd made in the living room. Esme is going to be quite angry with me, but I was madder at her right now. Never believing I would see the day my family would turn against me, and here I was having experienced exactly that. What would I do now?

Running through the forest quietly, contemplating everything that had transpired tonight. How could they turn against me? Knowing my wishes on this subject, for them to side with her, against me. I supposed I saw their point, she was wonderful, and they all wanted her to be family, as I did. But… not this way… it wouldn't come down to this… I won't allow it.

When we arrived at Bella's house, I didn't pause. Dashing up the wall and through her window in half a second. Pulling her arms from around my neck I set her on the bed.

Pacing back and forth across her dark room, calculating a plan. It didn't take long to come up with one. It was brilliant one she couldn't refuse, and it would buy me more time, to convince her of the huge mistake she was making…

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she told me.

"Shh, I'm thinking."

"Ugh," she groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over her head.

I couldn't allow this. Lying down next to her flipping the cover back so I could see her. Brushing her hair away from her face.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something."

"What?" she asked, unwilling.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

She was skeptical. "You."

Shaking my head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

She thought about this, trying to figure out where I was going with this.

"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."

She was watching my reaction warily, expecting more of the fury that I had at my house. But my expression didn't change; it was still calculating, thoughtful.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

She was surprised. She gawked at my composed face and blurted out an answer before thinking about it.

"Anything."

Smiling faintly I pursed my lips. "Five years?"

Her face twisted into an expression between chagrin and horror.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human –for me, at least. So, anything but that."

I frowned. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

She thought about this for a longer period. Her expression not changing, giving me no indication either way. "Six months?" She finally answered.

Rolling my eyes. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

I thought for minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one –then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" Her voice flat. "What condition?"

My eyes were cautious –I spoke slowly. "Marry me first."

She stared at me, waiting… "Okay. What's the punch line?"

I sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." Gazing at her with no hint of humor in my face.

"Oh, c'mon," she said, an edge of hysteria in my voice. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

She looked away out the dark window, panic building in her. That did it. It was brilliant, knowing she would want me to be the one to change her. Doing almost anything to make certain it was I. Her aversion to marriage was greater at this point. This perhaps would buy me enough time to change her mind for good.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean."

I inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of commitment," my voice disbelieving.

"That's not it exactly," she hedged. "I'm… afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married." I laughed darkly.

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then…"

"Well," she interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smiled, flashing my teeth in the dark. "Sure," I said, calling her bluff. "I'll get my car."

"Dammit." She muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal," I said, grinning. "I like this condition."

With my condition set in place this plan was brilliant. Her fear of marriage was as strong as my fear of her becoming a vampire. Certainly buying me a couple of years knowing that if I would change her, she would work hard to make that happen.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want." I shrugged, smiling.

Knowing this was the last thing she wanted, she wanted me to commit to doing it.

"Your impossible," she groaned. "A monster."

Chuckling. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

She groaned again.

Leaning toward her I gazed into her eyes. "Please, Bella?"

She sat silently for a long moment. Certain she was considering my proposal. She suddenly shook her head, and I wondered what she was thinking. Needing to break the silence, her unheard mind was very frustrating.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"

"No! No rings!" She nearly shouted.

"Now you've done it," I whispered.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said with resignation.

Her heart stopped beating.

Gauging her expression for a second. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," she whispered eagerly. "Stay, please."

Smiling I disappeared.

Her door cracked open. Attempting to give them some privacy I hummed a tune in my head. Blocking their conversation from my mind, until the tension became too much and I could no longer block their words. Then, Charlie asked a pivotal question.

"Where you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

Wanting to hear the answer to this question. Although, I'd heard the answer through Alice, I desired to hear her say it for myself, to be absolutely certain she meant it.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

Charlie wondered why I would be worried about Bella after I left her.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he barked. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word…"

She interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding."

"So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine," she said.

This took him by surprise and I had to admit I was surprised, too.

"Oh." Charlie exhaled loudly. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am." She paused. "I meant, Fine, I'll move out."

He was angry… very angry… I was worried about heart attack at the moment. The fury took completely over him. Thoughts were shouting out from his mind.

"Dad, I don't want to move out," she said. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." She said with confidence.

"Not under my roof," Charlie stormed.

She sighed heavily. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight –or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella…"

"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie left slamming the door behind him. He stomped furiously down the stairs. He was not sure what to make of her ultimatum, whether to take her seriously or not. Very angry at the moment, he decided to wait until he calmed down to discuss this more.

I went and sat in the rocking chair.

"Sorry about that," she whispered.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," she breathed as she gathered up her bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" she widened her eyes with false alarm.

She really was mentally unstable.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" she grinned. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

My jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I fumed.

"No. You don't."

Glowering at her I began to speak, but she cut me off.

"If you really believe that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't –you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right,'" she reminded me. "There's hope in you, after all."

For once, I was speechless.

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" she suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

Getting up slowly I went to put my hands on either side of her face as I stared into her eyes. "Forever," I vowed, still a little staggered.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said, and stretched up on her toes so that she could press her lips to mine.

**_Thanks for reading and reviewing._**


	20. Chapter 20

**_As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers._**

EPILOGUE-TREATY

Almost everything returned to normal in less time than I would have believed possible. The hospital welcomed Carlisle back with eager arms, not even bothering to conceal their delight that Esme had found life in L.A. so little to her liking. Alice and I were in better shape to graduate than Bella was, thanks to her missing a Calculus test while we were abroad. Suddenly, college was a priority. Many deadlines had passed us by, but I had a new stack of applications for her to fill out every day. I'd already done the Harvard route, so it didn't bother me that, thanks to her procrastination, we might both end up at Peninsula Community College next year.

Charlie was not happy with her, or speaking to me. But at least I was allowed –during her designated visiting hours- inside the house again. She just wasn't allowed out of it.

School and work were her only exceptions, which I completely understood. With everything that went on –having disappeared for 3 days- I was surprised he allowed her to see me. And I was more surprised he allowed me in the house, though I would've understood if he didn't.

Resuming my schedule from the beginning of the year put me in most of Bella's classes again. No one had moved to occupy the seat beside her. Even, Mike, always eager to take any advantage, had kept a safe distance. Being back in place, it was almost as if the last eight months were just a disturbing nightmare.

There was only one thing that had changed since I left and that was her friendship with a werewolf. Her best friend Jacob was going to be a problem. He was my enemy. I was uncertain of how this would work, but at the moment, I didn't have to worry about it. Since returning, and being under house arrest, she was not allowed to go and see him.

She did attempt to call him at night, after I was kicked out. She didn't know I knew. He wouldn't answer her calls and she was sad about this. Her sadness was painful but was not something I could help with, impossible for me to encourage a friendship with someone who was my enemy. And every time she spoke his name I couldn't resist making a face. I attempted very hard not react, but it was instinct.

Weeks had passed and the situation was reaching a critical level to Bella. She was getting very frustrated that Jacob would not return her phone calls. Wishing I could be supportive, how could I be? It came to a boiling point one Saturday when I picked her up from work.

"It's just plain rude!" She said when she got in my car. "Downright insulting!"

Apparently, she attempted to call him from work, but still didn't get to talk to him.

"Billy said he didn't want to talk to me," she fumed, glaring out the window at the rain. "That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

"It's not you, Bella," I said quietly. "Nobody hates you."

"Feels that way," she muttered, folding my arms across my chest.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," I said. "He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply."

"That's stupid. He knows you're not… like other vampires."

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance."

She stared out the window refusing to hear me.

"Bella, we are what we are," I said quietly. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k…" I broke off, and then quickly continued. "Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

"Edward Cullen," she whispered. "Were you about to say 'killed him'? Were you?"

Looking away from her, staring into the rain. In front of us, the red light turned green and I started forward again, driving very slowly. Not my usual way of driving.

"I would try… very hard… not to do that," I finally said.

She stared at me with her mouth hanging open, but I continued to look straight ahead. We were paused at the corner stop sign.

"Well," she said, taking a deep breath. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late."

Trouble was on the horizon and she would not like this one bit. How could he do this to her? As I drove up her street I was uncertain about taking her home. Easily turning the car around and taking off I knew this not to be right. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. Having to face him soon or later, I preferred sooner.

"You're already in more trouble, Bella," I whispered.

She slid closer to me, clutching my arm and following my gaze to see what I was seeing. She couldn't see what I saw.

"What? What is it?"

Taking a deep breath. "Charlie…"

"My dad?" she screeched.

Looking down at her my expression was calm enough to ease some of her panic.

"Charlie… is probably not going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," I told her. I started to drive forward again, down her street, but I passed the house and parked by the edge of the trees.

"What did I do?" She gasped.

Glancing back at Charlie's house. She followed my gaze, and noticed for the first time what was parked in the driveway next to the cruiser. It was shiny… bright red… impossible to miss. Her motorcycle was flaunting itself in the driveway.

"No!" she gasped. "Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?" She said betrayed.

She sat quietly in shock, betrayed by her best friend. There was nothing I could say to ease her mind. Wanting to reach over and put my arms around her, to comfort her, there was more than just her motorcycle to deal with.

"Is he still here?" she hissed.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there." I told her, nodding toward the slender path that divided the dark fringe of the forest in two.

She jumped out of the car, launching herself toward the trees with her hands already balled into fists for the first punch. I caught her around the waist before she made the path.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him! Traitor!" she shouted the epithet toward the trees.

"Charlie will hear you," I warned her. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway."

She glanced back at the house.

"Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie." She struggled to break free.

"Jacob Black wants to see me. That's why he's still here."

That stopped her cold –taking the fight right out of her. Her hands went limp.

"Talk?" she asked.

"More or less."

"How much more?" Her voice shook.

Smoothing her hair back from her face. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as… spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh."

Looking at the house again I tightened my arm around her waist and pulled her toward the woods.

"We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient."

We didn't have to go far; Jacob waited a short way up the path. He lounged against a mossy tree trunk as he waited, his face hard and bitter, exactly the way I knew it would be. He looked at her, and then at me. Jacob's mouth stretched into a humorless sneer, and he shrugged away from the tree. He stood on the balls of his bare feet, leaning slightly forward, with his trembling hands clenched into fists. He appeared bigger than the last time I'd seen him last spring.

Stopping as soon as we saw him, leaving a wide space between Jacob and us. Not trusting he could control himself fully. Turning my body, shifting her so that she was behind me. She leaned around me to stare at Jacob.

"Bella," Jacob said as a greeting, nodding once toward her without looking away from me.

"Why?" she whispered. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?"

The sneer vanished, but his face stayed hard and rigid. "It's for the best."

"What is that supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to strangle me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to him?"

Jacob winced, and his eyebrows pulled together, but he didn't answer.

Reading his mind, I had to be certain she was safe with him.

"He didn't want to hurt anyone –he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," I murmured, explaining the thoughts Jacob wouldn't say.

"Aw, Jake!" She groaned. "I'm already grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

Jacob's eyes flashed back to her, confused for the first time. "That's why?" he asked, then locked his jaw, because he was sorry he'd said anything.

"He thought I wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I explained again.

"Stop that," Jacob snapped.

I didn't answer.

Jacob shuddered once, and then gritted his teeth as hard as his fists. "Bella wasn't exaggerating about your… abilities," he said through his teeth. "So you must already know why I'm here."

"Yes," I agreed in a soft voice. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

Jacob waited, clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to control the shivers rolling down his arms.

"Thank you," I said, my voice throbbed with the depth of sincerity. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my… existence."

Jacob stared at me blankly, his shudders stilled by surprise. He exchanged a quick glance with Bella, but her face was just as mystified.

"For keeping Bella alive," I clarified. "When I… didn't."

"Edward…" she started to say, but I held one hand up, my eyes on Jacob.

Understanding washed over Jacob's face before the hard mask returned. "I didn't do it for your benefit."

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…"

Jacob raised his eyebrow.

Shaking my head. "That's not in my power."

"Whose, then?" Jacob growled.

Looking down at Bella. "Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

She stared into my eyes for a moment, attempting to catch up with the conversation.

"Never," she whispered, still looking into my eyes.

Jacob made a gagging sound.

She broke free from my gaze to frown at Jacob. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble –mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do that. What more do you want?"

Jacob kept his eyes on me. "I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."

"We haven't forgotten," I said at the same time that Bella demanded. "What key points?"

Jacob still glowered at me, but he answered her. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," he emphasized. He glanced at Bella.

"That's none of your business."

"The hell it…" was all he managed to choke out.

Bella didn't expect her hasty words to bring on such a strong response. Despite the warning he'd come to give, he must have known. He must have thought the warning was just a precaution. He hadn't realized –or didn't want to believe- that this was Bella's choice. That she really intended on becoming a member of the Cullen family.

Being on Jacob's side of this, I would never let him have that knowledge. As grateful as I was to him for keeping Bella alive, when I couldn't, he was still my enemy, and the less he knew about me the better.

Bella's answer sent Jacob into convulsions. He pressed his fist hard against his temples, closing his eyes tight and curling in on himself as he tried to control the spasms. His face turned sallow green under the russet skin.

"Jake? You okay?" She asked anxiously.

She took a half step toward him; I caught her yanking her back behind my own body. "Careful! He's not under control," I warned her.

But Jacob was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shaking now. He scowled at me with pure hate. "Ugh. I would never hurt her."

Neither Bella nor I missed the inflection, or the accusation it contained. A low hiss escaped my lips. Jacob clenched his fist reflexively.

"BELLA!" Charlie's roar echoed from the direction of the house. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

All of us froze, listening to the silence that followed.

She was the first to speak; her voice trembled. "Crap."

Jacob's furious expression faltered. "I am sorry about that," he muttered. "I had to do what I could –I had to try…"

"Thanks." Her voice was still trembling.

"Just one more thing," I said to her, and then I looked at Jacob. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line –have you?"

Knowing the answer as soon as Jacob thought it, but Jacob spoke the answer anyway. "The last time was while Bella was… away. We let her think she was slipping through –we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her…"

Bella shook from a chill.

"But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll…"

"She killed on our turf," Jacob hissed. "She's ours!"

"No…" Bella began to protest both declarations.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN ONE MINUTE…!" Charlie didn't bother to finish his threat.

"Let's go," I said.

She looked back at Jacob, torn.

"Sorry," he whispered so low that she had to read his lips to understand. "Bye, Bells."

"You promised," she reminded him desperately. "Still friends, right?"

Jacob shook his head slowly.

"You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but… I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…" He struggled to keep his hard mask in place, but it wavered, and then disappeared. "Miss you," he mouthed. One of his hands reached toward her, his fingers outstretched, like he wished they were long enough to cross the distance between them.

"Me, too," she choked out. Her hand reached toward his across the wide space.

"Jake…" she took a step toward him.

Pulling her back again, my arms restraining instead of defending.

"It's okay," she promised me, looking up to read my face with trust in her eyes.

My eyes were unreadable… my face expressionless. Cold. "No, it's not."

"Let her go," Jacob snarled, furious again. "She wants to!" He took two long strides forward. A glint of anticipation flashed in his eyes. His chest seemed to swell as it shuddered. Pushing Bella behind me I wheeled to face Jacob.

"No! Edward...!"

"ISABELLA SWAN!"

"Come on! Charlie's mad!" Her voice was panicked. "Hurry!"

She tugged on me and I relaxed a little. Pulling her back slowly, keeping my eyes on Jacob as we retreated. Jacob watched us with a dark scowl on his bitter face. The anticipation drained from his eyes, and then, just before the forest came between us, his face suddenly crumpled in pain.

Keeping my arm tight around Bella's waist, holding her close. When we broke through the last of the trees and Bella caught the expression on Charlie's purple face, she became very anxious.

Squeezing her gently. "I'm here." She drew a deep breath, squared her shoulders and walked forward to meet her fate, with me solidly at her side.

_**I hope you enjoyed my take on EPOV and will join me for the next book-Lunar Eclipse. Thanks for reading and reviewing. You have all been wonderful and very kind in your comments.**_


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